I Am Walking At Night Regularly Again. On A Corner Waiting For The Light To Change I Hear Motorcycles.

I am walking at night regularly again. On a corner waiting for the light to change I hear motorcycles. Something told me to put my hood up.

Guess who rode by not 10 meters from me?

I included the times he asked me sarcastically. You know, the days where he thought I may have had a day he would consider better than his.

I retrospect, even in the honeymoon stage, he was never too interested in finding out more about me.

Strange behaviour toward someone he professed to love.

Little things

You know, in the last 10 years I think I could count on one hand the number of times he asked me how my day was.

They’re everywhere.

My new boss has told the director of sales (my colleague) that she should bring him along when she’s going to deliver a proposal because men are better at closing deals.

He called me ‘Dear’ on the phone and told me I should have more staff on when we are busier and less staff on when we are less busy (how insightful, I never would have thought).

He also insists our numbers are higher than they are despite my explicit explanation (and the math) as to how that is impossible. 

Furthermore, he told my other colleage and counterpart that he should speak to me “as a friend” (he actually is my friend by the way) about my attire and how it’s not appropriate for my role. I should dress more professional “ a skirt maybe”, and wishes to avoid an awkward encounter with me himself.  

Not that I want to give his suggestion much gravity, but I’ll explain something fairly quickly that he, as my boss, should have figured out within 5 minutes of discussing with me what I do.  My role in other larger companies would likely be a desk job with some sales/retention work with clients.  I’d probably have a nice office and staff to do about 50% of the work I currently handle myself.

Unfortunately, our site is on the smaller side and I run my department basically from ground level.  This means my job is about 60% physical - I’m running a lot.  So the suggestion of a dress and heels to work isn’t just offensive and inappropriate, it’s fucking downright impractical.

I have to have a meeting about this.  I may get fired over this.  Whatever the outcome, I’m not staying at this hellhole.

How the fuck is it, that every time one of these fucking shitbags enters a work place they kill off everything good around them?  Why am I the one who has to find something else?

Today is a bad day.

gaslighting does not always involve them calling you “crazy”

sometimes gaslighting is you protesting over and over, and them saying “you don’t have to make such a big deal out of it”

sometimes it’s “i really tried my best with you, but clearly i couldn’t do it”

sometimes it’s “i would never do that to you”, “if you really asked me to stop, wouldn’t i have stopped?”, “i don’t know what i’d do if i ever hurt you”

“denying and rewriting your reality” is not a one-time conversation, either. it is a sneak attack, flying under the radar and taking you out, one communication at a time, never drawing all the attention at once.

it is not your fault that you never saw it coming.

This is lowkey really cute