Hugyoongs

𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌

↠ summary: join the ride of seven best friends as they navigate their way through the stress, love, joy, and adventure that college brings.

↠ pairings: taejoon, 2seok, yoonkookmin

↠ genre: crack (honestly 95% of the book), angst, fluff

↠ word count: 862

↠ warnings: mention of yoongi stabbing hoseok (as a joke!!), language, 

previous | masterlist | next

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙏𝙒𝙊: 𝘼𝙋𝙀𝙏𝙄𝙕𝙀𝙍𝙎 jeoncena

whos bringing the snacks?

jimoaning 

i am the whole snack

minsugay

i only see crumbs

suckjin

oh please, the only snack here is me

suckjin

and that’s on jungkook’s broke ass

temptaetion 

y’all are appetizers 

hoesuck

awe thank you 

jeoncena 

who tf is going to tell homeboy over here

suckjin

hoseok bby no, that wasnt a compliment

temptaetion 

namjoon and i are full COURSE meals

namjukebox

and that’s on EVERYTHING

jimoaning

bitch i’m the whole BUFFET

minsugay

make up your mind bitch

minsugay

are you a snack? are you the buffet?

jeoncena

jimin needs to sit his ugly ass down

suckjin

i’ll quote you on that

jeoncena

aNYWAYS

jeoncena

what time should we come?

temptaetion 

freaky bitch 

jeoncena

wtf is wrong with your mind

suckjin

y’all ain’t ever going to come

hoesuck

come to my church service at 6:15

jimoaning

i’m going to hell, there’s no point

minsugay 

great, i have 3 more hours of resting time

namjukebox

i know your ass is about to get in the fucking shower

minsugay

who tf is in the shower for 3 hours?

minsugay

like wtf are you even doing in there

temptaetion 

jamming to shakira

jeoncena

beating your meat-

hoesuck

praying to our gay jesus 

suckjin

crying about how i am a disappointment to all of society

namjukebox

dw seokjin, we all love you aha ha

minsugay

ew no

jeoncena

god fucking no

jimoaning

i was going to say...eating

temptaetion 

do you fucking wash your food?

jimoaning 

bitch how tf am i supposed to know my korean noodles are clean unless i wash them

namjukebox

we’re all from korea

namjukebox

YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY KOREAN NOODLES EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU SAY IT

jimoaning

yes but maybe you guys don’t know 

minsugay

what other noodles would we get

minsugay

alien fucking noodles?

jimoaning

shut up, tiny dick

namjukebox

that is false, yoongi has a big dick

hoesuck

not this conversation aGAIN

temptaetion 

and how tf would you know egghead

namjukebox

he came into the wrong room

hoesuck 

it’s true, i was the door

jeoncena

t m fucking i

minsugay

namjoon..its on sight

namjukebox 

is that a fucking threat

namjukebox 

i would beat your moonlight looking ass up

jimoaning

anyone could beat yoongi up

jeoncena

its true

minsugay

i have no friends

suckjin

ungrateful hoe

minsugay 

i should mute this fucking group chat

minsugay 

and get my beauty sleep

jimoaning

your ugly ass needs it 

namjukebox

yoongs, come to the kitchen por favor

temptaetion

bilingual king

suckjin

could you stop being a thirsty bitch for 2 seconds

hoesuck

we are all thirsty bitches

jeoncena

jimin did u finish the banana milk

jeoncena

and did u not replace it..

jimoaning

of course i did

jimoaning 

if it’s in the fridge, i will consume it

jeoncena

pls someone trade roomates with me

temptaetion 

ain’t nobody wants jimin 

temptaetion 

except for you of course

jeoncena

ew no

minsugay

hoseok u better get your ass in the kitchen

minsugay

you are not leaving me to unpack all the groceries

suckjin 

y’all got food?

suckjin 

your fridge is always deserted when i come over

jimoaning

don’t you have hoseok 

hoesuck

doesn’t he have hoseok, namjoon, and yoongi *

jimoaning

hoesok’s the only decent one 

temptaetion 

don’t you want to suck yoongi’s dick

jimoaning

i am not ignoring tae when i say this

jimoaning

but jungkook is trying to kill me 

jeoncena

go out and buy my banana milk >:(

namjukebox 

rest in peace, jimin 

hoesuck

does this call for another prayer circle 

jimoaning 

NO

jimoaning

fucking help me

namjukebox

we have to deal with this hourly

jimoaning

now that sounds unfortunate, but help me

suckjin

nah bitch, have fun dying

hoesuck

let us pray for jimin to have a safe journey to hell

temptaetion 

amen

minsugay

jung fucking hoseok i swear to god if you leave me in this kitchen to cook with namjoon

minsugay

i will impale this knife into your skull

suckjin

THE GHETTO

suckjin 

please don’t murder hoseok 

jimoaning

kill him tiny dick

jimoaning

we’ll go to hell together and live in luxury 

hoesuck 

please spare me, jimin is too much of an airhead to handle

jimoaning

first of all, fuck you

jimoaning

second of all, what are you guys cooking

hoseok

we’re attempting samgyeopsal and kimchi

minsugay

who tf is we?

minsugay

you’re sitting on the stool watching me STRUGGLE

minsugay

while i'm seasoning the food and namjoon is attempting to cut the vegetables

temptaetion

give namjoon an A+ for effort

suckjin

these dumbasses finna POISON ME

jeoncena

joon must be the only one putting in work bc all you guys are doing is texting

hoesuck

arent you supposed to be murdering jimin

jeoncena

ah yes, i almost forgot

jimoaning

i hope that namjoon accidentally cuts off your balls

hoesuck

please let jimin die a slow death

suckjin 

dw jimin, i’ll attend your funeral 

temptaetion

dont schedule it on the 8th, i have a quiz

jimoaning

can y’all HELP ME

minsugay

not when we would rather have your annoying ass die

suckjin

the group is odd, it wouldn't hurt to even it out

jimoaning 

???

preparing the salmon for dinner~

𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌

↠ summary: join the ride of seven best friends as they navigate their way through the stress, love, joy, and adventure that college brings.

