Dom Red Flags: A Checklist For Less Experienced Submissives

Dom red flags: a checklist for less experienced submissives

This is written mostly for inexperienced subs who are seeking doms. I would also recomend less experienced doms read as well, I could have used a lot of this advice when I first got started. If you have a lot of S&M experience, you probably won't get much from this post. Feel free to add to it if you reblog. Full checklist under the cut.

Aftercare - Always mandatory. While it will look different from different people aftercare is still an essential part of a dynamic. If a dom has a problem with aftercare, either your version of it or the concept in general 🚩🚩🚩

Safe words - Always mandatory. Safe words are essential for both doms and subs. It’s valid to use them at any time for any reason. I suggest two safewords for every dynamic. A pause word and a stop word. Yellow and Red are pretty standard in many BDSM circles and they’re fantastic for explaining the concept of each. Yellow or Pause meaning take a breath, check in, and communicate. Red or Stop meaning immediately end the scene and provide aftercare. If the sub is gagged or otherwise speech impaired, a particular noise they can annunciate like “Nuh uh," snapping your fingers, or holding onto a loud object they can drop to create a distinct noise are fantastic alternatives. No one should ever be made to feel guilty for using a safeword. If a dom has a problem with safe words, punishes their sub for using it, or doesn’t immidiately stop when the safeword is used 🚩🚩🚩

Check-ins - Recommended. In any dynamic, the dom has a responsibility to make sure their sub is comfortable with the scene as it’s being carried out. Sometimes things can get intense, and if the sub is in subspace, they may not always be able to catch when something starts to overwhelm them. To avoid negative outcomes, I suggest regular check-ins. They can be as simple as “would you like another slap, baby?” or “how does that feel?" or as in-depth as a full pause of the scene. I recomend simple check ins for short scenes (under 10 minutes) and longer water breaks and full pauses during longer scenes. Check-ins are especially important for inexperienced subs and anyone exploring a new type of play. If you think check-ins sound like a good idea, then ask for them! And if your dom refuses 🚩🚩🚩

Boundaries - Always Mandatory. You and your dom both have a responsibility to communicate your boundaries with each other. You also have the responsibility not to cross each other’s boundaries intentionally. Ever. If a dom doesn’t listen to your boundaries, repeatedly crosses them, pushes you to do things you explicitly aren't okay with, or refuses to admit that you don’t like something 🚩🚩🚩

Adapting/Taking critism - Very important. No dynamic will be perfect from the start. Expectations and desires change over time, and even the deepest of connections will evolve. This means that consistant communication and feedback during the dynamic is essential. Bdsm is not about a dom molding a sub into whatever they want. It's about exploring mutually held desires. Both a dom and a sub need to be able to tweak their approaches to each other with time, listen to critisms from each other, and continously adapt as your perceptions of the dynamic change over time. If you have a 24/7 dynamic, I would recomend a regularly scheduled pause every day to talk about the dynamic, voice any critisms, and adjust accordingly. If a dom doesn't want to adjust their approach for you, or shift things in your dynamic based on what you want and like🚩🚩🚩

Punishments - the dynamics conceptualization of punishments should always be pre-negotiated. What is the purpose of punishments? Are they meant to be fun for both parties? Does the sub even want to be punished? Does the dom want to preform punishments? What activities are both parties okay with? If a dom refuses to take all this int account, or wants to give you punishments you dissgree with despite any out-of-dynamic protests🚩🚩🚩

General tips:

Trust your gut - If a situation feels wrong, back out. If someone feels off, or if something isn’t adding up, don't do it. If your gut tells you to run, run. Most BDSM carries inherent risk, if you aren't 100% sure you're willing to accept that risk, don't do it.

Don’t compromise on your boundaries. Ever. - If you feel uncomfortable doing something don’t do it. If a fantasy or scene seems like too much, refuse. There are plenty of doms out there, ignoring your feelings for one that makes you uncomfortable is never worth it.

Talk to others in the community - Please please please for the love of god talk to other subs. Talk to doms that aren’t interested in you. Talk with your dom’s other playmates. Talk with your friends who do kink. Other members of the community are an essential resource and act as a great bullshit detector if something doesn't seem right. Provide support to each other, be as open about your dynamic/potential partners as you comfortably can be. Listen to their feedback.

Sub drop/dom drop - Drops are completely normal during kink. I’ve had them, subs I’ve been with have had them, friends who participate in kink have had them. If you do kink, you’ll probably have a drop at some point, and that’s okay. Your dom should be someone who can comfort you during a drop, the same way you would comfort them if they have one. Your dom should be someone who can make you feel safe during a drop. They should be someone who is willing to comfort you and be there for you while you feel those feelings. 

