Ghost Of You | Myg

ghost of you | myg

Summary: After a few months Yoongi starts to think that his feelings for you are getting out of his control, but they never were in the first place.

this is part three of so it goes: series masterlist

<part two part four>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, fluff but lots of angst!!

—warnings/tags: just cursing.

—words: 4.8k

a/note: Hello friends!! This is the shortest part i've written, but I hope you like the angst. It was difficult to write the dialogue and I hope it makes you angry!!! or sad!!!! as always, feedback is very appreciated, it makes me want to keep writing 😁 you are welcome to discuss the chapter in the asks. pd if you want to be in the taglist let me know.

What is love? And what does it look like?

Yoongi couldn’t remember half of the names of the romcoms you made him watch since you met him, he put himself in your shoes and tried to understand How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. He didn’t like The Notebook at all, but he loved 13 going 30. He laughed watching Crazy, Stupid, Love and asked if you found Ryan Gosling attractive.

“Not really,” You answered “He’s not my type but he’s cute here.” He nodded and kept watching the movie. 

Yoongi should have known that you weren’t just his fuckbuddy when he started to invite you to his apartment just to watch movies and eat pizza. You were supposed to be naked under him as he fucked you stupid until it was time for him to take you home. You weren’t supposed to be wearing those pink pajama pants and laying on his chest as you watched some movie with Lindsay Lohan and Chris Pine. 

Did you find Chris Pine attractive?  

“Yes!” You confirmed  “He’s cute with glasses and he’s on The Princess Diaries 2”

“I don’t know that one.”

“Have you never watched The Princess Diaries?” You asked, wide-eyed.

“Do I look like someone who watched something called The Princess Diaries?” 

“You’re about to.” You threatened.

He sighed, but as soon as you woke up the next morning you made him watch the first part, and when it finished you watched the second one with Chris Pine. As he tried not to get jealous of a movie character (the fact that you sighed everytime he appeared didn’t help) he thought he didn’t know what love looked like, he didn’t know how to see it coming, no amount of romantic movies could teach him about love. 

The memory of the moment he realized he was in love knocked on his door every night since you left his apartment that weekend. He remembered your red lips and the words they spoke and wished he could read between them, wished he could relive that night one more time just to see if he missed something, a clue that could help him solve the riddle in his mind. 

Yoongi thought love looked like you and Holly sharing his bed, he thought it sounded like you saying his name in a whimper at night. It felt like your hands covering his when it was cold, It tasted like your strawberry lip gloss. 

For a while he thought he had control of things, he thought he didn’t have to worry about what he said at Nayeon’s birthday. Yoongi should’ve known that things were out of his control when you asked about his birthday. 

Yoongi didn’t like his birthday too much. When he was a kid he liked the presents and the cake but as he grew older the feeling started to wear out, presents started to disappear and his mom was far away in a different city to make him a cake. When he met Namjoon and Hoseok it changed, they forced him to go out and celebrate but he still felt that cloud of awkwardness that came with the passing of the years, like he was too old to celebrate.  

“It’s just another day.” He would say. 

Maybe it was the fact that Yoongi had to grow up quickly, not having much time for birthday cakes or colorful birthday parties, but when you noticed his birthday was just around the corner, you tried to make him say it. 

Rolling on his bed with your phone in your hands, you put your head on his shoulder as he texted Hoseok about the track they were working on. 

“You are a pisces, aren’t you?”  You asked him, knowing damn well his sign. 

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” Yoongi answered without taking his eyes off his phone. 

“Do you know your rising?” He locked his phone and looked at you like you just asked him to solve a math problem. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Your rising sign, Yoongi.” You said rolling your eyes, he was such a grandpa. 

“I don’t know my rising sign, I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Okay, what time were you born?” You asked, already looking for an internet page that could easily calculate Yoongi’s natal chart. Then, you started to explain to him what a natal chart was. 

“I don’t believe in all that stuff.”  He simply answered with his hands on his phone, typing a message to his mom that said “Mom, do you know what time I was born?”

Yoongi’s mom answered in just a few minutes, you typed his location, the time he was born and his birthday: march 9th, that was just three weeks away. 

“You’re an aries rising…” You said scrolling through the chart, he looked curious, trying to understand the weird graphic shaped like a circle that showed on your phone.

“What is that?” He asked.

“Well, you know you’re pisces, that’s your solar sign which can say a lot about you but not enough. Your solar sign represents your inner self and rising your external self, like inside you’re a pisces but outside you show as an aries.” You explained to him “Which is quite interesting, you show like you’re fiery and strong but on the inside you’re emotional and sensitive.” 

“You’re like, psychoanalyzing me now.” He laughed.

“See, it’s real.”

“I never said it was.”

“Anyway, your moon is in Virgo and Venus is in Aries, how about that?”

“Venus?” Yoongi asked again, you looked at him like he made a forbidden question, already feeling your cheeks burn. 

“Venus is the planet of love.” You almost whispered, like it was a secret “Quite complicated, you want things right away and get bored easily.”

“How do you know all of that?” He asked again, bringing you closer to him by hugging your waist. 

“I don’t know anything, but Nayeon does, she talks about it all the time and I learned some things.” 

Yoongi nodded, taking his eyes off you. Then, he can’t help but ask one stupid question:

“What’s your venus?” 

You bite back a smirk before answering.

“My venus is in taurus. So don’t get your hopes too high, we’re not compatible.” 

You heard his laugh right next to your ear but then, nothing else. Suddenly it seemed like you remembered the main goal of the conversation. 

“Your birthday is in three weeks.” 

“You’re smart, I see.”

“What are you planning?” 

“Nothing, it’s a tuesday. I have to work, you have to go to school. Probably just… I don’t know, sleep three hours more, that would be a good present.”

You rolled your eyes again. 

“You should be doing something. You don’t turn twenty-eight everyday!” 

Yoongi didn’t know, but you started to plan his birthday right at that moment.

“Come on!” You insisted. “You can say it’s just a dinner and everyone would know that after eating they have to leave.” 

“I have to feed them, too?” He asked, laughing. 

“Oh my God, Yoongi, you’re really that boring?” 

“Not wanting to feed my friends on my birthday doesn’t mean I’m boring.” 

“Yes, that means you’re boring. That’s literally the definition in the dictionary, look it up.”

He sighed again, thinking for a few seconds. 

“Okay, I’ll be inviting them to eat. But as my birthday present I want you to cook for me.”

You looked at him, happy that you convinced him, grabbing his cheeks and pressing him a short but loud kiss on his lips.

“That’s the only thing you want?”

“Mmm… Maybe you in a babydoll, too.” 

An ugly loud escaped from your mouth, making him laugh with you. 

Three weeks later, you kissed him on the cheek and whispered the third happy birthday of the day before leaving his bed. Hours later when you finished your classes you looked for him in his studio with a box full of chocolate cupcakes in your hands. 

He thanked you with a smile, grabbing your hips to sit you on his lap. As he chewed the first one he asked, 

“These aren’t yours, are they?” 

“No, these are from that lady friend of mine.”

“Grace?”

Grace was an old woman you had met in a pastry course months ago, you always envied her skills, she never seemed to struggle. Instead of hating her and her cupcakes you decided to be friends with her and steal all her secrets. 

“Yes, I asked her to make them for your birthday, you know cupcakes aren’t my thing.”

“Tell her thank you.”

“I will, she wished you a happy birthday.”

Yoongi smiled and as you shared the cupcakes he imagined your conversation with Grace. Did you tell her it was your friend’s birthday? 

You arrived at his apartment shortly after and he helped you place the food and drinks on the table and together waited for his friend to arrive. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile the whole night and towards the end of the dinner he looked at you and asked you if you were going to stay the night. 

“If you want to.” You answered. He kissed you and he tasted your strawberry lip gloss.

When everyone went home you waited for him sitting at the edge of his bed. He grabbed your chin and made you look at him. 

“Are you my present?” He asked. 

“If you want to.” A mischievous smile tugged from the corner of your lips. 

He took off your blouse and kissed your neck, you heard him scoff. 

“What?”

“I’m a bit disappointed.” He confessed “About the babydoll, you know?”

You punched his arm “You’re kidding.” Yoongi’s shoulders started to shake as he laughed. 

“Maybe for my next birthday. Or christmas.”

Yoongi felt like he was floating on a cloud for a whole week. You were next to him the whole time but he couldn’t help but feel that something was about to go terribly wrong. 

Maybe things started to go wrong way before, but he felt it for the first time at one of Jungkook’s gatherings at his house. It was just him,Jungkook, Namjoon, Hoseok, Nayeon and you, everything was okay until Namjoon asked something. 

“What about your girlfriend, when do we meet her?” He asked Jungkook.

“She’s not his girlfriend yet.” Nayeon answered for him. Everyone stared at her. 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook questioned her.

Poor boy. 

“Have you asked her?” You asked this time. 

“Well… no, but..”

“Then she’s not your girlfriend.” Jungkook and every boy in the room looked at you like you just insulted him.

“Does it matter?” He was bold enough to ask. 

“Of course it does.” Nayeon supported you. 

“It’s important for a girl to know if a guy wants the whole deal.” You said. 

Jungkook seemed to be one of the most attractive men in the world yet he still didn’t know shit about girls, but the worst thing was that Yoongi realized that he didn’t know shit either. 

Of course he knew you weren’t his girlfriend, but he thought there was an unspoken agreement about your relationship. The bad part about unspoken agreements was that you couldn’t talk about them, you can’t talk about the terms of them, you can’t discuss them, you have to act like they don’t exist. 

So where did that leave the two of you?

“Wouldn’t it be dumb to ask her?”

“You are dumb for asking that.” Nayeon informed him. 

“You wouldn’t have an anniversary date otherwise.” You added. 

Yoongi could see Jungkook made a mental note of asking his not-girlfriend to finally be his girlfriend. Then, he felt himself sinking in the couch next to you, feeling like he was staying behind, dragging you with him. 

You came back to his house like every other night, laid on the bed laughing as you remembered a joke Hoseok made and how red Nayeon’s face turned because she couldn’t stop laughing. You told him that no other man was capable of getting more than a scoff from her. Yoongi managed to giggle and got in bed with you. 

There was a heavy weight on his chest again, but no actions or words from you were capable of easing him this time. He hugged you from behind like it was the last time he was going to do it, like you were about to get up and leave. He fell asleep feeling like he was hugging the ghost of you. 

How selfish he was, he thought; you woke up the next day and didn’t leave the bed until he did, it was one of those special mornings where he asked you to stay and you did. You looked at him with shiny eyes and he knew you felt the same for him, how many people could look at the person next to them and say the same thing?

Yoongi knew that people thought you were completely opposite from him, but he also knew that was not true. You both passionately loved music, you liked the comfort of silence, cooking together, every old sitcom airing after midnight that no one watched except the two of you. You liked driving around and going to the movies, you laughed at the same jokes and liked to help your friends whenever they needed it without complaining. You were similar and yet, he wished he could be a little more like you. He wished he could look at you the same way you were looking at him that morning without wanting to run away and hide forever. 

Coward. 

He was a coward, he couldn’t escape from that. 

When he left you at your apartment he came back to his own and as he walked down the hallway he couldn’t help but feel he was walking towards the guillotine, towards a home which every corner reminded him of you but you weren’t there. His sheets smelled like the soft perfume you were wearing the night before and your coffee mug was freshly washed on the counter. He looked at your slippers, asking himself when he decided that to buy you a pair of slippers was normal? And when did he let you buy those curtains for him?

The next days were like hell.

He needed some time alone to think.

Yoongi and you almost never fought. You couldn’t call them fights, it was always a misunderstanding or something silly. 

You remembered one time when Yoongi was upset with you because you forgot a date he had planned. It was okay, you thought it was a different day and you said sorry. 

Two months ago he ruined all your notes when he spilled coffee all over them while he was trying to mess around with you. You got upset but it was okay, it was an accident and he helped to save some of the pages afterwards.

You almost never fought, why would you? Maybe Yoongi barely texting in the past four days could be a reason, but not really, he was working on this big project with Namjoon and Hoseok, you couldn’t blame him. 

You texted him about it, just in case. 

[You]: Is everything alright? Just checking. 

[Yoongo]: Yeah, just tired from work

[You]: Okay, take care of yourself.

[Yoongo]: I will. 

On Friday you decided to go to his apartment before he arrived from work. Using the spare key he gave you, you opened the door and took off your shoes before realizing the mess that his place was. Was he this busy?

Holly came running to greet you, he looked at you like he knew something that you didn’t.

“What happened here, Holly?” You asked, squatting down to greet him too. 

There were a bunch of clothes in the chairs, shoes all over the place, two empty boxes of pizza on the table and those were the things you could notice at first glance. You figured you could help him, do a nice thing if he was stressed with work, he would have done the same thing for you. 

You dropped your bag on the couch and started picking up some of the clothes, throwing them in the laundry basket or folding them to put them in his room. Holly followed you around as you put Yoongi’s shoes in their place and made the bed. You saw a few beer cans next to his music equipment, you grabbed them and threw them in the trash. It was hard to remember a time when Yoongi was so caught up with his work that his place ended up looking like this, you felt bad for not checking up on him sooner.

