I've Misread (or, More Accurately, Misinterpreted) A Post About The Constructicons Plugging Into Each

I've misread (or, more accurately, misinterpreted) a post about the Constructicons plugging into each other. It was probably about them plug'n'playing, but regardless of the method, this medieval picture of Turkish men party-harding and chain-fucking each other got stuck in my head, and I can't UNTHINK it and unimagine the Constructicons having a circle orgy. It's like a circle jerk, but on a whole other level. Holy crap.

NSFW under the cut.

Fuck off, Tumblr, this is historical context. I post it for education. For friendship leaves a vacuum still, which love, and love alone, can fill. I teach about aşk here.

Oh, I see posts where I shit on Megatron's character arcs (and I'm not to deny that shitting on them doesn't make them any less interesting to analyze, seriously) finding their way to people. But I must admit, it's not always this bad.  TF:P Megatron's redemption arc: tasteless, but tolerable

Sure shit, everything is considerably less annoying if it's not shoved in your face. The whole ending of this series was rushed due to production issues, and the subplot leading to Megatron's finale just falls into this line. But if you put a not-so-brilliant plot twist at the very end of your story, it may become easy to ignore. I know that a lot of people hated the "Game of Thrones" ending so much they ended up successfully ignoring it. And it's not the ending that we seek in stories, yeah? "The Lord of the Rings" ended with magic and your beloved fantasy creatures leaving the world for humans to dominate. But who the hell loves tales ending and our mundane world beginning?

In short, I just waved Megatron's "redemption" off and genuinely forgot about it. 

And when I try to analyze it, it amuses me in the first place. TFP Megs is just a fucking junkie, hooked on Dark Energon. He spends a decent amount of his screentime either high or craving a shot. And if it doesn't make your expectations of him pretty low, just look at the whole take on his character. Dark Evil Overlord le classique, even his Sauron-ish, armor-like, edgy-spiky desing suggests how they wanted him to be easily read as just evil. Not a lost revolutionary, but a villainy villain.

And then this villain gets himself possessed by Unicron, a.k.a. robotic Satan (who created Earth, lol). Because he did drugs. Don't do drugs, kids, dope lets the devil into your body. The way they wrapped this Christian take on HLS into a robot abusing a magical cosmic substance is just really fun to me. And the possession feels so bad that even the mighty overlord questions his life choices and runs away crying.

The whole thing really drags your attention away from the team Prime's motivation to just let him go. Look, their whole planet is a junkyard, do they even have resources to keep Megs as a prisoner? To hold a trial? 

Shit, at this point I can't even agree that it was a redemption. Megs just took that, didn't like that, went all humbled by his unpleasant religious experience, and bailed pathetically. But maybe being pathetic is not so bad for him, hm?

Spent yet another day arguing over:

๑ Semicolons ๑ Line spacing ๑ Letter case

Why would I ever need a Transformer self-insert OC. I'm literally poor man's Ultra Magnus (or, more size accurately, Minimus Ambus). I could write a fanfic on him furiously fucking a list. Same for Tarn.

Mother of god, this fanon of Rodimus shooting like a fucking machine gun (while he's not, in fact, a gun, ironically) is one of the hottest things this fandom ever came up with. And I agree with it with all my heart and everything.

Robot premature ejaculators superior.

Rodimus being a valve mech bc his spike is so sensitive that a few tugs is usually enough for him to blow his load

he used to get teased for it by previous partners which made it hard for him to interface for a while since he didn't want to spike and end up getting grilled again especially now that he's a captain

but that's not a problem for Megatron

Megatron loves it bc whenever Roddy is getting to squirmy or too needy when he's trying to slowly take him apart he just starts jerking him off until he's overloaded like 6 times and can hardly string a sentence together and even tho there's a big ass puddle of transfluid beneath him and even more on him he's still rock hard bc he's got like no refractory period

Rodimus bent over begging to be fragged harder while Megatron gently rocks into him and grinding against his ceiling node and kissing his gestation tank wanting to have a romantic night of intimate connection

after Roddy tries one too many times to grind himself back against him Megatron releases the grip on his hip to reach around to his weeping spike and poor Rodimus he whimpers and apologizes promising to behave but Megatron knows he's lying and just saying that so that he isn't pulled over overload after sweet, agonizing overload until his circuits are nearly completely fried

he'll go limp drooling and begging Megatron to fill him up instead and that he just wants to be full which Megatron is more than happy to comply with pulling him in closer and working his way to his own overload popping through the opening to Roddy's gestation tank just as Roddy overloads one last time but from his valve this time and his whole frame shakes with the intensity

Megatron would go to pull out and Roddy would sob lightly wanting him to stay right there and he does just adjusting them both to lay on their sides where they recharge an absolute mess but they'll clean up in the morning

Megatron also enjoys making Rodimus spike him on occasion just to experience his desperate quick thrusts filling his valve with pumps of transfluid every couple of minutes but determined to keep going until Megs overloads too and with how much Megs loves getting his pussy creamed luckily it doesn't take long enough to kill him

there's just something so charming in that determination and the feeling of thick transfluid trying to gush back out of his valve before being replaced and then some is so debauched that he can never get enough of it

on rare occasions he'll ride Rodimus' spike until he's begging for mercy and gets to feel that fat valve cycle down around him nearly passing out when Megatron squirts

Bulky TFP Shockwave is insanely hot, yet I'm still trying to figure out how exactly we should explore his deadly otherworldy allure. There's something that captivates me the most. Oh boy, his damn HAND. Let's do some in-universe Shockwave hand fetish.