If you have questions about any of this please dm me or send me an ask.

i can never use a d1ldo when i'm getting off because I finish too fast to enjoy it. I hope nobody uses that against me

Hazy smoke hangs in the air of the cramped basement suite. Water gurgles in the stained glass tube as the girl puts a lighter to the bowl. The man sits on the couch and watches her exhale a giant cloud. Tiny coughs follow her eighth bong hit that hour. He’s been counting. Dazed, she puts the glassware on the coffee table and stares at the anime playing on the TV.

“So, do you go on a lot of tinder dates?” He makes another desperate attempt at conversation. “uhm, not really….” The girl mumbles back. Waiting for her to elaborate, the man stares at her. She’s pretty, but swimming in an oversized hoodie and sweats. Disheveled, the lady sinks into the worn cushions. “What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?” He watches her face. She watches anime. “uhh, I don’t know…”

“So far this is above average.” The man wishes he was being sarcastic. “yeah…” She starts to fill the bowl again. “…do you want a hit…?” Her first question. The third time she’s asked it. “No, but thank you, you’re a very gracious host. Like I said last time: I don’t smoke, but I really appreciate the offer.” The man’s voice drips with false charm. “yeah…” Her lighter clicks, her ninth cloud of smoke drifts out of her lungs.

He scrolls through his phone. The girl slowly slumps over, reclining on the couch. When the episode ends, the man glances over at her. Expecting her to be asleep, he finds her eyes half open. His host’s hand is down the front of her sweatpants, slowly rubbing. “Are you… masturbating…?” She blinks slowly. “…huh…?”

They watch the intro to the next episode. “Do you like this show?” The girl keeps rubbing. “…yeah…” He nods. “Do you want me to fuck you?” She stares at the TV. “…yeah…” The man unzips his and kneels on the couch. Slowly grabbing onto the waistband of her pants, he pulls them down and off. The girl keeps absent-mindedly rubbing at her pussy.

Her fuzzy cunt peeks through her legs. Lying on her back, she lazily spreads herself open. The girl’s red eyes glance up at him as he rubs his cock against her hole. The man looks at his date, and she returns her attention to the show. His head is slippery after only a few seconds of rubbing. Dropping his hips, the man buries his cock in the girl.

Fucking her stoned pussy, he runs his hands over her body. Lifting the girl’s baggy hoodie, the man finds her cute, perky tits. He admires her body and gropes her freely. “You’re a real pillow princess, you know that?” The girl looks down at her naked body and returns her fingers to her clit. “…what…?” Ignoring the question, he fucks her harder. She gives a weak moan.

“…you’re pretty big… >.<” The man lifts up her hips and uses her like a doll. “You can handle it.” She turns her head to the side. Watching TV, rubbing her clit, taking cock. He tries to push himself deeper with each thrust. The small girl can’t quite fit him but doesn’t whine. Letting her ass drop back onto the couch he spits on her hole for more lube.

Taking a short break, she sits upright. Her bong is filled again. The man watches patiently as she inhales the white smoke. Clearing her lungs with a few coughs, the girl flops back onto the pillows. She gives him an awkward smile and rolls onto her stomach. Silently, he straddle her ass and works his cock back into her pussy.

The man takes his time, fucking her slowly. Almost an hour has passed when he finally cums inside the limp girl. His cum sticks to her short pubic hair as he zips up his pants and puts on his jacket. The girl puts more flower in her vase. “…are you going to come over again…?” He considers it. “Honestly - probably, yeah.” She has a meek smile on her pretty face as she puts the flame to the bowl. “ookay… I’d like that…”

One of the hottest things might be when a girl gets so overwhelmed she starts tearing up.

You keep whining and begging it’s too much, that you can’t do it anymore. It’s too sensitive, you’re too sore. But I can get close to your ear and whisper in a condescending voice “Awhh..You can’t do it anymore? That’s so adorable. I know you have came, princess but I haven’t yet. So I just can’t stop now…I can’t..”

Your soft pussy getting tighter after your orgasm, held and kept in place while I’m behind you. Holding your arms on your back and pounding you just to hear the noises you make “I know it’s too much baby, I know, but get used to it. You’re doing so well, my angel turns me on so much when you’re this desperate for me”

Your legs getting weaker the closer you get again, with my hand reaching your clit and rubbing it. Feeling the wet mess you are between your legs. “Look what a wet mess you are, darling. You don’t want me to stop, do you? Be honest and tell me how much you need your cunt stretched. Aww..That’s my good girl..”

