Greyscalegrey - Tumblr Blog
“Okay here’s the list of chores I want to get done today” I tell myself before having sudden full body fatigue from seemingly nothing
the thing about me is I'm cute, laid back and easy going but in like a really intense and stressful kinda way
i want to get a master's degree i want to take a cake decorating class i want to dance i want to sing i want to write and remember how to think i want to swim i want to be free
the way god has set me up to be the loneliest girl in literally any room group environment or dynamic
you know. kinda cringe that we live in a society where the primary acceptable reason to be single is to sell your soul to capitalism. the easiest response to "why aren't you dating anyone?" is "oh, i'm focusing on my career at the moment." man i don't want to focus on my career. i want to live a life where i make enough money to not make work my life and then go home to focus on personal pursuits that aren't dating people or having kids
how the hell do people work full time AND work out. and also eat. i feel like a dvd player
Casual cruelty has become so ingrained in a lot of people because we live in a society that is structured in a cruel way. To be quite honest you are obligated to consider the harm of your words and actions no matter your personal hardships.
do you know how to fill a void? sometimes i feel empty inside and the feeling does not go away
I don’t think you need to do things with the intention of filling the void but instead do things with the intention of bringing yourself joy and meaning. If you can focus on experiencing good things as fully as you can that will take you away from the emptiness. Voids fill up in their own time while you are giving yourself love. Emptiness is not always a bad thing. It has something to teach you if you can listen every once in a while and be still with it, meet it, write with it. Have a conversation with this emptiness. Then treat yourself to openness with life, something new, something gentle. Even a small thing. Fill yourself up with lots of small loves for the world.
just wanna find the softest grass i can find and lay down in it and look at the sky for a very very very long time
so you dated the wrong person and learned a hard lesson. you chose the wrong major and had to start over again. you cherished a friend who backstabbed you. it sucks, but it’s also going to work out. that’s life; you learn, hurt, love, cry, laugh, and keep going. you experience setbacks and you grow and it’s all okay.
when fleabag said, “with all the love i have for her. i don’t know where to put it now.” and when anne carson wrote, “you remember too much, / my mother said to me recently. / why hold onto all that? and i said, / where can i put it down?” and when mitski sang, “i don’t know what to do without you / i don’t know where to put my hands” and when donnie smith in magnolia (1999) cried, “i really do have love to give! i just don’t know where to put it!” and when emily dickinson once wrote, “we outgrow love, like other things / and put it in the drawer —”
Tumblr is an app for the silent confident type who aren’t extra and know how to mind their damn business.
I think adults need summer vacation. Like let's just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I'm so tired.
Madeline Miller, Circe
you have seen, many times, the phrase love your body! and every time, like rainwater, it glides off you. not because you cannot love it - you mostly, like, tolerate it - but because of the word "your".
is this your body? when you were 11 you had to start shaving your legs because other girls found it gross you were hairy. when you were 12, you had to stop wearing v-necks because of your chest - people were staring. your mother didn't let you dye your hair. your first boyfriend makes you dress up in skimpy clothes for him, then hated when other people coveted you. what you wear and how you present determine whether or not people find you funny or annoying or arrogant. other people get to determine if you are pretty, a court of opinion so loud it blots any good intent.
when is the body yours? magazines and instagram and tiktok endlessly advising you to "take care of" (starve) your body as if it is a weed. you must hack and slash at it, defend yourself from its wanton desires. it is a shameful, greedy thing. it is more like an art piece. you are keeping it or being kept-in-it.
you try to language it to your therapist - it's not that you don't recognize yourself in the mirror, it's more just that the thing that is in the mirror - it isn't you. that's why it's so easy to take apart: you're vaguely aware of the shape, but it feels like you are an animal hiding in the back of this cavern, snarling.
obviously you're like stuck in it. it often hurts a lot, buzzes with pain and a strange numbness. so it is your body when it's painful. that makes sense. otherwise - how many times have you been told to save yourself (your body) for marriage. for someone else. you are just borrowing it.
love your body! is so funny. somehow, without meaning to, the phrase reminds you - it isn't you. you're just inside it.
Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me
