Finally Started My Book Journal! Loving It So Far!

Finally started my book journal! Loving it so far!

Okay hear me out: cuz I’m gonna talk about Pepa Madrigal

Pepa reminded me so much of my mom and maybe that’s the reason I’m projecting onto Camilo but that’s besides the point the point here is—

With a mom so influenced by her emotions and untreated anxiety and trauma, can you imagine the shit Pepa probably makes her kids go through? I can already see Dolores, Camilo, and Antonio having to walk on eggshells to keep their mom relaxed. I mean, shit, just look at her husband—

Throughout the film, Pepa was constantly repeating “clear skies, clear skies, clear skies.” Every time her kids hear that they probably just shrug it off and prepare themselves for the emotional turbulence their mothers gonna cause… literally. Like damn, no wonder Dolores has that little “oop”, she probably picked that up every time she did something that made her mother react badly as a self soothing tactic. Especially since it always happens after she drops some sort of bomb on someone. And did y’all see how nervous Antonio was for his don?!? Like half of his anxiety stemmed from his moms emotions and her being up everyone’s ass about it because she was so stressed and anxious herself.

Pepa is the kind of mom that externalizes her problems and impacts everyone in the process. No wonder her Don is the weather. Everyone gets rained on when she’s a mess.

But there was one scene that hit too close to home for, I’m sure many kids with anxious mothers, that I would like to unpack. The scene… this one right here:

That small detail was funny in the movie, sure, haha, but I know the writers knew what they were doing.

Where Camilo attempts to calm his mom down after that whole ordeal with Mirabel only to get hit by her lightning strike— just AHHH. This 10 second scene was able to capture the reality for many children who take on a therapist role for a parent and I’m punching the air rn.

Not only is Camilo getting hurt with his failed attempt to comfort his mom, but it’s pretty accurate to what happens with a mother who can’t manage her own emotions. Their kids often end up caught in the risk of getting hurt— physically, mentally, and emotionally, as collateral. I cant even tell you how many times my mother ended up hurting me without realizing, and this scene speaks volumes with the representation of Hispanic mothers who are unable to manage their emotional responses. When you’re the kid trying to put out parents emotional fires, chances are, you’re gonna get burned. That shit fucking hurts, and even after all of that, Camilo doesn’t mind because he loves his mom. Is this also a head cannon that he’s a people pleaser and the family therapist? Perhaps…. but all in all, the writers had no right exposing us this way 🥲

Emotionally unstable mothers unintentionally hurt their kids. In conclusion—

i don't wanna love myself like "buy this feel good". i wanna love myself like i made a sandwich for later because i knew i'd be too busy. i wanna love myself like hang on take a breath do you actually like this. i wanna love myself like okay we're gonna set a reminder to get up and brush our teeth. i wanna love myself like - it's okay to say no, it's okay to take that nap, it's okay to go home.

i don't wanna feel sexy like tv. i don't wanna feel sexy like little black dress. i wanna feel sexy like high note during karaoke. like just got done writing 14 pages of poetry. like let me show you this scarf i've been knitting. i wanna feel sexy like hand on the back of the headrest while you parallel park. like did i tell you about that time i saved a baby bird. like don't tell her but i've been sneaking money into her purse.

i don't wanna feel pretty like expensive. like high fashion. like paid to be here. i wanna feel pretty like a bird in a puddle. i wanna feel pretty like streak of dyed hair. i wanna feel pretty like calligraphy, like new leaves, like a skinned knee bleed, like a dog running at full speed. i wanna feel pretty like lying next to you. i wanna feel pretty like the new album just dropped, i wanna feel pretty like a shower, i wanna feel pretty like a stone wall all covered in moss.

i keep saying body neutrality. that feels negative - no bad things, no good things, just body. but i mean - my body is neutral like a flower is neutral like an oil slick is neutral like a day is neutral, too. my body is neutral so a kiss can feel like lightning so a dance can feel like a hula hoop so a walk to get coffee can feel like - god, i'm so happy to just be around you.

my body is a site. not the source of the joy, just where i can find it. i don't wanna love like - finally got my body tight/forced myself through a diet/whatever trend is the current hype. i wanna love myself like - i go to this river and i find gold every time i shift around inside it. i wanna love myself like - i feel sexy because it's sexy to be alive, and laughing. i wanna love myself like - bitch, i could have died, and i didn't, and if that isn't the prettiest almost in the whole world, than i don't know what is.

Reblog and put in the tags how many pets you have and what their names are.

I made the first page so long ago but hey, I finished.

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