Billy Patchanon As Phaya In The Sign (2023)

Billy Patchanon as Phaya in The Sign (2023)

Shoutout to Idol Factory's top tier translation and closed caption team, and the Ep. 1 MVP, (Exciting sound), which marked the beginning of this thrilling journey

Happy 1 year of MSP!! 🥳

This show will always hold such a special place in my heart 🥺💕 I met a ton of wonderful people in the fandom, made new friends and did a lot of arts!! 💞

Thank you tinngun (and gemfourth) for bringing us one of the sweetest, most earnest and heartfelt stories of first love on screen 🥺❤️

Chapter 7: It wasn’t over for me

When Gun arrives at the school, he’s agitated, desperately looking for any signal from Tinn. But he’s nowhere to be found. On his way to the ballroom where the reunion is being held, he changes his mind and direction, and heads to another sector of the school.

The halls to the council room are empty, everyone crowding into the center of the school instead. Gun spots the council room just in time to see Kajorn coming out of it. 

“Jorn! Have you seen Tinn?” He asks rushing towards him. 

“He’s inside.” Jorn answers in a quiet tone. 

But when Gun tries to walk past him to enter the council room. Jorn's firm grip stops him from moving. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Phi,” Jorn says with the same quiet tone like he doesn't want to alert the person inside the council room—Tinn, of Gun’s presence. “Give him some time…” he adds with a reassuring small smile. 

Gun can picture the state Jorn has found Tinn in. He can't help but worry and want to see him right away to make sure he's okay, but at the same time, he's afraid that showing himself to him right now might only make things worse. 

“You’re probably right. —Gun admits.— I just wanted to make sure that he’s alright. Is he?” he asks letting out a long sigh filled with worry. “Should we call someone?” he adds, wanting to do more, anything to help Tinn. 

“He’s okay. Just needs time and space to calm down. I will—” Jorn’s words are cut off by the sudden appearance of Gun Chinnzilla band’s members.

“Ai’Gun! What are you doing here? They’re waiting for us on the stage!” Phat exclaims. 

Gun looks at Jorn apologetically and the latter just nods with understanding. So Gun turns to follow his friends, but before leaving he turns again this time to face Jorn with pleading eyes, “Take care of him, please” he begs, and the younger one nods in agreement. 

After that, Gun leaves with his friends.

***

When Tinn arrives at the school he’s in a full panic attack, he barely registers any of his surroundings and just manages to make it to the school thanks to the muscle memory of his feet that took him there by instinct. 

After minutes of wandering around the school, he finds himself near the council room, probably the safest place his mind could think of taking him to. There he meets Kajorn and he helps him without asking unnecessary questions about the state he just found Tinn in. 

Tinn is a lot calmer after a few more minutes, Jorn has helped him calm down keeping him company inside the old council room. The latter is unsure about leaving the room but he's been called to help outside so he doesn't have any other option, he's even more worried when the time of the main presentation is announced through the speakers. Tinn isn't surprised though, he had suspected before, the recent announcement by the MC of the event just confirmed his initial suspicion; Chinzilla is the band performing that afternoon.

Jorn suggests that Tinn should stay in the council room until he feels completely recovered and calm, even though both of them know exactly the reason why he's suggesting it. Tinn appreciates he doesn’t mention anything about it. And to the surprise of both of them, Tinn listens. Mostly, cause he’s not so sure he’ll be able to handle another meltdown caused by the memories of the songs the band is surely going to interpret.

Jorns leaves, with the promise of coming back to check on Tinn once he's done helping around outside. As he leaves, Tinn can hear him talk to someone outside the council room but he doesn’t pay much attention to it, mainly focusing on keeping his pulse and breathing under control. 

Tinn is left alone, and no one is outside the council room anymore, several minutes later the music starts playing. And even though he’s on the other side of the school, he’s still able to listen. Tinn handles the first songs pretty well even though he feels his heart is about to explode from all the memories evoked by the music, but when ‘Let me tell you’ sounds through the speakers. Tinn has had enough. 

He gets out of the council room ready to leave the school once and for all. But his mind once again has different plans. For some reason, he ends up on the side of the school he should not be for the sake of his heart and his feelings but once again, he can’t help it.

And as he stands in front of the pool, he’s immediately hit with a painful memory, taken back almost three years ago.