Maybe it's Starscream's nervous alertness going worse near his rival, maybe it's his millennia-long sensual (and sexual) deprivation, maybe a secret third option (Soundwave applying some sort of Wi-Fi Zersetzung mental control technology to destabilize him and make him more obedient by slowly uploading lewd thought-viruses into his operating system).

Whatever, it's just Shockwave's damn hand. An unpaired mechanism, elegant and graceful. Its exquisite shape would fit Knock Out better. It's a palm of a medic, or a dancer, or a sculptor, or a massagist. 

Oh, Starscream very well remembers this palm mercilessly grabbing his helm, almost shoving his head onto the giant metal thorn. Honestly, in reality, he would prefer not to stay in the same room with any of Shockwave's limbs, whether it be his cannon or this inappropriate hand. In the realms of his mind, though…

He's staring, again. Shockwave's dexterous digits are waltzing over the console, each movement precise, swift, smooth, and hypnotic at the same time. Starescream's wings give a very interested twitch. These fingers could as well be examining his moving parts, let's say, to check if everything is in order. Knock Out's competence sometimes seems questionable. They could be studying methodically Starscream's rivets, and gears, and circuits. The best Decepticon flyer must tick perfectly.

And maybe he could open his spark chamber, so… No, it absolutely has nothing to do with the real Shockwave. Starscream would rather join the Autobots before letting him anywhere near his insides. But receiving a little manual exam from these skillful digits sounds like what the best Decepticon flyer and, remember, second-in-command deserves. At least to make sure he didn't mess it all up while dosing himself with the Dark Energon.

At this point, Starscream is shivering slightly, his knees frail, his vents shallow and quick. His gaze never leaving Shockwave's digits, now plugging some device into the console, connecting the wires. They could be on his cockpit, tracing the seams with their sharp talons on the way to their target between Starscream's legs. Just where his most delicate machinery was all heated up, preparing him for the interface, his slender spike ready to be enveloped by these strong fingers. Oh, Starscream will craft any absurd explanation for Shockwave to continue his ministrations. Like, seekers can die from arousal if they're not jerked off or finger-fucked to completion. He'll lubricate in Shockwave's grip like a good bot. It'll appear absolutely logical to make him squirt.

He has to forcefully abort his spike's attempts to free itself from under his codpiece armor. It's hot inside his housing, maybe even leaking. That also applies to his valve, cycling behind his closed panel. Shockwave's pointy fingertips will prickle them carefully, spreading his soft, sensitive flaps, opening him up before the unblinking red optic. They'd point at his nodes, pressing them like they're typing a passcode. They would intrude, like Shockwave breaks into people's bodies and brains with his instruments and his cold, mismechanical mind. They would be his sweetest torture, until Starscream actually screams, jetting fluids helplessly, his legs shaking.

And, oh, in reality, his legs are shaking. Shockwave is still facing his console and multiple screens, paying zero attention to what's happening behind his back. And there is Starscream, seized by the sudden spasming tension, stretched out and muting himself with his own hands over his throat and mouth, and dripping on the floor between his heels. Wings fluttering. Clearly overloading.

With a sharp hiss and click, his treacherous spike is also out to shoot its thin but impudent release. Leaving him no excuse in case Shockwave turns around. Strascream's spark, a nanosecond ago flaring with charge, goes ice-cold along with his drooped wings. He's damned. Betrayed by his processor and all his systems. Doing this… this without a single touch, just fantasizing about Shockwave fingering him. Now any cortical psychic patch session will be the end of the great commander Starscream. 

He needs to get out of here. Now.

"Starscream?" Shockwave's plain, mechanical voice creeps under his plating instantly, as always cold and passionless. But Shockwave's finials jiggle, bearably visibly, as in interest. "Is everything alright?"

Soundwave and his mind games be damned.

Im guessing that was a queued post, since Easter was on 3/31.

Oh no, not queued. I know some were eager and celebrated on March 31, but it takes to wait a bit longer in Eastern tradition. Some still party like true byzantines. All this calender shit is weird, but it's really funny when the whole English-speaking (America-dominated) internet has already celebrated, and then some people (including the huge Greek diaspora in America) just awake and decide that now it's THEIR turn to devour all the eggs.