A Report! From Inside The Walls Of A Cat's Mind

A Report! From Inside The Walls of A Cat's Mind

You guys asked for him, and now you shall receive; a report of the man himself. 

Hemi Shoggoth is exactly 13 years and a week old, having lived in our household since he was only eight weeks old! Having lived on a diet of Fancy Feast, boiled chicken, and cat treats, he is a feline of very particular taste. For example, Hemi will lick your plate if you leave unattended sweets out. I was very surprised to find, that Hemi can and will seek out hard candies in my purse, such as jolly ranchers, or cream savers. If he sees where you hide these from him, he will spend all night plotting, biding his time in wait for an opportunity to lick the candies. This is because his very soul is sweet, and it only makes sense for him to have a sweet tooth. 

This may have costed him one of his canine teeth due to a sugar stash he created behind the living room couch. Nowadays, Hemi takes it easy by the windowsill of my bedroom, watching birds, and taking in the sweet air of Okaloosa County. He is a Taurus, meaning he is closest to the element of earth, and his gentle and kind demeanor reflects this entirely. I am so happy that you all loved my cat enough to reblog. My cat is a star 💛

A Product Recommendation!

The Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor has changed my life. When working at Mallmart, I found there was a lot of new glow in the dark stock that was being placed on shelves in the health and beauty section of the store. Things like, glow in the dark tooth brushes, glow in the dark bath bombs, glow in the dark bandages-

This item stood out to me because of its potential longevity, and plus... It's purple, how could I not buy it? So, after work I purchased the Billie razor, and eagerly drove home in hopes of spending my time off from work staring at it in a dark, quiet, bathroom. Unfortunately when I took it out of it's packaging, I found that it did not glow. Not even a little bit.

I went through the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining. 'Billie, why would you lie to me?' I questioned. Luckily, a friend of mine had suggested it may be solar powered and to leave it in the sun. So, I sat it in my windowsill, perhaps a bit discouraged and disbelieving at this point, and after an hour- wouldn't you know it? It did in fact glow!

Now, every morning and evening, I bring my Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor out to the backyard to feed. I dance around the razor, chanting

"Feed, my child, feed!" My razor now glows brighter than my future. My razor eats the sun itself for sustenance. It becomes ever stronger, taking in it's nourishment from the light like a plant. I am building a shrine for my glow in the dark Billie moonbeam razor. Am I feeling material feelings for this razor? Or perhaps see it as a well loved pet?

My neighbors now chant with me from across the bayou. They chant, "Feed! Yes, feed!" As well, but they do not know yet why. All they see is a crazy lady clad in pajamas dancing rhythmically around a razor, laughing maniacally. They do not know the joy of the glowing razor so tonight I will go out into the backyard and wave the razor over my head to show them. We can pray to it together. My glow in the dark razor is now a god.

So remember to make sure to get your Billie Eilish Moonbeam Razor in stores today! (This is not a paid sponsorship)

WATCH OUT!

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

I think I made my peace with the course of events that have led me here. Yes, there was a power outage. Yes, I did in fact do terribly stupid stuff in the hopes of getting online attention, and yes we did all collectively share a mass hallucination about what happened in that store. That's the only explanation. Taylor has taken it upon herself to try and find actual evidence that she can hold onto of the strange happenings within our store, and to be honest I'm a little surprised because I thought for sure she'd agree with my mass hallucination theory. 

In a horrific turn of events, Aiden, who up to this point I've had a somewhat hot and cold friendship with, had gotten into a car accident when leaving Mallmart later that day. He was T-boned by another vehicle the same size as his own car, causing his own car to be flipped upside down at the intersection he attempted to cross. Mercifully, Aiden had walked away with three cuts in his left shoulder, and bruising on his forearms and shins when he braced himself for impact. "Got three days off thanks to this. I'm gonna be resting good!" Was what he had said, shortly after the crash. Police had taken statements from both parties involved, and Aiden's car had been totaled, leaving him without a way to drive to and from work. The other driver involved in the crash also walked away relatively unharmed, however I do not know who this person is.

Walking through the Mallmart this morning, I could see someone on the scissor lift, slowly descending into the heavens. I can only imagine they are here to fix the skylights but, to my chagrin, they were in the intersection of Groceries and Chemicals, not Health and Beauty. It makes me wonder, what issues are they working on in our grocery department? I didn't have time to dwell on these lingering questions, as I headed into the back break room and sat down, eagerly hoping to get a glimpse of Taylor, Aiden, andybody. "There's my favorite worker!" Larry grinned. Oh, right. I forgot one thing to mention. I may have lied and said that I was the one to call emergency services, when management came sniffing around. Everyone knew I was lying. All the associates know, that Taylor has in fact been the one to make the call. Everyone loves Taylor though- 

The associates, management, all the customers in a single disembodied voice.

