I Can't Take Existing, I'm Not Ready To Commit Suicide But Existing Is So Hard, Painful, And Tiring...

I can't take existing, I'm not ready to commit suicide but existing is so hard, painful, and tiring...

😎

Even tho you may be hate/mad at me, I just wanted you to know..

It's been years since we spoke to each other, and everyday I want to reach out to you. This became awkward between us. I had feelings for you back then. I still do. Every night I cry that I'm not yours, I know it's stupid to say all this but it's hard to deny it. I still want to know.. did that kiss mean anything to you? Did our time we spent together really mean something?

For me, my answer is yes. The moment I kissed was the happiest moment of my life. I enjoyed our time together. It gave me a reason to carry on. You were the reason for me to live. You were the only thing enough for me to keep moving forward. You helped me smile again. Yes, I should of told you earlier how I felt.. and that's my fault.

Even tho I love guys and women, I prefer you more

I will always remember you. You are important to me no matter what

I don't know if you ever read the letter I left in your journal or ever got my messages I left for you in messenger, I want you to know I meant every word I said in that including that kiss we did in the clinic

If there was a way to turn back time and tell myself to say yes I want you to be my boyfriend, I would

I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt, that I wasn't enough for you

I'm not really great when come to expressing my emotions: I'm still scared of love, but I'm not afraid to say I LOVE YOU, I'm mean those three words

Your laugh, smile, voice really does make anyone smile and makes them think: I'm glad I have you in my life. Those were my thoughts as well

I will never forget you, D. Your name makes my heart smile

I could never hate you. I know you may think that you want to be forgotten, hated, a bad person.. I can't see you as those things. I can NEVER forget you. You may not be a saint, but that's doesn't stop me from trying to get close to you. I don't see your past self as your current self.

I want you to know that you being happy is enough for me, no one else can fucking take that away. I'm rooting for you

Thank you for being in my life, I really hate that you're the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, that's a good problem to have.

I know you won't see this, and I know you won't read this whole thing because its long like an essay. Everything I said here, I fucking mean it.

I just wish things didn't end awkwardly between us...

I have the urge to self-harm again, but I know it not gonna do any good. I fucking hate my emotions rn

bout to pop 'em pills

twitter/insta deadass