They’re fighting again. 

“All I’m saying is that I don’t like the way this manager treats you!” Tinn exclaims getting increasingly frustrated. “It’s not professional, and at times is even invasive, and rude!” 

“I know! You think I don’t know? Of course, I know and I don’t like it either, but there’s nothing I can do about it!” Gun exclaims equally frustrated. 

“There are options Gun. You could try and sign up with the record Por mentioned. I’m sure they would treat you better there.” 

“Signing up with these people would mean lots of things, Tinn…” 

“Like what?”

“You wouldn't understand…”  

“Try to explain it to me then, so I can understand. ‘Cause I’m just—” 

“The company wants to send us in a tuor among the region,” Gun blurts out all of a sudden, cutting out Tinn’s words. “They want us to do lots of events and concerts, I can’t just leave to sign with a new one.” Gun finishes looking at Tinn with caution. 

It takes a while for the information to set in Tinn’s mind. It’s not like Gun hasn’t gone on trips with the band before, but that’s exactly the point, those were just trips, from just three days to a week nothing more extended than that. Touring, on the other hand, means Gun would be gone for weeks even months. 

Tinn wants to show some excitement because it is a great opportunity, but he can't bring himself to do so. 

Not when his entire world is trembling around him. 

“What— Why… why haven't you said anything? When did it happen?” Tinn shakes his head slightly to clear it. “I'm not complaining or anything. I'm just… so confused. When?”  

“They’ve been talking about it for a few weeks now. I was trying to find the right moment to tell you, but I couldn’t. I…” 

He can imagine so many other moments better than this, Tinn thinks. 

A thick and suffocating silence settles between them. 

“What– what are you gonna do?” Tinn asks with a trembling voice. But he’s too anxious to care. 

“I want to accept and sign up contract with them…” Gun confesses, his eyes never leaving Tinn’s face. 

The affirmation hit right where Tinn’s heart is pounding like crazy. He knows he should be supporting Gun in his decision. But he can’t bring himself to do it. He’s feeling too much at the same time. His thoughts are fuzzy and terrifying, he feels lost. So freaking lost.

The next thing Gun says just makes everything so much worse. 

“I know about the offer the faculty made to you, to go study abroad...” he begins, looking at Tinn with caution, expectantly.

“How?” That is the only thing Tinn can ask. 

“I saw one of the papers they sent you. I found it in the mail by accident,” Gun says apologetically. “I don’t want to hold you back Tinn…”

Tinn’s head snaps back up in a sudden movement. His heart, which had been beating like crazy before, stops beating for a few seconds, taking his breath away, and freezing him on the spot. 

One of his biggest fears is manifesting itself right in front of him, and he’s not ready. 

It can’t be happening. No no no… please no. He repeats in his mind over and over again.

“W-What… do you mean?” he asks with his voice now shaking fearfully.

“It might be the best for both of us…” Gun whispers, averting his eyes from the trembling figure that is Tinn.

More minutes of pained silence pass. 

“Are you implying that we… that w-we…” He can’t say it. Gun also doesn't seem to be able to say it, because he just nods. A painfully slow movement. 

Tinn’s throat tightens and he can no longer speak even if he tries to. 

“We keep fighting all the time. I'm afraid that we’ll end up hurting each other deeply if we don’t do something about it, about this, —he says pointing to the space between the two of them— I don’t want that for us, Tinn” Gun says, his voice sounding as painfully strained as Tinn’s.

“We could make it work…” Tinn whispers, pouring his last hopes on the remaining of his voice. “Long distant relationships can work, it's just a matter of commitment and commu—”

“We can't even make it work now that we're still physically together...” Gun objects, cutting off Tinn’s words and hopes. Tinn dares to look at him, and he looks hopeless. 

He's already given up on them.

Tinn can’t hold it in anymore. The first tears slide silently down his cheeks.

Just the mere thought of them breaking up, had his heart hanging by a thread. About to break at the slightest movement. And now that the possibility is imminent, laid out in the open, he can’t bear it.

He can’t take it anymore. He needs fresh air to breathe, he needs room to crumble down properly. He needs to get out of here. 

“T-This c-can't be happening. I– I need to... I can’t…” Tinn mumbles in a cracked voice.

“Tinn…” Gun whispers sounding even more helpless.

