True That.

True that.

we take the naps we think we deserve

I'd seriously like to hear how you go about dealing with these demons, they sounds terrifying! Also had no idea we can hallucinate whilst awake as well as waking up/going to sleep! How do you deal with them? I haven't hallucinated as shockingly as that but I know with my dreams I know it's a dream and shake it off or try and control it. As for other realms I don't know... That's kinda why I'd like to know how you deal with them.

Mostly, I "guided meditation" pray. I'll write a post about it! Keep your eyes open. ^-^

And as for hallucinating whilst awake, I FEEL awake, but very sleepy. My brain LOVES micro-naps, and I'm thinking that when I'm hallucinating while "awake," I"m actually taking a micro-nap. You know that feeling where you stare off into space and you're on autopilot, or just stop doing whatever it was that you were doing? Or the term "The wheel's turning but the hamster's dead?" That's kind of what a micro-nap is for me. I don't really realize I'm in it until I wake up.

Ultraviolet

Soundtrack: Flyleaf “Fully Alive”, “Perfect”, and “Cassie”

   Colors, muted by the cover of darkness, drifted in front of my mind’s eye. Swirling, they surrounded me. The midnight music swelled and I was swept away.

   Penetrated, perforated, saturated. I became all of these as the music sped the colors, taking me deeper and deeper, touching that place inside that has always terrified.

   Radioactive, I once called myself, because of this place. Even that word, however, suggests light, or an explosion. This place, this feeling, this emotion, it is much more muted than that. It is an undercurrent, at best, a presence built of absence. Noisy silence. Darkest light. The denseness of a black hole, with the knowledge that “hole” is the wrong word. A star that grew too big to let light escape.

   The anger resides here, passing over the event horizon. That emotion, so new, is possibly the only one that can escape, but escape insinuates a being apart. This denseness consists of the anger, of the darkness in my mind and the spaces between my cracked psyche. Every time my life has shattered, this dense darkness has grown. This dense fire, flaming, raging through my heart.

   Where did it come from? Caves. The ultimate darkness of caves; The pressure of the earth above, and the earth below, and the earth all around. It’s formed from the echo of water, more a memory than reality, long lost by the thirsty roots. The strange formations of mineral and magic give it power, dwelling within the places where only the most basic of living forms exist. This dark fire comes from that ultimate purity.

   It whispered through my head during sleepless months, found that hole carved from childish dreams deep inside, naive hopes and trust, and set itself to stay. It is now part of me, the purity, the darkness that has form; That lightless fire – burning cold, comforting pain, unseen light.

   When all was stripped away, when the final fragments of my glass frame were taken and shattered, this denseness remained. This is what I have become, what I always have been behind the mask.

   You can’t break fire, for it has no form. You can’t extinguish it, if it has fuel. You can’t control it, for it is unpredictable. You can use it, but it remains its own master. Try, any of it, and you’ll get burned, unrepentantly.

Dream-thought

This sweet torture - I am lost on a cliff of profound understanding, caught between action and inaction, and trapped in a reality that is not my own. My words are my weapon, to strike out at this tenuous dream, to rent it to peices. Do I dare, though, loose the thread of this insurmountable struggle?!