A Report! From Inside The Walls Of Mallmart

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

'Guess what coworker decided to show up wearing a non-Mallmart logo on their shirt and got in trouble with management?At least he didn't show up late again, but see, I told him not to do this and what does he do? Does he not heed my warnings?'

I type angrily into my phone, exhausted by my long day. The discord server is quiet. 

'I was the only one that stayed after to put out the dairy section when management came asking. Everyone suddenly had an emergency reason they had to leave.

I got it done though.'

'Going the extra mile for the benefit of a job that only seeks to exploit your labor is not noble. They do not appreciate your hard work Ciara, they appreciate how cheap it is to employ you. Don't push yourself to the limit to appease them when they can't even be arsed to provide water during a heatwave in return,'

The reply, was not as surprising as I felt it should be. No instead, it just confirmed something laying dormant in the back of my head for the last few weeks. I thought about how management shut off the water to the breakroom. 

"We're having work done on it for the benefit of our wonderful employees. On an unrelated note, some of you have been taking too many coffee breaks in our breakroom when you should be working, so from now on we encourage you to be mindful of that. That is not why we shut off the water. Please stop asking".

I thought about when Taylor had overheard that conversation, I thought about how Aiden had gotten points taken off for missing work even though he had called and explained he had been in a car accident. The writing was on the wall,

 I need to do something.

A Face Down Burial

I always sleep face down. It's a habit of mine, I guess. I know what you're going to say, 'That isn't healthy!' 'Studies shows that sleeping on your stomach or in a way that restricts your airways is a common cause of nightmares and other sleep disturbances!' And I know these things, I consider them carefully. At the end of the day though, when it is time to retire to my bed, I always lay face down. And when I'm dead and gone, they'll bury me face down too.

I guess when your life is out of order, you turn to a lot of different things- booze, relationships, etc. 

Mine? 

Mine was religion. I saw all this stuff happening around me and I thought, my life is falling apart. I need to get baptized. So I planned to go in, and sink back into my roots, my family, my faith in order to make sense of the strange happenings in my life. Maybe when I re-emerged from the water I'd be different. Maybe I'd be better. I needed this for me. So when I went into work that morning, I thought for sure everything was going to be looking up. 

…

I didn't realize my video was uploaded. I had tried to upload it originally, of course. I had gone to great lengths of converting the recording so that it could be viewed on my blog, but then I got cold feet and canceled the whole thing. And now here it is, up and running. And management wanted to discuss it with me. Now that's a frightening thought. I can't go too into it, but nobody likes to have their name called overhead, directing them to the big boss's office. The amount of times I've seen people leave that dark, dingy room looking hollowed out is more than I can count on one hand which is probably bad. So you can imagine how I felt when it was my name being called this time, right?

 Management's office had all the lights out and it was unreasonably dark for the rest of the lights in our store. It smelled of old carpet and coffee- something that shouldn't be nostalgic, yet somehow is in that closed, confined space. So, I took a seat across from the frail and wobbly little table that was repurposed into a makeshift desk, and I listened quietly. Very quietly.

"We already know about your blog, Ciara."

Being honest, hearing an actual voice on the other end of the desk put me at ease immediately. "Oh! By all means feel free to give me a follow on Madam-" They didn't have to cut me off, I already knew that was not what this was about. "Hand over your work phone, and give us your password." Everything was no nonsense immediately (as it usually was). My blood ran cold. This was it, this was the day I inevitably went too far. With my phone in their possession, they turned on the screen, and tapped that little t icon on the phone. You know, the one work phones shouldn't have? They fumbled with my phone foreveerrrr. Like my god, how can someone who's above me in the pecking order of this strange little business be so dense? "How did you upload this? This needs to be taken down." 

"I dunno…" I mumbled shyly, running the sole of my sneaker into the flattened and sticky fabric on the floor.

"Tell us how you created this,"

"I just hit a bunch of buttons until something worked, I don't know how I did it!"

I could feel the exasperation behind the table. "This insubordination will get you nowhere. Why don't you have a granola bar, and calm down. We'll discuss this again once you have this keto-friendly, perfectly nutritious granola bar." The eyes behind the desk are looking at me desperately, ginting from far away led overheads. I can read the straining in there, the need to stay professional and calm. 

"No thank you."

"There's no need to be stubborn. Granola bars are comforting. This is vegan friendly. Go ahead, take one." From the darkness, a single box of granola bars was pushed across the desk. "I don't think I like how you're asking…" 

By the time I left, my head was spinning, I grabbed my cart and made my way to the main salesfloor…and rammed that cart right into the side of an aisle while in a complete daze oh my god Ciara, why- 

The cart was now pushed up against a craft department aisle, the items on the shelf jostled. What's more is that I felt the dawning realization that I was in fact out on the main sales floor now, and I could feel eyes burning into me. 

