Step Into The Daylight

Step Into The Daylight

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Requested - @cc--2224 as part of @cloneficgiftexchange

Prompt - "Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay? But it happened and I can’t do anything about it.” “You... What?” &  "I never wanted anyone to feel bad for me, especially not you"

The sun streaming through the windows did little to fight against the coldness he felt, he knew the room was warm, he knew the cold he felt deep in his bones wasn’t there and yet he couldn’t fight the shivers that wracked his body. It didn’t matter that he could see the small room his brother’s had shown him to once they landed on the planet, in his mind he was still there, still in that cold, small cell with no hope of escaping.

He’d been there for so long, long enough that he had lost track of the days. He could have planned an escape, could have made some attempt to leave their torture but what for? There was nothing waiting for him outside of his cell anymore.

Gone was his relationship with his brothers, gone was the easy back and forth banter with Wrecker, gone were the late night talks with Hunter, gone were the days him and Tech would sit together, his brother’s voice filling the silence without expecting anything back from Crosshair, gone was Echo’s steady presence, at his side whenever he needed it.

Gone were you.

Gone were the early mornings when the rest of his brothers were still asleep, only you and Crosshair awake in the cockpit holding a warm cup of caff and filling the space with softly spoken conversation. Gone were the days spent trying to stick by your side, gone were the stolen glances and lingering touches, gone was sneaking away after missions to explore together, gone were the chances he took to watch you smile, gone was the promise he’d tell you how he felt tomorrow.

Crosshair had run out of tomorrow’s a long time ago.

After all he had done, all the pain he had put his brothers through, the pain he had put you through, this was the least he deserved. 

And so when the chance came to make his escape, to leave the pain and the torture behind he hesitated. The cell door was open, it would be so easy to leave and yet he hesitated. 

If the kid hadn’t been there, if her life didn’t depend on him getting her out he knows he would have stayed where he was, he would have rotted in that cell for as long as they decided he was useful alive.

Now he was free and somehow he felt more confined than ever. It wasn’t just because Hunter wouldn’t take his eyes off him, it wasn’t because Wrecker hovered or the fact Omega had seemed to attach herself to him. It didn’t even have anything to do with the fact that you were here, stars above Crosshair couldn’t think of a time he would ever have ignored your presence and yet now he did everything to stay away from you, not able to face you yet.

No, it wasn’t because of you or his brothers that Crosshair felt confined. It was because he didn’t deserve this freedom, in his head he was still in the cold cell, destined to rot away.

Crosshair stood from the floor, unable to lay there any longer. The room had a bed tucked against the wall but Crosshair had only managed about ten minutes of tossing and turning on it before he gave the bed up for the floor, the bed too soft compared to what he had become used to.

Everyone else was still asleep as he made his way outside, no real destination in mind. His feet carried him through side streets until they grew sore and only then did he make his way back, stopping not too far away from where the others were to sit on the sand, the sun shining blindingly on the water. 

He didn’t deserve to be here.

“I used to come here.” A voice interrupted him some time later, a voice he recognised all too well. “It’s quiet, no one ever comes here.”

Crosshair didn’t turn to look at you, he couldn’t bring himself to do it but when you sat next to him it was too much. He went to stand but your hand softly grabbing his stopped him.

“Please stop running away.” You pleaded softly and Crosshair didn’t have to look at you to know your eyes were teary but he did anyway, his heart aching for having made you this way.

“I can’t do this.” He told you quietly, forcing his gaze away from yours and looking back out at the water. 

“I don’t know what happened to you,” You said after a moment's silence and Crosshair balled his hand into a fist, silently begging you to stop talking. “I don’t know what they did to you and you don’t have to tell me but-”

“But nothing.” He spat angrily, glaring at the sea and instantly hating himself for lashing out at you, so he tried again, softer this time. “But nothing. What they did to me was nothing less than I deserved.”

“Don’t say that.” You said, head shaking as you tried to compose yourself.

