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Anastasia

She/Her, A Bisexual With a Love for Sims, Marvel. (19) I fw MHA and JJK truly madly and deeply🔥🔥

966 posts

I Have A Memory. Back At The Party

I have a memory. Back at the party

- an eren yeager x reader fanfic

----THIS STORY IS NOW COMPLETELY UPDATED AND READY TO READ FULLY.

Warnings: MDNI! erens mean, like an absolute bitch. College!au. Angsty. Reader is sorta quiet but really smart. Erens kinda a dick. True enemies to lovers. Violence. High school stuff. Drugs and alcohol. Ooc aot. Very Sexual content. Sex while intoxicated (do not do this) Sorta Dom!eren very briefly. Casually dominant eren! Enemies to lovers, but it's more like they go from enemies to she likes him, and he still hates her to then they start dating😅😭 ‼️heavy themes of SA and suicide and having drinks spiked.‼️ please read with caution.

(This is very long)

Any feedback is greatly appreciated as this is ongoing.♡☆

Your college sucked. Despite it being your first day, the impression you had been given was not pleasing. There was a rat in your room and neighbors who constantly fucked in the dorm across the hall. Although you were new and were in no position to change the state of anything, you felt you had a right to be upset things already weren't going well.

"You know this is the frat wing, right?" A blonde girl spoke from behind you.

She had short blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, she didn't look like the kind of girl who would hurt a fly but you didn't want to make assumptions already.

Oh, and that's another thing. You'd been forced to move into a room in the frat wing due to the other wings having bigger issues than a few shirtless males. You felt it couldn't be absolutely awful, despite some noise each night and the possibility of a drunk fratboy falling at your doorstep, it wasn't horrible.

"Oh yeah I know I didn't have much of a choice" You ended the sentence with a small chuckle.

"I'm historia, by the way, I'm the schools resident tutor" she spoke rather proudly.

"I'm y/n" you replied.

Historia nodded and gave you a firm hit to the shoulder. "Nice meeting you y/n, good luck over here"

With no further words, she walked away with a whiff of perfume trailing behind her, leaving you to wonder why the schools tutor was in the frat wing, but after seeing the blonde walk into a room with a tall, beefy blonde guy, you immediately closed your door and tried to forget it as you unpacked your things.

Leading into the afternoon, you were sitting in the library with your headphones on, trying to focus on writing in your diary. You'd been attempting to write down what happens to you each day, good or bad, and you'd found it'd been helping with keeping you sane.

With music blasting in your ears, you obviously couldn't hear anything, so when a female brunette sat across from you, it took her waving her pencil infront of your paper to get your attention.

You swiped your headphones off to meet the girl's gaze. She had a dark, stringy hair that fell into a waterfall over her shoulders and wore small glasses.

"Are you aware there's a group of girls behind you that keep laughing at you?" She spoke.

You nodded "yup" you said With a pop of your lips against your teeth.

She let out a huff of air and rummaged through her tote bag. "I'm mikasa," she said with a faint groan as she lifted a heavy stack of books onto the table.

Your eyes widened at the amount.

"I'm y/n" you said, still shocked at the massive book stack.

For a short while, mikasa didn't say anything and sat on her phone, ignoring the book stack, which you were sure the ISS could see. You went back to writing in your diary, about to put your headphones back on before mikasa tapped you.

"My friends are on their way to us now, is that okay?"

You appreciated her asking but you were also in no position to tell her that it's not okay.

"Of course!" You smiled.

Mikasa replied with a thumbs up, and you put your headphones on, playing any song you could so that you would hopefully be left alone.

Deep into writing a small poem in your diary, you were too focused to notice that a group of 5 people had approached the table, pulling up chairs to sit on. You eyed each one of them as you pulled off your headphones.

Immediately, your eyes landed on a lean male with black hair that fell in front of his eyes. He donned a black button-up and black pants. One other male you recognised from the room down the hallway that historia, who sat beside him with her arm on his shoulder, went into. There were two more people, a guy with shaggy brown hair in a blue knit sweater and a short, rather innocent looking guy with blonde hair.

"Where's eren?" Historia asked mikasa.

Mikasa shrugged her blazer adorned shoulders. "I truly don't know Tori, off doing fuck knows what"

The bigger blonde guy turned to you. "And who's this?"

"This is y/n, she's new I think"

Everyone gave you a small wave except the short and brooding black haired guy at the tables edge. You didn't pay no mind to it and waved back to everyone anyways.

"Where are you from?" The short blonde guy asked.

"Tokyo" you gave a small smile.

"Well" mikasa started and went around the table introducing everyone.

"This is Levi, armin, historia, reiner and bertholdt"

You nodded to them, acknowledging them all. You didn't want to come across as bitchy but truth was you hated meeting new people and truly just wanted to go to sleep.

"Back in a sec"

Standing up to find another textbook, you headed down into the main shelving area where you immediately collided with a stranger who had been heading the opposite way to you.

Knocking into his hard shoulder, you went to apologize but found an angrier face than you were expecting.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you see straight, or do you need a fucking guide dog?"

Your lips parted. Offended, you scoffed.

"I was just about to apologise but fuck you I guess"

The male in question, unfortunately, was incredibly gorgeous. Messy brown hair tied into a half up ponytail, a black faded band tank top showed off his defined tattooed arms. He donned a silver eyebrow piercing, a bridge piercing, and a nose ring. He had defined brows and sharp eyes that bored holes into your skin.

