Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

—Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

I feel like dying disappearing hurting myself running away from everything crying my eyes out yelling from the top of my lungs forgetting everyone becoming a ghost leaving everything behind never existing again punching myself until I learn my lesson never speaking again falling from the top of a building crying to my mother for not turning me into an abortion

But I'm here, at my desk, numb heart, blank face.

Forced to keep on living.

And tomorrow I'll wake up again.

Unfortunately.

I repeatedly started “floating away” today, but I managed to keep myself on the ground, so I wanted to share some grounding tips for those in the same position, whether you’re floating away or sinking from dissociation, anxiety, PTSD, depression, etc.

- take a brisk walk around the block; feel the cold in your lungs, the heat on your skin - whatever weather there is, FEEL it, focus on it

- sit down, feet flat on the ground, palms flat on your thighs/knees, and take at least three slow, deep breaths, in your nose and out your mouth. Imagine your stress or bad thoughts floating off you like steam as you do this.

- take a shot of hot sauce. It will trigger an endorphin rush, and the burning sensation will bring you back to the surface.

- splash cold water over your eyes - this will trigger the mammalian diver effect and slow your heart rate. If you can’t do this, try pressing something cold - like your fingers or a soda - to your upper cheekbones.

- flap your hands like you’re trying to violently shake something gross off them. Sounds funny, but it helps me.

Feel free to reblog and add your own grounding tips. I just know I wouldn’t have made it through the day without these, so I’m hoping it helps someone else.

People talk about wanting to recover so that they can re-gain their old selves, their old passions, their old interests

What do you do when you don't have an old self to go back to and re-gain? There wasn't a 'me' before mental illness or if there was I don't remember them

When you start struggling with your mental health at a young age, it becomes all that you know and your identity can become distorted around it

Now I'm an adult who has no idea what they like, what they enjoy or even how to comfort themselves

What am I supposed to do with myself and how am I supposed to find reasons to recover when it feels like drowning is all I know?

Love always,

Charlie