After an hour you sat on the couch, satisfied when the place didn’t look like a mess anymore. Yoongi didn’t have candles in his house but you wished you could light one after cleaning the place, so you made a mental note to buy him one. He would laugh at it at first because he’s not the type to light candles, but with time you would introduce him to the world of candles and he would like them, you would laugh at him then. 

Holly laid his head on your lap and both of you waited for Yoongi to arrive. 

You heard him opening the door a few hours later. When he entered you saw a very pale and very tired Yoongi. When he saw you he jumped a little, surprised to see you there. 

“You scared me,” He murmured as he took off his shoes. 

“Sorry, I thought it was okay if I… dropped by.” Your voice sounded hesitant, for some reason he didn’t look like everyday Yoongi. But he did not look tired, he looked exhausted. “Have you eaten?” 

“Uhm… No…” He said as he looked around the living room, pressing his lips in a straight line, he stared at you like the mess was supposed to be there. “There’s some left overs in the fridge if you want. I’m gonna go ahead and try to sleep.” 

You frowned and got up to follow him “Wait, have you been eating lately? You look very pale, Yoongi.”

“Yes, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry.” 

“It didn’t look okay when I got here.” He opened his wardrobe and stared at it for a second. 

“You didn’t have to do this.” He mentioned in a low tone. 

“It was no problem, you said you were tired and I wanted to help.”

“Yeah but…” He said grabbing one of his tshirts “I didn’t ask you to.”

His words took you by surprise, you noticed he tried to sugarcoat them with a scoff but it didn’t work, it made it worse. 

He disappeared in the bathroom without giving you  a chance to respond to him. After a few seconds you heard the sound of the shower and then, nothing, just your thoughts.

What happened for him to be in such a bad mood? He always said thank you, no matter what. 

You wait on his bed, thinking of what to say next. 

When he came back he said nothing, you knew he was not going to. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked and Yoongi looked at you then, bare feet wearing a blue blouse he had never seen before, wearing your hair up in a ponytail like you never did, looking like a foreigner on his bed when you were supposed to feel like home. 

“No.” He answered. 

“Then, what was that?”

“I just… I didn’t ask you to come here and take care of me. I don’t need it, that’s all.” He murmured, avoiding your gaze. 

“I didn’t come here to take care of you, I just wanted to do something nice. Are you upset about something?” 

“I already told you no.” 

You take a second to think, you surely didn’t think Yoongi would be bothered by this. He was not the type of person who would be annoyed if someone touched his things, he didn’t care if someone looked into his wardrobe, certainly not you, who stole his clothes all the time. Have you done something that may upset him lately? You tried to think, but he seemed okay when he dropped you home the last time. 

“You don’t sound like nothing is wrong…” You insisted.

Maybe a rational person would get up and leave, thinking that maybe he needed some time alone, but you weren’t quite the rational person, you were stubborn and you were worried about him. 

But he just sighed as if he was already tired of the conversation, already tired of you. 

“You know, I don’t want you to… confuse things.”

A pause. 

“What do you mean you don’t want me to confuse things?” You toned changed and he noticed, but he couldn’t turn back now. 

“You know what I mean.”

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. You stared at him but he didn't stare at you, you tried to look for his gaze but you couldn’t, he ran away from you.

“I don’t know, actually.” You murmured. 

“You don’t have to feel responsible for this.” He tried to explain “You don’t have to feel like you need to do these things, we are not, I’m… You’re not my girlfriend.” 

You felt your stomach drop, his words echoed in the room and then, a moment. Reality hit your face because he was right, he was not lying, you weren’t his girlfriend, but why did it hurt when he said it like that?

The rational person would choose to leave, but you chose to be angry and stay. 

“So you think that because I folded some of your clothes I’m acting like your girlfriend?” You spat. 

“In general, yeah.” He just said. 

“Are you kidding me?”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He retracted himself  “I shouldn’t have said that, but I mean it when I say that I don’t want you to confuse things anymore.”

Yoongi tried to act calm, but everytime he spoke it made you feel angrier. 

“No, you shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t tell me not to act like your girlfriend because what have you been doing these past months, Yoongi?”

It was weird to see you angry. Yoongi had seen you sad, upset, happy, disappointed but never angry. When you were sad he wiped your tears and told you everything was okay, when you were upset he tried to make you laugh and forget about it, but he didn’t know what to do when you were angry, especially if you were angry at him. 

“Well, maybe I should have been more careful and put limits to this, you’re right. That’s why I don’t want to talk about these past months, I…” You take a big step until you are facing him, his words get caught up in his throat. Maybe he knew you were right about more than one thing, but he didn’t want to admit it.

“Too bad.” You said “Because I do want to talk about these past months, like what the fuck was that whole thing at Nayeon’s birthday party and what the fuck is this?”

He raised his head and looked at you after a long time, he looked at you like you should have known, you should have been smarter. 

You weren’t smart enough. 

You sighed deeply, staring at his face you realized there’s no right answer for your questions, just a bunch of messed up, senseless reasons. It was a test and you failed. You felt it, it’s time to go home. 

You took a step forward and tried to reach his bedroom door but he stopped you, grabbing your wrist and putting you back in the place that you were. 

Let me go already, you thought.

“You know I can’t make any promises.” He said. For a moment you thought you saw a glimpse of the Yoongi you knew, but it disappeared in a second.

Yoongi always talked like that, for a while it flattered you but now it just made you want to vomit. 

“You know how much I like that movie.” He would say. “You know I don’t like my coffee too sweet.” or, “You know I can’t keep my hands off you.” 

You know, you know, you know. But sometimes you didn’t, even when you should have. 

“But you did.” You answered “Countless of times you did, and now you want to act like you didn’t, like I invented everything in my head because I confuse things.” 

You felt your eyes fill with tears. You tried hard not to cry but it was difficult to keep talking.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

You wanted to scream. 

“No, Yoongi.” You stopped him “That’s exactly what you meant. I was patient, I waited after you made me meet your friends, I waited after you made me meet your brother and I waited after Nayeon’s birthday but now I realize that I looked like a fool the whole time.”

“I never asked you to!” He exclaimed, you close your eyes as if that would make him disappear. “I never wanted you to wait for me, I told you I’m not built for this and you did whatever you wanted.”

A silent sob escaped from your lips but he didn’t stop because of it, he didn’t lean forward and tried to wipe the tears falling down your face. He stood there and waited for you to say something. 

You took a step back and tried to look at him. 

“Stop talking to me like that.” You said “You’re an adult, we both are. You should talk like one.” 

Yoongi stares at you, paler than ever, not expecting what you were going to say next. 

“You told me your ex girlfriend broke your heart, that you couldn’t trust people like that. The next month you gave me the keys to your place. You told me she was an alcoholic and almost destroyed your relationship with your family and friends, then you introduced me to your brother and every single one of your friends. You told me you can’t make any promises but on Nayeon’s birthday you told me I was the only one you wanted. I tried to stay away from all of this but you keep looking for me and don’t misunderstand, I would never stay if you don’t want me here, but what was all of that? Why are you acting like I’m the one who confused things when you were the one who confused me?”

Your face was all wet from your tears but he couldn’t say anything, he was speechless because how could he explain that he was a coward?

“Were you lying on Nayeon’s birthday?” Your voice trembled. “Why?”

“I wasn’t.” He confessed “But it’s hard to talk about it right now, I need time.”

You looked around the room, you stared at the bed, the mirror, his clothes that were yours as well, the space he had made on his desk next to him for you to study and the plant you gave to him. You knew this was not forever and you were lying if you said you didn’t see it coming. How could you allow yourself to feel at home with him?

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You were weak, you failed the test. 

“I can’t allow myself to wait for you anymore.” You whispered, feeling the tears falling  down your face. “Not after everything you said.”

You started walking down the hallway and tried to reach for your shoes, you heard his steps behind you. 

“No, don’t go yet.” Yoongi stopped you. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Don’t, please stay. We can talk about it later. It’s just… We don’t have to talk about it now.” He begged. 

“I’m leaving.”

“I can fix this. Stay, please. It’s late, you don’t have to leave.” There was a certain despair in his voice, but you didn’t understand it. You couldn’t connect this Yoongi to the one who told you all those horrible things. You were too tired to try.

You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your blouse “I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to stay with you, I don’t want to see you.”

In his eyes you could see that your words hurt him, but you didn’t care, he did it first. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll leave you alone for the night if you want but please, stay. Stay and we’ll think about it and talk about it later.” 

He’s not willing to let you go, not tonight at least. You wipe your tears once again and think about it for a second. Then, you said,

“You know something? In my mind you needed to say just one thing for me to stay, and just one thing for me to leave. But not this, never this.” 

You start walking towards his room again, feeling like the dumbest person on earth, coming back to the place where he destroyed you just a few seconds ago. When you reached the door you closed it behind you. 

Yes, you stayed the night, but when the morning came you left before he knew it. 

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @bluesharksandfish @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @sugainmybowl @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @itsfinallymyyearhenderson @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @geauxlsu79 @floriiansgrave @artgukk

10: time 》 series m.list

note: i said i'd wait until valentines day to post their endings.. yikes. i'm a liar!!! can't wait to write their finale <3 i have 2 extras in mind btw! so they're not realllllyyy gone yet huhuuuhu. thanks for waiting everyone !!! mwahh

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “c2u” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

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4: the cold // series m.list

note: reblogging w fic taglist cos the limit is annoying n my posts keep glitching </3 sorry for the long wait! i literally finished c2u and was working on c2u's extras as well as attempting to keep my life together LOL . this jk is literally GETTING INTO IT YUHHH . hope everyone is enjoying the story ,, i'm so excited for the rest ! we're halfway thru :( if u missed aao jk ,, lmk ur fave moment of his as of now huhuhuuuu

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🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

//

Picture this. 

Jungkook sent you a text, claiming to be sick. He said:

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: no fr i get so dizzy standing up lol

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: deadass i’m wearing like 7 layers and i’m chilly af .. need the warmth of ur arms, baby 🙏🏼

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: do u think u can come by w some medicine? i’d owe u like… my whole heart

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: nvm gave that to u already 😘✋🏽

Your natural response to his concerning text messages was to call him. When you called to check up on him, you noted how he coughed at every perfect pause... How his voice was toned groggy with a hint of pathetic. 

Just as pathetic as his lie. 

Does he think you're dumb? Fine. Two can play this game.

The second Jungkook opens the door and is greeted by his friends, grinning goofily with alcohol in their hands—he feels the urge to shut the door at their face. “Ah, for fucks sake—”

“Not so fast!” Hobi squeals as he grabs your wrists and tugs you from the back of the crowd to the front. Offering you to Jungkook, Hobi winks, “I believe this belongs to you.”

Jungkook’s eyes soften at the sight of you.

Lowering his head, he purses his lips for a kiss. You blink at him, letting him stand there like a fool. A few of his friends chuckle at the rejection, but it doesn’t dishearten Jungkook. Instead, he lifts his head and carries on. 

Hey, the kiss was worth a shot. 

With a patient tone, he tries to talk this out. “I thought it was just going to be you coming over...”

Shrugging at him, you answer; “And I thought you were sick.” 

"Well, what can I say? I always feel better whenever you're around." Jungkook chides.

Unimpressed, you tsk at him. “Nice try, buddy.”

Your hunch was right.

Jungkook wasn't sick.

There was no eye bag in sight, no cough to be heard, and with the short amount of time it took him to answer the door; he doesn't seem dizzy at all. If anything, he looks freshly showered and prepared.

For a sick man, his 5PM fit was rather suggestive. He's wearing jeans, and a white wife beater with an off-white button-up unbuttoned. He must know he's hot, right? He wore this on purpose.

"A little dressed up for someone who should be pretending to be sick..." you poke his chest.

Jungkook grins, instantly shrugging his button-up off. "Oh, my bad. Here, I'll undress and—"

"Jungkook!" you gasp as you tug his button-up back on. "Your friends are here! Don't be so shameless—"

"Whose fault is that?" he laughs. "___, was I not clear when I asked for you? You. Not the circus.”

“Hey!” Nam Joon cries from the crowd. “Are you calling me a clown?”

Jungkook lifts his head and shakes it. Smiling at his hero, he assures Nam Joon; “Not you, hyung. I love you.”

Earning a few laughs, the moment ends when Jin interrupts and pushes past you. Jungkook places his arm in front of your body, gently moving you against the wall. He shoots Jin a glare but Jin doesn't seem to catch on. He makes one final comment before inviting himself into Jungkook's home; “Stop sucking Joon's dick and let us in!”

As his friends cheer and begin to invade his home, you stand still and laugh at them hustling in. As they make random remarks, Jungkook warns them not to touch certain things in his living room and that his bedroom is off-limits. Walking in, his friends can't help but feel out of place when they spot the homecooked meal Jungkook prepared for you two. The table is all set up. The projector is ready to go in the living room corner, accompanied by the ever so comfy set up of pillows and fuzzy blankets on the couch… The fuzzy blanket on the couch that Taehyung and Hobi have now wrapped themselves in.

Yeah..

Jungkook did not see this coming. He groans at the very sight. His plans were ruined.

Once Jimin gets his little ass inside, you take that as your cue to head in. You duck under Jungkook's arm and just as you think you’re about to get away—he stops you. He takes a step back and swoops his other arm around your waist.

“Not so fast.”

You huff. “Okay. I’ll walk in slow motion—”

“___…” Jungkook says in a warning tone. “Yah, I said I was sick and you show up here with my friends?”