His pale pink lips wore a pissed off pout.

"Watch where your fucking walking next time!" He spat.

"Me?!" You exclaimed "your literally walking on your fucking phone!"

The pissed off male huffed and pushed past you, knocking into your shoulder, causing you to knock into the bookcase, which led to a bunch of textbooks falling onto you and the ground.

The male turned around. "Should really clean that up"

You shook your head and scoffed, leaning down to pick up the books.

"Fucking prick" you mumbled to yourself.

"Hey!" You heard a familiar voice.

Heading towards you was mikasa. "Need help?" She asked.

You sighed "yeah that'd be great, thanks mikasa"

She smiled and leant down to you.

"Tell me that guy is about to be expelled, I think if I see him again, I'm gonna shoot him" You spoke.

Mikasa laughed at you. Whether teasingly, agreeing or out of doubt. "Yeah that's eren"

"So you know him?"

"He's my ex-boyfriend" she stated, making you pity her. "Unfortunately he's always been like that"

You looked over at the table of friends and noticed eren was sitting with them.

No. You said mentally. He fucking sits with them.

"Just ignore him. His parents don't love him" mikasa joked.

You let out a small laugh as you put the last book on the shelf. "Thanks for the help"

"No problem," mikasa spoke as you both walked to the table.

Much to your dismay, eren was sitting across from you. Leaned back in his chair, with legs spread and an arm across his chest and his phone in the other.

You gathered your books and your laptop before putting them in your bag.

"Bye guys, it was nice meeting...most of you"

They waved you goodbye as you walked off. Little did you know that eren was watching you as you left, already plotting every single way to push you to your limit.

That night, mikasa and historia came to your dorm begging you to come to a party down the hall. Immediately, you denied. Parties were not your thing, and especially if that prick from earlier was gonna be there, you were not gonna have a good time.

"It'll be fun, we promise" historia smiled widely trying to be assuring, but you only found it mildly creepy.

"I don't know, guys," you said softly "I don't have very good experiences with parties"

The girls both nodded. "We get it, and I won't lie, The frat parties are definitely wild, but we'll protect you, okay?" Mikasa said gently.

You finally caved in and even let mikasa and historia dress you. Putting you in a short silvery dress that almost showed your asscheeks and some strappy heels that already were killing you.

You let your hair fall over your shoulders.

"I like it, but it's pretty short, don't you think?" You said looking in the mirror.

You couldn't deny your legs looked good in it, however. Mikasa, who was wearing a shining red top with a matching short skirt and black heels, was likely in the same boat as you, except she enjoyed rowing it.

"Nah" mikasa flicked her hand "You'll be fine, besides who knows what you'll get up to tonight"

You cringed in Disgust just as historia poked her head out from around the corner. "And also put this on!"

She threw you a lacy silver masquerade mask.

"A mask?" You questioned.

Historia nodded. "It's the theme"

You turnt to mikasa, who had hers on. Historia walked out from around the corner in a bright blue dress and a matching mask.

"Are we ready?" She asked

Of course, you weren't ready. Fuck no you did not want to go to this stupid frat party, you didn't want to get drunk or do drugs or be deafened by loud music and most of all, you did not want to see eren.

---

Just as you'd suspected, the frat party was Chaotic. Perhaps to the point where it resembled a renaissance painting, the party was filled to the brim with masked people. Various liquids were splashing everywhere, and there were things already sticking to your shoes. The bright neon lights hurt your eyes, and the loud music, despite being a song you loved, was making your ears bleed.

"I'm gonna get a drink!" Mikasa spoke, yelling as loud as she could.

I'll come with you" historia yelled back. "Want anything?" She asked you.

You shook your head as they nodded before walking off. You knew that there was a high chance you would not see them again for a while. Immediately afraid of being alone, you walked toward the nearest couch you could find.

You were alone at a party full of people you did not know. You felt like crying but knew there was no way you could be seen crying at a party. Instead, you walked to find the drinks table and grabbed whatever you could see.

It tasted like cough syrup, or somehow worse. Like hand sanitiser. The liquid was cold and burnt your throat with a harsh sting. Still. You drank it. Instantly your head was buzzing and everything was blurring together.

Suddenly, you felt something rubbing against your back. It was tall and strong with a hard dick that pressed into your ass. You froze as the figures' arms snaked around your waist, large hands wrapping around your sides with ease.

You felt soft hair tickle you exposed skin as a head came up into your nape. Turning, you were met with a black mask adorned with raven feathers on the side. Broad shoulders blocked you from escaping on either side.

"Do you fucking mind?" You scoffed, trying to push the figure off you.

They laughed darkly. "Got a mouth on you, huh? I'd really like to put that to work, baby. " The stranger brought a dark gloved hand to your lips, toying them.

You pushed their hand away and finally managed to escape them, hurrying away into the crowd as quickly as you could. You found yourself running upstairs once you realised the stranger was chasing you into the crowd.

With your heart and mind racing a million miles, you hurried into the closest room you could find, not caring who you could barge in on as long as the stranger didn't get you.

You found yourself in a dark, monochrome room full of posters with one massive bed. A desk and a closet sat in the corner by a large black lamp. You hear rummaging in the closet but ignore it as you see the stranger enter the room.

Your eyes filled with tears as you backed into a corner. "Please just leave me alone" you sobbed, holding your hands out to show surrender.