So when I said I had been the one to call, it gave me a bit of recognition. Which you would think would make me happy, and I am- grateful I mean. I just wish I wasn't known for being a Mallmart employee. "Hello Taylor, how are you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. She's fed up with me, how could she not? "Are you okay?" I ask, voice rising an octave at the flatness in her tone. She was monotone, yes. But I was spiraling. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry I'm so awkward… I'm just not the best at speaking." Her facial expressions softened. "I don't think you're awkward," she said, "I don't think you're awkward at all."

"Do you know how Aiden is?"

"He's a bit sore, but he's okay." From here, we fall into an awkward silence, her anxiously staring around the room, and me feeling incredibly out of place.  

I found myself thinking about it the entire time I worked that morning. The inflections in her otherwise wonderfully predictable monotone voice. The intensity there. Mercifully, she wasn't sent out to the sales floor where the other day's events had taken place. Instead she stayed in the back rooms, scanning stock to be sent out to the main floors. Even with this in mind, I found myself thinking about her. I found myself wondering if she was thinking about what happened at this very moment, while scanning products. 

"Taylor, you've been spacing out for the last ten minutes." Taylor sat at the table, not eating her lunch. "How are you not affected by all of this?" She asks, a tremor of slowly building rage in her voice. "What we saw- that isn't something that's possible, Ciara! And yet you and I both saw it. We both saw that, and it can't be swept from my mind so easily! And the power outage, and the skylight… and nobody believes me outside of this store…." Her voice grew deathly quiet, tears budding in her eyes. "You care, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be looking at me like I cut you open and dissected you in front of everyone. Please, I can't be the only one who wants to get to the bottom of this. I can't do this alone." She was begging, pleading for something. 

"We'll work this out, I promise! I'll try to document everything….We can figure this out together, please don't be sad," 

At this, she just let out a shaky breath. "I'll write everything on my blog so we have it right on hand, okay? Everything is going to be fine-"

The paramedics came to our store. Rushing in with a bright orange gurney, they rushed into the backrooms of our store with grim determination on their faces. No one said what happened. I snapped a photo as they ran by, and glanced over at Taylor as we stood there in the break room doorway. She looked like she was going to be sick. "Taylor, wait! Where are you going?" 

"I need a breath of air," and with that, Taylor from Mallmart turned on her heel and exited the back rooms.

Taylor, luckily hadn't lost her experimental spirit though, because once lunch was over, she began testing how much I could carry. Perhaps she needed a distraction from everything going on around our little store in the middle of nowhere. Or perhaps this was punishment for being so blasè about life, death and Mallmart. I first noticed when she asked me to lift the 100lbs weight set to a cart to be brought out to our sport's department. "Whaaat? Is that a challenge, dear Taylor?" I smiled at her face, clear of both blemishes and emotions. Man, I wish I had a face like that. When it got up to some of the lawn and pool items, I noticed a bit of resistance, I grunted slightly, pushing canopy tarp sets up above my head onto the shelf as Taylor watched on intently. "One more thing, can you help me with this display of two lawn mowers?" I stared at the display. Sure enough, up on the third shelf was a display holding two lawn mowers on a platform, not unlike a pallet. Normally, I would've known better. Normally, there wouldn't have been a pretty, tattoo covered microbiology student staring at me with questioning green eyes. "Of course I can, one moment." I went up the ladder to find the lawn mowers were secured to the pallet, something I couldn't open without breaking the display. 'I'll just have to lift the whole thing,' I thought to myself. 'No biggie.' 

But it was, in fact, a biggie. It was very much so. I strained and grunted, attempting to get a good hold on something as I began to raise the display. My arms were shaking, and I grit my teeth tightly to stop from making noises. Taylor was watching after all. I could feel it in my chest, in my head that was now spinning, in my gut that felt impossibly sickly and tight. "Hrnk!"

I felt something hot spread against my crotch and reach back to the seat of my pants before making the climb down my pant legs. In a blind panic I attempted to set the display down, where it skidded from my arms and crashed back into place, leaving me dizzy as my… I don't know, experience? Ended. I shuddered, my breathing quickening toward some sort of meltdown because Taylor was right there in my peripheral vision, and she saw everything.