You poke his chest. “I had a feeling you were up to no good. I brought reinforcement.”

For the most part, Jungkook likes to think he has you figured out. Then, you pull shit like this and he is completely tongue-tied.

Jungkook can’t help but applaud your move. It’s petty and nonchalant… It’s well played. Yet, he feels bittersweet at the very realization that you’ve outsmarted him so early on. 

To be fair, his main moves are centered around lies. 

… Is it so wrong that he thought he could at least get one last good lie before facing the truth?

The truth is that he has grown to like you so much he has completely lost control of his words and thoughts. Every time he’s around you—that’s it. That’s the entire moment. That’s his entire world. He doesn’t know how to keep it that way, you know? He hasn’t figured out how to freeze time and just be with you. So, he lies. He lies in an attempt to make the moment last just a second longer. 

He knows he could have you with a simple conversation and his bunny smile. He knows he’s kindhearted and would be a great boyfriend if you let him… He’s just having a hard time navigating through all the feelings. They consume him faster and fiercer than he expected. The only way to keep up is to keep you near, and the only way to keep you near is to keep making excuses. 

Thus, this week’s excuse. 

He huffs at you. "A home-cooked meal, a movie on my projector, and comfy blankets... Means I'm up to no good? Come on, ___. This is ridiculous!"

"You've been so mischievous ever since—"

"It was just the ice skating thing!" Jungkook defends himself.

"It was also the pocky thing—"

His eyes light up. Jungkook’s lips curve into a smirk. "Ah... Thinking about our kiss, huh?"

Now you feel sick.

Was he serious? How does he do this to you? He says everything so bluntly and out of pocket, your tummy has no choice but to flip upside down and feel all the butterflies flutter.

"N-no!" you panic.

"Pucker up and prove me wrong," Jungkook insists, shutting his eyes and pursing his lips at you. "Like you said, I'm not sick. Kissing me won't get you sick—love sick, maybe..."

You cross your arms at him.

"Jungkook."

Opening his eyes one at a time, he puts his hands up and lets you go. He'll admit defeat here. Clearly, you aren't happy with his moves...

He'll try this.

He'll try honesty.

“___," he smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. "Hey, I was trying to—”

“Flirt?” you finish his sentence. “Yeah, sure… Has it ever occurred to you that you can flirt with me without lying?”

His eyes widen. 

“Does it bother you that much?” He asks, feeling like he is completely messed up. “I’m sorry, baby. I thought it was harmless—”

You shake your head, denying his accusation. It was deeper than that. It is the principal and the root of his lying being a habit in your relationship.

“It’s not that it bothers me that much… It's just... Y-you don't have to do all this, you know? I like getting to know you, but it feels like it's impossible. You keep setting up scenarios for yourself to look good in or for me to take care of you in. I'd do it regardless if you're hurt or not. You know that, right?"

"I do," Jungkook agrees. "I just..."

You look at him with sincere eyes. "Jungkook, I'm just not understanding... Why? It’s just weird to me that you were so confident and honest when you confessed. To be honest, I really admire that part of you. B-but now that you’re… That w-we’re…. Uhmm—it's different. You're acting differently. You can flirt with me all you want. It's whatever... But maybe try something else? I'm tired of you lying, Jungkook.”

He gulps.

"You want honesty?" Jungkook begins. "Here it is... I like you too much. Like, so much that I don't know what to do with myself whenever you're around—not to mention it's even worse when you're not. I want your attention. All the time. Everything about me for everything about you."

"Jungkook—"

"Can you wait for me?" He asks you unexpectedly. "Wait for me to get it right... Because I know I can. I will get it right."

When you two join everyone inside, Jungkook’s apartment is filled with so much chaos it’s difficult for him not to A) partake and B) be upset about everyone crashing his date night (by ambush). 

Honestly, Jungkook’s been pretty busy lately. He’s been neglecting his social life as school, work, and you (not that he’s complaining) have been taking over. In a way, he finds it sweet that you ruined his plans with yours. Especially since you came in with all his friends. It was a nice surprise. He will definitely take note of your sneaky ways too. 

By the time everyone gets hungry, there’s barely any space for anyone to eat. Some friends are sitting on the floor, eating off the coffee table or parts of the couch. Others are eating standing up, and the rest crowd over his tiny kitchen island and dining table. There are a few girls you’ve invited here and just as usual, you all went to the bathroom together. As you all enter back into the scene, there is absolutely no space. 

“___!” Jin calls you over. “Eat with us.”

You look at the girls and exchange laughs. They tease you before pushing to towards the dining table. As you approach, you realize there’s barely space let alone a seat. Without much thought, you gravitate towards Jungkook who is sitting and eating. Squeezing your way through, he notices you and nods towards Hobi. Hobi then responds by handing you a plate of food Jungkook set aside for you. Taking the plate, you thank Hobi. Jungkook then pushes his chair back and just as he’s about to get up from his seat to give to you—

“No, it’s okay. Sit.” You insist. 

“But you don’t have a seat—”

Then, it happens so naturally.

You place your plate on the table next to his and take a seat on his lap. When you do this, all the boys exchange looks but say nothing. Their eyes almost pop out of their head and Hobi even chokes on his food. He tries to hide it and turns away so you don’t think twice about it. They’re all aware of how shy you are and this? This was a big thing for Jungkook that they couldn’t ruin. You were finally coming out of your shell.

Thank god.

Meanwhile, Jungkook feels winded. 

He can’t believe this. 

He can’t believe you.

But given the circumstances… He might just have to. So, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smiles at you warmly and tells you that he put all your favourites on your plate. He tells you to eat everything and that he ordered strawberry bingsoo for dessert. 

“I love strawberries!” you gasp. Looking up, you bat your eyelashes and tease him, “yah, you make it too obvious you have a crush on me… You know that?” 

Jungkook squints at you, followed by scrunching his nose. You lean against his forehead and mimic his little stare. 

It takes everything in him to not lean in and kiss you.

Slowly but surely, everyone leaves. The only ones left are you, Jungkook, and the other 6 clowns. Yoongi and Jin went out to start the cars while Joon, Taehyung, Jimin, and Hobi finished up taking the trash out or washing the dishes. 

You and Jungkook are tidying the living room. He thanks you for organizing the little get-together and apologizes again for lying to you about being sick. You tell him it wasn’t that serious—it was just built-up confusion and frustration. Further, you tell him that you don’t want him to see you as someone that he has to jump through hoops to spend time with. You tell him you want it too. You want to spend time with him too. You want to get to know him too. 

You want to fall in love—

"I can do that," Jungkook nods, understanding where you're coming from. Your thoughts are interrupted as he fluffs the final pillow and grabs your hands. He squeezes them and then lets go. "But only if you stop being so oblivious. At least try, you know? It's hard for me too. Like, we're dating and I'm trying to woo you and shit—"

Dating?

Woo you?

Shit.

Your heart skips a beat.

"Wait," you pause. "Jungkook, a-are we dating?”

Just when he opens his mouth to speak, Hobi interrupts. 

“___, let’s go! Jin wants to race Yoongi!” 

Jungkook blinks at Hobi. “You’re not racing when ___’s in the car. Are you mad?”

Hobi lifts his hands. “Shit man, I’m just the messenger!”

Without skipping a beat, Jungkook turns to you with stern eyes. “I’ll drive you home.”

You decline. “You’re already home. Relax, it’s Jin. He’s all talk and no bite.”

“___…”

As a compromise, you promise him; “I’ll ride in Yoongi’s car.”

He thinks about it for a moment. Then, he realizes he has no other practical choice. “Fine. At least if you guys do race, you’ll be in the winning car.”

Hobi coughs. “Yo, what the fuck? I’m riding in Jin’s.”

You laugh and tell Hobi you’ll meet them out the door in a second. Hobi leaves immediately, yelling at Jimin to trade spots with him so he can ride with Yoongi. Once he’s out the door, Jungkook’s apartment falls in silence. 

“.... I better get going,” you breathe. “I’ll see you around?”

Scanning his apartment, you smile at the sight of everything being tidy. Picking up your feet, you head towards the door. Like a sad puppy, Jungkook trails behind you.

As you head out, Jungkook feels an urge in his stomach to make this moment last longer. “Oh... S-sure. See you at the library tomorrow?”

“You hate the library.”

“No, I don’t—”

“It’s also Saturday tomorrow.”

Jungkook blinks at you. “I love spending my Saturdays in the library.”

Giggling at his awful attempt, you remind him, “hey, we just talked about you and your fibs—”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jungkook surrenders. He puts his hands up and tilts his head. Pouting as you put your shoes on, he continues to ramble. “See what I mean? I say the wildest things just to be with you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, plopping back up. Jungkook then helps you put your jacket on and gives you your tote bag. “Whatever you say, liar.”

He rolls his eyes at you. As you open the door, you face him with a silly face. He ruffles your hair as he bids his farewell, “Goodnight. Text me when you get home, baby.” 

Then, just like that, the door shuts and Jungkook is all alone.

As he turns away and finally feels like he can catch his breath after everything that happened between you two tonight, he hears the door knock. Turning back, he reaches for the doorknob, opens the door, and sees you standing there. 

“Did you forget something?”

“Goodnight kiss.”

He draws a blank. 

“What—”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat as you tiptoe and reach for the nape of his neck and pull him close. Leaning in, you press your lips against him and kiss him softly. Without hesitating, he kisses you back and chases your lips the second you pull away. 

You pull away too fast for his liking.

“Okay, goodnight—”

He kisses you again, deepening it as much as he can. When you pull away to catch your breath, he sneaks in one last kiss. Then, he kisses your cheeks and turns you around. Before sending you off, he teases you one last time. 

“Go away. I hate you.”

Laughing at his words, you realize that sometimes—they aren’t so bad.

Him and his lies.

You and your reading in between lines.

10.5: love 》 series m.list

note: we made it !!! i am so incredibly grateful for everyone's love and support with c2u <3 meeting u all was so fun ,, answering ur asks and interacting thru comments truly made my day ! i'm glad i was able to share this silly goofy concept and have it well received . as usual ,, please lmk ur thots !!! i have 3 extras that will be posted soon (ie: their first hook up, a comfort scenario, and one final smut extra) so please look forward to those !!! thank u for ur patience ,, all the love 💗

warnings: sex tape vibes (kind of), pussy eating (nom nom), fucking LOL ... dirty talk & creampie! easy shit yk? lmaoo

taglist request: CLOSED

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

//

As much as Jungkook loves to play soccer for the glory, he loves it best alone. 

When the bleachers are empty and the field is wide and free—that’s when he feels the most love for his sport. To others, it comes off as lonely and sad but to him; it’s serenity. Sometimes, it’s the only place he feels like he can truly be himself. It’s a place where he doesn’t have to be anything to anyone. It’s a place where he can be lost and found at the same time. It’s also his go-to place when he can’t sleep. Jungkook hasn’t slept well in weeks. He figured it was time to be in his own space.

His haven. 

His favourite part has got to be when he plays so hard that he doesn’t even notice the world is waking up. The moment Jungkook looks up and sees the sunrise—he always gets this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s an easiness that can’t be explained.

It’s an incredible relief. 

When he sees the sun, he stops playing. He takes a break and sits down to watch the sun bloom on the horizon. There’s so much bliss in the stillness of the world. He feels so much clarity when it’s just him, the net, and the ball. It’s like nothing else matters and his mind can focus on one thing: winning.

Jungkook has only done these late-night sessions a handful of times in his life. 

The first time was the day before Uni tryouts and he doubted his talent. Everyone kept telling him he had nothing to worry about, but that didn’t make him feel any better. To Jungkook, his luck was just like everybody’s. He was afraid of it not coming through when he needed it the most. Therefore, he worked his ass off regardless of his luck history. 

Note: Jungkook was the first in his year to get in. 

The second time was when he fucked up at a game and cost his team a minor setback. It wasn’t the end of the world—he just felt like shit.

The third time was the day he redeemed himself and scored the winning goal that got the team to championships. It was the best game he had in a while. It was also the first time felt tired of it. Tired of the game, tired of the play… Just tired. 

The fourth time was when he decided to take a break from soccer and tend to his burnout… Eventually, he came back after a few months. Of course, he did. He loves soccer more than anything in the world…

That was until you.

He didn’t go back to the field and have a session to himself to celebrate. No, he celebrated with you instead. You didn’t know and he never told you… But that’s what he did. The first day he came back to soccer, he went to you right after. With you, he found rest. 

That’s when he realized something… 

He wasn’t tired anymore.

At least, whenever he was with you.

He wasn’t tired. That’s all he could really ask for, right? To fall in love with someone that was his safety net. 

The fifth time would be today. 

Jungkook has been out here since 3AM, kicking the ball and practicing drills. It upset him, to be honest. He thought being here would help ease his heart. Everything feels so clogged up and messy to him. It’s like no matter what he does to try to clean up his mess, everything stains. So, he thinks to himself that maybe if he ran enough laps or kicked the ball hard enough—it would stop.

The mess. 

The yearning.

The loving. 

But it doesn’t.

No, instead his heart continues to ache. As he clenches it every so often, he thinks of you. Then, for a second, his heart is still. In the stillness, he tries to think of good things around him. 

At least the rain wasn’t pouring as hard as it was an hour ago.