“It’s the truth, I tried to kill you, kill my brothers…I hurt you all and for what? For the Empire to throw my loyalty in my face.” Crosshair shrugged. 

“For what it’s worth, I never gave up on you.” You told Crosshair, looking away from him as you spoke. “It didn’t matter what you did, how far you strayed from us, I never gave up on you.”

“You should have.” He muttered. “Everyone else did, Hunter doesn’t trust me, Wrecker wants to but he knows I’m nothing more than a lost cause.”

“That’s not true. Hunter’s just being Hunter, he needs time to adjust, needs time to figure things out in his head and then he’ll want to talk to you. Yeah you’re both gonna throw out words you don’t mean, maybe a punch or two but after that…it’s Hunter, he’s glad you’re back. As for Wrecker he wants to come to you, you know that as much as I do but he’s scared, he doesn’t want to spook you so he’s waiting for you to make the first move.” You explained, keeping your voice soft, not turning to face Crosshair as he turned to look at you.

“What about you?” He finally asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

“I was with Wrecker. I kept my distance and waited to see what your move was. Turns out your move was to avoid everyone.” You laughed and Crosshair felt himself relax a little, the sound one he hadn't heard in so long and it somehow managed to push out some of the cold he felt. “I feel for you, Cross, I do. Stars only know what the Empire did to you but you’re free now, don’t let them win, don’t shut us out.”

“I never wanted anyone to feel bad for me, especially not you.” Crosshair said after a long pause of silence and you laughed again.

“We all feel bad for you, despite everything you’re one of us.” You told him so sincerely that Crosshair felt like he’d been punched in the stomach at the speed his breath was stolen from him.

You turned to face him, a small smile on your face and you hesitated for only a moment before you reached out and took his hand in yours, entwining your fingers together.

“I don’t deserve any of this,” Crosshair forced out and you smiled at him softly. “I don’t deserve you, you should be running away from me, leave me behind and move on.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I fell in love with you, okay?” You told him, watching as his eyes widened in complete disbelief. “It happened and I can’t do anything about it.”

“You…what?” Crosshair choked, for so long he had dreamed of you and him, of a life where you could possibly want him but it was such a far off dream, something that would never become a reality and now you were saying the words he had longed to hear for years.

“You’re stuck with me, Cross, I’m not going anywhere, I’m not running away. You’re it for me, always have been.” You said, laughing as a tear or two managed to slip down your cheek and Crosshair only second guessed himself for a moment before his hand cupped your cheek and he softly brushed the tears away, his thumb caressing your cheek bone.

“I don’t deserve you.” He repeated and you smiled brightly at him. “But I will spend the rest of my life trying.”

“I love you.” You told him again, watching as his eyes became watery and he rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you too, so much.” He choked out and you couldn’t stop yourself from closing the small distance between the two of you, Crosshair not hesitating to meet you in the middle.

Crosshair’s hand on your cheek moved to your hair, pulling you impossibly closer as he kissed you, savouring every second of the feeling, something he had longed for and convinced himself he could never have.

Eventually the two of you needed to pull apart for air, breathing heavily but not going far from each other, foreheads together as you both smiled at the other.

For the first time in so long Crosshair didn’t feel a single bit of cold, his body was warm, his heart racing as he held you close. For the first time in a long time Crosshair didn’t feel numb, he didn’t feel pain or fear.

It felt like he was finally off that awful planet, it felt like he had finally left his cold cell behind and stepped into the daylight, able to feel the sun of Pabu for the first time and it was because of you, you were the source of this warmth, this love, this joy, this overwhelming relief that things would be better.

For the first time in a very long time Crosshair felt like things would be okay, he had you, he swore he’d make amends with his brothers, spend the rest of his life making up for everything, spend the rest of his life proving he was worthy of yours and his brother’s love. It felt easier, it felt doable with you at his side once again.

