My Mental State Is Not So Good Right Now. Sorry But I Can't Today.

My mental state is not so good right now. Sorry but I can't today.

I survived that. I survived him. I can survive this. I can survive anything.

Landscaping

If you continue to read below you will hear more about my personal hygiene than you signed up for.  You’ve been warned.

I confessed this story to someone and their “WTF?!” reaction prompted me to post.

I used to shave my pubic hair.   All of it.  It was the only way he liked it. For those of you who’ve never done it before, or don’t have a vulva you’ll just have to trust that it is a seriously tedious and arduous task. 

Sometimes I wouldn’t be prompt with my upkeep.  It was such a pain, and there were so many things in my day that I had to do. There were constant complaints from him about how women find them selves good men, settle down and just let themselves go.  Then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

So one day I guess he just got so frustrated with me dropping the ball that he was going to take matters into his own hands.  Literally.

I was showering and he came in the room ( I curse EVERY bathroom lock we ever had for PURE INEFFECTIVENESS).  Without asking, he got in the shower with me and grabbed my razor.

He started shaving me.  I’ll admit I did not protest too much, but I was obviously uncomfortable.  That progressed shortly to physical manifestations of panic, fear and anxiety: dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing, chills (while in a hot shower no less), but I managed to hold back tears.

He got angry with me for shaking and losing my balance and went on a rant.  I had once again ruined what could have been a sweet and sexy moment.

Apparently I don’t know how to keep my cool with a razor-blade centimetres from my clitoris when it is in the hands of someone prone to outbursts and no idea what he’s doing.

When he got out and stomped off in a rage, I let the tears flow silently.

Rings and seemingly insignificant things

I still wear a ring he gave me in the early years of our relationship.  I used to look at it as a testament to my commitment to him.  Now it’s a placeholder until I can find something more suitable; I’m not ready to go naked just yet.

I’ve switched hands at least.

Another Middle Finger

He forbade me from ever going to a bar again. "There is nothing for you there."

I went dancing tonight for the first time in years. My ears are ringing, my feet hurt, and I had a bit of a panic on the two occasions I was approached by males doing the mating ritual. But I had.... fun?

I might go again.

Reminder on the rougher days.

Sad Things.

I found a list of names. If things had been different and I had a girl, we would have called her Alice.