"Who the fuck is that?" You heard a voice say before someone emerged from the dimly lit closet.

A Torso full of sculpted abs out on display for you to see. The stranger from the closet had a black shirt unbuttoned and draped on their shoulders, black pristine suit pants, and a pair of black boots. an expensive looking belt sat in their hand and You were lying if you said they didn't ignite something within you.

On their face was a basic black mask.

"Connie what the fuck are you doing with my mask!" The closet figure tore the mask off the other stranger, revealing a male with olive skin and a buzz cut.

Connie, as you heard, looked ashamed of himself as he turned to face the other person. Upon taking their basic mask off, you were shocked to see none other than eren, the prick from the library. Immediately, you regretted feeling anything for the man.

"And who the fuck is this? Why are you scaring all the fucking girls man?" Eren walked over to you.

"You all good?" He helped you up.

You didn't know why he was being nice after the incident in the library, but then you realised he didn't know it was you. Much to your disappointment, he was still igniting heat within your thighs.

You cleared your throat.

"I'm okay, thank you" you smiled softly.

Eren nodded and turned to Connie with a pissed off face. "Apologize right fucking now" he ordered.

Connie looked at you. "Sorry girlie. I didn't mean to freak you out"

"It's fine. I'm just gonna go get a drink"

You left the room with no further words.

---

Still uncomfortable from earlier, you still sat on the couch sipping a drink. Mikasa and historia were still not in sight, which makes you think they may have gone home or were else where doing God knows what.

You eyed the crowd, now a bit more tipsy than before, your eyes landed on a tall figure in the crowd who held the hips of a girl Grinding on their crotch as they danced.

Suddenly, you felt a wave of jealousy fall upon you. Something within you wanted that, what the girl was having. Standing up. You slowly but surely stumbled toward them. You rubbed up against them, trying to get their attention. Within an instant, the stranger was focused on you, leaving the other girl who was immediately taken by another.

The stranger grabbed your hips tightly. In the blinding lights, you could just make out hand tattoos and some rings gleaming in the neon above. Your hips began to sway sensually, rubbing your ass up against the strangers crotch. You felt something hard pressing up against you through what felt like denim, but you weren't sure.

"Come upstairs with me ma" a deep voice found your ear.

And you couldn't help but feel like you'd heard it before.

Without hesitation, you followed the stranger upstairs, where they led you to a cold room. Unable to see a single thing, you could only feel the sharp feeling of cool metal rings at the base of your neck before being pushed onto a soft bed.

The stranger straddled your now revealed ass, heavy Weight trapped you under them. With their hand still at the base of your neck you felt them lean down to you.

"You gonna be a good little slut?", they said softly.

You couldn't answer but instead rubbed your thighs together. The hand on your neck moved to your hair, grabbing a fistful and tugging your head up harshly.

The strangers free hand found your clit through your panties, rubbing it through the flimsy lace. Without warning, they plunged two thick fingers inside you, thrusting and curling them at a rapid pace.

"fucking answer me, are you deaf?, or too busy focusing on getting finger fucked like a slut?, is that what you want huh?", the stranger grinned their hard bulge into your ass, making you writhe.

Their fingers continued to work, deep inside you pumping fast. With their thumb they rubbed your clit at the same time as they fucked you on their fingers.

The stranger laughed darkly.

"Yes, Daddy, please, I'll be such a good girl for you" you pouted.

"That's a good fucking girl", they pressed a soft kiss to your neck. "God your clenching on my fingers like a desperate little whore. Your pathetic"

The strangers words turnt you on. Your pussy soaking wet even after they called you pathetic. You truly were, fucking yourself on a strangers fingers. Their other hand held your face into the mattress, pushing you deep into the blanket.

"God your feel so fucking good around my fingers. You gonna cum baby? Gonna let me taste you, aren't you? Just like the good girl you said you would be, huh? Gonna let me taste this pretty pussy baby?"

----

The next morning, you woke up way past your alarm. A pounding headache was destroying your ability to focus on getting dressed as you kept stumbling over random things on your floor. Still dizzy and in pain, you tried hurrying to your class hoping it had just started.

You felt like you had run a marathon on needles. Your eyes were aching, and so were your legs. Your heart beat at an uncomfortably fast pace as you tried to hurry to the classroom.

You entered the room unfortunate to find everyone was already there, including the professor.

"Take a seat" the woman said calmly and pointed to the crowd of chairs and people.

You heard a few snickers as you walked up the steps toward an empty seat beside a short ginger girl.

"Hey!" You heard someone whisper to you.

You looked up, still a bit disoriented, to see mikasa.

"I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you last night, we went home after a few hours because Tori wasn't feeling so great", she explained.

You nodded along. "It's fine you don't have to explain yourselves to me I understand"

Reaching for your books in your bag, you jerked your head up only to meet a hard surface, watching as a phone dropped infront of you into your bag.

"Jesus fucking christ! What the fuck is up with you?!"

Eren.

He reached down and snatched his phone back from your bag. You sat up to meet his dark looming gaze.

"What the fuck is your problem?", you spat at him.

"Whiny, clumsy bitches like you" he pointed sharply before walking off to the back row.

You were thankful he did so that you didn't have to look at him.

Halfway through the class, you overheard eren and another guy talking up the back. Eren went on to talk about the apparently "fucking amazing" sex he'd had last night. He described each an every detail up unto even talking about handcuffs and for some reason a fucking collar.

