Lie To Me

lie to me

genre. angst.

summary. jungkook is reminded of the day he left you. the day you cheated on him. the day he gave you a second chance. the day the two of you were separated.

warnings. infidelity. explicit language

note. i was bored so i wrote this. tell me why i love writing angst? i wish i didn’t.

The first of September. It’s meant to be a special day, but I can’t help remembering the yellow flowers you received that evening three years ago. I saw your face change so quickly, I swore you weren’t feeling well. I asked immediately if something was wrong. You denied me, you refused to tell me the truth. I must confess I hated you the moment I saw you cry when I threw those flowers away.

When you were sleeping, I couldn’t help but stay awake. I stared at the ceiling with fear spreading in my chest. The numbing feeling hurt me as I kept overthinking the worst. You cheated before. Were you capable of doing it again?

The sight that welcomed me the next day after work confirmed my suspicions. The minute I stepped inside the apartment, I heard you, my love. I heard the whispers and the moans spilling out of your mouth. I can’t recall if I heard him too. But if I did, I can’t remember. I must have blocked it.

The pain was too much to bare, you know? Heartbreak. I thought I wouldn’t feel this way again. Tell me, is it possible to feel your heart break when it’s been broken before? I know I should have left, but even the disgust couldn’t prevent me from feeling curious.

I took small steps, afraid that one wrong move would alert you. I’m going to be honest with you. I had dreamed of catching you in the act before. When you first cheated, it was you who admitted to your fault. It hurt. But I knew if I had seen it all unravel in front of me, I would have died with my heart wounded by the arrow you shot at me.

When I opened the door, I don’t think I was aware of what I would find. The two bodies enveloped under the blue sheets our friends gifted us when we first moved in together were moving with no awareness of me. I thought even at that moment that if I had dropped a coin on the floor, you wouldn’t have heard me.

Finally, I think you perceived something was wrong because you looked over his shoulder in worry. When you saw me, you immediately pushed his body away. The man’s face crumbled when he saw me. I knew then that he was no stranger to my existence. You rushed to find your clothes, not hiding your nakedness from me. Though I could tell you were ashamed.

I gave the two of you time to get dressed. The man had the audacity to kiss you before leaving. But you were only looking at me with worried eyes. I knew you knew what was going on in my head. You always said my eyes could never lie.

When our home was in silence, I told you to sit down. You moved closer to me, but I turned away from you. “I can fix this Jungkook. I can fix us. Please give me some time to forget.” To forget? I didn’t understand what that even meant. But I made the best guess I could.

“You want time to forget him?”

You frowned when you heard my response. “No. I mean I want to forget I hurt you again so you can forget as well. Please Jungkook.” The eyes I once loved were pleading with me and for a second, just a split second I believed your words were honest. The tears were so close to spilling from your eyes, it was pretty evident given you stopped looking at me after you said this.

“You look so pretty when you are about to cry.”

It was obvious you hated what I said. You looked up at me with angry eyes. I wasn’t looking for a fight. I had enough of hearing your voice. “Jungkook be serious! I just fucked someone in our bed and you’re not even acknowledging what I did! Say something!”

“Fine. I’ll be honest. I hated you when you cheated on me the first time, but I healed. I moved on. I chose to stay with you because I loved you.”

I kept my eyes on you because I wanted you to see I was being honest. There was no lie and no reason to deceive you. “I loved you. But I think I don’t anymore. I thought I’d die if you cheated on me again. I felt sick, I won’t deny that. But when I saw you with him, would you believe me if I said I felt relieved? Like I was finally free. It sounds crazy but it’s true. I don’t hate you anymore.”

The words spilled out of my mouth so quickly like it was the first time I was telling the truth. Lies were always bound to break people apart. No one ever warned me that truths would do just the same.

I heard you cry that night. I heard your muffled pleas and your tearful apologies. I heard it all. Though I wanted to comfort you, I didn’t feel like I had the right to anymore. I realized then that I didn’t pity myself anymore. No, I didn’t pity the person I used to be or the person I was at that moment. I pitied you.

And I pitied you even more when I heard you say, “Lie to me. Tell me you still love me. Fucking lie to me.”

Well, some things aren’t meant to be. I realized that when I gave you a second chance. But I don’t regret it. No how could I? I’m sitting here on my birthday with the people I love most in this world. With my wife and my family.

