Imagine If Harold Styles Did This

imagine if harold styles did this

One Direction - Croke Park (credit)

LOUIS VIA INSTAGRAM STORIES - 23.03

HS3 being buried by Sony bc I love crack theories and I cbf doing work right now

Lauren and I accidentally stumbled onto another crack theory instead of working, you're welcome.

I have a whole thing about Sony and Harry having a handshake deal to bury HS3 and get rid of the Azoffs and he will do another album or two for Sony to ensure he's made back the 80m album deal and how this ties into Louis being let go from Sony as a show of good faith and LTHQ is finally in charge of bg and HS4 and LT2 will be their underdog comeback albums blah blah blah.

But Lauren had a truly wonderful brainwave and you guys need to hear what we have now because we can't stop fucking laughing this might be funnier than Liam's new accent.

Lauren and I were talking about how HS3 at best appears to be a concept album about quarantine, most likely not all about Harry himself, and this is why 2021 was so focused on Harry either trapped in LA with his friends in a share mansion, or his road trip/all the times he illegally broke quarantine because he is rich, and other media stories that everyone worked real hard on circulating at the time.

Which lead us to Nicole Branch. Fish girl. She lives in my heart, with her fresh lip fillers that look like sausages about to burst, pec muscle tensed so hard to make sure her tit implant is so prominently displayed. But Lauren mentioned that she thinks this entire one night stand/fish feeding bullshit story was seeded as a stunt song for HS3 and we can't stop talking about it because a collection of stories from quarantine year F***lore style about maybe Harry but definitely his friends makes more sense (and better business wise/saves him having to lie, or costing him his credibility when stunts end) than Harry lying about not breaking quarantine regularly and being trapped in his mansion. A collection of short stories in song form that he can rebuff as not about him would be easier to write off in the long run, too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Deuxmoi/comments/m5wiog/nicole_branch/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-8891983/Harry-Styles-left-adorable-note-superfan-dad-helped-him.html

So, this whole thing was set up, syndicated and publicised for HS3 maybe? Nicole Branch being connected to Sony via Michelle since she was signed with them is a fun twist, I personally would love to see Stringer undermining anything HSHQ could come up with from 15 steps ago, just because the Azoffs are demons equivalent to disgruntled government employees who are pissy they peaked at 17 and seem determined to spend the rest of their lives proving they are smort.

I'm not saying the 'Harry is my friend' hats being implemented as tour merch after HSHQ desperately tried to use hats to link Holivia and overwrite the fish girl story, maybe to take control of that potential stunt line and link it back to Holivia which, credit to Jeff, is the funniest thing he has ever done, but I'm not not saying that.

HS3 (I can't call it by it's name it's too ridiculous this is the Halloween thing all over again) is actively being sidelined by Miley Cyrus' fan chosen album and Lizzo's new single, both of which are dropping April 1st. This is a truly bizarre move by both Columbia (Miley) and HSHQ (Lizzo) to have two artists release competing works on the same day, but everyone getting an April Fool's release is exactly what they all deserve, messy af.

I also am pretty interested in Harry's lack of involvement with anything happening, the absolutely nondescript way his announcements are totally factual with no fun comments or punctuation, and how he doesn't really seem to have a promo plan outside of performing at Coachella which ... that's interesting and oh so Pleasing-esque. Plus, Lizzo getting the promo spot on SNL over Harry is fucking hilarious and just wouldn't happen unless they're going to surprise perform their duet about being sexy hot pals who like to do sexy things if we get a new fruit motif with the grapes I hope Lizzo outright references anal beads idc just move past cherries so I can wear my cute jeans with the cherry patches I have again

I've talked a bunch about how I think Stringer is a clever businessman and won't risk losing money when he can make money, as evidenced by Lil Nas X and other artists on the payroll, and how he squeezed all that money out of fans early in the game for Adele before she fell to pieces and fans turned on her. I do think the lack of promo for HS3 and all the recycled HS2 stuff happening is on purpose, and it HSHQ driven rather than Sony driven (mostly because there doesn't seem to be a lot of money or creativity behind it and it screams Jeff)

https://jayjeebee.tumblr.com/post/679535202578677760

louis putting milk in his coffee then putting the milk back in the fridge on the tour bus - x

December 11, 2014