You cringed, feeling like throwing up at the thought of fucking that prick. Rubbing your neck, you coughed and thanked the lord that there wasn't long to go for the lecture.

---

After the lecture, you found reiner and Levi in the library with historia and mikasa by them. You waved to them and sat at the table.

"Hey!" Reiner exclained

"Hi!" You said back.

For a while, you all sat making small talk before historia brought up last night's party. She went on to explain how she hooked up with some guy, and after hearing erens story, you could only assume she was the same girl.

"Eren apparently had some mad sex with some girl last night. He was telling me about it in the class, sounded like our resident emo boy definitely got all up in there"

You raised your brows at levis words. So he was the one eren was talking to before. Weirdly, you felt deja vu talking about it, like you'd experienced it before, been in this situation.

"He said she had the fattest ass", reiner added onto levis story.

"My God, don't even tell me about it, I haven't stopped hearing about his hand fit around her throat so perfectly" mikasa made a noise of disgust.

"Grosssss" historia groaned playfully.

"He kept saying how easy it was to rip off her dress. These girls really gotta start wearing stronger material" Levi joked.

Your eyebrows scrunched as mikasa suddenly eyed you off. "Your awfully quiet over there y/n"

"Hm? No, I'm just listening. I wanted to ask, though, did eren mention what this girl was wearing?"

Levi shrugged. "Just said it was some kinda silver flimsy shit I don't know".

Your mouth hung open. No fucking way. Immediately, you hurried out of your chair, not caring that you knocked it over. Your heart pounded as you tried running down the hall, passing all the students as you ran toward the bathroom. Your breath was rapid and you could feel bile rising in your throat.

Making it to the bathroom just in time, you quickly hurried towards a stall to throw up. Unaware someone had walked in. You slumped against the stall wall.

"Are you okay y/n?" It was mikasa.

"No" you replied.

"What happened?" She asked.

You didn't want to say it. You could feel vomit rising in your chest just thinking about it.

"I think I fucked eren"

-----

You lied on your bed that night with your fist balled between your cheek and your pillow as you tried to make sense of it all.

Did you really fuck eren? And if so, was what everyone was saying true?, did eren really put a collar on you? And choke you? Was it eren that had you bent over his bed like some kind of slut as he pulled your hair harshly.

Cringing, you rolled in your bed onto your back and started bouncing your foot under your soft blue blanket. You didn't want to be thinking of it. Truthfully, you just wanted to know if eren had told anyone else except his friends, but it made you sick to think about.

His room is just down the hall. You thought. Maybe you just go down there and face him, tell him to stop talking about it. The idea terrified you because you knew he was not going to listen to you.

Still in your red cotton pyjamas, you gathered the confidence to walk down to erens dorm. Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

It was eren who answered it. He stood leaning on the wall with his bare torso on display, and grey sweats slung low on his defined hips. It was all coming back to you now. You remembered seeing erens abs in that walk-in closet for the first time, and how not 20 minutes later, he had riding them, grinding on his abs like a slut.

"Are you gonna fucking speak or not?"

He was always so fucking rude. Such a prick for no reason.

"You know what I won't now. Just out of spite" you fake smiled.

"God help me, stupid fucking bitch. If you don't got nothing to say then get the fuck out of my face" he spat.

"Wait!" You hit the door as he went to close it. "I really do need to talk to you",

Eren sighed and closed the door behind him and stood out in the hallway with you. You at least appreciated he was listening, or something along those lines.

"Listen, I think we did some stuff last night at your party" you whispered

Eren snickered and scoffed at you. "You've gotta be taking the piss. I did not fuck you and your fucking four eyes"

Ouch.

"Would you stop being such a prick!" You exclaimed.

Eren grinned and yawned, stretching his strong arms in the air. ",sorry no can do"

You sighed. Eren lowered his arms from the air and crossed them over his tattooed chest. You spotted a butterfly, what looked like a matchstick on fire, some words, and then a patch on his pec that looked like torn skin with muscle underneath. You admired the tattoo artists' attention to detail.

"Listen I know we didn't fuck at that party. Because I would not fuck you if you were the last person on earth. And even then" he scoffed, not needing to say anything further.

"What the fuck is your problem? Did I fucking kill your parents or something? You sure do fucking act like it!" You pointed at him harshly.

"Watch your tone when you speak to me, yiu fucking bitch. Don' fuckin try and yell at me when you look like I could have you humping my fucking boot in seconds", he sneered at you as he reached for the door handle.

"Oh and one more thing, if you try and tell anyone that you think we fucked. I will make sure you fail the half yearly" he said nothing else before walking into his dorm.

He'd left you standing in the hallway absolutely shocked.

----

After your incident with Eren in the hallway, you decided to spend the rest of your day studying in the library. You wanted to focus on your history textbook, but why were erens words still ringing in your ears?

"If you try and tell anyone that you think we fucked, I will make sure you fail the half yearly"

Did it really matter that much to him? And if it did, why can't he just tell you instead of being an asshole? Although you wanted these answers, you decided that you too would also like to forget it happened.

As the afternoon grew later, all memory of the night with eren had disappeared past hours of history and English work. As you made your way down the main hallways, you saw a bunch of people all flock into the courtyard, which could only mean one thing.

You found mikasa in the crowd luckily. "What's going on?" You asked her.

But as you peered over a shorter boy in the crowd, it became clear what was going on. One guy was on top of eren, repeatedly punching him in the face. Blood splattered all over the grass, indicating the fight had been quite violent even before you showed up.