"I'm blind as a bat, aren't I?" I pushed my glasses up as the customers stared on. "Don't tell my boss, 'kay?" I laughed a little too hard at this before briskly moving ahead to our sports department. Taylor asked for me to document what I can so that's what I'll do, is what I tell myself. Just because it's a little inconvenient, doesn't mean I get to stop now. "Ciara, hey dude! I'm going to need you over here to lift the pool sets in our seasonal section," Aiden was now speed walking alongside me, pointing back at aisle two of the seasonal department. Aiden Gossman had come in late to work yet again, and I could feel my blood pressure rising. How many times have I asked him to get a head start on the traffic by driving in early? And yet he does the same thing, every time without trying to do things differently, but that was something manageable in terms of stress. This? Whatever this was, it was threatening to break me down to my more melodramatic baseline. I sucked in a breath as I turned my cart. "I'm also going to need you to talk to management on my behalf because they haven't fixed-" He rambles on, fidgeting with his hat on his head, knowing full well if he keeps talking to me he can beat the clock and go to lunch having worked very little stock. It's a game. The "oh, I'm getting paid by the hour" game. 

"I just got out of talking with management!" He flinched a little, glancing me up and down. "You okay? You seem a little uh… nervous?"

"Going to be honest Aiden, I'm having a mental breakdown!" My voice raised in octaves that could possibly, possibly be heard by dogs. "Okay, okay. Good to know," This dynamic was unusual for us. It was usually him asking me where to be, and I could tell it was throwing him for a loop. He squirmed a bit more as he waited for me to get a grip. I tried breathing in several breaths. Mallmart still seemed unmanageable today. Same with Our little county on the emerald shores. "Where are you looking to move the pool set anyways? That just went out front last week." Now this seemed to be news to him- 

"I don't know man, they told me to move it here. We got it down but the other guys helping me went off and I can't find them." 

"Wellll? Who were they?" He knows who, and yet he shrugs. These pool sets I have lifted by myself, and yet here Aiden was needing multiple people's help. Multiple people who could be working on other things in the store. I realized the irony, that I was being roped into working on something different than what I should be doing. The pool set went up just fine, me handling it alone, and when I looked back after lifting it up until its aisle shelf, Aiden Gossman was gone. The passage of time seems non-existent when you're working, I wondered how long he stood there before he finally turned away? Just to be sure, I pulled out my work phone that was given back to me after that wonderful meeting, and clicked the screen on. "Of course," I mutter grimly.

"It's lunch."

Some things you may not know about Aiden;

One is that whenever Taylor is not at work, he tends to avoid talking to me. He will pointedly sit at another table, talking to the trainee girls, or he'll stare vaccantly into his phone until it is way past his allowed lunch break. Finding him with his eyes glued to his phone in a corner of the break room was not a surprise at all. "Where are you being sent after this?" As soon as I sit down and start asking questions, I can see him tapping out. "Dude, this is lunch break…Hba, probably…" He groans, not taking his eyes off the screen. He's hoping I'll disappear from his peripheral vision so he can breathe again. He is so burdened by work and responsibilities, he surely must long for the days back in highschool. Time to test a theory, "It's funny," I grinned. "Rosa told me that she's been on your case because she thinks you have a crush on Taylor."

"So what if I do?You and your Misty Quigley looking ass don't have a shot with her," His head immediately picks up from his phone, speaking on the defensive. Ah, now he's listening. This little bit that I said though was a lie. The higher ups were on his case because he was a slacker. "Oh, I told her that she didn't have to worry because you told me you had a girlfriend back in Georgia. Maybe I got it wrong?" He could've said he broke up with her, but instead he squirmed in his seat, looking caught. Bingo. "Don't worry Aiden, I made sure that everyone was on the same page so that you wouldn't get in trouble. You know, you aren't exactly supposed to date coworkers. Not ones in the same department or position of work as you."

"Well, it's a long distance relationship, so…" he doesn't know how to finish his sentence. He shouldn't either. With every word, he is digging himself into a grave. After an awkward silence, Aiden retreats back into his phone.

The only thing that kept me going during that work day was the fact that I would be going to the church on Partin street, to look into the steps of getting baptized. The doors felt sleek in my hand and cold, and the doors opened to what felt like home. Not Okaloosa County, not my parents house, and not even the where I moved from, originally. This reminded me of childhood, of the dust covered crucifixes and the dimming lights of days gone by. I followed that path home, right down to the nave. 

There are some things to know about Catholic religion. One such thing is that you need to speak to a priest before you plan to be baptized at all. About your life, about your faith, about what led you to make this decision. You need to take classes beforehand I remember, at least as a kid anyways… The classes I had taken long ago, but never followed up on the actual act of being baptized. "We'll get around to it one day," Was what my parents had said. 