"Oh my god!" Taylor gasped. I could feel the tears threatening to come out but that would make the situation so much worse so instead I choked out a wet laugh. "That wasn't supposed to happen-" 

"You should get down, you look like you're going to pass out!" I complied because she wasn't wrong. I did feel like I was going to faint. So, I laid there in the aisle as Taylor grabbed my feet, holding up my legs. "This will help get blood flow moving back to your head." She explained as she awkwardly shifted her weight. We both knew she had an uncomfortably close view of the wet patch on my jeans. "I am so sorry, please don't hate me! I just got so caught up in seeing how much you could carry and it just started seeming more and more otherworldly-

I am such an asshole." She fretted, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. She had a way of pulling at your heart strings, the way she anxiously pushed her round glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Taylor darling, I could never!" She glanced up from the spot on the floor she'd been focusing on, hesitant to meet my eyes. "You've been wonderful! Everyone at this store adores you- the other associates, management-"

"All the customers in a single disembodied voice," she finished for me, having heard this line before. "I'm not good with emotions. I wish I was better at this." 

"I'm not either."  

oh no....

OH NO...

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Taylor

'I'm having such naughty thoughts of you in different scenarios with that little dress on too :3'

I read the text on the online chat room. 

And then I read it again. Going onto an 18+ chat room just to post pictures of myself in dresses for validation, how did it get to here? I had to lean into some form of attention. I had to feel seen, and if that was wrong

Why did it feel so right?

'Oh thank you 💛' I type back. The people here, they're nice. They see me. There's nothing wrong with wanting attention. I'm being perfectly reasonable. 'I'm gonna be honest, you have wonderful curves, you definitely got my preferred body type. You're absolutely beautiful and I'm just so thrilled you posted asking for opinions because wow…'

I smiled for a second because I felt like I reached a level of adoration I was looking for. Then, something from deep in my stomach twisted, there was regret. I thought I would feel better. I thought this would give me some sort of control over my life, that I was desperately craving, and now I no longer wished to be me. So instead, we'll focus on someone better than I could ever be. We'll focus on Taylor.

This story starts with a young lady named Taylor Peyton. Moving to the tiny town tucked away in Okaloosa County was not what she had originally wanted. What she had wanted was the stormy skies of New England and the dark secrets the land itself seemed to carry. Taylor loved all things dark, peculiar. She found herself enjoying things others tended to shy away from. These sunny beaches did not hold even an ounce of mystery that she found herself craving.

 She couldn't stay in Arizona though. There was no way she could, not after everything. The juxtaposition that she wanted to believe in something more, something supernatural and surreal, and that she didn't believe in it existing- this was not lost on her. That the very fact that it seemed so unlikely in her eyes. That she actively seeked out ways to prove herself wrong. To prove that there was some meaning behind the chaos in her life. Niceville was a letdown. Working at Mallmart, was a letdown.

So when the power outage first happened on that sunny Thursday, she hadn't thought anything of it at first.

And when she went to bed at night, after everything she had seen, after all the signs that there could be something out there, she sweeped those thoughts away as a simple dream. It wasn't until a hot and sunny Monday, that she began to suspect something was very  wrong. 

There in the gardening section of the store, Taylor felt at ease. People rarely bugged her in the gardening section. While everyone in Mallmart would agree that Taylor was the perfect employee-

The other associates, management, all the customers in a single disembodied voice- 

Taylor would still prefer silence to think, to reflect on her findings about the strange chain store in the middle of nowhere because she did not seek the constant validation of customers and coworkers alike. In this time of reflection the first thing she came to notice was a dark figure staring at her from the corner of the gardening department. "Hello sir? May I help you?" The figure remains silent, gazing at her silently. Taylor, undeterred by this turn of events, begins to walk towards the dark and shadowy figure. "Hello?" 

"Taylor!" The store's overseer materialized behind her. She turns to face him, opting to read his name tag rather than look the man in the eyes. "We're going to need you to pick stock from the backrooms, I-"

"An idiot is trying to contact you on your cellular device! An idiot is trying to contact you on your cellular device!" His phone chimed, and Taylor didn't miss his grimace. She found herself wondering if it was appropriate for the overseer to have this ring tone on their work cell. "Please don't be who I think it is.." He gave a nearly silent prayer, hissing through his lips before opening the old flip phone. "Hello?"

"Heeey, Mr. Greenwood." The man's scowl deepened at my voice over the phone. "About the modules being flexed in the home department, what-"

"Ciara, did you really need to call me for this? What did I tell you about emergencies only?"

"Another thing, and I think you'll find this imperative- there may be a small fire in electronics right now. Stacy had asked me to call you-"

"Put it out!"