"What happened?" You asked her.

"I honestly don't know. One minute, eren was fine, and the next he was on the ground doing exactly this" mikasa explained.

"Shouldn't someone help him?" You questioned.

Mikasa scoffed. "Yeah, but are you gonna go in there?" She smirked at you like you were some kind of idiot.

And to be honest, you felt like one. Although eren had treated you horribly, something about seeing him on the ground almost helpless had sorta broken your heart.

"I don't wanna watch this" You said and walked away.

Leaving behind any thought of eren or the fight as you went back to your dorm for the night.

---

You had wanted to spend your night in your dorm sitting in bed with oreos and some kind of trash TV show for background noise, but as soon as you heard a knock at the door you knew it was all over.

You stood up and opened the door to reveal none other than eren fucking Jaeger himself. Without asking permission, he entered your room and immediately slumped down against your bed.

Closing the door, you quickly went to his side. For whatever reason. You tried to lift eren on to your bed but it was no use, he was 80 kilos of pure muscle, he wasn't going anywhere.

"Just fucking leave me alone" he shrugged you off, hissing in pain as he moved his shoulder.

"Your in my fucking room! At least tell me Why are you in here?" You asked him.

Eren slumped against your bed, almost passing out. His face was bruised and swollen with flecks of blood covering his cheeks, a stream of the crimson liquid slid down his face and another from his nose.

"Eren, let me help you," you said

"No. Fuck off" he groaned and shifted in his position.

You shook your head and tried to lift him again. "Please just cooperate for once", you begged.

Eren sighed, and with a short amount of breath and strength, he was on your bed leaning against your headboard. Eren huffed and groaned as you tried to make it as comfortable as you could with some pillows.

"A thank you would be nice," you told him with raised brows.

Eren sighed. "Ugh. Thank you. But I'm still not letting you touch my face. God knows where your hands have been" he made a face of disgust and then slowly his eyes started to close.

"No no no" You quickly tapped him, opening his eyes back up.

"Fuck off would you?! Jesus christ!" Eren pushed you off of him once again.

Straining his shoulder like that was not helping him at all. He knew that. But he would rather die than have you tend to his wounds like he was some kind of baby.

You sat up to face him. "I know you hate me. Believe me I hate you too. But if you don't let me help you, your going to spend the rest of your night in pain"

Your eyes were soft in comparison to his sharp, hardened ones. He scanned over your face, seeing you were genuine in your words.

"Ugh, fine. Fucking make it quick I don't have all night"

You should've punched him in the face for being such a prick, but he had definitely endured enough of that today. You reached under your bed for your first aid kit and brought it up infront of you.

"Do you seriously have a first aid kit under your bed?" Eren spoke almost out of pity.

"Of course I do." You grabbed out a cloth and some alcohol spray. "For idiots like you who don't know how to keep their mouths shut"

"Alright, yknow what? If your just gonna be a whiny and judgemental bitch about everything then I'll go to the fucking nurse"

Eren went to get up, but you grabbed his thigh. His head jerked in your direction.

"Please. Just stay. I'm sorry for being a bitch okay?"

Eren took a moment to look at you. His dark eyes were droopy and swollen, painted with small bruises. His gaze was hard on your face, making you feel like you were some kind of submissive object in his path.

"Fine", He lied back down on the bed.

"I need you to come closer to me eren"

Something in your tone sounded desperate. Chills ran up your body as you remembered the party. And lying in eren's bed, when he was choking you into the mattress while he drilled into you. You felt suddenly tense and shifted in your position.

"Why don't you fuckin come here?" He spat, sounding offended that you wanted him to come to you.

"Sit on my lap," he ordered.

Your lips parted slightly. After what you'd been remembering about the party, you felt uncomfortable to even be in the same room as him. You gave him awkward stares.

"But-" you stuttered.

"I don't fucking have time for this shit. Just fucking sit on my lap y/n jesus christ" he let out an exasperated sigh.

You knew you were ticking him off by being slow, so you did as you were told and climbed onto his lap to have better access to his bruised and battered face.

You were now inches apart from his face but close enough to feel his dick in his pants. Up Close eren was beautiful. Even more so than usual. His eyes gleamed a dark green, like poisoned emeralds. Under all the bruising and blood specks, you saw beauty. Dark, unfiltered, and unapologetic beauty that was eren through and through.

And if he hadn't been such a prick, you would've said now was the perfect time to kiss his peachy lips, decorated with a small cut, which was lightly grazed over with blood and swelling.

You leant back and grabbed the alcohol and cloth. "This is gonna hurt"

"Oh like I give a single fuck" he scoffed. "Just get it over with for fucks sake"

Cautiously, you pressed the soaked cloth to his blood-stained face. Even though you had already warned him beforehand that it was gonna hurt, it didn't stop him from reaching and grabbing your wrist tightly, letting out a painful hiss.

"Relax," you said softly as you started wiping the blood off with the cloth. "I told you it would hurt yaeger"

Eren's dark eyes stared up at you, not amused in the slightest. His grip on your wrist didn't die down as you kept wiping til there were only visible bruises on his face, on top of a few small cuts.

Something about it broke you.

"Listen," you said. "I know you hate me, and probably don't want my advice"

Eren huffed. ",at least your aware of that",

"But just take care of yourself, would you? I'm not gonna be able to do this again, eren"

The brunette stood up and reached for your door. Thinking he was just gonna leave, it surprised you to see that he didn't, instead he came and sat beside you.