At least the sun is coming up and it’s a new day. 

At least you were here—

Wait. 

You’re here?

Jungkook rubs his eyes. Partly due to disbelief and partly because the rain made it hard to see you clearly. Yet, somehow… In his heart, he knows it. He knows it’s you. 

How’d you know where he was? More importantly, why are you here? 

Why was his heart racing so fast again? 

Be still. 

He isn’t sure of what to do. Should he wave? Should he call your name? Are you here on accident? 

Considering it’s almost 6AM… It can’t be an accident, right?

Just as much as Jungkook’s head begins to fill with questions, yours does too. As you walk closer and closer to him, you can’t help but only hear your heartbeat pound louder and louder. Is this normal? To feel like your heart could jump out of your chest if it meant getting to him faster? You let your mind spin. 

Why the fuck are you here? 

What are you doing again?

Did you write everything down?

You sure felt a lot braver ten minutes ago… Suddenly, seeing him has made you doubt all the courage you worked to have for this moment. At the same time, the complex feeling of pure happiness and relief blossoms. You can’t help but smile at the sight of him. There’s a stillness in the world and it’s only when you look at him and it’s good. You know that now… But oh my god. 

You’re about to lose your shit. 

How did you get here?

When did it all begin? 

Was it from the first night you two slept together? Or was it the karaoke night when you realized you were waiting for him to kiss you? Could it be time he fucked you in front of your mirror and you vowed to never drink coffee before meeting up with him ever again? 

… No. 

Maybe it was when Mina came along. 

You gave him a blowjob just to stall him from going (bad move, by the way. That was pretty bitchy). Oh, and we can’t forget about the time you craved him when you were drunk out of your mind and all he did was take care of you. Half asleep, you woke up to him mounting your mirror on the wall… And well, maybe…

Maybe it was then. 

When he fixed your mirror, he fixed your heart. 

That’s probably why the time you two hooked up in his bedroom at the party felt so right. It was finally clicking.

You were into him then.

You just didn’t know how to admit it. Then, it got fucked up because you were caught off guard. 

The perilla leaf.

The exile. 

The hate sex. 

Everything good and bad has led to this moment and you can’t help but feel like you’re falling apart. Finding the origin of it all feels exhausting… In your head, you debate it all. In your heart, you’ve always known. 

You see, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

The friendship, the sleeping with him, the hurting him—the loving him… It wasn’t supposed to do this to you. You aren’t supposed to be this nervous and so impatient at the same time. You aren’t supposed to feel this stupid either… 

But you do. 

… And that’s okay. 

Sometimes, with love, you’re going to feel a little stupid. You just have to cross your fingers and hope the person you’re being stupid for is just as stupid as you. 

In your case… There’s a good chance he is. 

As you stand on the sidelines, Jungkook places his hand over his eyes to see you clearer. He tilts his head in confusion as you drop your bag. 

Then, just like that…

It happens. 

His thoughts pause, his heart goes still for the nth time, and his world slows down as he takes in the sight of you. Nothing will ever be better than this. The same way he feels an ease when he watches the sunrise—he feels it as he looks at you right now. 

God, he loves you so much. 

He has known it for so long but this… You in this moment; it’s bliss. 

Complete and utter bliss. 

If that isn’t enough… His heart is completely undone the moment he realizes two things: one, you’re wearing his jersey, and two; you’re holding a towel in your arms for him. He can’t help but let a laugh escape his lips. All that shit you said about how you would never be a part of his fan club and how you could never be that girl…

Oh, this is gold. 

Honestly, it’s more than enough. For you to show up and make this effort—it fills his heart. Yet, you’re you. Always full of surprises and ways of making his heart go on overdrive. As he sinks in his thoughts and soaks this moment in; he watches you take a deep breath. Then, slowly but surely, you extend your hand out to him. 

It’s then when he knows it. 

The wait was worth it.

The wait is over.

You and Jungkook sit on a bench, under the technical area’s cover. For a while, you two watch the sunrise in silence. Both too afraid to say anything to ruin the moment—both so undoubtedly in love. Once the sun is fully up, you brace yourself. 

This is it. 

Jungkook turns to you, chasing your eyes. 

“You nervous or something?” he jokes, as he begins to dry his hair with the towel you placed around his neck. 

“Yeah,” you confide. “Am I doing this right?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as you scoot closer to him and take the towel. In your continued silence, you take over and start to dry his hair. Scrunching the towel, you pat dry his neck and cheeks. He gulps, unsure of what to do… He likes it though. He likes that you’re taking care of him and that you’re trying. He knows you are. 

As you pat dry him, you try to find your words. It takes a moment, but you think to yourself… It’s now or never, right? You’re already here. You’ve already folded. 

It catches Jungkook off guard when you suddenly tug him close. Putting the towel aside, you cup his cheeks with your hands. Your hands are cold, but he doesn’t mind. If anything, he’s holding himself back from kissing them. With a pout on your lips, you begin your confession. 

“I hate being your friend.” 

Jungkook squints at you and chuckles. He removes your hands from his cheeks, smirking at you. “What bullshit are you on now? Didn’t we agree on—”

“I never agreed,” your eyebrows knit together. “It’s been like… A day and a half and I’m going crazy being your stupid friend.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “Enemies?”

His suggestion annoys you.

You lift your hand to hit him, but he catches your wrist. Then, he opens his hands for you. You sigh teasingly but take it. Intertwining your fingers together, you two sit in silence again for a moment. 

Holding hands, watching as the rain pours, and preparing to give your hearts to one another… It feels like this could be a dream.

“Tae and Yuna, ” you begin, breaking the silence. Your voice sounds weary and desperate. “They’ve been friends since the very beginning. He always had feelings for her and she did too… But she didn’t do anything about it until it was too late. He’s dating Mina’s friend now or something—it’s so messed up. It’s so unfair, y-you know? They deserve each other so much and I—”

“Breathe,” Jungkook comforts you. “They’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want that to be us,” you blurt. 

Jungkook blinks at you. 

“It’s so scary. Jungkook, I don’t want that to be us… B-but it is us, isn’t it? Y-you hate me because of—“

His eyebrows knit together. “___, I don’t hate you. Don’t say that.”

Your lips quiver, unsure of how to navigate through this talk. Maybe you should have planned it better. Maybe you should have written this whole speech out instead of word-vomiting like this… But that’s the thing. 

You aren’t good at this.

Regardless, you’ll try for him.

“I’ve been selfish,” you admit, letting your eyes dart to the field. You can’t look at him. It feels too overwhelming to.  “I’ve been inconsiderate and I know I can’t justify my actions because they hurt you—I just need you to know that I was scared. It was so scary trusting you, falling asleep beside you, and waking up next to you. It was so scary watching you laugh with other girls and not knowing how to tell you how I felt… I’m sorry I started fights while trying to figure out how I felt about myself… Honestly? I think I was so scared because you made it so easy.”

A beat.

“T-the truth is… I’ve always known how I felt about you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but smile. He wonders if you know what you’re doing to him… Do you? He’s afraid you don’t.

“Really?” he pries, moving closer to you. “How do you feel about me?”

Attempting to be intimidating, you turn to face him with a glare. 

“D-don’t push it.”

Jungkook pouts. “But I want to know… Please, please, please?”

For a moment you contemplate. Then, you look at him and take it all in. His wet hair, soft eyes, and pouting lips… How were you ever strong enough to say no to him before? Truly, you’re a changed woman.

Curling your fist, you shut your eyes and say it. You tell him the whole truth. 

You give him your heart. 

“You said you got ahead of yourself… But have you ever considered that I was beside you the entire time? L-like you said you’ve had feelings for me since the first time you made me laugh… Me too. I knew it then too. I just didn’t know what to do because every time I dated guys, it all felt the same… With you, it was different from the start. I don’t know how to explain it… All I know is that I like you in every way it’s possible to like someone—I like you. My heart has been yours all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to give it to you. It just felt like everything with you kept falling into place and I was terrified I was f-falling too… I think—n-no, I… Umm, I know that I…”

Something others may not know about Jungkook is that he’s consistently bad at one thing. That one thing is playing it cool when it comes to you. He has to fight his inner demons to stop himself from professing his love for you every 10 minutes. So, it would be a lie that he wasn’t loving this. He loves watching you feel what he feels. 

Your words, sweet and well-awaited, completely captivate him. 

He can’t help it when you’re like this. So perfect, so cute, so his. He can’t resist!

Which is why he kisses you mid-confession. 

Jungkook kisses you slowly and deeply. Like never before, you lose your breath from how passionately he kisses you. Once you two pull away, he rests his forehead against yours. Smiling, he sneaks in a couple more kisses. 

Timidly, you say, “So… You aren’t mad at me anymore?”

With a laugh, Jungkook shakes his head. “God, you drive me crazy.”

“So… That’s a no, right?” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes and purses his lips. You press your lips against them and kiss him once more. 

“___?”

“Y-yeah?”

“... I checked my phone a moment ago and Yuna ratted you out. She texted me like ten minutes before you came. Said if you don't show up I should knock on your door and fuck your feelings out of you.” You gasp, burying your face with your hands. Sighly dramatically, Jungkook makes a cheeky comment. “Once again, I waited for you.” 

You hit his chest playfully. In pure disbelief, you groan at him. “What? Y-you knew and still made me do the whole speech—”

"I didn’t know!” You ignore his claim. “Although, I wouldn't have had any issue fucking the feelings out of you—"

"Are you insane?" you fume. "I was literally sick to my stomach trying to get this confession thing done right!"

“I was excited!” He teases, and nudges you. You remain annoyed at him. Jungkook can’t help but find it cute. “Awh, ___! Come on. It’s not every day that a guy gets to see his girl in his jersey, holding a towel for him on the sidelines! Also… I just really wanted to see what all your fuss was about. I promise, I didn’t know.”

It’s too late. 

Just as you stand up and storm away from the embrassment, Jungkook catches up to you. Out on the field, the rain continues to pour on you two. Drying him off was useless if you were going to be this dramatic. 

As he catches your wrist, you shove him away and cross your arms. 

“I feel stupid,” you sigh. “Y-you knew how I felt about you. I was worried and anxious the entire time and y-you knew!” 

Jungkook shuts his eyes and can’t believe how feisty you are. It’s entertaining and frustrating at the same time. God, you were so complex… But at the same time, he knows you’re just afraid. This is you finding an out. This is also you trying to stay. 

He takes your hand. 

You don’t shake him off say anything. 

You let him take it. 

He holds it like it’s all he has ever wanted to do (it is all he has ever wanted to do).

“I didn’t know everything! Hey, the fuss was cute,” he ensures you. “Do it again.”

“No!” you cry, feeling your clothes start to stick to your skin. It’s pouring now and you instantly regret being dramatic.

Except, Jungkook looks so perfect. His hair is wet and his shirt is soaked so you can see the way his muscles curve. He’s so handsome that you have to gather all your strength as a woman to keep yourself from jumping on him.

“This shit is so hard!” you complain through the rain. “How did you do this? You confessed like every time we fucked—”

“Yah!” Jungkook warns, feeling a little embarrassed. Maybe he should be the one to storm away now…  “Be nice to me or else I’m about to reject you.”

You roll your eyes at him. Grabbing him by the collar, you tug him to your eye level. Happily, he complies. 

“Do it then,” you call his bluff. “Reject me right now.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, loving the way you look at him. He blinks at you slowly and bites his inner cheek. For a moment, he’s silent. You’d think he’s contemplating or something… But he’s not. He’s been sure about you since your first laugh, remember?

“Kinda cruel considering you’re all I’ve been waiting for,” Jungkook confesses, as he dips his head low and kisses you. 

As he kisses you, you squeeze his hand. Holding his hand tighter, he smiles into the kiss. The rain continues to pour, making everything feel unreal. As he pulls away, he looks at you the way he always has… This time, you get what Yuna was talking about.

The warmth in his gaze.

The love in it.

The you in it.

After what felt like endless heartache with other boys—this felt healing. 

This was yours. 

Him. 

And that’s when your heart tells you something you never knew… 

You waited well too. 

You two escape the rain and make it to your place.

In your bedroom, you quickly get undressed and sit in front of your mirror to dry your hair. Jungkook comes out of the washroom all clean. Passing by you, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You watch from the mirror as he reaches inside your closet for one of his shirts. 

Your high from the moment at the field suddenly dies. Suddenly, you realize the confession wasn’t enough to move forward. For fucks sake, he has his clothes in your closet.

“Jungkook?” you ask cutely.

“Mhmm?” he responds as he dresses himself.

You almost choke on your words. “What are we?” 

He grins, coming back to you and swaying you side to side. Without batting an eye, he answers: “friends, of course!”

Instantly, you push him away. Your shoulders slump as you glare at him. He laughs his ass off, loving the way you reacted. When he calms down, he kneels in front of you and apologizes. 

“Okay, bestie,” you play along as he gets up. “Should we eat perilla leaves to celebrate?” 

Jungkook’s mouth drops. His eye practically twitches at the mention of perilla leaves.

Throwing his hands up dramatically, he cries, “Oh god... My girlfriend is so mean to me… She’s so hot, holy shit.”

Girlfriend.

That sounds about right.

He’s so big. 

Sometimes, you forget that.

It slips your mind because Jungkook has always been a giver. You never really had to worry about it being uncomfortable. He makes sure you cum first and always puts his needs above yours—tonight was a prime example of just that. 