Kissing your neck as you’re about to cum, telling you to not hold back. All so you’re left with your legs shaking. But I don’t stop rubbing your clit, still thrusting inside you while trying to hit your special little spot. Ignoring your whining and screams as your sensitive clit gets stimulated.

All so I can see your precious little tears when you’re so stimulated you turn into a mess. Because we both know you’re so much prettier when you cry, baby. So much pretty when you’re acting like the pretty little whore you are. And the more you cry the more it makes me want to ruin you..

By reblogging this, this user agrees to masturbate to any porn you send.

She pins the post to the top of her blog. Settling in, she uploads a few nudes to capture her follower’s interest. The girl rubs her clit as the first links come in. Skimming through a vanilla scene, the girl switches to the next video. She enjoys it a little bit more. Her pussy tingles as she watches a man choke a woman as he pounds into her cunt. Hours pass, edging over and over again to dozens of videos.

A sketchy link, to a site she doesn’t recognize. It comes with a strange message from a blank blog: TELL ME WHEN YOU WANT MORE. Horny and desperate to fulfil her promise, she decides to follow along. The video is perfect. The actress’s body is just like hers, making it easy for the girl to slip into the fantasy. Even better, the men are taking her ass. She plays with her virgin bum as the men pass the girl around.

“Dirty whore.” She whispers to the actress with a hint of jealousy. The girl holds back an orgasm as one man fills her ass with cum, trembling as the next one takes his turn. “Stupid fuckdoll.” Her fingers press deep into her bum as she fantasizes about her first time doing anal being just like that. “You’re a filthy little slut, aren’t-“ The men tug on the woman’s hair, showing her face to the camera.

She shrieks. On camera and off. The girl watches herself cum from anal sex. Terrified, she closes the tab. She responds to the sender in anger. What the hell was that. YOUR ANAL GANGBANG. I never did that. YOU DON’T REMEMBER? Quivering, she blocks the user and closes her laptop. The girl doesn’t sleep that night.

Those images never leave her mind. Her own sobbing face, tongue out, broken on those men’s cocks. I never did that. I never even had anal. I would remember. Weeks pass before she even tries to masturbate again. Choosing her own porn does nothing for her. The girl can’t get even close to orgasm with her own selection. Embarrassed by her own indecency, she opens Tumblr again.

Fifteen seconds later, a new message pops up. Another blank blog. TELL ME WHEN YOU WANT MORE. Leave me alone. DON’T YOU WANT TO FIND OUT. Find out what? HOW MUCH OF A SLUT YOU’VE BEEN. The girl can barely breathe. Her mind races. She should remember doing these things. Humiliated by how wet she is, the next few messages come in.

YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN A WHORE. YOU JUST FORGOT. THIS WILL HELP YOU REMEMBER. Another sketchy link. The girl can’t help herself. She’s already rubbing her clit as she clicks the link. In a flash, there she is again. Her eyes widen as she watches herself spread her ass open. Lowering her bum onto a thick dildo attached to a black saddle. Rubbing her pussy as men strap her legs to the seat, holding her in place. Grinning like an idiot as the dildo starts to vibrate.

Two months of edging are gone in an instant. The girl cums on her fingers as a man fucks the bound woman. Breaking her pussy as the dildo ruins her perfect asshole. Having cum once, she can’t hold back anymore. Fingers deep in her cunt, she watches the man’s cum leak from her hole onto the buzzing dildo. She cums each time a new man breeds her. The video ends and she watches it again. The girl falls asleep with her fingers in her pussy.

Not 24 hours later, she messages her new friend. I want more. He sees her message, leaning back in his chair. Underneath his desk, a collared girl sleeps in her bed. BEG. I need more. I need to know what a dirty little slut I am. KEEP GOING. He types the message and returns to editing the script. I’m so dumb, I forgot I’m a fuckdoll. I forgot I made all this disgusting porn. I need you to show me. I need you to help me remember. The man copies the script into the prompt. His GPU starts to whirr.

START RUBBING, SLAVE. YOU’LL REMEMBER MORE SOON.

pspspspsspss puppies with an oral fixation, I’m a masochist top.

You know I can’t breed you unless you break skin puppy, c’mon just bite down a little harder. I want to feel your nails digging into my skin while I push you over the edge again and again and again. I want to feel the drool run from between your teeth when you’re biting into my shoulder.

I need you to scratch me up while I make your eyes roll back. C’mon puppy, you couldn’t really hurt me.

Don’t think, Bite Down.