I Felt Like Rating Zitti E Buoni According To The Official Standards Set In Love, Love, Peace, Peace

I felt like rating Zitti E Buoni according to the official standards set in Love, Love, Peace, Peace so here we go.

Get everyone's attention

Opening the stage doors from behind felt pretty powerful to me

1/1

Drums! There has to be drums, +1 for gorgeous topless men and/or a grandmother

Ethan probably counts as gorgeous and he wasn't quite topless but his chest was still bare

1.5/2

Using an old traditional folklore instrument, +1 for an old man, +1 if he has a beard

sadly no old traditional folklore instruments and definitely no old men or any beards

0/3

A violin

Alexander Rybak stayed home this year :/

0/1

Add A DJ who pretends to scratch

Also no DJ in sight

0/1

Costumes, something that the viewers will notice

Oh we noticed

1/1

The song is about love or peace

well. No.

0/1

3.5/10 for the actual steps. Now onto what's really important.

Let the song beginn with passion

Yeah I see it

1/1

Let the wind begin to flow

No wind machines either

0/1

Look into the TV camera

Yes Damiano, we see you

1/1

Smile

There's definitley some smirks from Damiano, and Victoria full on grins at the camera

1/1

Fill the stage with light

After the intro the lights really begin to shine

1/1

Dancers will join us

Not a single dancer, even though Victoria and Thomas do their best

0/1

Old women baking bread

All of the old people probably had to stay home because of covid

0/1

A man in a hamster wheel

No hamster wheel (not even in any of the other songs. Sad)

0/1

Our hands will touch

Damiano touches Thomas' shoulder one time, but not his hand

0/1

We change the key

The third parla la gente purtroppo differs from the ones before so I'll let it pass

1/1

It begins to snow

No sudden weather changes this year

0/1

Burning fake piano

Neither a piano nor any other instrument caught on fire, massive dissapointment

0/2

Russian man on skates

I wish

0/1

Party for everybody

Looks like a party to me

1/1

End result:

More tricks in the hamster wheel

Still no hamster wheel in sight

0/1

9.5/26

There's definitley some room for improvement, especially concerning prop usage.

For all intents and purposes they should not have been the best and won the eurovision song contest.

our collective pyromaniac side during eurovision hoping for that piano to catch fire is matched only by our collective pyromaniac side during christmas hoping for the Gävle goat to catch fire. true folklore gods of the modern day.

Since I rated zitti e buoni last year it's time to look at the final performance of Stefania according to the official Winning Song Guidelines, aka the Love, Love, Peace, Peace Ranking. Let's go

Get everyone's attention

starting with the harmonies straight away 1/1

Drums! There has to be drums, +1 for gorgeous topless men and/or a grandmother

Sadly no drums or topless men or gradnmothers in sight 0/2

Using an old traditional folklore instrument, +1 for an old man, +1 if he has a beard

They had some kind of flute and plenty of beards, not all ages are clearly definable but we're gonna go with a fail on that one 2/3

A violin

Not a violin exactly but a contrabass 0.5/1

Add A DJ who pretends to scratch

No DJ but we'll give half credits for the breakdancer & rapping 0.5/1

Costumes, something that the viewers will notice

The pink hat alone nailed that one 1/1

The song is about love or peace

A mother's love and love for their home country during war times definitely works 1/1

6/10 for the technical parts so let's look at execution

Let the song beginn with passion

Enough said 1/1

Let the wind begin to flow

No wind machines on stage 0/1

Look into the TV camera

Hard to tell with the hat but there's some definite stares 1/1

Smile

No smiles this time 0/1

Fill the stage with light

Lights coming from all directions, even the floor 1/1

Dancers will join us

The dancers are there from the beginning but there's definitely dancers 1/1

Old women baking bread

No fresh bread on stage 0/1

A man in a hamster wheel

Once again not a single hamster wheel in the finale 0/1

Our hands will touch

They were almost social distancing during most of the performance 0/1

We change the key

Not the key but the rapping changes the beat 0.5/1

It begins to snow

The stage is set up like a sun without sudden snowfall 0/1

Burning fake piano

Still waiting for instruments to start catching fire again 0/2

Russian man on skates

Probably better they left this one out... 0/1

Party for everybody

The crowd was there for them 1/1

More tricks in the hamster wheel

Still no hamster wheel in sight 0/1

End result:

11.5/26

Slightly better objective score than maneskin last year but some of the essential eurovision props are once again missing. Still strong performance and definitely worthy of a winner.

The problem I have with Germany’s entry for Eurovision is that I wish it went harder lol. I want more scream singing.

BUT with some good lighting and staging this song could fuck so hard at the final. It’s glam rock metal, go full cheese with some fire and flashing lights