Youve Been Faking Your Death For Centuries To Hide Your Immortality. Now, Modern Medicine Is Making Things

You’ve been faking your death for centuries to hide your immortality. Now, modern medicine is making things difficult.

id wreak mayhem for a really good scifi where sight was considered as exotic and numinous as telepathy by the protag species

MORE AU IDEAS

• “My stupid friends roped me into a mall scavenger hunt and you’re on the list” AU • “We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike” AU • “You’re adopting the cat that I’ve been trying to adopt for a week now” AU • “You just moved into the house next to my mom’s and she has you doing her yardwork” AU • “I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me” AU • “My brother/sister asked me to break up with you for them i’m so sorry” AU • “I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop” AU • “Our dick landlord just evicted us both” AU • “We both just moved in with our siblings and they’re neighbors” AU • “I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who shares my name” AU • “Your cat got my cat pregnant and now I have all these kittens please take them” AU • “I’m your ex, you are a cop, and I just got arrested for being drunk and disorderly” AU • “Remember that one time in college when we were at that party and you asked a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah well that was me and we’re adults now” AU • “You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating” AU • “You’re a cop, I’m a firefighter, we always work the same shifts” AU • “You always ask me for help but I have weird health conditions that prevent me from doing so” AU • “Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his” AU • “My kid just shot a bottle rocket into your window” AU • “We’re both in the vegetable isle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages” AU • “That’s my fucking fish that you just caught give it back” AU • “I’ve had a crush on you since the 11th grade but you’ve hated me ever since that one time” AU • “The advertisement did not do you justice” AU • “You jipped me of those concert tickets so I came to your house asshole” AU • “You think I’m nervous because you’re interviewing me for this high end job but actually it’s because you’re stupidly hot” AU • “Oh shit this isn’t my car” AU • “You fell off the map 6 years ago and you think you can just waltz back into my life. Literally. You’re the dance instructor for my best friend’s wedding and we have history” AU • “It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked ” AU • “My dad’s a cancer patient and you’re his nurse” AU • “Did I mention that I had a dream about you last night? Oh right we’ve never talked about before” AU • “Lol this was a terrible idea” AU • “juSt a game? jUST A GaMe????? FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN” or the “so competitive it’s almost sexual” AU • “Aren’t you the person from marti gras last year?” AU • “We’re both on the same multiple stop flight schedules to go to the same destination so we might as well stick together. Also your shoulder is a very comfortable pillow.” AU • “Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough” AU • “We’re in an exam study group and I just send you my nudes by accident oops” AU • “Somehow my gallery sculpture piece looks exactly like you how weird” AU • “That tattoo on your chest is the exact same as mine” AU • “I was actually awake when you did that thing” AU • “Why do we keep running into each other when we live on opposite sides of the country?” AU • “We need to be really quiet but you have the hiccups” AU • “Why do you always walk your dog at exactly 12am every night? Do you not enjoy sleep?” AU • “For the love of God, what is making that noise?” AU • “Somehow you manage to scare me everytime we run into each other and i already get frightened very easily let me live” AU

So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.

Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.

If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.

Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.

Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.

Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.

Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.

MATH NERD VAMPIRES

When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the blond,” “the magician,” “the older woman,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. 

If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

Myths, Creatures, and Folklore

Want to create a religion for your fictional world? Here are some references and resources!

General:

General Folklore

Various Folktales

Heroes

Weather Folklore

Trees in Mythology

Animals in Mythology

Birds in Mythology

Flowers in Mythology

Fruit in Mythology

Plants in Mythology

Folktales from Around the World

Africa:

Egyptian Mythology

African Mythology

More African Mythology

Egyptian Gods and Goddesses

The Gods of Africa

Even More African Mythology

West African Mythology

All About African Mythology

African Mythical Creatures

Gods and Goddesses

The Americas:

Aztec Mythology

Haitian Mythology

Inca Mythology

Maya Mythology

Native American Mythology

More Inca Mythology

More Native American Mythology

South American Mythical Creatures

North American Mythical Creatures

Aztec Gods and Goddesses

Asia:

Chinese Mythology

Hindu Mythology

Japanese Mythology

Korean Mythology

More Japanese Mythology

Chinese and Japanese Mythical Creatures

Indian Mythical Creatures

Chinese Gods and Goddesses

Hindu Gods and Goddesses

Korean Gods and Goddesses

Europe:

Basque Mythology

Celtic Mythology

Etruscan Mythology

Greek Mythology

Latvian Mythology

Norse Mythology

Roman Mythology

Arthurian Legends

Bestiary

Celtic Gods and Goddesses

Gods and Goddesses of the Celtic Lands

Finnish Mythology

Celtic Mythical Creatures

Gods and Goddesses

Middle East:

Islamic Mythology

Judaic Mythology

Mesopotamian Mythology

Persian Mythology

Middle Eastern Mythical Creatures

Oceania:

Aboriginal Mythology

Polynesian Mythology

More Polynesian Mythology

Mythology of the Polynesian Islands

Melanesian Mythology

Massive Polynesian Mythology Post

Maori Mythical Creatures

Hawaiian Gods and Goddesses

Hawaiian Goddesses

Gods and Goddesses

Creating a Fantasy Religion:

Creating Part 1

Creating Part 2

Creating Part 3

Creating Part 4

Fantasy Religion Design Guide

Using Religion in Fantasy

Religion in Fantasy

Creating Fantasy Worlds

Beliefs in Fantasy

Some superstitions:

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