Goodbye 2022, Hi 2023

goodbye 2022, hi 2023 🎉

something happened and im really sad and also happy.

happy chinese new year to all, but YOU GOTTA READ THIS.

for more than a year (3 yrs almost), i’ve done a self diagnosis on myself with spd (sensory processing disorder) and adhd (few others too)

the man took an hour late to arrive but LOL

went to this place and told the man about how i’ve been bullied and what was going on. so i obviously didn’t say i was gay but my mom did bring up how somebody was gay and was bullying me as a gay person (smart man knew i was gay from how I went 😝✌️ along with saying the word “gay” but he didn’t make it obvious until my mom looked away and he smiled and mouthed “yes good im proud for you”).

since i get extremely uncomfortable when they kept talking about my ASD so then i felt like crying cause yk mental health issues + illnesses, etc shit being exposed and almost cried (they never knew bc i never made it obvious but my eyes watered under my hoodie), and yk I felt really really sad than my mood was today.

THEN THE BIG NEWS CAME.

since you never knew i was neurodivergent, i’m gonna let you know.

i didn’t know HALF of what he said because he spoke fast but

i managed to catch half (idk if half atp cause he got LOADS of diagnosis for me but it was too much and he spoke really really fast)

HE WAS FRIENDLY BUT

i FUCKING KNEW. that the spd was right. I WASNT SURE BUT HE SAID I HAVE IT. YESSS A REAL DIAGNOSIS.

he said im diagnosed with asd, adhd, spd (sensory processing disorder), tics (not like tourettes but he did say something WILL cause me to tic but it’s only anxiety that will cause it a few times but if it gets worse, i must tell him) + my anxiety will cause me to tic (like shivering and form different tics but its not like tourettes that people ACTUALLY have).

he also said my auditory sensory processing disorder as well (+ with sensory processing too), he said i had something sensitivity (idk what it was because he spoke REALLY fast) but i think he said sensory or sensitivity disorder (if you knew what it’s called, PLEASE lemme know).

stuttering disorder + high functioning on asd + low functioning on adhd (lemme know if functioning is out of date or not) and some other stuff.

BUT I GOT AN OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS GUYSSSSS

i’ve tried to find the “congratulations on the neurodivergency cake” but I found this.

congratulations to me on my further neurodivergent diagnosis :))

i was in class today (i am a highschler and i work alot as well), and since everybody was talking too loud, i carried a pair of ear things for my sensory to carry with me because i was getting a bit stimulated meanwhile masking my neurodivergency (my adhd, autism, everything even my dyscalculia bc i cant do math), and i got irritated and i finished my juice box and put it in the bin while having them on.

NOW TELL ME, why is the WHOLE class staring at me?? and some girl shouted out, “GUYS SHES AUTISTIC?? LOOK AT HOW SHE WEARS THAT” and the “look what shes wearing. are you autistic?” literally the whole fucking class looked at me and called me retarded and the teachers did NOTHING TO HELP ME.

then the fact that she has neurodivergent issues of her own too and she fucking said that.

now how is this fair. theres ppl in my schl, same year, who had adhd + autism + sensories + stim toys + dyslexic ppl, etc and they’re praised (most of them are white and some are black) but me, as a child (whos mainly mix but shows black to others), im the one targeted???

but if i was the one to scream due to overwhelming feelings and had everyone laugh at me, I’d get into trouble.

never bringing my stim toys + earphones + etc AGAIN. idgaf ill suffer.

nice to know that everybody suddenly knows you’re “autistic” over some “headphones” 😹

now i have to mask my neurodivergency the whole day tomorrow.

oh yes

lately i’ve been listening to lesbian | sapphic music and I certainly feel like it suits me and my sexuality. i’ve been identifying as lesbian for a while and i’ve discovered a girl called hayley kiyoko and she’s a queer icon according to society and fans and girl in red, fletcher, etc queer artists and lil nas x, and i became obsessed w her and her music and im sure i AM a lesbian bc like i listen to gay songs like girls in bikinis, girls girls girls, i wish you liked girls, i wanna be your girlfriend, and im just so happy that i found my people <3 💓

i have to work tmrw and i had a crush on this girl for like a little while now and it’s just so heartbreaking cause i got multiple crushes on the girls who are friends with me and the ones who i wanna become friends with. it’s so much funnier cause she is dating men right now and she likes/loves me and is in love, but if i ever said i liked her, there’s a 50% chance of her being my girlfriend, 50% of her not being my girlfriend and another 1% chance of the other girls who i have a “crush” on liking me cause one is dating a guy right now and i just know once i let her know, she gonna bully me and reject me 😝 /s (the other girl, not the 1st one)