"Okay, will do, but one thing- How old is this fire extinguisher? It's not-" He hung up abruptly. "I'm going to have to go bring her the working fire extinguisher. Just focus on the stock and not whatever you've been staring at for the last 15 minutes." Most people would've just gone back to work. Most people would've chalked this up to just a strange day, or their head playing tricks on them. As we established though, Taylor Peyton is not like most people.

"Where is Aiden? Did he get eaten by the customers?" I ask from across the break room. "No, he and Marni are waiting by the deli. I don't know how they can eat something so heavy on lunch break. Whenever I do that I always get sicky." She stares at me tentatively. "Okay, dude. My mother didn't believe I had ADHD until today when I actually got diagnosed!" Aiden comes into the room in a flourish. "I showed her the hand tremors and everything. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm also like, slightly on the spectrum too."

" I absolutely believe you have adhd, but that is not a symptom. You might have raynaud's syndrome. So wait, what makes you think you have autism? Because I have autism as well." She says, suddenly serious. 

"This is going to sound strange but speaking of symptoms of mental health, have you ever taken your clothes off in public because your clothes got wet?" I chime in. 

"What? Dude, no!"

"Oh…"

"Wait, there's a story behind this. What-"

"So one day, on the first day of first grade. It rained and so, in my infinite wisdom, I took off all my clothes, and got in trouble with my mother."

"I'm sure you did!"

"Another time," I continued, watching the alarm on Aiden's face. "I was getting ready to go to martial arts class and my ghee was still damp. My mother said we didn't have time to dry it completely so I… well I mean I dealt with it, but it was awkward when I had to practice kicks and a stream of toilet paper came flying from my pant leg-"

"You mummified yourself?"

"It was like a dirty magic trick."

"Dude really pulled a rock lee here-"

"Who?" I asked, and Aiden burst into barking laughter. "Don't mind him, he's sleep deprived." Taylor says pointedly. "You say that like you aren't!" And at this comment, Taylor fails to hide her guilty smile, face coloring like a blooming stargazer lily. 

And as entertaining the color of Taylor's face is, this was not where the story truly began. No, the story  began when break was over, and we were back on the sales floor. Taylor found herself thinking back to that morning. Taylor thought about all of her time working here. How it seemed like so much had happened in such a short time. How it seemed like so much that went against what she believed what seems absolute, now seemed impossibly possible. 'Surely, this was all in my head,' was what she thought to herself. 'Surely this is all my brain playing tricks on me.'

 She looked at the box in her hand, only to find that it didn't have a written store location on its backroom label. She breathed out an irritated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose before pulling out her scanner. 'No Sales floor location.' Even when Taylor cut into the box and pulled out the stock to scan, it still refused to tell her where the item belonged, stubbornly. So, that was why she found herself making her way back through the store to where Aiden and I were. 

Someone else was making their way to the far corner of the store as well though. Someone who would leave us all questioning the nature of our own heads, and this small little town tucked away in Okaloosa County. "The UPC label on this looks damaged!" Taylor called, but her voice did not raise much louder than her usual speaking voice. It was enough for Aiden to hear all the same. "Let me see that," He grumbles, but pauses his advance when his gaze flickers up. A sound caught her attention, hauntingly distinct against the dull hustle and bustle of Mallmart. Taylor heard something wet and nauseating, flesh like cracking, tendons popping. Something was very wrong, because now Aiden and I were hugging onto each other. 'Those two don't even like each other,' she thought, turning her gaze to see what was the issue. Before Taylor could truly comprehend what she was seeing, she was moving back, back far behind the two cowaring together in a huddled position asking if they saw what the other saw. 

Muscles and sinew all twitching, veins and arteries moving, vividly, pulsing with the life that should be impossible for a man lacking this much skin, she could see his heart moving, sinking down almost impossibly in his chest when he looked at her. She couldn't make out what he was saying but it sounded like he was retching out a name; her name. He was vomiting up her name in a guttural, disturbed sound.

 Aiden shoved me in front to deal with this man, but I stayed quiet for a moment, trying to understand what was happening. Customers passed by, undisturbed. Mallmart continued on in a sickening harmony. "Hello sir, h-how may I help you today?" I smile tightly, looking him up and down. His teeth were gripped out like a racehorse. His frame was blurry, as if dislodged in time.