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You are the Reason

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Requested -  @loving-the-cambridges as part of @cloneficgiftexchange

Prompt - “You are the reason.” & "Don't give up on me."

Notes - I am so sorry this is a week late, I completely got the date of the exchange wrong! Hope you enjoy it!

It was the worst kind of battle, the one where your men lay motionless, scattered all across the battlefield. The battle happening in the air and on the ground meant it was very easy to get overwhelmed and you hadn’t been Anakin’s Padawan for too long before you were suddenly thrust into the centre of the war. 

Anakin kept you close between him and Rex as he focused on the droids coming at you from all directions, knowing how important it was to get to the main base in time to meet Obi-Wan and his own men. 

The air was heavy as you finally caught a moment's break, hiding out in the cave you had come across. The men were exhausted, as were you and Anakin, the break was needed and you sat down heavily next to Rex, letting your head fall onto his shoulder and feeling how the tension in them drain slightly. 

Before anyone could speak the sound of a ship landing not too far outside had you all tensing, Clones made a grab for their weapons as Anakin held a hand up. Seconds later somebody, a Jedi Master, walked into the cave. 

“Skywalker.” He called into the cave, Anakin already moving to the opening with a confused look. 

“Is that Master Kalen?” Rex muttered from above you and you nodded, not moving your head from his shoulder but straining to listen to what was being said. 

“Master Kalen, what are you doing here?” Anakin asked and the Jedi Master gave him a look of distaste. 

“I have come to lead your battalion, you have been requested back in Coruscant, orders from the Chancellor himself.” 

That had you sitting up, turning to look at Rex with furrowed eyebrows and Rex looked equally as confused. Rex stood up first, holding a hand out to help you up before the two of you made your way over to Anakin and Kalen. 

“I can’t just leave my men! I’m in the middle of a mission!” Anakin protested, taking a step towards Kalen who rolled his eyes at the outburst. 

“You’re more than welcome to take it up with the Chancellor, Skywalker. I am here to relieve you, this mission will be completed.” Kalen told him, his tone cold and almost robotic- actually scrap that you were sure you’d heard more emotion from C3-PO than you had Kalen. 

“Fine,” Anakin relented, turning to see you and Rex behind him. “Master Kalen, this is Rex, he’s my first in command, you won’t find a better Captain.” Anakin said and you watched a small smile twitch at Rex’s lips before he pushed it away and nodded towards Kalen. 

“Come on, Y/N.” Anakin said, gesturing for you to follow him and as glad as you were for the chance to leave the planet, another part of you didn’t want to leave Rex behind.

“Only your presence was requested back in Coruscant, Skywalker. The Padawan can stay with me.” Your eyes widened as Anakin turned to look at you, clearly ready to protest but Kalen cut him off. “The Padawan stays, you should leave.” 

Kalen walked further into the cave leaving you, Rex and Anakin alone with no room to protest. 

“Please don’t leave us with him, Master.” You pleaded and Anakin gave you an amused smile though his eyes flickered over to Kalen wearily. 

“He seems like a real piece of work, I’ll give you that.” Anakin murmured, soft enough not to travel through the cave, before he turned to Rex. “Just stick to the plan, ok? It won’t be easy but you have to get to Obi-Wan.”

“Don’t worry, Sir, we’ve got this.” Rex nodded and you smiled reassuringly at him. 

“I know you do.” Anakin said softly before reaching over and resting his hand on your shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. “Stay with Rex, alright?”

“That won’t be a problem.” You grinned at him causing Anakin to roll his eyes but there was no heat behind it. He knew you and Rex had something going on, he didn’t know the full extent and quite frankly he didn’t want to know exactly what his Padawan and Captain were getting up to but who was he to put a stop to it? It would be hypocritical of the secretly married Jedi. 

“I’m sure it won’t.” He replied dryly, watching as Rex averted his glance and your grin widened. “I’ll see you soon, stay safe.”

With that Anakin left the cave and you heard the sound of the ship leaving.