But Tinn is already on the move, walking past him into the bedroom they share.

Once he’s in the bedroom, Tinn tries to think clearly. Gun words carry truth in them, he knows it. The signals have been there for a while now. This was the direction they were heading with all that fighting and all that space they let set between them. He knows it well, but that doesn't stop his heart from ripping apart.

His entire world is breaking down and he has no idea how to stop it, what to do, or how to even react. Should he stop him? 

Should he get on his knees and beg for another change? If he gets a second chance, would it end as bad as this one? Were they not meant to be together? Are they really that bad for each other?

Are they really breaking up???

A small whimper escapes from the depths of his throat through his trembling lips, and it is at that moment that he realizes that he has started to cry nonstop. He crumbles down on the edge of the bed and holds on to it in an attempt to try to contain himself. He is helpless though, his tears are now unstoppable. 

A few minutes of intense crying later he hears the sound of an income call and a conversation starting. This works as motivation for him to get back moving. He needs to leave. That was the goal in the first place. 

He gets up from the edge of the bed and gathers some clothes and personal items to put them all together in a small bag. When he has everything and has also gathered enough courage to get out there again, he brings himself out of the room. 

Gun is still in the middle of the living room. Now seated on the couch with his head buried in between his hands as he hovers over himself. Tinn’s sudden appearance catches his attention. He stands up from his seat, hands now hanging on his sides and head tilting low, his gaze immediately focuses on the bag Tinn is carrying with him. 

“Tinn, you don’t have to leave. In any case, I should be the one leaving. Can we just talk and—” He’s saying as he gets closer, but Tinn stops him holding up one of his hands in front of him. 

“I can’t talk right now. I need time and space to… deal with it. I need time, Gun. Please…” Tinn whispers with a broken tone of voice, afraid of crumbling down again like his voice just did. 

“Tinn…” He whispers back, with such a strained voice, that Tinn needs to look at him, but he regrets it immediately. Gun’s eyes are filled with unshed tears, red at the edges, and filled with hurt. As Tinn assumes his are.  

“I need time, Gun…” Tinn repeats like a mantra, a prayer, a plea. He wants to leave but is unable to move.  

“O-Of course. Anything you need…” Gun mutters, his voice cracking at the end, just like the hold he has on his tears, that now fall free down his cheeks. 

And that’s a sight Tinn had never been able to stand. And tonight was not the exception. 

He averts his eyes from the crying figure of Gun and continues his way out. But stops right in the middle of the hallway. When he turns around, Gun is still there in the middle of the living room. One of his hands is placed on his chest scrunching his shirt as if he’s trying to hold onto his pounding heart, while the other one is grabbing his nose tightly as he wrinkles his face in a failed attempt to stop his crying. 

Another sob escapes from Tinn's mouth at the sight that holds so many memories. And he can’t stop himself from going up to Gun to warp his arms around him. 

At the contact, Gun stiffened for a few seconds. But when he feels the familiar warmth he leans into the hug, holding onto Tinn tightly. Both their crying intensifies, flowing now with absolute freedom, careless and painful.

“Are we really doing this…?” Tinn asks in a broken whisper after a few minutes of crying curled into each other's arms. Staring deep into the other’s eyes. Gun’s expression looks as hopeless as his. 

“I don’t know…” He whispers, defenseless. 

“I don’t want to. Can we…” Tinn interrupts himself, slightly out of breath due to all the crying. “Can we try one more time?” They stare into each other’s eyes for a few more seconds. 

And Gun throws himself into Tinn’s arms again as he eagerly nods in agreement. 

“Don’t leave, please. I can’t bear the sight of you leaving…” Gun whispers and Tinn just hugs him tightly. 

They won’t let go of each other that night. Trapped in each other's arms all night long.

But that doesn't change the outcome of everything.

Their attempt to save their relationship fails months later when they finally break up. And on this occasion, the decision to break up comes from both of them in a mutual agreement that at that moment seems like the best solution. It seems better to part ways before their different careers get in between them breaking them apart in a more painful way.

This time they don't get to hug one last time, instead this time Gun is left standing alone in the middle of their living room as he watches the boy he loves walk out the door, out of their apartment, and out of his life, unable to do anything to stop him.

