Somedays You Mess Up

somedays you mess up

somedays you give in to the part of you that says "I shouldn't eat that dead animal's flesh, but I really want to"

"I miss meat"

"that looks/smells so tasty, just a bite"

and it's alright.

just try again tomorrow.

sometimes you open the silverware drawer, stare at the knifes for awhile and then close it. because deep down you know that you're too scared to do anything.

I'd kill myself but that would hurt. and I don't do pain.

freshly washed, dry, warm clothes make me sad. something about the feel of them against my skin is depressing.

Closure

I know, closure is important to all of us. But please don’t sacrifice your happiness over trying to be happy. I know that doesn’t make sense so let me explain. When I was younger I was dating this boy. I thought I was in love with him. We did stupid things that made the world to me. We went to the county fair and he held me tight while we watched fireworks. It was like I was living a dream. But then something happened and I couldn’t speak to him anymore. I cried every night for months. Every night I’d stay up waiting to see if he’d tap at my window or anything. But every single night came and passed and he wasn’t there. He came over one time to collect his things and I told him how much he still mattered to me. I needed him to tell me he still cared to or I needed him to tell me it was over. But he said nothing. He just left. And for a long long time I always thought he’d come back to me. I messaged him through a social media app telling him every little thing I felt. And he told me he just didn’t feel that way anymore. Because I needed closure, I put myself in a position where it just opened my wound. If someone decides to leave, let. them. go. If they wanted to stay then they would. It’s not some movie where you’re supposed to fight for them and they come back. Maybe they will come back a few years down the road when you’ve both matured and you’re both ready. And maybe they won’t. We can’t waste our lives waiting for people to come back, we need to spend our lives with the people who are still here.

-Alex