“Get ready to move out.” Master Kalen’s voice rang out through the cave and you frowned, turning to Rex who looked at you questioningly. Through the Force you could feel the general confusion from the men as you looked over at the Jedi Master.

“Sir, the men need to rest.” Rex said as he took a step over to Kalen, the Jedi towering over him as he puffed his chest out and gave Rex the same look you would give something you’d trod in.

“I don’t believe I asked for your opinion, CT-7567.” He told Rex and you stared openly at Kalen, watching as Rex’s shoulders tensed up.

You stepped closer to the Jedi Master, mouth already open but Rex put a subtle hand on your back, out of view of Kalen and shook his head. Rumours of Kalen had spread quickly amongst the men since the war had started, it was no secret he was a harsh man and his treatment towards clones was nothing short of cruel, going through his own at a suspicious rate. Rex knew that no amount of arguing was getting through to this man, not from a clone or a padawan.

You glared at the Jedi’s back as the tired men left the safety of the cave and headed back out into the dangerous terrain, the darkness having fully settled causing everyone to struggle to see ahead. The men tried their hardest to stay alert but the exhaustion had gotten to everyone, everyone except Kalen who marched ahead at the front of the group, leaving you and Rex walking behind everyone, shoulders brushing with each step.

“He shouldn’t speak to you like that.” You muttered angrily, missing the way Rex’s lips pulled into a smile despite how much he agreed, it was nice having somebody feel angry for him, it was nice that it was you that was angry for him.

For months you and Rex had gravitated towards each other, both letting yourselves fall into something that could never truly be defined, both knowing that your feelings weren’t allowed and yet both letting it happen anyway. 

Neither of you had spoken about it, whether it was because you were scared speaking about it would shatter everything or just because whatever this was didn’t need speaking about, maybe it was a mixture of both but the two of you were happy, the war had been long and taxing, draining everyone of everything and to find a bright spot in all that darkness, who were either of you to deny yourselves of it?

“Don’t smile.” You glared at Rex when you looked over at him, no real heat in the action as you nudged your shoulder into his drawing a chuckle from the man. 

“He’ll be gone soon,” Rex promised, taking your hand in his and brushing his thumb against your skin in an attempt to soothe you, watching as the motion caused some of the tension to slip away from your body. “It’s just one mission, what could go wrong?”

He regretted the question as soon as he asked it and he regretted it two days later as he led his exhausted battalion into battle, mind completely foggy and his whole body drained, his men in the same state. 

He could see all of them were sloppy, none of them were as alert as they should have been as they went up against a battalion more than triple their size of battle droids. Rex felt his stomach churn as he looked around at the injured and dead men he was entrusted to lead, felt fury within himself as he looked at Kalen who was more than happy to sit back and watch as the clones fought the battle.

Rex was struggling to keep his attention on the battle but he struggled even more to keep track of you. Usually the two of you never strayed far from each other, oftentimes finding yourselves fighting back to back with each other but today the men were stretched too thin so whilst Rex covered one side you were too far away for comfort fighting the other side of the opening where the Separatists had ambushed you.

The battle lasted for hours, those who had managed to come out alive were bloody and beaten, hours before they had thought it was impossible to be more drained than they were but this battle had left them completely devoid of any strength they had left.

Rex let his blaster fall to the floor, leaning against a tree and let his eyes fall shut, his body feeling too heavy to do anything more than just stand there. It had been a long time since they’d had a battle this bad, not since their early days fresh off Kamino. He couldn’t stand the thought of having to go through all of his men, knowing too many had been lost.

The only thing he wanted right now was you. 

Just as he was about to force his tired body to move he heard somebody running against the leaves on the ground, wondering which of his men had managed to find the energy for anything but slumping down in silence.

“Captain!” Echo called, stopping to catch his breath as Rex opened his eyes and saw the man completely pale and his hands shook but it was his eyes that had Rex on alert, they were wide and scared in a way Rex hadn’t seen from Echo.

