Nvm They R Ghosting Me Again!

nvm they r ghosting me again!

it's been a whole year since they were supposed 2 contact me

so i out of desperation phoned up my gender identity clinic again this morning when they hadn't been responding 2 me 4 ages, turns out it was the right thing 2 do tho bc it turns out that it WASN'T that my gender therapist was ghosting me when i heard nothing back from her and it's not that the gender identity clinic was ghosting me when i was getting no response from them when i tried to email, it turns out that MY DOCTOR QUIT AND I WASN'T NOTIFIED and then THE CLINIC SHUT DOWN FOR 5 MONTHS AND I WASN'T NOTIFIED, this whole time i thought that i was being deliberately ignored after having recently discovered i might b intersex and that i was gonna have 2 go private and basically visit a different country 2 get affordable private health care trans surgeries like trans ppl had 2 do historically, i dunno i hav a lot of mixed feelings,,, like im relieved that i don't hav 2 go thru all that and that my gender identity clinic wasn't just ghosting me and that i might actually b able 2 get my top surgery thru the NHS like i was trying 2 but on the other hand it feels rly fucked up that i wasn't notified at all abt my gender therapist quitting or abt the clinic being shut down,,, and i was just left that whole time thinking it was my fault 4 telling them i thought i might b intersex,,,

no nuance version of a fandom take i hav bc i honestly don't hav the energy 2 explain this in depth rn but if u think Jax is an inherently bad person just bc he's being an asshole in a video game but that gangle who has real person anime figurines of her friends who don't know that she has those is an inherently good person bc she's a shy uwu bean then u actually need 2 shut up, Jax is a guy who very clearly displays multiple ASPD symptoms and is dealing with his chronic boredom by being violent 2 npcs in a video game and also just kinda passively a bit of an asshole verbally Gangle social anxiety-ed her way into being an actual stalker they are not the same

anyway as some1 who has ASPD it rly fucks me up how the fandom has reacted 2 Jax, like when it was the pilot y'all were more than happy 2 fetishise his ASPD symptoms but then as soon as his symptoms r showing slightly more when again, i cannot stress this enough, HE IS LITERALLY IN A VR GAME IN EPISODE 2! then y'all r like "omg he's terrible, what an inherently horrible person, he literally is the worst person here" actually shut up, i hate this fandom so much

that's valid! im sure there r some ppl who r hc him as ace bc of being ace, the theory i was posing is that soms ppl heard that he dresses modestly and immediately thought that must mean he's ace bc of thinking that the only reason some1 would want 2 dress modestly is bc of being ace or being very religious, idk it's a common misconception i hav heard, nothing wrong w/ aspec ppl hc Jax as ace tho! just got a theory that that might b y some folks who r not ace might b doing it, hope that cleared some stuff up :)

I’d be genuinely curious to know how people headcanon Jax’s sexual orientation, because in my mind he’s like, undoubtedly gay, but that doesn’t seem to be the majority opinion!

Can I do polls? I’m gonna do a poll.

personally i think he's gay, especially considering the creator of the character says he fits the song "no girl's toy" that was sung by raggedy andy, as a gay guy 2 me personally that song is abt being a gay guy who's tired of society thinking that being a gay guy means u hav 2 b an accessory 4 straight women by being the "gay bestie" that combined with him having a lot of weird feelings abt being around women is super relatable 2 me specifically bc of being a gay guy

if i had 2 guess i think a lot of the reason ppl don't think he's a gay guy is bc of a few misconceptions abt stuff (long rant incoming!)