As he towers over you, he leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your lips. Each kiss is so soft and intimate, your pussy clenches at his very touch. It doesn’t help when he places his thumb on your clit, rubbing and stretching it out to stimulate you even more. As you moan into his ear, he feels shivers go down his back. 

You gasp as he bites your skin, enticing you to want him even more. 

“Jungkook,” you breathe, “put it in, please.”

“Mhmm,” he moves the hair strands on your face and kisses you. “Be good for me, okay? Be patient. Gonna fuck you good so I need you to be on your best behaviour.”

“B-best behaviour,” you repeat rather lewdly. “Okay… W-whatever you want, love. You have it. You have me.”

Love.

God, you and your fucking words.

Jungkook bites his bottom lip, trying his best to take his time. Truth be told, he wants to fuck you silly right now. He wants you so bad that your legs won’t work and he’ll have to tend to your soreness. He wants to fuck you so good that you scream his name and lose yourself in him… But he’ll take his time tonight. 

He wants to show you so much. He wants to show you how good he can make you feel. How you won’t ever regret your decision of being with him. He wants to show you what kind of man you chose and what kind of man you get to have.

A good man.

A man that has wanted you for so long that now that he has you—oh was he ready to drag it out.

Jungkook gently places his dick in between your folds. It’s hard and thick. You can feel it against your wet pussy and want nothing more than for him to put it in. Instead, Jungkook lifts himself and sits in between your legs. There, he holds the base of his cock and slaps it against your pussy. He rubs his cock up and down your folds. Then, he splits them open with his fingers and spits on it. He then spreads his spit with his cock. You feel so lucky when he pokes it inside once in a while. Like a tease, he takes it out so quickly that you begin to feel frustrated. 

“P-put it in, please…”

Jungkook smirks. 

“Put what in?”

You glare at him.

“Your hard, thick, stupid cock. Put it in my wet, needy, desperate pussy right now… Please?”

Jungkook lets out a sexy chuckle. “Not yet,” he tells you, as he fully stops. He then moves over and helps you sit up. Leaning against your headboard, he spreads your legs. Just when you think you can predict his next move, he reaches over to your nightstand and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he passes it to you.

“Film me.”

You nod, following his orders.

Tapping record, you angle the camera to your pussy. You watch through the phone screen as Jungkook positions his face in between your legs. Gulping, you throw your head back as he makes his first lick. 

Jungkook holds onto your thighs, helping you keep your legs open. He digs himself into your pussy, devouring every inch of it. To deepen himself, he digs his nose in and curls his tongue as he licks you. When he pulls away for air, he sucks on your clit making sure to keep you on your toes. 

“Oohhh,” you sob. “S-so good. J-Jungkook—“

“Mhmm,” he murmurs onto your skin. “Tastes so good.”

“A-aghhh! Oh my god!”

The thing is… Jungkook has eaten you out before.

But this was different.

It was slow and sensual. The way he licks you and eats you out just feels so surreal. Your toes curl, your stomach winces, and your pussy tightens as you’re about to climax—

Jungkook pulls away. 

He has a devilish look on his face. You stop the recording and toss his phone aside. Suddenly, he takes hold of your ankles and tugs you down. On your back, you open your arms and welcome him in again. Gladly, he buries himself in your breasts and moans at your softness. 

“That was—“

“Everything my girl deserves,” he tells you sweetly. “My girl…”

“Your girl,” you pull him in for a kiss. “All yours..”

Jungkook moans, unable to stop himself. He lifts his hips, making space for him to quickly pump his cock before guiding it inside you.

… And oh my god.

He feels so good.

Him inside you is so fulfilling and healing. 

“You okay?”

You nod, mesmorized by the man he is.

“More than.”

With that, Jungkook kisses you and begins to fuck you. He thrusts in and out, making you feel his entire length with each stroke. Your body takes him in as if it’s welcoming him home. As he feeds you your craving, he picks up the pace. You wrap your legs around him, moaning from how good it feels as he buries himself in you. 

“F-fuck,” Jungkook hisses. “Love this. Feels so good.”

“Mhmm,” you whimper. “J-just like that!”

Jungkook continues to fuck you, drilling himself deeper and deeper. Soon, you’re chanting his name and his ego begins to boom.

Jungkook fucks you like he loves you… And you know it. You can feel it. To express so, you claw his back. Digging your nails deeper and deeper, holding him close.

“N-nghhh! I’m gonna cum—”

“Cum for me, pretty girl. You behaved so well,” he praises. “Proud of you.”

Your heart flutters. 

Then, your pussy clenches as you release. He feels it. Jungkook groans, accepting that this round will be over soon. There will be plenty more, for sure. As he pumps inside you lazily, cautious of being sensitive to your climax but also because he’s hitting his. 

Then, he creams your pussy. It oozes out, but he pumps himself a few more times to stuff you.

As he spills himself onto you, he lets out heavy breaths and collapses on top of you. You let him catch his breath there as you tangle your fingers in his hair. 

“I love you,” you confess. 

“Good… I was hoping you would.” Jungkook lets out a tired laugh. “I love you too, ___. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re everything I’ve ever loved.”

You hold him tighter.

“I love you more.”

Jungkook bursts into laughter. “Love, we are not going to play that game.”

Tilting your head at him. “Why not? It’s true.”

“You think you love me more than I love you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Prove it.”

With that, Jungkook laughs as you shift position. Leaving him on his back, you climb on top and straddle him. As you lift yourself to guide his dick inside, he lets out a whiney moan. You are so sexy. You are quite literally his favourite part of living.

“I’ll prove it,” you accept the challenge. “Will you last though?”

Jungkook’s lips slight part, amazed and shocked at your initiative. In response, he relaxes and gestures at your body. There’s a tightness that overcomes his entire body. It’s mixed with excitement and relief. For the nth time, he gives in.

Jungkook folds.

Happily, he gives himself to you.

“With you? Forever.”

Forever.

After 3 rounds, you two call it a night. As you drift to sleep, Jungkook holds you. Before this, you two talked as much as you could and even began to make plans. There is an indescribable comfort in being with each other.

Upcoming dates.

Better ways to communicate.

Everything and anything in between—you two want it all.

As the rain pours, Jungkook finally shuts his eyes. He pulls you closer, kissing you for the final time tonight. There would be tomorrow to kiss you anyway.

Tomorrow and the day after that… And the day after that. And the days that follow—he’d do just that.

He can’t wait to kiss you forever.

To hold your hand forever.

To love you forever.

For the first time in a while, Jungkook finds rest. His heart stays still and feels loved. Besides, this is what he has wanted to be all along—

Close to you.

xi. rotten angelcake ⇾ kth. [M]

chapter eleven : take the day off ⤑ ❝ “That didn’t seem to get her anywhere.” // “And where are you hoping this gets you?” // On my knees. ❞

⇽ prev. | masterlist | next ⇾

⌁ pairing; ceo!taehyung x curvy!reader (f.)

⌁ genre/rating; s2l, ceo au, sugar daddy au, smut, fluff, 18+

⌁ word count; 16.5k

⌁ warnings; dom!taehyung, daddy!taehyung, sub!reader, brat!reader, virgin!reader, daddy kink, praise kink, corruption kink, dirty talk, dry humping, a bit of orgasm control, oral (m. receiving), slight degradation, humiliation, exhibitionism, multiple orgasm, attempts at deep throating, hair pulling, begging, teasing, some cum play

⌁ playlist

ও as always a hundred thanks to cam ( @sunshinejunghoseokie ) for the pretty, pretty banner!! And special thanks to Jen ( @anobodyslove ) , Alaska ( @bulubulubulublabla ) , and Anya ( @wintertaescape ) for reading over and editing this with it being so long! I really appreciate it !

The sky swirls pink behind sheer clouds. The setting sun peeks through, casting a rose gold gleam into your apartment. Desperate to spread its last little rays of light for the day, it halos around the clouds. If you stare long enough, you can convince yourself that you’re catching a glimpse of heaven.

If Taehyung were here, he’d smile at your words. He’d let his eyes roam over your body before settling back on yours and say something that should sound ridiculously cheesy but still somehow make your heart race. He’d play with your hair, gently tracing the edge of your face with the pad of his fingers. You’d try to look away, but he’d cup your chin and force you to hold his gaze as he tells you something he shouldn’t, something that would excite your core.

KEEP READING

TAGS : @marcoazz2​​ @complexmolecule @whats-good-ross​​ @mawwnsterr​ @neverthefirstchoice​ @taeisbae13​ @taeluvrr​ @llcalumhoodll​ @finelinememories​ @taestycake​ @suh-nrise​ @ellesalazar​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @bambuzlee​ @lookatmeimmrmeeseek5​ @thelilbutifulthings​ @taepiper​ @daggersandicedcoffee​ @satansleftnut​ @gingerspicetalks​ @iridescent-5​ @merlinkgeroge 

note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other readers. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work without my permission.

drunk | myg

Summary: You had not seen Yoongi for three weeks after your fight, you start to think that he gave up on you. You seem to be terribly wrong.

this is part four of so it goes: series masterlist

<part three part five>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots of angst!!

—warnings/tags: cursing, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism, mentions of alcoholism, emotional constipation, introducing taehyung!!! and jimin....👀

—words: 9.5k

a/note: hi friends! I finally decided to sit and finish this chapter after a month of posting ghost of you. I suck at coming up with summaries but give this one a chance!!! A little secret about this chapter is that I cried writing the first part and that I listened to You & I by Shinee while doing it (you can do it too for a better experience). As always, feedback is very appreciated, you are welcome to discuss the chapter in the asks. pd if you want to be in the taglist let me know.

Two years ago

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. 

Dasom was reckless and relentless, her kisses tasted like beer and cigarettes and she could never keep a promise. She liked to dance with guys who weren’t her boyfriend and she loved making people angry, she was one of a kind. But she was funny, and Yoongi liked that. Dasom had the perfect comedic timing and the quickest comebacks, she knew all of Yoongi’s favorite songs, she had the brightest smile and the most bruised heart in the room. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Somehow she found love in Yoongi’s arms. 

To be in love with Dasom was knowing that she could never stay, but you could never leave. 

The thought of leaving her never crossed Yoongi’s mind, he could never do something like that, but in that moment, standing under the rain at the entrance of some club, he waited for a second, hoping for a voice in his head to finally tell him to run away. He felt in his bones that it was the right decision, but he stayed.

His girlfriend had stopped speaking to him five days ago, but that night she called him at three in the morning, asking him to pick her up from some club downtown because she was too drunk to go home alone. Yoongi didn’t hesitate to do it, but when he stared at the black doors of the club he couldn’t help but feel a little bit stupid. He didn’t even know the reason why she was mad at him this time. 

It wasn’t difficult to find her, it was a small club and it only had three bars inside. He found her sharing drinks with some guy who was probably paying for them. Dasom never spent money on clubs, she said they were too expensive. She pretended she didn’t see him until he was standing right in front of her. 

Dasom darted at him that look, the one she used to give to him when she didn’t want him around. 

“Let’s go home” He announced upon arrival. The guy on her side stared at him confused. Yoongi was wearing a big hoodie and his pajama pants, he would have stayed in his car if she had picked up the phone, but he had to enter looking like that.

“No, you can go back home.” She replied.

“Come on, you asked me to pick you up.” He tried to remind it to her, already feeling it was useless.

“I changed my mind.” She said, “You can leave.”

Yoongi sighed, wisely thinking his words before speaking again “Don’t do this to me right now.” He begged, but she only rolled her eyes. “Who’s going to take you home later?”

“Him!” She pointed to the guy who was awkwardly standing next to her. He seemed uncomfortable, it was visible that he didn’t want to be involved in the discussion they were about to have. Dasom turned to look at him, looking for reassurance in his eyes, and when she didn’t find any she scoffed, she got down from the stool she was sitting and decided to follow her boyfriend to his car. 

“Have fun paying for all of that.” Was the last thing she said before disappearing into the darkness of the club.

Yoongi felt like he was holding his breath all the way to the car. 

He loved the woman who was sitting beside him, but she was different from the person who he fell in love with three years ago. Yoongi was sure that person was deep inside her, he just needed to look for her in a million dark clubs to find her. 

The sound of the rain hitting the windows wasn’t loud enough to drown the uncomfortable silence between them, so he decided to turn the radio on. She stared at him funny, Yoongi hated listening to the radio. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked her. 

“Yes, of course.” She replied like it was obvious, it wasn’t. Yoongi didn’t know what he did wrong, he asked her but this time she didn’t bother to make up an excuse. It was always the same fight, she stopped speaking to him until he begged her to know the reason, not once she told him the truth, but Yoongi was patient enough to wait for her to speak to him again. 

“I’m not mad at you.” He felt the need to remind her. 

“Why would you be mad?” Dasom questioned with a cheeky expression on her face.

Yoongi tried to think of an answer as he stared at the empty road ahead of him, ‘because of this’ he wanted to answer, but that was not fair, and he could never tell her that without having to face a tantrum. 

Both of them stayed silent during the rest of the ride and when they arrived at Dasom's apartment, he helped her to get out of the car and climb the stairs to the second floor. He watched his girlfriend take off her shoes and walk towards the bathroom to remove the makeup off her face. 