“Rex,” The man breathed out softly and that was enough for Rex to stand to attention, “it’s Y/N.”

Rex didn’t need to hear anything else, Echo’s tone along with his expression told Rex enough and he felt his heart shatter and speed up at the same time, letting Echo lead the way as he raced to your side, stopping in his tracks when he saw the amount of blood pouring from a wound near your ribs.

“No.” He breathed out, his body moving on autopilot as he lowered himself down next to you.

You forced your eyes to open, smiling tiredly up at Rex as he sat with you, gently pulling you against his chest, his head against yours and his arms wrapping around you as he watched Kix apply more pressure to the wound.

“I’m okay.” You whispered, listening to his watery laugh as all the evidence before him told him that was an obvious lie. 

“Don’t do this to me.” He pleaded softly, silent tears already trailing down his cheeks. “Don’t give up on me.”

“Never giving up on you, Rex.” You murmured, a smile on your face as you leaned your head back to look at him, watching as he forced a shaky smile onto his face. 

“You’ll be okay.” Rex told you, the words meant more for himself than you and he tried desperately to convince himself that this could be fixed, it had to be, Rex couldn’t do this without you.

“You’ll be okay, too.” You whispered back to him, Rex’s face crumbling as he lost composure at your words. “Knowing you, loving you has been the best experience of my life.”

Rex bit back a sob of desperation at your choked out words, watching as you struggled to force them out but you knew if Kix’s couldn’t get the bleeding under control, if Obi-Wan didn’t get here in time, you knew Rex needed something to hold onto after you were gone.

“You are the reason, you are the reason I can find good in the galaxy, you are the good in this galaxy. Don’t lose that.” You coughed and Rex choked on a sob as a small stream of blood trickled down your chin. “You are the reason I know how to love and know how it feels to be loved and I have loved you every day, Rex, I have loved you every day I have known you.”

Rex nodded, tears streaming down his face mirroring yours and he kissed your forehead, letting his lips linger there as he whispered his own words back to you.

“I love you. I love you so much, please don’t do this, Y/N, don’t do this to me.” He begged and pleaded but he knew there was nothing that could be done, he watched out of the corner of his eye as Kix glared down at your wound in defeat, he saw the faces of his men watching with heartbroken expressions as their Captain lost the love of his life, he watched as your eyes drifted closed and didn’t open again.

Rex let his own eyes fall closed, cries of true loss and heartbreak filled the quiet scene and Rex was unable to focus on anything but you in his arms, completely blocking out his surroundings.

He missed as the men around him parted, he missed as Obi-Wan crouched down next to the two of you, gently nudging Kix out of the way as he placed his hand on your wound. He had never been particularly good at Force healing but he called upon the Force and silently begged and pleaded with it to save his Padawan, in title you might have been Anakin’s but everyone knew you were both of theirs, they both trained you, both offered you a shoulder to lean on, both needed you as you needed them.

Rex gasped when he felt a hand on his cheek, eyes flying open to stare at you, colour coming back to your face as you sat up with a wince to face him. His gaze strayed behind you for a moment, watching as Obi-Wan knelt back against his heels and smiled softly at the scene in front of him.

“Cyar’ika,” He breathed out, resting his forehead on yours and watching as you smiled at him with so much love in your eyes. “Thank the stars.”

You laughed softly and cupped his cheek, closing the distance between the two of you and finally kissed him. The kiss was soft and slow but Rex felt more alive than he had ever felt as he pulled you closer, kissing you until the need to breathe was too much.

“Never do that to me again.” Rex ordered and you couldn’t help but laugh again as you kissed him again.

“Yes Captain.” You grinned, watching as Rex fondly rolled his eyes and pulled you against him, mindful of your aching body but needing to hold you, needing to know you were going to be okay and he still had an entire lifetime with you, that you hadn’t been snatched away from him before he even had a chance to tell you that you were his reason too.

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