Another thing is, that I hadn't known, was that you can be denied.

Not, 'Oh, you have to retake some classes, and fill out forms' not, 'Oh you can't do that right away, you need to devote yourself to the lord' I was denied, and in fact when I'm buried, I'll be buried face down.

That one staring at its mama 🥹

(Source)

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

This is the part where I was supposed to storm up to management and give them my 3 week notice and maybe, a piece of my mind…. Except I didn't. I wanted everything to be normal, so I could get the work done until I got my degree, move out, and become someone who actually had their life together. Mallmart was the only place in my life I had competence in, and if I gave it up, that meant starting from square one, still at home with my parents. 

And that meant that every little insult my father threw at me, I would not be able to refute. This man, I can’t explain his hold on me. I can’t explain why his opinion still matters despite me knowing that we will never be on the same page. I tried to take the power back with small petty acts but in truth, there was no real defending myself from him. He dominated any room he walked into with just his voice. He was always bigger than me,  and I was always so weak and small. There was no fighting back.

I went to work with my own water I brought from home, since I'm pretty sure the water from the eyewash station's tap was doctored with saline. I was surprised how easy it was to fall into my routine, actually. The trainees that were on that day actually retained the previous information I had given them only days ago, and now the hive of our store was buzzing with life. 

“Thank goodness, you’re finally wearing an appropriate outfit to work today,” I take a seat with Aiden at the breakroom table. His head is in his folded arms, hair splayed wildly about him, like a mane. He says nothing. “You were able to finish checking out topstock items in the starting aisles of pharmacy, riiiight? We have a quota we’re trying to reach here, Gossman.” He’s dead still, not a word uttered from him. “Not in a talking mood, huh?” Without picking his head up, he replies back with “I don’t want to deal with you shit today, Shoggoth.” 

Oh.

I look around the room awkwardly, and realize that none of my coworkers are happy with me. This is okay though. I am here to work, not make friends. I gaze over Aiden’s deathly pale body. “Have you had anything to drink?” No response. I want to press him more on the issue and yet, our mandatory fifteen minute break is over. “Aiden, it’s time to get to work.” He makes no move to get up. He’s slumped in his seat, defeated. Even as I retreat to the door, he remains still, ignoring any of the cues before him that it is time for us to work. “Ciara! Several people have unexpectedly left, so we will need you to take on Health and Beauty as well as the chemical department. We need those along with sporting goods done today, okay?” Rosa asks, and I nod, still taken aback by Aiden’s concerning behavior. 

So I keep my head down, and I work. I put out the boxes that have been left abandoned on the sales floors, I help customers who need any of our more dangerous items that are locked behind cases, I even take the time to fish out the products that have fallen between shelves despite the many warnings of workers being crushed by shelving units in the past. The only thing that was propelling me forward was the mantra of,

‘I am here to work, not make friends. I am here to work, not make friends. I am here to work, not make friends,’

‘I am going to die alone’

I suck in a sharp breath, skidding to a halt. It didn’t matter if I was experiencing the crippling realization that I had driven everyone away though. It was now time to clock out. 

And so I retired my cart to the grocery end of backrooms, and let out a soft groan as I tugged myself free of my work vest. I felt eyes on me. “Oh, it’s you.” I didn’t mean for my voice to sound flat, when I saw management and the team leads standing there. “Congratulations, Ciara. We noticed your dedication to our store and you have gone above and beyond this last month to get Mallmart to reach its deadline for our summer season.” Their voices lacked enthusiasm, and it sounded rehearsed. Still, I was over the moon. So they had noticed the effort I had put in? “You are this month’s associate of the month. Again, we thank you.” And in their hand, they held something… rectangular? And mint in color. Curiously I walked forward and….

In their hands sat a lone case of spearmint tic tacs. “Go on, you’ve earned it.” I reached out and looked at the tic tacs in my hand. “Tomorrow, we will need you to set up the lawn chair display in the gardening aisle-”

“I don’t work on Thursday, I thought.” They guide me by my shoulders, out of the backrooms. 

“On friday, we mean of course. We will also need you to put out the next stock of our  one hundred pound weight set, since the other associates need three people to carry the box when you are able to carry it yourself.”

“...I don’t even like spearmint…” I croak, voice thick with tears. I won’t cry in front of management though. “Good, we knew you’d understand, see you tomorrow!” And with that, I had reached the exit doors of the backrooms and I was now spat out into the sales floor.

 I head to the front of the store in a grim determination, because I need control over something. I head to the front of the store because I am hurt, and I need some way to express it. I look into the screen of the overhead surveillance as if I can look straight into the eyes of management through that crackling screen, good and long, and I chuck the tic tacs into the wastebin before heading out the door, my lips tight.