He Was Always There

He was always there…

Aaahhhh, weeelll, I haven’t posted in a while, huh? I saw a pretty good chance for a new meme so here it is~ aand, I really gotta update my settings so my transparents can show up correctly

I feel mostly fine now... I think I just got triggered a bit after seeing various otherkin haters on YouTube (I didn't know what I was expecting...) That shit keep popping out my recommend feed. I've started ignoring that though... But right now I still haven't found a stable answer... I wish to confirm my lost identity, but I still question whether or not this is a waste of time... as much as I absolutely believe on Reincarnation and the Multiverse theory, I don't know if speculating on something truly passed is worth it... I'm growing up now, I'm starting to have a life, would it matter if I'm a dragon once in my past??? I see a lot of people with issues of their own, they truly feel like they're not of this body, while I.... am very comfortable with it. I feel proud of my body mostly despite feeling I was being held back by it's weaknesses sometime... But overall what I hated is my mental state... I feel absolutely torn on many things, and what's worst is that I completely feel that my problems are petty... I guess... I'm still at that state... completely unsure of my self... But as I'm writing this down I'm starting to feel fine little by little... I hardly think my past memories might comeback, I'm not too interested in living in the past, I just want to know why I'm like this now, and if it turns out I am what I think I am then I'll move on, take into my heart what I once was but not letting it rule who I am now... Because I am a human now... and that's reality...

Animedia feat. Yugioh DM and arcv

Someone even drew a fanart of rin and Yugo as kids aw

I don't even know if my memories are legit... How do people do it??? How can they be able to grasp their memories of their past life and be comfortable about it...? I am relying entirely on the familiarity of my soul, the feeling of flying, of transforming, of feeling the fire build up in my throat and spatting them on my enemies... But I can't see my former home, my former self, am I brown scaled? Red scaled? White scaled? Do I live on high mountains or near a cold chilly ocean? Why am I attracted to fire and water at the same time? Why do I have memories of being human as well??? Does it connect to my draconity? Who the hell am I?! And then I see people... people whom encourages me to believe I'm delusional... conflicting me and tearing me into two... one part yearns for the knowledge, the desire to make sure what I'm feeling is legit, that I truly am once a dragon and that I didn't did this to inflate my very small ego... but my logical side persists, blocking any memory and saying to me, yelling to me that you're delusional! It's just fantasy! What's worse is that I want to ask for help... for someone to listen to me... to comfort me... to find compromise between the raging war of logic and belief dripping in my system... But if I do that, I'll just be deemed into an attention seeking whore...

I feel mostly fine now… I think I just got triggered a bit after seeing various otherkin haters on YouTube (I didn’t know what I was expecting…) That shit keep popping out my recommend feed. I’ve started ignoring that though… But right now I still haven’t found a stable answer… I wish to confirm my lost identity, but I still question whether or not this is a waste of time… as much as I absolutely believe on Reincarnation and the Multiverse theory, I don’t know if speculating on something truly passed is worth it… I’m growing up now, I’m starting to have a life, would it matter if I’m a dragon once in my past???

I see a lot of people with issues of their own, they truly feel like they’re not of this body, while I…. am very comfortable with it. I feel proud of my body mostly despite feeling I was being held back by it’s weaknesses sometime…

But overall what I hated is my mental state… I feel absolutely torn on many things, and what’s worst is that I completely feel that my problems are petty…

I guess… I’m still at that state… completely unsure of my self…

But as I’m writing this down I’m starting to feel fine little by little… I hardly think my past memories might comeback, I’m not too interested in living in the past, I just want to know why I’m like this now, and if it turns out I am what I think I am then I’ll move on, take into my heart what I once was but not letting it rule who I am now…

Because I am a human now… and that’s reality…