I Get Scared Sometimes, And When It Gets The Best Of Me, I Feel Embarrassed And Just Stand There, Frozen.

I get scared sometimes, and when it gets the best of me, I feel embarrassed and just stand there, frozen.

Most of the time, I can coast through that tinge of reticence, but something about his pose and the way he looks at me down into the essence of my being, so vulnerably, it stops me in my tracks.

“I see you,” he softly spoke. “Come to bed, sweetheart, and let me hold you right here where you belong and keep you warm tonight.”

I’m learning this over time. The queer experience is dominant society punishing people like us the burden for simply existing. Do these people ever think that anybody asks to be born? Are we so abhorrent that we’re destined to die, yet we are needed to be alive to be their demonized scapegoat too? That’s the inconsistency of hate: it is learned, perpetuated, and it is illogical and incoherent by its very nature.

Like American comedian, George Carlin, said once in his “Jammin’ from New York” 1992 special, spoke: “If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”

We deserve better and owed better than what was going on in 1992.

Some days will be harder than others when you are sick. Don't be ashamed of asking for help, for accommodations, or canceling plans and staying in bed. Only you know what your body and mind are going through and you should listen to your needs instead of sacrificing them to make others feel more comfortable. Your illness doesn't make you a burden and you should stay away from people who treat like one. You should be loved for who you are, accepted completely as the complex human being you are. You are more than your illness, but remember to validate it and set boundaries with yourself and others regarding what your body needs so you can be healthy on the long run.

To those of y’all who are burly, strong, able to put on a fight and filled with that sweet tea-stosterone, your cute lil’ cripple queers will back you up with our canes and chairs to worship you. I don’t speak for anyone but me. Let me worship you and heal your wounds while you defend us from hate. 😘🫶🔥

I think one reason ableism is so prevalent is because it requires able bodied people to ditch the invincibility complex that acts as their security blanket. Anyone can become disabled at any time. No one is immune to the possibility. Letting yourself truly understand means facing your own mortality, which makes people extremely uncomfortable. But it is absolutely necessary in the fight for accessibility. Discomfort fuels change, and we need change.

i think that unless you have experienced life while being actually dead broke or near it at least once, its hard to really grasp at how, in many places but in america in particular, ‘having money’ is the access card that allows you to participate, materially, in being fully human. even in non-crisis situations, situations where a paycheck is on the way, you have enough of some kind of food to make it, and you aren’t in any danger of losing shelter, even if you hardly spend any money when you do have it, the state of being completely without money is a state of  being hyperaware, constantly, of how much smaller your world is all of a sudden and how many basic aspects of mobility and enrichment are off limits to you. its profoundly psychologically agitating to self worth and well-being even sans the trauma of worse states of deprivation, and i don’t think a lot of people who have lived comfortably without this experience understand that there’s a critical difference between ‘having less money’ and ‘having no money’ when talking about related issues.

Look, I know I’m AMAB and understanding what nonbinary means for me, and wow. It’s hot, baritone verbal men like @el-fuego01 who make me weak, wet, and wish to be impregnated by him. I love seeing a guy at this view, I love being overpowered and overwhelmed by such a brooding force that I just pass out in the middle of s*x. 🥵