1) 4 some reason a lot of straight women don't get that we feel uncomfortable around them and don't know that half the time when we do play into the "gay best friend" trope it's as a defence mechanism bc of our gayness being seen as inherently predatory if we don't force ourselves into the "gay best friend" trope and so we're often forced 2 pick between being seen as an accessory or a threat, Jax is in a situation where since he's not part of society in the same way anymore it's a bit safer for him to not rely on that defence mechanism as much, also combining that with my hc that he has ASPD (i hav ASPD and noticed some traits of that in him) i think he's probably just so fucking tired of having 2 put up w that shit 4 so long

2) simply put, Jax has a lot of women in the fandom simping over him so they probably don't want him 2 b gay bc that would mean he isn't into them, not saying this is a bad thing, he's a fictional character and his sexual orientation isn't confirmed rn in any way just saying its probably partly y a lot of ppl r saying they don't think he's gay

3) the creator of the character said that he dresses more modestly and a lot of ppl think that all gay men dress very revealing, nothing wrong with how any1 dresses but it's annoying that ppl don't get that some gay men just prefer 2 dress modestly especially given how sexualised our identities are in society, this is also probably partly what lead 2 a lot of ppl hc Jax as ace

4) in a similar vein 2 the 1st point a lot of ppl heard "Jax feels uncomfortable around women" and immediately assumed this was bc he was a straight fuckboy misogynist

anyway that's just my hc on y i think Jax is a gay guy like me but also my theories as 2 y a lot of ppl think he's either straight or ace

I’d be genuinely curious to know how people headcanon Jax’s sexual orientation, because in my mind he’s like, undoubtedly gay, but that doesn’t seem to be the majority opinion!

Can I do polls? I’m gonna do a poll.

does any1 else find the concept of being "high support needs" or "low support needs" as an autistic person confusing?

like i feel like i struggle 2 rly know what that means and instead of getting the chance 2 learn what that means i think most ppl assume im "low support needs" bc i can apparently speak fluent english but tbh im not sure if even that is super accurate, most of the words i know i learned thru mimicry, instead of learning what those words actually mean i just learned how 2 use them in the structure of a sentence and where would b considered an appropriate sentence placement 4 that word 2 appear from trial and error, i feel like i never truly learned words or how they work i feel like i just learned how 2 fake an understanding of them bc my biological parents put a lot of emphasise on the importance of me being "intelligent"

i was praised 4 using big words and being "intelligent" so i learned 2 fake intelligence, i saw what i was praised 4 and did more of it, i noticed i was praised 4 mimicking words in similar sentences that i had heard them used in b4 so i just kept doing that, i learned that i was praised 4 repeating phrases my biological parents had said, especially if they were political statments and for doing so i was called intelligent, i learned that other people considered me less intelligent because the statements i was saying were ones they did not agree with politically, so i learned from a young age that intelligence was just about how much adults agreed with what i was saying even if i didn't understand what i was saying

it also seems clear that people's idea of a "low support needs" autistic and a "high support needs" autistic is still rooted in the ableist concept of intelligence and assuming that if someone can say a big english word at you then they must be intelligent and if they can't then they therefore must be "less intelligent" which is honestly also just xenophobic

how does me being disabled in multiple ways factor into this? does it make me a "higher support needs autistic" even if its in no way linked 2 my autism? what about if i don't know which one of my disabilities is causing which symptoms?

or r ppl going 2 assume that bc i was able 2 put this thought 2gether that that means i couldn't possibly b "high support needs" even tho i can't make my own meals partly bc i literally 4get how making food works

it's difficult 2 wrap my head around what the words "high support needs" and "low support needs" means because like,,, high or low support in comparison 2 what? what's considered the "norm" 4 support needs? should there even b a concept of what is "normal" 4 support needs?

personally with what little i know abt it i would probably say that im high support needs but in a multi disability way but i also don't want 2 speak over ppl with high support needs if i don't "count" ig and i know most ppl will just see me using kinda big words and assume im low support needs and get mad at me and i honestly don't have the energy 2 deal with that and tbh im not sure if putting my support needs on a scale in comparison 2 other ppl's support needs is even helpful 4 me especially since i can't really understand the concept but i see it pushed into autistic spaces a lot? idk, it's just confusing 2 me

Please return us to a world where Notp and squick are used for a ship you don’t like instead of just making up a load of bullshit about how immoral it is or w/e lol