***

When Gun makes it out of the stage he goes directly to the council room but finds it empty. It takes just a few seconds for his mind to figure out where the person he’s so eagerly looking for could be. 

He arrives at the pool slightly out of breath, due to the running he did to the place. He spots Tinn standing near the edge of the pool. He spends the next few minutes just looking at him, taking in the familiar space around them.

Is like Tinn could feel his presence there, cause just when Gun’s about to approach him, Tinn turns around and they both end up startled by the other strong gaze. 

A silence charged with different feelings and emotions falls upon them, making it even more difficult to breathe or talk. After a few seconds of suffocating silence, Gun continues with his advances and reaches the edge of the pool. Stepping closer to a stunned Tinn, but not as close as he would like to.

“You sang well,” Tinn finally speaks after what seems like an eternity of silently staring at each other. 

Gun's facial expression shifts into an awkwardly uncomfortable one like he has been caught in a lie. “You heard.” It’s the only thing Gun’s able to say. 

“I’m sorry.” He adds, voice so soft, he’s almost whispering. Tinn isn’t sure what Gun's apologizing for, but the softness of his voice stirs the unraven emotions that are having a battle in his chest. “I said I’ll ask if you ever want to listen to that song again, and yet I didn’t. I…” 

To that point and statement Tinn is completely helpless. And without him realizing it, he starts crying once again, too sensible and shaken by the other’s words.

Gun’s heart breaks a little more at the sight of the boy he had always loved crying in front of him. 

“I’m sorry…” Gun whispers again, with a knot in the back of his throat. “I’m sorry Tinn” he repeats with frenzy, almost like a mantra. 

They stare into each other’s eyes for long minutes until Tinn decides it’s been enough crying for the day and attempts to leave, but Gun stops him grabbing him gently by the forearm. 

“Please, don’t.” Gun begs, voice trembling. “Don’t leave. Not again… please. I can’t bear it…” he whispers his voice finally breaking.

At that point, both of them are openly crying, letting out quiet noises when is too hard to breathe and cry at the same time. 

“I–I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything I said. For what I did, but mostly… for what I didn’t do…” Gun says with his broken heart pounding like crazy, looking at Tinn intensely. 

“Why are you apologizing for exactly?” Tinn asks tearing his eyes away from Gun just for seconds, unable to keep up with the intense eye contact they’re having but at the same time he also can keep his eyes off him for too long so he’s back looking at him when he says: “It was a mutual decision, we both agreed on break—”

“I know!” Gun interrupts him. As if he couldn't bear the mere mention of the word. “I know we both agreed on it. But I should’ve… I should’ve said something because…” He says as he covers his face with both his hands when the feelings are too overwhelming. Moving a hand to his chest to ease the pain he’s feeling there, he continues while Tinn is looking at him expectantly. 

“It wasn’t over for me, Tinn…” Gun confesses, taking Tinn’s breath away. “It has never been over, not for me…” he adds whispering the last thing, and feeling more confident he gets a bit closer to a stunned Tinn. “I’ve missed you since the very first moment you crossed that apartment door,” he adds daring to get even closer while Tinn remains in his place, not moving at all. 

Their crying has slowed down a little, but when Gun cops Tinn’s face between his hands to gently caress it, both of them break down in a new wave of tears. 

“I regret many things from that night. But the one I regret the most is letting you go…” Gun says staring dearly at Tinn’s face which is showered with endless tears. “And what I said that night… It wasn’t true. Damn me, if it ever was. B-Breaking up was never the solution. We could’ve… I could’ve… —He's been wanting to say the words that are now stuck in the back of his throat for so long. That he needs to muster all his courage to do it. —In my life, nothing has ever been more important than you, than us. I took us for granted, took you for granted, and lost everything as a result… —he exhales, his courage almost breaking completely before he says, with a pleading tone in his voice —Would you forgive me?”

But Tinn is unable to answer, he’s unable to do any other thing than wasn't cry his pain off. 

“Tinn…” Gun says with such a pleading tone that is barely a whisper. 

My precious boy, he wants to say but stops himself from doing it as he painfully watches his boy cry. What he can’t stop himself from doing is taking his thumbs up to caress the other's cheeks, helplessly trying to erase the traces the tears have left on the soft skin. “I’m not asking for more. I know that wouldn’t be fair. All I ask is forgiveness, maybe this way my heart settle and it’ll finally be able to move on, just like you have—”

Tinn’s sudden answer cuts Gun’s words off. 