He had something to say. You could tell. despite how little you knew eren, he looked like the kind to have no filter. You'd heard it, too. On multiple occasions.

"Do you want to know why I hate you?",

Straightforward to the point. Biting at your lips nervously, you considered if you really wanted to know why. You kinda liked that he hated you, because it meant his stupid ass would leave you alone.

But at the same.

You really did just have to know.

"Of course I do",

Suddenly, eren's soft expression changed into something pissed off. Like you had just told him, you murdered his whole family and strung them up. It was like a deep hatred that, if your honest, truly frightened you.

"Oh what the fuck am I doing?! You don't deserve to know!" He swiftly moved to the door.

"Your just some fucking bitch for gods sake. Your pathetic and childish!"

As he spat poison at your face, you found yourself frowning at the corners of your mouth.

",fucking pathetic, whiny bitch"

Eren took one last look at you and scoffed before slamming your door with a powerful swing. It made you jump out of your skin. You were terrified and frankly a little upset.

Confused at what the fuck had just happened, you messaged mikasa to come over.

"Can I put the ice cream in your fridge?", the black haired girl turnt to you.

You didn't know that asking mikasa to come over for a conversation entailed her bringing historia and pillows, and ice cream, and a speaker with a bunch of movies to watch.

A sleep over if you will.

"So!" She jumped onto your bed with a block of chocolate in her hand. "What did you wanna talk about? The party? The school lore? The writing on the bathroom walls?"

You chuckled. "School lore sounds interesting. But actually I wanted to ask you both about eren"

Historia choked on her juice. "Has he finally snapped?",

Mikasa nudged her shoulder as if to say shut up, side eyeing her.

"We were all kinda expecting this to happen actually", mikasa said matter of factly.

"Really?", you furrowed your brows.

"Yeah," mikasa swallowed the chocolate in her mouth. "It's kinda a long story"

"I'm willing to listen," you said instantly. Genuinely.

"Basically he doesn't really date anymore", historia said bluntly.

"But you said he's your ex boyfriend,", you turnt to mikasa.

"I know. But I really meant more like a friend's with benefits kinda thing. I wanted more, but it was hard for him to attach to the idea. He's been hurt really bad before by a lot of girls in the past"

Mikasa opened a tub of ice cream and gave you and historia spoons for the three of you to share. It felt like a distraction.

"And what happened with them?", you asked cautiously.

Something in you felt like this story was going to truly destroy you hearing it.

"The girls at this school are not really what they seem. Before he became like this, eren was truly the nicest guy you could ever meet. He used to get straight a's and smile. He was the life of the party without the party. But it changed once he started sleeping with different girls each night. We all thought he was just having a bit of fun, but we were so wrong"

You noticed mikasa was struggling to speak as a lump formed in her throat. "Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

"No" mikasa interrupted you "I'm fine I can do it"

You nodded.

"Eren kinda drifted from us. He was distant and cold for a very long time as he started getting into heavy drinking and drugs. We used to find him on the verge of death most nights out in the courtyard. We all thought it was his own doing, but we couldn't have known how wrong we truly were"

Historia noticed how distraught mikasa was getting, handing her the ice cream. She took the lead in the storytelling. By now, your heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces, hearing about eren was horrible.

"He was being spiked. And when we confronted him about it, he just shut us off. We didn't hear from him for months. Hell, we barely even saw the guy. Anyways once he started realising what was happening, he came to us all begging for help, but he didn't want therapy or advice of any kind. He just wanted us to kill him"

You could've thrown up out of upset right then and there. Your heart no longer had a steady beat and instead bashed rapidly against your chest. You tried to take a deep breath, but nothing was coming out.

"Hey hey relax its okay" historia comforted you by holding your shoulder.

"It's a pretty rough story we know. But it's what you need to know about eren to understand him" mikasa spoke.

"Does he talk about it anymore?" You asked

"He tries not to," historia sipped her drink, "we all think he's passed it, but you can never be too sure"

For the rest of the night, you tried not to let the story bother you as the girls watched old rom com movies. But you couldn't forget how it made you feel hearing it. Eren was just down the hall, alone.

You knew because you had been keeping an ear out since he left your room. His door creaks slightly in a high-pitched tone. And since he left your room, you haven't heard the noise since.

You wanted to see him. You also knew he wasn't gonna care for how you were feeling, and he was likely going to push you away or punch you, or do literally anything to get rid of you.

Hell he might throw you off his balcony.

But you were not going to be sleep tonight without seeing him.

You snuck out of the bed, careful not to wake mikasa and historia who snored peacefully, as you walked out of your room and down the hall. Tiptoeing as quietly as you could, trying not to wake anyone.

Finally you reached erens room. Dorm 139.

You didn't want to knock. You wished he was just standing there already waiting for you. With the small amount of alcohol in your system, something in you tingled.

"Whoevers outside I can fucking hear you breathing"

Eren was coming. Fast. His footsteps were loud, too. He opened the door to meet your puffy and red, tear stained face. To you, your eyes could only focus on eren and how his towel hung low on his defined hips. You eyed his body, trailing from his sharp collarbones to his v-line, where part of you wished he would just take the towel off.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

You don't know what induced you to make the next move, but you did, and you slumped yourself onto eren, pushing him backwards as you hugged him tightly.

Completely frozen, eren stood there for a second before pushing you off.