↠ pairings: taejoon, 2seok, yoonkookmin

↠ genre: crack (honestly 95% of the book), angst, fluff

↠ word count: 721 

↠ warnings: everybody is BIG gay, language, they just want some dick :(

masterlist | next

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙊𝙉𝙀: 𝘿𝙊 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙏𝙊𝙐𝘾𝙃

suckjin

alright u hoes

suckjin

which one of u ate the leftovers in the fridge

suckjin

that were clearly labeled “SEOKJINS FOOD! DO NOT TOUCH”

temptaetion

wasn’t me i swear

jeoncena

i bet all of my money that it was tae

hoesuck

i second that notion

temptaetion

you guys are horrible

temptaetion

jin believes me 

suckjin

no i dont

suckjin

i have three suspects in mine

suckjin

it was either tae, joon, or jimin

suckjin

and 2 out of 3 of those suspects are silent.

jimoaning

srry i’m busy 

jimoaning

WAIT WHY AM I A FUCKING SUSPECT

namjukebox

do you guys like..not have class?

jeoncena

it’s saturday egghead

namjukebox

so all of you just watched me get dressed, grab my books, and walk out the door to the other side of campus

namjukebox

all of you...fake.

minsugay

but i just woke up…

temptaetion

it’s 2pm

minsugay

and?

temptaetion

your lazy ass should be up

suckjin

AS I WAS SAYING

suckjin

which one of you dusty, bum-ass, ungrateful little hoes ate my leftovers

hoesuck

shit im sorry, that was me

suckjin

dont worry, i can make more

temptaetion

the DOUBLE STANDARDS

temptaetion

i would’ve gotten beaten

temptaetion

hard.

namjukebox

kinky

temptaetion

ahaha ;)

minsugay

can yall like flirt somewhere else pls

jimoaning

embrace the gay

jeoncena

jimin’s only saying that because my man has like 10 different boyfriends

namjukebox

is that why u were busy earlier jimin..

jimoaning

i was busy giving myself stis

suckjin

oh

minsugay

oh

hoesuck

oh

namjukebox

oh

temptaetion

oh

jeoncena

oh

jimoaning

i know damn well that this isn’t surprising any of you

hoesuck

who shares a dorm with jimin again?

jeoncena

me...unfortunately 

hoesuck

alright everybody gather around for a prayer circle

hoseok                    

on this day, we pray for jungkook’s ears. we pray that that they stay intact and that jimin and whoever is in his room at the time..stay quiet.

temptaetion

amen

minsugay

don’t act like you’re a fucking saint

hoesuck

no swearing in the prayer circle @minsugay

minsugay

you see jesus has given me a free pass

namjukebox

plot twist, i am jesus

suckjin

well, jesus bring back my food

temptaetion

i thought you said that you could make some more

suckjin

i CAN but…

namjukebox

just admit to the double standards and go

suckjin

shut the fuck up

hoesuck

why is this still a conversation

minsugay

what happened to ‘no swearing in the prayer circle’

jeoncena

this is what i call discrimination against asians

suckjin

we are all asian

jimoaning

some hotter than others *cough*

minsugay

like me

jimoaning

don’t get cocky now

temptaetion

dw yoonglo boonglo, jimin thinks you’re hot

namjukebox

jimin thinks that everyone is hot if they have a dick

jeoncena

yoongi especially

jimoaning

exCuse me? your just jealous that your ugly

jeoncena

first of all, you’re*

minsugay

thanks jimin, i appreciate the love

jimoaning

???

suckjin

y’all are fucking gay

hoesuck

we know

temptaetion

oh we appreciating our homies now?

temptaetion

namjoon…

namjukebox

taehyung..

temptation

i appreciate you bro

namjukebox

i appreciate you too bro

minsugay

one panicked gay + another panicked gay = joon and tae

namjukebox

shut up

jeoncena

yoongi the poet

minsugay

how-

jeoncena

it rhymed

hoesuck

only jungkook would notice that

hoesuck

only jungkook

temptaetion

anyways….hey yoongiiiiii

minsugay

what do u want peasant

suckjin

HEY!

suckjin

only i am superior over all of u...so only i have the power to call you guys peasants

minsugay

alright go off

temptaetion

yoongiiii….can u uber eats me panda express

minsugay

no, i fucking can’t

namjukebox

bet you could deliver some food to jungkook

namjukebox

i heard he likes meat

minsugay

what-

jeoncena

that is all jimin

jimoaning

yoongi’s dick is too small for my standards

temptaetion

and how would you know, our holy child park jimin

hoesuck

our holy child park jimin who comes to my prayer circles every day

hoesuck

our holy child park jimin who does not indulge in horrid behavior

jeoncena

holy child park jimin who dosent know how to fucking wash the dishes

minsugay

holy child park jimin who has probably contracted all the stis in the book

jimoaning

shut up, tiny dick

suckjin

you probably wanna suck it though

jimoaning

i am not ignoring seokjin when i say this

jimoaning

...but whos dorm for tonight?

temptaetion

not ours, it’s messy as fuck

suckjin

now wait a damn minute

suckjin

i just cleaned it yesterday

temptaetion

that’s unfortunate

namjukebox

guess that means it’s our dorm 

minsugay

when did i agree to this

namjukebox

when did anyone say that you had a say