I Dont Understand How The BDSM Community Constantly Talks About How Important Consent Is, But Then They

I don’t understand how the BDSM community constantly talks about how important consent is, but then they also talk about “subspace” as if it’s a totally normal and even desirable result of a “scene.” 

“Subspace” describes the state of someone who has gone through so much pain during a BDSM “scene” that they enter a dissociative state in order to cope with it. It’s often described as being similar to an out of body experience, as being “trance-like,” or as being a state where the mind recedes from the body. 

Even putting aside from the fact that it doesn’t seem healthy in the first place to hurt someone so badly they have dissociate to cope with it, how exactly can someone give ongoing consent when they’re in a state like that? If a person isn’t competent to give consent when their brain is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, how are they mentally competent to give consent when they’re literally in a dissociative state? 

“im a survivor and i engage in bdsm to cope and explore my trauma in a safe environment”

you just admitted yourself that you’re retraumatizing yourself. what’s more, you’re retraumatizing yourself… for the purpose of sexual gratification? and your partner is not only okay with it, but playing the part of your assaulter brings them sexual gratification as well? and you’re still gonna argue that it’s a healthy coping mechanism and a healthy sexual practice to be involved in?

tbh “cuntboy” and “dickgirl” (god both of those words make me gag) content is the worst kind of trans-fetishizing porn because the people behind it take trans people as a concept, reduce us to our genitals, and then when we object to it they insist its not about us.

“this is my oc who i draw porn of, shes a woman with a penis” “…so shes a trans woman” “no she was just born with a penis” “so a trans woman” “no, you see, shes a dickgirl. she’s a futanari.”

its people finding transgender people and our bodies sexually appealing, but they dont want to deal with us as people. they dont like us having identities or opinions or lives, they just like us in a sexual context. so they strip away every part about being trans (the struggles, the community, the identity, the process of self discovery and acceptance, etc) and just make it about our genitals. they want women with penises and men with vaginas so they can get off to it, but they dont want all the stuff that comes with being a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina.

then they slap a bunch of fancy names onto it (dickgirl, cuntboy, tgirl, futanari) and act like its this fictional concept thats the height of sexual fantasy and deviation as a cop out and a way to avoid taking responsibility and deal with the people they fetishize and objectify. because its not a trans woman, its a futanari. its not a trans man, its a cuntboy. so us mean transgenders are just getting offended at nothing and making everything about us.

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If I’ve learnt anything from my contact with the bdsm community, the poly community, the geek community and the atheist community is that any social group who claims to “not to be like other groups” and to be"accepting and safe for all" is going to spend a lot of energy hiding the predators within the community and silencing abuse survivors.

tbh i really don’t like going to any feminist event that advertises using any variant of the “reclaim the word ‘slut’ because it’s liberating” rhetoric because 99.999% of the time the only sexuality they want to promote and protect is that of young white cishet women who think being on top during sex is the same thing as empowerment and who think trans women and lesbians are the devil