It Feels So God Damn Weird To Be The Person You Hate The Most.

It feels so god damn weird to be the person you hate the most.

"Is it normal that I hate having friends? Even good friends? Is there something wrong with me?

Let me explain...I get very sick of routine in general and I hate structure/security/predictability in life. I hate waking up in the same house, going to the same job, the same school, seeing the same people, having the same family and friends...I hate it. I feel like a robot. I change friends constantly because I hate having them. I like getting to know lots of different people but I don't like having actual friends or relationships. Once I get to know you, you're not interesting to me anymore and I'm done with you.

I also change myself constantly. I get bored of being the same person. I'm a free spirit, I want to be a new person every day and be around people who don't know me and I can be anything and anyone around them because I have no known past and no reputation. I hate when people know things about me or my past, it's constricting. I hate when people expect me to act a certain way. I like to be around people who have no expectations for me so I can be ANYONE I want. I want to be FREE. Is this wrong? Is it normal? Everybody I've ever told this to things I'm crazy. Most people seem to have a need for a secure, stable life with some sort of routine and commitment. Oh, and I don't want to get married or have children because I can't be tied down to anyone." - unknown

And when people DO start to listen, you're so used to be being not listened to that you don't know what to say or how to express yourself and feelings anymore

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I don’t mind if you hate me because I also hate me.

I’m so fucking scared of myself, I am my worst nightmare.

“looks aren’t everything” ok but I’m at least 99% sure I’d be much happier if I didn’t look like garbage.