“I haven’t,” Tinn whispers, making Gun’s heart shudder a little. Regaining some composure, Tinn gently removes Gun's hands from his face before saying. “Does it look like I have moved on?” Tinn asks with a sad smile on his tear-stained face, holding Gun’s hands between his.

“What does that mean?” Gun asks in a quiet voice as if he were scared that speaking too loud would somehow break the moment. 

“Means, that… I have never blamed you for anything. It was a mutual decision… breaking up —he says with difficulty, and Gun just closes his eyes when he hears the word, feeling helpless—, What we said and did that night, was painful for both of us. But it was partly true. You were right. We would’ve hurt each other if we continued insisting on being together as we were dealing with so much back then. I was stubborn at first. Didn’t want to lose what we had. So focus on my fears, that I didn’t realize we were slowly breaking apart.”

Gun wants to say so many things but he’s only able to nod in agreement.

“We didn’t break up because we didn’t love each other, Gun. I think that’s crystal clear. Feelings have always been there. And they will continue to be there. Always. You… —Tinn interrupts himself to take one of Gun’s hands to place it delicately on his chest, on the spot where his heart keeps beating agitatedly— You own a piece of my heart if not all of it. It has never stopped beating with the same intensity for you. Just for you.

Tinn confesses and Gun closes his eyes again this time shaking with anticipation. And without fear of being rejected, he gets even closer to Tinn, until he’s able to rest his forehead on Tinn’s. The latter stays there, taking in their closeness with familiar comfort. 

“Does that mean that we could try a—?” Gun dared to ask in a whisper, his suggestion dying a little at the end as he felt Tinn’s heart rate increase slightly at his implied suggestion. 

“It means that I apologize too...” Tinn says, cutting off Gun's words. And after making a small pause he adds. “I apologize for letting my fears blind me and not trying hard enough to keep us together. But, umm...” 

Agonizing seconds pass as Tinn retakes the courage to finish what he is saying. 

“I’m still scared, Gun.” He lets out with a shaky voice, the hand that still holds Gun’s hand against his chest tightens into a fist. “I’m scared that if we try again and it doesn’t work, it’ll end up breaking us entirely. I wouldn't be able to take it. I... I need some time,” he says a bit embarrassed to share his fears and feelings.

Gun nods in understanding. He understands Tinn’s fears perfectly and will never put pressure on him. Never. However, he’s willing to try. And thanks to Tinn’s words he’s feeling more hopeful than ever.

Gun’s eyes light up when he remembers something Tinn has done before. And without a second thought, Gun takes one of Tinn's hands he's still holding and takes it to his lips, where he places a soft kiss. 

“Here. I reserve.” He says, making Tinn smile softly at the memory. It doesn't go unnoticed to Tinn how Gun has changed the kiss placement from the cheek to his hand, probably out of respect for his previous request for time. Moved by his action, Tinn mirrors the gesture, and takes one of Gun’s hands to his own lips, kissing too the skin gently. 

“First, Don’t steal my lines. And Second, I reserve too” Tinn says teasingly. And Gun can’t stop the laugh that slips with joy out of him. 

“I’ve missed you so damn much,” Gun says with a bright smile on his face, and then he brings the hand Tinn has kissed back to his lips and kisses the same place where the touch of Tinn’s lips still lingers, creating that way an indirect kiss.

Tinn's smile grows bigger and the next thing he finds himself doing is pulling Gun in for a hug.

They hug for what seems like an eternity but is probably just a few minutes. Minutes that seem to be enough to heal their aching hearts that are finally finding some peace, in the only place they've always felt at ease; the other's embrace. 

In their previous attempt of a relationship, Tinn has been the one taking the big steps. Like; confessing his feelings first, or proposing to move in together. Now it's Gun's turn, and he's ready to give it his all. He will beg for a new opportunity if necessary and if given, he will win his boy over once again, and this time he will never let him go.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

His eyes look so pretty here 🥺✨

I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR (SPECIAL EPISODE)

Live screening in Bangkok in just a few minutes time (7:00PM Bangkok time 17 December 2023).

Hopefully it should be up online shortly after! 💖