"What the fuck are doing?!" He shoved you harshly away, causing you to stumble backwards almost falling.

"I-" you froze "I don't know, I'm sorry"

He slammed his door shut with his arm before standing with his arms crossed. "You wanna fuckin explain why your here?! Why your pathetic face is in my vicinity?"

"They told me everything" you said softly

Eren stood for a moment before he ran a hand down his face, letting out a pissed off groan. Clearly, he was hoping you weren't ever gonna find out.

"Well, are you happy now?" He flung his arms in the air.

"Eren..." You said barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry"

"Yeah, thanks a lot!" He stormed up his stairs. "Fucks sake!"

You heard his door slam. And for a second, you didn't know if you should follow him. But it was out of the question not to. You stood up and went upstairs, only to find all the doors, were closed.

So you had no idea where he had gone.

You tried each door, holding your ear to it, trying to listen for anything. A breath. A cry. Anything.

Little did you know eren was listening to your steps, silently laughing to himself as he heard you struggle to find where he was. He lifted his arm and unlocked the door, which caught your attention, immediately you hurried to the door and pushed it open.

"Eren?!" You exclaimed.

Looking down, you saw him sitting in his towel on his bed. The same bed he'd fucked you on at the party. The same bed he said he loved you, out of rotten drunk blindness of course, but you still thought of it.

He sat with his head in his hands. His hair in a wet half up ponytail.

"Eren" you kneeled infront of him, holding his forearms. "Eren look at me" you said softly.

Slowly, the brunette lowered his arms to reveal his red tinted face. A few stray tears ran down his cheeks.

"Does this make you happy to see?" His lips bent into a pained pout.

"No" you replied quickly.

"Why are you even here? Did you come to gloat? Or bask in my agony? Come to tell me that 'it's okay your not alone'?"

He did the last part in quotations with his fingers. Watching him, you could tell he hasn't received the love he wants. Although he had his friends who supported him, you felt that eren was just missing something they couldn't give him.

"Of course I didn't" you said

Eren eyed you. "I came to tell you that I'm sorry. And that I understand how difficult it is"

As his eyes lingered on you, suddenly his eyes started to swell with tears, and his head without warning fell into your body, landing in your lap. Eren began to sob. Not in anyways you had ever felt before.

It wasn't just a normal cry. Or a sob of agony. It was asking to take it all away. To take the pain away, and your heart broke for eren.

"I don't like being mean to people. I don't like hating people. " he kept talking as he sat up from your lap. "But do you know what it's like to constantly live terrified of everybody you meet? Afraid that one of them is going to try and sleep with you?"

You looked at the blankets. "I do not know what that's like. But I know what it's like to avoid people. I might not have any past trauma, but I just don't like people"

Eren and you chuckled lightly. And for once, it felt nice to be near eren. All the other times you'd met him, he was a prick and brooding, and he was always trying to fuck with you.

But in this moment, he wasn't.

Eren stood up and walked over to his bookcase, where he pulled out a small present box. You took the opportunity to admire the tattoo on his back very briefly before he came back.

"Here," He handed the box to you and sat back down.

It was heavy and wrapped in plain blue paper.

"Is this for me?" You asked

"No, it's for the fucking president" eren scoffed "of course it's for you, just fucking open it would you?"

Your fingers started pulling at the strings of the small white ribbon wrapped around the box before you started clawing at the paper.

instantly, your heart dropped.

'Bronte'

The book was a hard cover. Colored a dark green with gold detailing up the front and the along the spine. It was in pristine condition.

"eren..." You looked at him. "Did you get this for me?"

He leant back on his arms.

"I didn't get it per se, I'd kinda always had the book, but I overheard you say once that you'd lost your copy of it. So I saved mine for you",

You were speechless. Whatever words existed were gone in an instant from your lips. Thin tears lined your eyes as you come to a realisation.

He didn't even bother asking if you had actually found your copy of Bronte. He simply gave you his without a second thought or care to the world.

"I thought you hated me" you said.

Eren huffed out a laugh. "I do hate you. But I'm not a monster. I know what it's like to lose something precious"

"I don't know what to say. I mean, eren it's beautiful but do you really want me to have it?"

You placed the book behind you on the bed as eren stood up and walked to his dresser. You blushed and turned around.

"What are you doing?", He asked

"I thought you were getting dressed? I figured you'd want some privacy, " you replied.

Internally, eren made a mental note to remember to marry you right then and there.

"Right, thank you", He cleared his throat.

And as you heard the towel drop to the floor, something in you just wanted to turn around. It was like a force beyond your control, a whisper in the air.

But you had more self-control than that. And you weren't here to oogle at eren.

"So, did you want to give the book to me or not?" You kept your question from earlier.

"It wasn't exactly a yes or no"

You rolled your eyes at the cryptic answer he gave you.

"Now let me ask you a question", He said

Immediately a lump formed in your throat.

"Were you really there at the party that night?",

Although your back was turnt to him, you felt his emerald eyes digging and clawing at you. What were you going to say? Say yes and risk having him throw up and kick you out? Or say no and risk losing your chance to stay longer with him.

"I- yes, it was me. It was me when you came out from the closet and saw Connie in your mask, and it was me dancing with you, who replaced that other girl, and it was me you had bent over your bed. It was all me"

The air grew tense with each passing moment, and eren stayed quiet. You didn't know what he was thinking or even doing because you couldn't see him. Was he going to say that it was horrible sex? Or that he was ashamed that he was seen with someone who happened to be me?