On this special day, I give thanks to you for the life I have now.

so handsome~ bonus:

this stubborn heart

The morning awoke Jungkook with warmth and he allowed himself to believe that the day would turn out differently.

His days so far had been marked with pain. Days where all he did was cry and drink until he was completely numb of any emotion. The memory of you and your hands letting go of him was engraved in his head. The wounds you had given him were becoming scars at this point.

He laid there on the hard floor, contemplating skipping another day of work. But he knew better than to actually go through with the idea. As much as he liked to believe he had enough to survive another day, he knew the money he had left would not be enough for him to sustain himself.

When he finally got out of bed and out of the small house, he walked over to the stables.

The man he grew accustomed to greeting every day was there cleaning the stables. “It’s a bit early for you, sir?” the man asked him as he worked on his morning duties.

“Yes, it is. But someone needs to bring food to the table.”

He barely made enough money to buy this house. The house he gifted you when you told him you’d leave everything behind to be with him. But there was no point in feeling sorry for himself. He deserved a life without you.

After leaving the stables, he walked over to his cart. Grabbing the cloth that covered the cart, he discarded it to reveal the goods he would sell for the day. There wasn’t anything in there of great value. Only a few spices, wine, fruits, and vegetables.

The sun welcomed Jungkook as he moved his cart to a less crowded area in the village. As much as he wanted to sell everything he had, he didn’t want to fight again with the other merchants. They all shared a distaste for him. Maybe it was the fact that his sole existence stole their customers.

Unfortunately, he didn’t like conflict so he was going to avoid them at all costs.

He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh morning air. When he opened them, a couple made their way to his cart. The words that he always rehearsed with a smile were ready to spill out. But the moment he saw your face, he couldn’t say a word. Time froze for a few seconds and he thought he was going to die at that exact moment.

You appeared indifferent to him, almost like you didn’t recognize him. The man to your right was linking arms with you. His smile never once faded while he spoke to Jungkook. The poor man was oblivious to the tension between the merchant and you.

“Sir please be quick. We have a ship to board.”

Jungkook lowered his head and grabbed a bag from one of the boxes that he kept inside the cart. He placed the fruit inside one by one. But he was quick with it, having done this since he was a child.

If he looked up, he knew your eyes would be focused on the man by your side.

He’d be a liar if he said it didn’t hurt.

Maybe you really did give up on him.

The rumors of you and some other man were true. He couldn’t live in denial anymore. The evidence of the bitter truth was right in front of him. Yet he wanted to believe that you still loved him. That those glossy eyes and pretty lips still belonged to him.

He handed the bag to the man without looking over at the two of you. The feeling of sadness was consuming him and he wanted to leave.

When the man paid him, he finally got the courage to look up at you. He had to savor your face one last time. His stubborn heart needed a final image of the face of the woman he loved.

“You’re leaving everything behind?”

The question spilled out before he could shut himself up. Your eyes met his face and you finally showed him a glimpse of what he missed the day he let go of you. Three months had passed and it felt like it was just yesterday.

When his misery clouded his mind and caused him to say mean things he didn’t mean. The fight started over the stupidest thing. But it escalated when he mentioned that you made a mistake leaving your family and life for him. This hurt you and in return, you hurt him.

“I regret ever meeting you.”

The moment those words left your mouth, you wanted nothing more than to disappear. Especially when Jungkook’s eyes met yours and he stayed silent. He wasn’t going to cry or have a breakdown.

Even when you opened the door to leave, he didn’t make an effort to stop you. He had an expression of pure agony, but he kept himself there. You cursed him for the love that left as quickly as it started. Nothing was left of it, but memories.

You despised him for breaking your heart. For stepping on it over and over again. But this stupid heart of yours ached for him. The heart that never stopped loving him.

The heart that made you believe it was possible to start over.

“If you tell me to stay, I’ll stay.”

notes. i love displaying what love really is. something so beautiful yet so painful. two lovers that are flawed. yet they can’t leave each other. if you read this, thanks! i appreciate it a lot <3

he became more stunning day by day (cr. @taee)

the tattoos, the curls, the poses, the thighs, the waist, the nose, the lips THIS MAN IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.

‎star, ☆ intro #uno

navi memento mori latest. in dreams ⸼ ۫