Wake Me Up (scream At Me To Let Me Know) When September Ends (when Ao3 Is Back Up)

Wake me up (scream at me to let me know) when September ends (when ao3 is back up)

Honestly, I'm "doing good". I have a good boyfriend, a good job, a good car, a "good" body, a "good" face. I live in a good house with good people. I have a good dog. But I've never been more depressed in my entire life. I don't know why because everything is literally perfect. So my brain picks apart everything. I gain one pound? End of the world. Crying for an hour. I forget to do the dishes and then see them right before I go to bed? A whole guilt trip in my own head for hours.

I'm so tired all the time. I can't sleep at night anymore so I try to get a few hours before I have to get up and take care of my responsibilities so that I don't get into the guilt loop again. And every once in a while, on a day where I'm actually not feeling like shit, my mothers face and voice pops up and I'm suddenly back where I was 14 years ago.

In the bathroom, alone, at night, just wanting to go to sleep forever. But then when they ask..."oh, I'm good! How are you?"

For someone who's never played dnd and has watched hundreds of hours of critical role...

I sure do have a startling amount of oc's sitting in my notes app.

My favorite is my circus escapee goblin bard Urk (like from the word irk) shes my favorite.

Just randomly remembered when I lost my virginity his nose started running and he didn't sniff it or wipe it he just let it drip and bc I'm a people pleasing coward I said nothing and then it DRIPPED INTO MY MOUTH and I still said nothing and now I'm cringing about it 6 years after the fact.

Sometimes I really hope there's no afterlife. I just really hope there's nothing but sleep.

Current mental state: you know when you are making toast and finally get it buttered to perfection and then drop it, butter side down on the floor? Thats me. That feeling. All the time.