"̵̨̥̬̲̖̼̙̻̫̫̝̗̎̌͝ͅÎ̸̢͔̗̲̫̈́͠͝ţ̴̨̢͍̘̩̯̘̙͔̞̤͔͛̀́͑̋̿̎̓͘̚̚͝͠ͅî̴̻̩̜̓̕ ̶̟̺̀̊͊̎͌͌̆̈́̋̂̚̚͝͝ạ̷̛̖̬͙̓̈́̐̀̃͆̑͝ḿ̸̛̖̤̽͋̒̏̋̾̃̅̈́̐̄̅̕i̵̡̛͚̫̫̖̟͉͉͖͚͎̭̦̫̝̽̂̍͊̆̓͆͠͝n̴̤̪͒̓̏̃̄̈͆́̍̑͘̕͠t̸̩͉̤͔͎̬͑ḙ̷̡̞̪̼̮͓̫͈̹̍̈́̌̌̚͠ͅş̴̨̹͒̎̔̕ͅt̴̢̛̯̤͈̪̹̗̣̪͂͋̂̽͐͌̈́͌́͌͝͠ȉ̶̧̼̹̤̲̳̘̗̝̖̬̯̓͗̀́̀͗̍͆͜ͅ ̴̗̺̼̞̲̦͓̹̖͕̏̋̈́̈́̓̊̾̃̑̃̈̾̓͜d̸̢̬͕̝̳͓̣͈̜̩̠͎̤͓̓̄͜͝ë̷̫̘͙̯̒̋͒̽̌̒̀̀̌̑͜ ̴̢̛̞̩͚̮̰̻͍̠̬̤̫̅͋͗̉͑̉͑̈́̕̕m̸̨̧̢͉̙̰̞̪͈͉̯̤̻͉͂̽͊̅̉̇̄͗͊̔̅̿͗i̴̢̧̊̅͆̉͝ṉ̷̥̥͉̪͈̫̼̘͙̹͘̚͝e̷̩͍͉̼͙͕̯̖͖̿̾͑̉ͅͅ"̸̨̢̧̥̩̠̱̹̥̹̰̲͓͈́͐͊̌̔̈́̉͂͛͌͛̉͘͝͝ͅ

"I'm sorry sir, I don't' und-derstand your accent. You see, I'm from up north and-"

"̵̨̥̬̲̖̼̙̻̫̫̝̗̎̌͝ͅÎ̸̢͔̗̲̫̈́͠͝ţ̴̨̢͍̘̩̯̘̙͔̞̤͔͛̀́͑̋̿̎̓͘̚̚͝͠ͅî̴̻̩̜̓̕ ̶̟̺̀̊͊̎͌͌̆̈́̋̂̚̚͝͝ạ̷̛̖̬͙̓̈́̐̀̃͆̑͝ḿ̸̛̖̤̽͋̒̏̋̾̃̅̈́̐̄̅̕i̵̡̛͚̫̫̖̟͉͉͖͚͎̭̦̫̝̽̂̍͊̆̓͆͠͝n̴̤̪͒̓̏̃̄̈͆́̍̑͘̕͠t̸̩͉̤͔͎̬͑ḙ̷̡̞̪̼̮͓̫͈̹̍̈́̌̌̚͠ͅş̴̨̹͒̎̔̕ͅt̴̢̛̯̤͈̪̹̗̣̪͂͋̂̽͐͌̈́͌́͌͝͠ȉ̶̧̼̹̤̲̳̘̗̝̖̬̯̓͗̀́̀͗̍͆͜ͅ ̴̗̺̼̞̲̦͓̹̖͕̏̋̈́̈́̓̊̾̃̑̃̈̾̓͜d̸̢̬͕̝̳͓̣͈̜̩̠͎̤͓̓̄͜͝ë̷̫̘͙̯̒̋͒̽̌̒̀̀̌̑͜ ̴̢̛̞̩͚̮̰̻͍̠̬̤̫̅͋͗̉͑̉͑̈́̕̕m̸̨̧̢͉̙̰̞̪͈͉̯̤̻͉͂̽͊̅̉̇̄͗͊̔̅̿͗i̴̢̧̊̅͆̉͝ṉ̷̥̥͉̪͈̫̼̘͙̹͘̚͝e̷̩͍͉̼͙͕̯̖͖̿̾͑̉ͅͅ"̸̨̢̧̥̩̠̱̹̥̹̰̲͓͈́͐͊̌̔̈́̉͂͛͌͛̉͘͝͝ͅ

I looked back to see Taylor was already gone, because Taylor is a woman of action. She sees danger, and she acts. She wouldn't be here with us today, if she didn't. So when something this troubling happened, Taylor didn't wait to see what would happen next. Pulse thumping against her neck, she ran over to where the phone in the gardening center sat. 

And then, she dialed the tone for Okaloosa emergency services.