Daddys New Whip

Daddy’s New Whip

The most terrifying things about working at a haunted house - the pay and working conditions!

So im making a spotify list to play at my work. It needs to be radio version, but does anyone have some overlooked/ underappreciated spooky music?

My own pick is the original tip toe through the tulips.

obsessed w/ them

Do you think Astarion eats, like, at all? Or is it just blood, and any food he eats he does for show and just kind of. Vomits up later? I mean alcohol works on him, and he gets boners, so there's SOME bio-processes happening in there.

The point is, that assuming he does in fact eat, I imagine DUDrow and Astarion going to town on a BBQ whole pig or cow, or some other blue rare piece of meat, and you walk in on them and you genuinely think for a second they're eating a person. But it's just a rather rare side of beef.

(Must be at least brought to a safe temperature, DUDrow can still get trichinosis)

As entertaining as the scenario is, I genuinely don't think Astarion eats!

At least within mine/ANE's lore he has no use for food. He can consume it and keep it down for a while, but it doesn't taste particularly great and he does need to regurgitate it sooner or later. Alcohol has no effect on him either, unless consumed second-hand by drinking from someone who's had it (not scientifically sound, I just think that's funny).

Obviously, it's a losing battle to try and apply biology to a DnD/mythological creature, so I'm all for people making up their own rules in that regard to make as interesting a character/life-state as they can.

Here's some aspects of vampirism as it applies to the canon I made up, and Astarion by extension:

Generally, a vampire's body is in stasis. It's in a stand-still that emulates the exact biology it had when it died.

if enacted within the appropriate amount of time, drinking blood and sleeping in caskets will regenerate most injuries, even ones that would be fatal to humans. The exceptions being: traumatic punctures to the heart, a beheading, or extended exposure to sun-light.

They are entirely immune to things like internal bleeding, infection, or organ failure. They are not immune to blood loss.

Hunger, proximity to running bodies of water, holy places, or entering homes without invitation will drain a vampire's vigor, perhaps even to the point of complete lethargy, but it won't kill them.

-And by "draining their vigor" I mean that they slowly begin to resemble rotting cadavers more and more in smell, appearance, and function.

Unless very freshly fed, a vampire will always emanate some kind of deathly, earthy scent. Said smell is specially apparent in their bodily secretions regardless of satiety.

They are very susceptible to bed-sores.

They have no means of biological reproduction. Their nut's dead.

If it's of any consolation to you, though, I've always had it in my mind that Astarion enjoys watching DU drow eat. So, we can still have the weird "walking into euphemistic cannibalism" scenario but now it's even stranger because one dude is just getting off to it in a corner instead of participating!

There's an obscure and criminally underrated anime based on the children's book "You're Umasou" which follows a young tyrannosaurus unwittingly adopting a newborn ankylosaurus and having to raise him. This film deserves more attention.