He leaned against the door of her tiny bathroom and crossed his arms above his chest “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He announced.

“About what?” She slurred without looking at him.

“I don’t want to make this about me, but…” 

“Don’t.” She interrupted him and stared at his reflection through the mirror. Her face was wet, the bags under her eyes were dark from the traces of mascara and she looked tired of him. “Don’t talk to me like I have a problem, you know I don’t.”

“I’m not trying to do that, I just wanted to help you, I always do.” Yoongi hid hands under his arms when they started to shake, somewhere deep in his heart he knew that this wasn’t the best time to have a discussion, but he started to become desperate under her cold gaze. Dasom left the bathroom and walked past him, making him follow her to her room. 

“I don’t want you to.” She said, unzipping her dress until it fell from her body to the floor. “I just wanted to come back home, I don’t need you to analyze me. I want a boyfriend, not a fucking father.”

“I am your boyfriend,” He assured her, “and I love you and I care about you and I can’t allow myself to let you do this everyday. I want you to be fine, but I need to know what’s going on because I don’t understand.” Yoongi rushed to finish the sentence, he felt like time was ticking. He tried to reach for her hands but she took a step back, she had a serious expression and even if she could see the desperation in Yoongi’s eyes, she was not willing to give in, not completely at least. 

“I don’t need you Yoongi.” She spat. “And I thought you knew that. I know what you are doing, I didn’t want to remind you again that I don’t need anyone. I didn’t need my mom, I didn’t need my dad and maybe you think I do but I don’t need the fucking help of Seokjin’s family. I certainly don’t need you telling me all this shit.”

Yoongi’s insides twisted, Dasom could see the surprise in his eyes as he took a step back. She scoffed, thinking she had no time for all of this. A few weeks ago Seokjin and him had a cathartic talk about the complications of their relationship and how worried he was about Dasom’s drinking problem. Later that night his friend sent him a text offering the number of his cousin who was a therapist and a specialist on addictions. Yoongi declined the offering, he knew Dasom would refuse, but he was sure she didn’t know anything about it. 

She didn’t care how hurt he was in that moment, and as she started to put on her pajamas something clicked on Yoongi’s mind, that’s why she stopped speaking to him. 

“Dasom, that was just a text he sent to me, it was something private and…” Yoongi didn’t know what to say, millions of words got stuck in his throat but none of them sounded coherent. 

“It was not private, it was about me.” She raised her voice.

“I know, but he’s your friend too, he was worried.” 

It was hard to imagine his girlfriend going through his phone and reading his texts, she was never jealous of him and Yoongi thought it was clear that he only loved her. Regardless of that, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for talking to Seokjin about her. She looked at him like he was talking shit about her. 

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Yoongi. I’m fine, and if weren’t fine you wouldn’t be able to fix it, get over it.”

He thought his heart was about to escape from his chest and run away far away from him, but his heart never left, it just broke into a million pieces.

“Wait, listen, I’m sorry, okay? I was upset about all of our fights and I needed to talk to someone, he just wanted to help, but I’m sorry if that made you angry.” 

“Don’t be stupid.” She stopped him. “That didn’t make me angry.”

“Then what was it?” He asked. “Dasom, you seem to be angry all the time these days. I know you and I know you are not telling me the truth, I just want you to stop lying to me, I’m tired of it.”

Dasom darted him a look, it tempted her to say something hurtful again, she wanted to scream that if he was so tired he should leave her alone already, but she hated to be called a liar. Her eyes encountered Yoongi’s shaking hands and then his tired face. She wondered what time he went to bed that night before she called him. 

She wanted to cry, he knew her well indeed. 

“I’m not sure about us anymore.” Unlike before, her voice sounded soft. Expecting him to process her words, she paused for a minute. Dasom stared at Yoongi and realized he was not the man she met three years ago. Shit, he wasn’t even the man from four months ago, his hair was red and his face was rounder, his eyes were swollen and his fingers were damaged because of his habit of biting his nails. 

Yoongi accepted her words and allowed himself to fall sitting on the bed, covering his face with his palms “How are you not sure?” He asked her, not because he wanted to argue but because he wanted to know what went wrong. 

“I don’t know… I just-I’m not. But it’s not your fault.” She assured him. “I’m not sure about anything lately. I haven’t been happy for a while and I don’t know if it’s fair to keep you with me, no one wants to tell me if it’s wrong or right… The only person I know that is wise enough to tell me is you.”

There was something about her words that made Yoongi stay quiet for a few seconds. Dasom was terrible at expressing her feelings, like there was some kind of bug in her code that prevented her from being vulnerable. At the same time she didn’t like lying, so Yoongi knew she was telling the truth despite trying to hide her feelings. 

Yoongi knew he couldn’t make her stay, but he couldn’t leave either. 

“Yoongi?” She called him. “what should I do?” 

“What do you want to do?” He asked her. 

“I want to be alone.” She affirmed. 

“For tonight?” He dared to question. 

Dasom paused and thought about it. 

“No.” She replied, “I think… Until I figure out some things, if that is not too corny. Forever if I can’t.”

He raised his head and didn’t see Dasom, he saw the little girl that she was on that picture with her grandmother when she visited the circus, it was one of the few pictures she had with a member of her family, she used to hide it from Yoongi until she finally decided to show it to him. She didn’t look like the woman she was, she looked unsure like a little girl. 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t Dasom’s fault either, but it would be easier to blame someone else than accept that this wasn’t working for them anymore. He wanted to laugh at himself for thinking he could ever find the old Dasom in a million clubs, now he knew he didn’t have to, she was right there in front of him, asking if it was right to leave him or not. 

“There’s no right or wrong decision.” He finally said.

“But.. would you judge me?” Her voice trembled as she stared at him standing in front of the bed.

Yoongi looked defeated, 

“I would never.”

He understood, he always did, there wasn’t space for him in her life anymore and he couldn’t do anything about it. Even if he got down on his knees and begged her not to leave him, he couldn’t make her love him anymore, there was no use of doing that. He was the only man who could ever read her twisted mind, and at that moment he knew it was over, she couldn’t love him.

Dasom took her eyes off him, she struggled to find the right words.

“I don’t think I can fix this.” She said “And I don’t think you can’t either. I’m grateful for you but I don’t love you anymore, I can’t keep telling you otherwise… So I need you to leave, is that okay?”

Yoongi couldn’t allow himself to cry in front of her, somehow he felt cruel doing it. He realized it was time to go. 

“Of course it's okay, Somi.” He used that silly nickname she didn’t like just to annoy her for the last time. “I understand you don’t but… I do love you, will you remember that?”

She nodded repeatedly, “I will remember.” 

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Dasom cried on father’s day because she missed her dad and hated mother’s day because she hated her mom. She didn’t like romantic movies, didn’t like meeting new people, didn’t like the relationship Yoongi had with his family, she ruined the friendship he had with his best friend, but for some reason she made Yoongi happy for a while, until she left him crying at five in the morning as he drove to his house, wishing he could call Jimin, but he knew he wouldn’t pick up. 

He heard a voice in his head that told him that it was okay to leave, he felt it in his bones.

Present

The morning you left Yoongi’s apartment was almost automatic. You took advantage of the fact that Yoongi was a heavy sleeper, you sneaked into his kitchen and stole those ecological bags he used to do groceries and put all your clothes on them. You had barely managed to get into the subway when you realized something; Yoongi had lied, his apartment was nowhere near to your dorm. If it was, you wouldn’t have to go through the torturous experience of crying on public transport during rush hour. 

When you looked around and watched all those people going on with their lives, you wondered if they didn’t notice that it felt like the saddest day of the year. You couldn't help but wish that everyone felt as sad as you.

When you arrived home you closed the door behind you, finding Nayeon having breakfast. It was early and she was free for today, but you were supposed to spend the morning with Yoongi, hence her confused face. 

“You must have had fun last night.” She almost laughed, “Your hair looks terrible.”

It was silly, but that was the last straw before you broke down crying in your living room, you felt like you couldn't hide anymore. Your friend gasped, running towards you thinking she had hurt you with her words. “I was joking!” She said, grabbing your face and making you look into her eyes. Nayeon quickly realized that you had been crying for longer than she thought, she frowned “Wait… You aren’t crying because of your hair, are you?” You shook your head. “Well, you should be.”

To tell your friends that you got your heart broken was nothing but embarrassing.

You sat in front of Jungkook and Nayeon and told all the things Yoongi said and couldn’t help but remember all the times you showed Nayeon a text from Yoongi that left you giggling like a teenager, the memory made you cringe. 

“He is being a dick.” Jungkook said. 

“He is a dick.” Nayeon corrected him. 

You turned off your phone for three days and Jungkook scolded you for not telling him anything, he had to call Nayeon and ask if you were alive. You were alive, but in terrible pain. 

“Am I exaggerating?” You asked your friends as you interrupted the movie for the eighth time that afternoon. They decided to make you company for the day, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Yoongi, couldn’t stop feeling sad. “Like, who cries this much for a guy? I didn’t cry this much with my ex.”

Nayeon shared a look with Jungkook, ignoring the fact that you were sitting in the middle of both of them. 

“You weren’t in love with Dan.” Jungkook stated. The name of your ex boyfriend gave you chills, almost as if Jungkook had named a dead person.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Who told you that? I loved Dan.”

“Well, not at the end of your relationship, at least.” Nayeon reminisced.

“I cried.” You remembered her. 

“Yes, because your ego was hurt, not because he broke your heart. You didn’t like that he met someone else.”

You opened your mouth to contradict her, but then you closed it. You loved Dan… but not that much, which annoyed you. That was not the kind of love that you wanted, you wanted to love him deeply and him to love you the same way but you were too stubborn to accept that he wasn’t the right person. He realized that faster than you when he met another girl and left you for her, they were still together last time you stalked him on Instagram. 

“At least he took me to meet his mom.” You murmured, sinking on the couch.

“And she hated you.” Jungkook reminded you, making Nayeon scoff. 

“You are not allowed to make fun of me today.” You protested. “You’re supposed to make me feel better.”

Your friends were trying to make you feel better, they cursed Yoongi in every language and told you a million times it wasn’t your fault that you got your heart broken. Yes, maybe Yoongi wasn’t ready for the words girlfriend and relationship, but the way he acted was completely opposite of his words. You were right to be mad at him, but running away seemed like a terrible choice now, you felt like you left something unfinished, even if he hurt you the idea of not seeing him again sounded crazy. 

You wished you didn’t have to go through this, the weight in your chest did not allow you to go on with your day without thinking of the pile of his clothes in your wardrobe and the ten missed calls on your phone. He stopped calling after he realized your phone was off, you wondered if he gave up. 

“I know what you need.” This time, Jungkook interrupted the movie. “You need another guy.”

Both you and Nayeon turned your heads to look at your male friend. “What the fuck, Jungkook?” She sighed heavily, an idea like that could only come out of Jungkook's mouth. 

Jungkook straightened up in his place and smiled proudly, as if a light bulb had been turned on over his little head.  “Don’t look at me like that, I’m being for real!” 

“Of course you are.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Let me introduce you to… Drum roll, please.” He asked Nayeon. 

“I’m not fucking drum rolling for you.” 

“Taehyung!” He exclaimed, ignoring her.

“The last thing I want to do is to meet another man, much less one of your friends” 

“Listen, I have a plan.” Jungkook stopped you. “You said Yoongi was jealous of Kevin, meaning he’s probably a natural jealous person, so you need to make him jealous.” Your friend explained the plan like it was the most brilliant idea that crossed his mind, needless to say that it wasn’t. Yoongi was a jealous person, but what would that get you? He had already called and you didn’t answer him. 

“And after that?” You asked, not because you were curious but because you wanted him to listen to himself and realize that the idea didn’t make sense.

“He realizes that he loves you and begs for forgiveness.” He concluded. Sometimes Jungkook seemed to live in his own world, too much to realize that the idea utterly annoyed you. Sometimes you needed to remind yourself that despite being your best friend, he was a man first. 

“I don’t want him to realize that he loves me because he saw me with another boy.” You huffed. “I wanted him to realize that he loves me just because he does.”

“Yeah, Jungkook.” Nayeon backed you up “That’s very patriarchal of you.” 

He scoffed. “Well maybe I didn't express myself right. What I wanted to say is… Taehyung is hot.”

“How hot?” Your friend on your right questioned, now a little curious. 

“Like, really hot.” 

“We don't trust your judgment.” You argued. 

“I’ll show you.” Jungkook wasted no time in taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and looking for a picture of said friend of his. He showed a selfie of a long haired guy, he was tilting his head, shirtless, only wearing a gold chain. You and Nayeon shared a look. “He’s a friend of Bora.”

He was right, this Taehyung guy was actually pretty hot, the little devil on your left shoulder stood on her tiptoes and whispered in your ear that you should try to make Yoongi jealous with him, for a moment you considered it. Until the rational you slapped you on the face and reminded you of the situation. 

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a bad idea…” You started saying as a tiny smirk tugged from the corners of Jungkook’s lips. “But I don’t think it’s what I want. Yoongi already called but I don’t think he knows what he wants either, I’m pretty sure he just feels guilty. I don’t want guilt or jealousy, I just wanted the truth.”

The smile on Jungkook's face disappeared and the three of you stayed in silence. If Jungkook’s main goal was to get Yoongi to talk to you, he had already done that, but instead of picking up the phone you decided to turn it off and run away from him again.