"Plesse say something" you said softly "say anything",

"I knew it was you"

You could've imploded right then and there. Turning around swiftly, you came face to face with erens shirtless body leaning on the dresser with his arms crossed.

"You what?" Your mouth hung open

The brunette laughed to himself. "Of course I knew it was you, y/n, you're the only person at the school who would be stupid enough to come into my room. And also I knew it was you, because I saw instantly that when you came in, you didn't know where you were and everyone on campus knows what my bedroom looks like for multiple reasons"

He rubbed his tattooed hand over his face with a smirk. "I'm honestly shocked you thought I didn't know"

"So what about you threatening that you'll get me failed in the half yearly?"

Eren swallowed. "I admit it was a bit low. But I wanted to keep you safe, I thought that by threatening you, you wouldn't tell anyone. Therefore, none of the campus sorority girls would come for you. And believe me, they are fucking psychotic"

Trying to make sense of it all, you ran your fingers over the hem of your pyjama top. Avoiding erens eyes, how domineering they were, afraid you would ruin such a perfect moment with how badly you wanted to kiss him.

"Come here" you heard him say

It wasn't a request or an option. It was a command. Gentle and elegant as you were, you stood up and walked to him, immediately captivated by the smell of eren. A woody, citrusy scent enveloped your sinuses.

"Eren..." You said "if tonight is the last night we might ever be like this, like we are now, soft with each other...let me have you, once more",

You traced over his tattoos, your eyes catching the glints of silver on his face from his piercings. His sharp face held softer features than the cover shows. Eren's breath grew heavy as your arms glided up his biceps.

"I don't think I could ever not be like this with you again," he breathed against your lips as he lifted you around his waist.

Eren carried you to his bed, laying you down gently as he hovered his naked torso above you. His small silver chain dangled in front of your face almost teasingly. His green eyes caught yours in a daze.

"Tell me you want me" eren mumbled against your ear, leaning down into your nape.

"I want you eren," you answered him.

Your hands snaked around his body, feeling his sides and the muscles flexing in his back. His back rippled against your touch, suddenly making you feel like yoy had more power here than you thought.

Eren sat up and danced his fingers around the waistband of your pyjama shorts. "Are you okay with this?" He looked at you.

"More than okay" you nodded.

Eren tapped your hips, signalling you to lift them as he took off your shorts, throwing them somewhere on his floor. Eren's tattooed fingers traced over your skin, giving you goosebumps.

"Don't be a tease", you pouted.

Eren chuckled. His eyes dark with something wicked, glaring at you. Eren pushed his body back onto yours. You felt his weight sink you into the mattress, and you liked it.

"Can I taste you?" He spoke against your lips.

"I want to kiss you." Your soft eyes looked up at him.

"You only want a kiss from me?" He tilted his head.

He danced his fingers down your body. "Of course I want other things, but, please just kiss me", you pleaded with him.

Eren nodded and leant down to you, connecting his lips to yours. You wrapped his hands around his neck, pulling him into you as your mouths moulded together desperately. He tasted like mint gum, the flavour burnt your tongue with a tangy minty air but you were addicted to it.

Once eren pulled away, his lips were pink and swollen. "Thank you" he said

"For what?" You furrowed your brows and tilted your head.

"For wanting to kiss me first"

You stared into eren's eyes, admiring the crystalline green that gleamed back at you. You brought your hand to his face, and eren bathed in the touch of your skin on his. You were warm and sweet to feel.

"I think I'd happily kiss you a thousand times eren" you said softly

"God, I love my name on your tongue," his lips curved.

For a brief moment, all you wanted to do was to feel eren's fingers, hands, anything, and you wanted him to feel you everywhere. But as soon as he sat up again, his abs and biceps flexed as he retied his hair, all you could focus on was pleasing him.

Eren hummed in amusement, bringing his hand to the back of your head, forcing you closer to his bare chest. You hated how much you loved being near eren. Even though he was a prick, an asshole, a brooding, moody asshole, you couldn't deny something had always attracted you to him, even from the moment you first met, something about eren was captivating.

"Can I say something first before we go any further?" You sat up from eren's chest.

He nodded. "Of course"

You didn't really know how this was gonna go. You hoped it would end exactly how you wanted it to.

"I- I think I kinda like you eren, and if it's okay with you, I'd really like to be the girl that makes you believe in love again"

Eren was silent with parted lips and wide eyes.

"I know it may not be easy to trust again, and I'm okay if it takes a while for you to warm up to me. I wanna be here for you. If you'd let me, if you'll have me"

Eren nodded rapidly and pulled you close to him, pulling you onto his lap before planting his lips firmly on yours. Eren slipped his tongue in your mouth, giving breathy moans as his hands found your hips and squeezed them roughly, passionately.

You felt like you were floating. Even if eren was a cloud full of rain, you loved the rain. Being close to him felt like dreaming. This was the man you hated. Used to hate. You might even still hate him if you were honest.

But you hated, not him, but how easy it was to fall for him without a single care to the world.

"God yes. Goddamnit I'll have you every day until I die. That's a promise. Fuck ill pay for everything you want in life and bring your flowers every day, hell I'll happily give you fucking baby. Yes, absolutely yes.",

----

THIS TOOK A LONG TIME BUT IM SO PEOUD OF IT.

I Have A Memory. Back At The Party

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