Sometimes A Family Is A Gentlewoman Academic Who Can See Dead People, The Head Of The Civil Service,

Sometimes a family is a gentlewoman academic who can see dead people, the head of the civil service, and the two child soldiers whose planet they're annexing.

Sometimes a family is a bunch of guys who used to work in a lab together who've now become amnesiac fascist demigods in a complicated polycule with their lab manager/god, a skeletal princess, and a haunted teenager.

Sometimes a family is half a fascist demigod, second cousins timesharing a body, and the feral soul of planet earth (who is very upset that family doesn't include more dogs).

just realizing now that this isn’t just a joke about Nona being six months old. of course she finds flowers sexy. of course the embodied collective soul of the earth thinks the sex organs of plants are sexy. oh my god

happy valentine's day who wants to throw themselves on a fence spike for me while reciting biblical wedding vows as your last words so i can consume your soul and gain immortality but after confronting god who says he cannot bring you back i become so overtaken with grief that i lobotomize myself to erase my ability to conceive of you in any capacity to prevent my body from absorbing and using you as an eternal battery after which i send myself to a purgatory dream state and you surface in control of my body and defend it from the alien bug soldiers of a murdered ghost planet that are trying to kill me for the sins of the emperor i worship and then i stay sleeping in hell while you end up back in your own body and then my body kisses your body but it's while being inhabited by the soul of the earth and eventually you try to sacrifice yourself for me again but you can't because you're dead now and then i wake up in my own body finally in the same room as you but i faint and get carried off by eldritch barbie before i can hear you assert your devotion to me by calling her a slut. either that or we could get coffee

Imagine you’re some little evil woman sitting in Hades’ throne room when Orpheus walks in to make a deal to get Eurydice back, and Hades is like “yeah ok, just don’t look back otherwise she has to stay here” then walks out of the room. Almost immediately after hearing the conditions, Orpheus breaks his own neck so that it is physically impossible for him to turn it, and then demands that you gouge out his eyes for good measure. Eurydice then gets really upset because she’s convinced this is a sign that Orpheus hates her and never wants to see her again, and Orpheus is completely convinced that this was a normal and logical thing to do.

You are literally the only person in the universe who recognizes this as an act of love. They both then insult you to your face for thinking this is anything other than very normal (Orpheus), or petty hatred (Eurydice).

You are Ianthe Tridentarius.

Making a Google drive with the Rainbow Magic Books, feel free to share with others!!!

(let me know if you have other books)

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