A part of you knew that you simply weren’t like that, and the other part of you allowed herself to daydream about the situation.

“I get your point, you know?” Nayeon said. “But you’re being too hard on yourself.” You lifted your gaze from your hands and stared at her. “You’ve been trying to convince yourself that he pities you and that he feels guilty but I don’t see it like that. I don’t know Yoongi as much as you do, but I know that what you two had wasn’t just sex like he implied.” 

“Gross.” Jungkook joked, making you giggle.

“Shut up.” She scoffed, “I can’t tell you what you want to hear because I don’t know about that, but I can’t stand here and hear you say how much he pities you either.”

You felt yourself becoming tinier and tinier between your two friends. Now the fear of not being reciprocated was much greater than the longing to be loved that you felt every time you were laying on his bed. How foolish of you to get caught up in his words, it hurt to think that the pain of his past was much stronger than whatever he felt for you. 

“What’s the correct thing to do, then?” You asked, not really expecting an answer from them. 

“Honey, I’ve been trying to be politically correct since you came here crying the other day. You know I’m not, so don’t even think there’s an idea of the correct thing to do in my mind at this moment.” She paused. “It pains me to say this, but Jungkook’s idea sounds a little fun right now.” 

Yoongi put on his headphones for the tenth time that night and ignored another upcoming call from Hoseok. He had finished all his projects with him, so he had no interest in talking with anyone unless it was about work.

He received the notification of the missed call and allowed himself to check the lock screen, there was nothing from you, of course there wasn’t.

The morning after the fight he woke up sore on his couch, hoping to see you still sleeping on his bed. He went to his room but didn’t find you there. It wasn’t a surprise, it was dumb to expect you to still be there after all he said.

Yoongi tried to call you a few times, but it was out of desperation. He didn’t know what to say or how to say sorry to you; his mind was still a mess and instead of finally using his time to think about his situation, he decided to overwork himself and not to think of anything. 

He should be drinking a coffee now, maybe a tea before going to bed. Something happened yesterday and the heating of the entire building was cut off, despite the cold he opened another can of beer and hoped to drink so much that the next morning he could wake up drunk enough to not remember you. 

As he brought the can to his lips, he heard the loud sound of the ring bell, making him jump on the chair. He checked the time on his phone, it was ten pm and he didn’t order any food tonight. Curious, he headed to the kitchen where there was a small screen with a view of the entrance of the building. He saw Namjoon, who somehow could tell that Yoongi was observing him from his kitchen. His friend waved to the camera with a smile. 

“What do you want?” He asked through the communicator. His deep voice startled his friend. 

“To see you!” Namjoon replied loudly. Yoongi had no option but to let him in.

In less than five minutes Namjoon was in Yoongi’s apartment taking his shoes off “It’s freezing here!” Was the first thing he said. 

“I know, the heating was cut off until next week.” Yoongi cared to explain. 

“Don’t you have a heater?” Namjoon asked, confused as he headed to Yoongi’s couch, making himself comfortable. 

Yoongi didn’t have a heater, maybe because he took the heating for granted. 

“Obviously I don’t.” He answered, waiting just long enough to ask his friend what he was doing there without sounding too rude. ‘To see you’ wasn’t a valid reason for Yoongi.

“The richman’s life,” Namjoon laughed as he snuggled on the couch “he doesn’t have a heater.” 

Yoongi joined him sitting next to him, a little annoyed that Namjoon couldn’t notice that he wanted to be alone. “What happened?” Yoongi asked. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Namjoon looked for Yoongi’s eyes but he avoided his gaze. He wasn’t planning to talk to anyone today, he wasn’t planning on talking to anyone for the rest of the week.

“Nothing happened.” 

Namjoon squinted “Why are you getting drunk by yourself, then?” 

“I’m not drunk.” Yoongi lied. 

“You are drunk.”

“Are you interrogating me?” 

“Maybe… Why didn't you come to the studio for three days?”

“I’m the boss.” Yoongi slurred. 

“That would be very unethical of you.” Namjoon shook his head in disapprovement. “But I know you’re lying. I asked Jungkook to talk to you about a new project and do you know what he said?” 

“I don’t.” Yoongi suppressed a burp.

“He said that he couldn’t talk to you, huh? I thought you two fought, which I found weird. Imagine how surprised I was to find out that you actually fought with your little girlfriend.”

“Who told you that?” Yoongi frowned, getting closer to his friend as the conversation started to interest him.

“Are you not listening? Jungkook!”

“Is Jungkook mad at me?” Yoongi managed to ask. 

“Yeah, I mean… A little, I guess.” 

“That’s not fair.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “He can’t pick a side. He’s my friend too.” 

“Pick a side? Was it that bad?” Namjoon asked. “Come on, tell me what happened.”

Yoongi hesitated for a second, feeling himself getting smaller under Namjoon’s gaze, but due to how drunk he was it was easy for Namjoon to extract all the information he could from him. The hard part was getting Yoongi to finish a whole sentence without tripping over his own words.

It would have been difficult to admit that he was an asshole if he was sober, but as the drunkenness wore off he became more aware of Namjoon’s judging eyes. 

A friend would never judge you, except if you fucked up really bad. 

“Is there a valid reason for why you did that?” Namjoon asked. “Because as your friend, I’m trying really hard to think of one.”

Yoongi closed his eyes and threw his head back, already annoyed, trying to imagine that Namjoon wasn’t there asking him all those questions. “I don’t need you to scold me.”

“I just… I don’t understand!” He laughed “You managed to make a girl like that stay with you and you let her go?”

He opened just one eye to stare at Namjoon. “What do you mean?” He whispered. “Don’t you think I can make a good girl stay?”

“You just pushed her away, Yoongi.” Namjoon reminded him. 

“I wanted it like that.” He argued. 

“Didn’t you just tell me that you called her after she left?” He questioned.

Yoongi wasn’t sober enough to lie properly. “That’s none of your business.”

“I’m your friend, it is my business.”

“Yeah, well-” He tried to argue “It's hard to explain .”

“Bullshit.” Namjoon said “Just try me.”

Yoongi sighed, defeated. He felt like the thought had been rotting his mind for too long now, it prevented him from going on with his day without feeling like something bad was about to happen. There was no use in blaming someone else, he himself had caused the situation. 

But Namjoon made him feel safe, he had been there for Yoongi for so long that sometimes he was afraid he took him for granted. It was easy to tell him the truth, even if he didn’t know if Namjoon would approve. His young friend seemed to be wiser than him sometimes.  

“I had a dream the other night… About Dasom.” Yoongi started saying. Namjoon felt like a ghost passed behind him when he heard that name, his expression suddenly changed. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that Yoongi mentioned his ex girlfriend, he surely didn’t expect to hear her name in this conversation. 

“Yeah? What was the dream about?” He asked, barely hiding his surprise. 

“It was just the memory of the night she left me.” Yoongi explained “No wonder I dreamt of her, I have been thinking about her non stop, about everything that happened during that time. When I remember her my chest hurts and I get really sad. I can’t help but feel guilty, I’ve been a bad friend and to move on without fixing my mistakes feels wrong.”

“You’ve been a bad friend?” Namjoon repeated, not really understanding.

“You know I have” 

Namjoon took a second to think. 

“You are talking about Jimin.” Namjoon realized. Yoongi silently nodded. “That’s a strange way of seeing things, Yoongi.”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” He asked “I ruined my friendship with Jimin because of my relationship with Dasom and for what? She left me, I couldn’t help her. I can almost hear him laughing at me.”

His friend struggled to find the right words, he didn’t have a say when it came to the friendship that Yoongi and Jimin used to share, but he tried. He could see in Yoongi’s eyes that he was lost in the memory of his ex friend, he just wanted to hear something to ease the pain he felt on his chest. 

“I know it still hurts that you fucked things with him. I still think about him too, about what he said and everything. I wish we could have done things differently too, but don’t you think I agree that that’s a good reason for pushing her away.”

“I know it’s not a good reason.” He said “But I haven’t thought of anything else since she left.”

“Mmm… So what you’re saying is that you want to fix things with Jimin and then you can move on with your life?” Namjoon tried to joke, but in Yoongi’s mind it made sense. 

“Jimin didn’t want to see my face ever again.” He reminded Namjoon. “So that’s kind of impossible.” 

It wasn’t in Yoongi’s plans to talk about Jimin today, it was a sensitive topic for him. Talking about him was almost like talking about a dead person, his name stained the room with sadness. 

“The solution is to never be happy again because you lost a friend, then.” 

“Don’t say it like that.” Yoongi whined, throwing his head back on the couch. Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Like what?” He giggled. 

“Like you don’t understand.”

“No, I understand. I remember you hurt Jimin, but I also remember that you were in a terrible place.” He remembered “You weren’t in position to choose between your friend and your girlfriend, you made mistakes and that’s okay. People make mistakes and the world keeps spinning. I think Jimin would understand.”

“Jimin hates me.” Yoongi whined, he couldn’t stand to hear his name one more time.

“Jimin just wanted you to be happy.” He lowered his voice, like he was telling him a secret. Yoongi knew that, but he found out way too late. “And she’s not Dasom.” 

“I know she’s not, but…”

“Yoongi, what is it that you want?” His friend got closer to him and grabbed him by his shoulders, making Yoongi roll his eyes. He wishes it was as easy as wanting something or not.

“I don’t know.” He half lied, half told the truth. 

“You seriously don’t have a clue?”

“I want her.” He confessed. 

“How much?” Namjoon insisted. 

“Badly.”

“Badly? That’s lame” He mocked him.

“I love her.” Yoongi let out. He swore he felt like a weight was lifted off of him, but Namjoon didn’t look surprised like he expected, he knew him too well not to realize that Yoongi was in love. He fooled himself if he thought he was keeping it a secret. “Too much, actually. She’s a good friend to me, not just a lover, she understands me.”

“But?”

“But I don’t know how to make her happy.” Yoongi replied, Namjoon couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his friend was too immersed in his own world to realize that what he was saying made no sense. 

“You are kidding right now.” Namjoon laughed, but Yoongi was not joking at all. 

He knew that happiness was a very short-lived concept, but when he fell in love with you all those months before, he thought that maybe that was wrong. He felt happy all the time when he was with you and when you were gone he hoped and waited to see you again just to feel that again. Was it happiness, was it obsession, was it love? He didn’t have an answer, he didn't need to explain himself when he was with you. 

“Yoongi, that girl adores you.” Namjoon informed him “You are crazy if you think that she is not happy when she’s with you.”

“How do you know that, anyway?” Yoongi tried to sound defensive, like Namjoon didn’t know what he was talking about, but deep down he just needed some kind of confirmation that you weren’t going to be totally miserable like Dasom was next to him. 

“Because I have eyes!” He laughed “She likes being around you, she would have left earlier if she didn’t.”

“It would be different to be in a relationship than what we have now… Or had, I don’t know.”

“It’s literally the same thing. You are starting to annoy me by making all these excuses just because you are afraid.”

Yoongi frowned and glared at his friend, almost angry to hear him. “I am not afraid.” He tried to deny it. 

“You are!” Namjoon shouted, silencing Yoongi “And it’s not bad to be afraid, you know what’s really bad? What you did to her.” 

He stayed there, looking like Namjoon stole the words from his mouth. He was right, Yoongi spended the last days making up excuses, trying to convince himself that he actually wanted to say all of that to you, that he was not pushing you away because he was afraid. 

That wasn’t him, he wasn’t the asshole who told you that he wanted you all for himself and the next week told you that you confused things. He wasn’t the asshole that pretended that he didn’t act like your boyfriend too. He was the person who waited for you with burned food and you were the girl who ate it and didn’t mention that it tasted bad. He was the person who you could trust and you were the person who he could trust.

“You were a great boyfriend to Dasom and you are a good guy. But now you tried so hard not to be an asshole that you ended up being one anyway.”

“Don’t fucking tell me ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s not about telling you that I told you so, Yoongi. It’s about making things right. Stop lying to yourself by saying you wanted her away.”

“So what should I do?” He asked, that night his friend seemed to have all the answers. “I obviously fucked up really bad this time.”

“Give her space, time to think.” Namjoon responded “Keep in mind that you told her the worst thing someone can say to their girlfriend.” It was funny how Namjoon assumed that you were always his girlfriend. “Give yourself some time to think too, apologize. But don’t compulsively call her again, that’s creepy. If you want to fix things, look for her. Come on, Yoongi. I thought you knew more about girls.”

Yoongi had been with more girls than he could count during the last two years and hadn’t learned shit about any of them, except for you. He knew you were kind, sweet and the most intelligent person he knew. You loved romantic movies and said hello to dogs on the street. His brother liked you, his friends loved you and you made him happy. He wanted to believe he could make you happy too, but he made you cry instead. 

“I thought the same thing.” He murmured. 

Namjoon stayed until Yoongi was fully sober and before leaving he asked him to answer Hoseok’s calls, Yoongi promised to do so. He felt grateful that Namjoon laughed at him, it made Yoongi feel like it wasn’t the end of the world. 

After ten years of friendship with Jungkook, just now you realized that trusting him blindly never brought you any luck. You should have known that Jungkook’s plan was going to be terrible, he had arranged a fake double date with Bora ━his girlfriend━ him and Taehyung, and when you asked him how he was going to get Yoongi jealous, he managed to deliver the most absurd answer you’ve ever heard. 

