Would You Still Love Me If I Was A Worm*?

would you still love me if i was a worm*?

*a type of computer virus which is capable of self-replicating across a network.

"you should be at the club" I should be working on my fanfic

every day i refresh my empty google doc waiting for more words to appear. why don't they appear

A thing I guess

You’d been very pointedly not counting the number of loops it had been since talking to Hal (four, but you weren't counting), and it hadn’t gotten any easier to pull the conversation out of your head. You hadn’t even done anything new since. It probably would have helped take your mind off Hal, but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to go exploring. But you couldn’t stay in the village either. The first loop, you’d taken off in no particular direction and ended up just flying in circles around Brittle Hollow while the planet broke out from under you. The second had gone much the same way, until you couldn’t stand being able to hear your own thoughts anymore and ended up visiting Esker to avoid visiting Gabbro. You weren’t quite ready for Gabbro’s Words of Wisdom yet. Talking to Esker had been nice, but their loneliness had reminded you of what Hal had said.

~ ~ ~

Of all hearthians, of course it was Hal who believed you.

You’d brought them a sample of the language on the stranger. The shiny green scratch marks reminded you of long days in the museum (that always rolled over into nights with the two of you whispering not quite quiet enough for hornfels not to catch you still awake and send you back to the hatchlings cabin) pouring over the mystical swirls of the nomai’s language. Those days had been the better part of your life up until your launch day, and you missed them, and Hal, sorely.

You’d gone to them when you first found the stranger, when new words that your beloved translator couldn’t unravel for you lit up the part of you that had sat in the museum with Hal for hours on end because you needed to know, and you were elatedly asking their help before you had time to remember. Before you could remember that you didn't have time.

Not with them, anyway.

They had lit up, and asked for six months. They were so excited they didn’t see your face fall. You wished so badly that you could give them their six months, you’d give them a hundred years if you could, but everything would be dead in ten minutes. You’d left after that, run out of the museum and taken off before Hal could shout goodbye, and you spent the rest of the loop crying into Gabbro’s space suit and letting them comfort you like the hatchling you suddenly felt like again, with the wind on giants deep gently rocking the two of you in their hammock as the sun exploded.

Many loops later, you landed on timber hearth with a photo of the strangers’ text for Hal. You couldn’t give them time, but you could give them this. It was the same reason you told Hornfels about Feldspar whenever you talked to them now. Because even if you were the only one who would remember, even if it made no difference really, they looked so happy when you told them, so you kept telling them.

You hadn’t meant to tell Hal about the timeloop. Really, you hadn’t. But when you’d brought them the picture you’d accidentally mentioned you had more in your shiplog, so they wanted to see it. And when Hornfels greeted you you told them about Feldspar, like always, and Hal looked at you strange, and… well… you’d never been good at lying to Hal. There had hardly ever been a reason to, before.

They asked how you had found a whole new language and Feldspar in about 8 minutes, and you just.. answered. Time wasn’t the same for you anymore, but it still seemed to slow.

“You’re… living the same day over again?”

“The same 22 minutes, but who’s counting?” You joked half heartedly. It fell as flat as you figured it would.

“22 minutes…” they breathed unsteadily. “And then the sun explodes?”

“Yep. If I don’t die first. I mean, it still explodes, I’m just… dead. So.”

They looked ill. You felt bad for telling them. The abandoned photo you brought back would have to wait for another loop, one when you could keep a better lid on things.

“I’m sorry for telling you. You won’t remember next loop if that helps.” It probably didn’t.

“But then you’ll be alone again.” Hal straightened. “You said there are other statues?”

You nod, confused by their question and their change in demeanor.

“So there’s a way you could bring me into the loop with you,”

You’d run out of oxygen in space more times than you could count. You’d suffocated in ember twin’s rising sand. You’d even drowned a few times, in a geyser or the green murk of giants deep. But what Hal just said stole all the air from your lungs much faster.

Feeling suddenly lightheaded, you tried to come up with something to say to that. Mostly it just kept feeling like your head was cracking open.

“W- what?” You should be telling them how terrible it is. You should be saying you would never do this to them. You should be thinking that you’ll never do this to them. But instead your heart is screaming for Hal to come and save you, and you can’t say anything at all.

“If it’s possible, I want to do it. Don’t get me wrong, dying a bunch doesn’t sound nice, and the sun… yeah, I’m not processing that at all. But it’s not fair that you’re the one this happened to, and if I can help…”

You start to shake your head, whether in response to hal or just to jiggle all your thoughts back into place, you’re not sure. “Hal, it’s… you’d be stuck. There’s no way out, once you’re in.” That should be enough to make them see sense.

Only it’s not.

“I know. But you’re stuck. And I… I can’t stand the thought that you’re alone in all of this. If this is the only real way I can be there for you, then I want to do it.”

Of all hearthians, why did it have to be hal?

“You look at me differently. I’d rather change with you than not know you at all. It’s not right, you alone at the end of things. Why can’t it be you and me?”

You and Hal. How long had it been? It was always you and Hal, from the moment you hatched until the moment before you launched, and that torn edge of yourself where Hal used to fit ached like nothing else did. But you were different now, and could you really put Hal through everything that had changed you? Even if by some miracle they would come out the other side still looking like the other half of something you desperately wanted to be, instead of hating you for letting them follow you through into hell?

You heard a distant rumble, and the blue glow of the approaching supernova brought you back to your cookie cutter slices of reality. Time’s up. Hal turned and stared at the blue glow on the horizon, and the realization on their face was a hard punch to your gut. And yet when they turned back to you, they looked determined. They took you by the shoulders, and you wondered how long it had been since anyone but Gabbro had touched you.

“Promise me. You’ll bring me in. Promise.”

You shouldn’t. You can’t. But it’s Hal.

“I- I promise.”

They smiled before the supernova took them.

Have a low effort meme while I fight for my life through one of my more ambitious illustration- this has probs already been done, idk, ALSO SPOILER WARNING

Just imagine this a middle finger ig-

if anyone is interested i wrote time buddies and tried SO HARD with writing gabbro they are so difficult to write i hope i got them in character if not you are allowed to kill me really brutally and violently. here's the link to the time buddies btw