“I’m going to post an Instagram story.” He explained as he drove to Taehyung’s pace. You looked at Bora, who was sitting in the passenger seat, already rolling her eyes. 

“Is that your whole plan?” You asked.

“No, I’m going to post a story and I’m going to tag you and Taehyung.” He concluded, like it made any difference. 

“You are joking.” 

“I am not!” Jungkook defended himself, a smirk appeared on his face as he pictured the situation “Imagine Yoongi’s face when he taps on Tae’s profile and he sees you are on a date with a super hot guy.”

“The last thing Yoongi is going to assume is that I’m on a date.” You argued.

“Yoongi is not going to assume that you’re on a date.” He said “Yoongi is going to see that you’re on a date.”

“I’m not liking this idea.” You already felt sick in your stomach. 

“When Yoongi comes begging at your doorstep you are going to thank me.”

“I hardly doubt that’s going to happen.” Bora said. Even if you thought the same, it made you a little sad to hear it from her. 

As Jungkook got closer to Taehyung’s apartment you daydreamed of what your night could’ve been if you stayed home. It was a cold night, you could have watched a movie and sink in your loneliness since Nayeon was away for the week visiting her family. 

The plan of making Yoongi jealous didn’t sound as fun anymore, maybe the idea comforted you for a moment when you joked about it with your friends, but now the feeling was wearing off. You did not like conflict, it was never like that with Yoongi. Things were calm with him, they were simple. 

You thought that after two weeks of not seeing him things would get better, but they were worse. It made you think that everything he said was actually true, he didn’t call again, he didn’t text, you didn’t see him anymore.

Vaguely, you remembered that earlier Jungkook had told you not to lose hope, it made you giggle in the moment, now you were wondering if it was really worth it.

When you saw the big poster of The Godfather hanging in Taehyung’s living room wall, you tried to suppress the thought. Then, you paid attention to the pink cardigan he was wearing, he lit up a cigarette and offered a glass of wine. You couldn’t help but wonder, wasn’t he a little… pretentious? 

Well, you don't like to judge people at first sight, but you were quick to judge men, especially the ones you had fake dates with. But if you were being honest, all the movie posters in his walls were bothering you, precisely the one of Scar Face that you saw on the way to the bathroom. Later you realized that it wasn’t Taehyung’s fault that you saw Yoongi everywhere.

At least Taehyung was kind enough to pose for the story that Jungkook posted. In the photo you were turning your backs to the camera, observing the framed poster. It was ridiculous and not subtle at all, but Jungkook assured you that it looked like he just wanted to take a picture of the poster and you just happened to be there next to Taehyung. The part where he tagged both of you was unjustifiable. 

On the other hand, you found it funny that The Godfather was one of Yoongi’s favorite movies. 

Now you were in Taehyung’s balcony with him alone, Bora and Jungkook stayed inside since it was colder than an hour ago. You just wanted to be in silence for a minute. 

Taehyung took out the cigarette box from his pocket and extended it to you, you shook your head. “I don’t smoke.” You declined.  

“Good for you.” He responded, lighting up one for himself. “I actually quit months ago but came back to it recently.”

“You can always quit again.” You mentioned. You saw a small cloud coming out of your mouth as you talked. Even if spring was close it was still freezing at night.

“Yeah, I’ll try again when I feel less nervous.” His voice sounded weird when he had the cigarette between his lips. 

“Are you nervous now?” You tried to joke.

“I’m nervous all the time. Especially now after Jungkook posted that, I don’t know how he dragged me into this.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t want to do that?” You asked confused, he turned his head to you and shrugged, a shy smile appearing on his face. 

“I don’t think my girlfr- ex girlfriend would care very much.” He explained, leaving you more confused than before.

“What are you talking about? Jungkook convinced me about that story because he said that someone I like would get jealous.”

“Really?” He frowned, taking another drag of his cigarette. “My girlfriend left me three weeks ago, he told me if I can make her jealous with you she’ll text me. I don’t have much hope now, I thought his plan was smarter than this.”

Jungkook forgot to mention that Taehyung was in a similar situation to you. What a fucker, you thought. You would talk about it later. 

“I thought so too. I had a little bit of hope that it would work out but I don’t think that Yoongi would ever believe it.” You admitted.

“Oh, so you’re Yoongi’s girl.” He recognized you. 

“Do you know him?”

“No.” He said, his cigarette was now half of it. “But I know that he signed Jungkook, he loves him.”

“Yeah, well, he kind of left me too. Jungkook said that I should get him jealous but he’s not like that. He’s not gonna get jealous if he sees me in a picture with a guy, especially if it’s instagram. He doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“It’s a terrible idea.” Taehyung laughed, he crushed the cigarette in the ashtray and left it there, crossing his arms above his chest. “You and I should think of a better idea to get both Yoongi and my ex girlfriend jealous without Jungkook’s help.”

“We should hang out near Yoongi’s studio.” You proposed it as a joke. 

“Yeah, we should have a fake date in front of Lucy’s apartment, she would totally call me after that, she would fall in love with me again.” Taehyung joked too, but the tone of his voice was sad, you immediately felt a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You looked inside and observed Jungkook and Bora laughing, it was completely opposite of the situation you shared with Taehyung, both of you seemed to be deeply heartbroken. 

“Though the idea sounds very tempting, Yoongi would know if I try to make him jealous, he would probably laugh.”

“Lucy would think I am an idiot.” He said. “If she doesn’t already think I am.”

“This is a sign of the universe, maybe.” You said, sounding like Nayeon. 

“What is the universe telling us, exactly?” Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh, at least he felt accompanied in his sorrow.

“That we should move on.” You explained. “I mean not now, we deserve to cry for a while, mourn the situation. But then we should move on if the other person doesn’t really care.” 

Taehyung thought about it, somehow he believed you, even when you didn’t fully believe in your own words. 

“We should make a pact.” He proposed. “Take the sign first.”

“How?” You questioned, interested in the proposal.  

“Well, we wait for Yoongi or Lucy to see the instagram story, if they don’t text we should move on.”

“After mourning the situation.” You remarked.

“After mourning the situation.” Taehyung repeated.

“Deal.” You extended your hand and offered it to him. “He hasn’t called in two weeks, I don’t think he will.”

“Deal.” Taehyung took your hands and shook it. “But if we regret this, we should do the fake date instead”

You laughed, agreeing right away. In his eyes you could see that even if you shook hands, it didn’t mean anything for either of you. You wished that letting go of Yoongi was as easy as that.

After two hours you came back home with a new friend, who promised to let you know if his ex texted him, and if she didn’t too. You promised to tell him if Yoongi called, already knowing that he won’t. 

Your apartment was empty, dark and cold. You turned on the heating and the lights before making yourself a tea and preparing for bed. You had never been so happy to get under the sheets like that night. 

You saw the story that Jungkook posted, you told yourself it wasn’t that ridiculous, maybe it will bother Yoongi, but you cursed your friend for not coming up with a more intelligent idea, and cursed yourself for still thinking about it. You fell asleep thinking nothing else could interrupt the next nine hours you were planning to sleep. You were wrong. 

The sound of your phone vibrating incessantly in your nightstand woke you up at two in the morning. You grabbed it in your hands and with barely open eyes you saw a chain of texts from different people and two missed calls. 

[jkjk]: Yoongi saw the story earlier lolololololol

[jkjk]: FINGERS CROSSED. 

[jkjk]: manifesting. 

…

[Yoongo]: wos teahjying

[Yoongo]: !

[Yoongo]: ? 

[Yoongo]: im

[Yoongo]: otsid

[Yoongo]: here

[Yoongo]: 🦿

You jumped out of your bed when you read Yoongi’s name in your phone, running towards your closest window to check if Yoongi’s car was outside. Your heavy eyes scanned the dark street, but there wasn’t a soul outside, and especially not Yoongi’s car. 

A shiver ran down your spine when you heard the sound of the doorbell. You didn't like loud sounds when you were alone at night, and this was the sound of the front doorbell, not the one downstairs. 

[Baby]: Is that you?

“It’s me!” You heard Yoongi’s deep voice behind the door two seconds after you sent the message. Your heart started beating loud against your ribcage, suddenly your legs felt weaker. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, managing to sound upset. 

“I wanted… to talk.” He replied “About my heating!”

You pressed yourself against the door, trying to hear him correctly without opening it. “Your heating?” You continued to question.

“My heating!” He reaffirmed. “It was cut off… three weeks ago. I don't have anywherrre to stay.” His slurred voice hinted to you that he was drunk, hence the way he wrote those texts.

You opened the door before realizing that it would be a mistake. You weren’t ready to see Yoongi yet, or hear him or have him close. You weren’t ready to see him at your doorstep in his pajamas, wearing a big hoodie and flip flops. The only things on his hands were his phone and the copy of keys you gave him two months ago. 

“How the hell did you get here?” 

“A taxi, duh.” He slurred, leaning against the door frame.

“Well, you know you can’t be here. You shouldn't have come in the first place.” 

You dried your sweaty hands on your pajama shorts, you were worried that he could notice how nervous you were. Your whole body felt hot and there was not a single coherent thought in your mind right now. You hated how vulnerable he made you feel, so nervous and unsure.

“Why?” He questioned, crossing his arms above his chest. “Because you are with Taehyung?”

You felt like your heart dropped in the pit of your stomach in one second. You took a step back, but he took a step forward, staring at you like his eyes were daggers. 

“Taehyung?” You repeated, giggling nervously. 

“Taehyung!” He shouted. Again, you didn’t like loud sounds at night. You grabbed his arm and pushed him inside, afraid that one of your neighbors might wake up. 

“Don’t scream!” You scolded him. “It’s two in the morning, you should be at your house. I don’t want you here.”

Yoongi ignored you, he looked around your apartment trying to find any trace of another man. He closed the door behind him and started walking towards your room. “Why?” He kept shouting “Because Taehyung is here?

You followed him, gripping his arm tightly and turning him around. The smell of alcohol on his breath hit your face centimeters away from it, you didn’t like to be that close to him. You felt a need to push him away, to call a taxi and send him back home, but you stood there in the hallway and stared at him like it didn’t hurt you.

“Taehyung is not here.” You spat “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Wh- What am I talking about? I saw Jungkook’s instagram.” He explained. His gaze was soft unlike yours, you were looking at him angry, explicitly stating that you didn't want him there. Even drunk he could tell how angry you were. He looked sleepy and his eyes were glassy. He tried hard not to look at you like that conversation was normal, like he didn’t break your heart, but he failed. 

“I need you to leave.” You insisted, but he ignored you again.

“What should I do?” He wondered to himself “I have… been thinking s-since you left. Do you want me to…?” You saw him trying to find balance. Confused, you frowned when you realized that he was trying to beg for your forgiveness but he was struggling to get down on his knees. You suppressed a laugh and tried to stop him. 

“Stop!” You exclaimed, gripping his wrist once again and pulling him back up. 

He fought to free himself from your hands and in the middle of the attempt he fell to the floor, bringing you down alongside him. 

“You are being irrational.” You said, fighting to keep your voice steady, but the emotions were leaking from your words. Yoongi scoffed.

“Am I?” He questioned. 

“Yes. And you’re being cruel.” Yoongi looked up and encountered your eyes filled with tears. “You can’t do this to me, not after what you said to me.”

He lifted his hand and tried to reach for your face, but you pushed it away. 

“I got desperate.”  He tried to explain, but you shook your head.

“You will regret this when you wake up.”

“But it’s still winter.” He managed to say. 

“Yoongi…” You warned, but he kept ignoring you. 

“It’s still winter and I miss you.”

“I don’t want to listen to you.” You interrupted him. 

“Maybe in summer it was hot and I didn’t notice it but now it’s cold and I don’t have you to keep me warm.”

You felt your heart clenching, it was like he crushed it with his own hands and returned it to you expecting you wouldn’t say anything. You hated that Yoongi mentioned last summer like that, you had been thinking about it during the last weeks. It was cruel to come here and expect you to welcome him, expect you to act like he didn’t leave you shattered. 

“But the only way to talk to me was to get drunk first?”

“Baby…” 

“Don’t call me that.” You stopped him “If you want to come here, you ask first, you shouldn't do this. This is not nice.”

Yoongi was quick to realize that you were being dead serious, that this wasn’t the right thing to do. He had been hoping to see you again for so long that when he had you in front of him, it was too late to notice that he had been wrong. 

“You are right.” He admitted. “I’m sorry.” You sighed heavily, looking at the ceiling. It was hard to separate this Yoongi from the Yoongi of three weeks ago. This one seemed harmless unlike the other one, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pity him. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what? Taehyung?” You scoffed. 

“No, about us.”

“I won’t talk to you unless you’re sober.” You sentenced. Yoongi nodded, looking resigned. 

“Could you wait for me, then?” He dared to request. “Just a few hours, until I get sober.”

Was this what you wanted? To consider his request felt wrong, you didn’t want things to end up like this. Your brain was telling you to send him back home, but you knew that you deserved to give yourself closure, something that didn’t make you feel like you ran away and left things undone. You nodded, giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

“Just a few hours. And you’re sleeping in my bed, I’ll wait in Nayeon’s.” 

“I only like your bed when you are there.” He was bold enough to say. 

“Shut up and stand up.”

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