Lex Luthor And Voldemort Are Cousins

Lex Luthor and Voldemort are cousins

reporter: so Mr wayne, do you believe in enacting violence on Nazis, as per the current trend?

bruce: *lips touching the mic* I’m jewish

reporter: but that doesnt answer–

bruce: :^) ?

Damian, standing in front of a fish tank after getting his wisdom teeth removed: *crying*

Dick: Damian why are you crying?

Damian, still crying: Because they’re drowning.

Dick: Who’s drowning?

Damian: The fish.

Dick: The fish is... the fish are swimming.

Damian: No they’re not, they’re drowning.

Dick: Damian they’re fine.

Damian: No they’re not. It’s so sad.

Damian: *new round of sobbing*

Dick: Damian it’s okay let’s go.

Damian: We gotta save them.

Tim : *frowning*

Bruce : something wrong ?

Tim : this essay i have to write for class...I just don't quite know how to start it

Bruce : if theres one thing i know about essays its that they should start with an attention grabber

Tim : gotcha

Tim : *begins writing*

Tim : so im sitting here, barbecue sauce on my titties--

bruce is and forever will be smol

As am i

Its why he's so angry, he cant reach shit.

Diana and Clark need to grab everything from shelves. One time Hal had to grab him something and he just put it higher. He watched Bruce jump and struggle for at least an hour.

Honestly the amount of bullshit Gordon must have put up with from the batfam is incredible.

- Batman’s dissaperings acts

- so many kids angst

- furries

- clowns obsessed with bombs and said furries

- the costumes TM

- Huge light (the bat signal)that needs very specific lightbulbs that is only sold in 1 out of 7 Costco’s but they keep changing which ones

- so many pranks

- having to look the judge in the eyes and tell them that a guy dressed as a scarecrow was taken down by a weapon called a ‘batarang’

- having a literal child telling you that they took down the Russians and that they should clean up the goons

- having a literal child tell you in great detail why the blood splatter clearly indicates that they were killed by a trident, not a pitchfork and then being called an idiot for not figuring it out

- adult man dresses up as a bat and makes his voice deeper only to go around and say shit like ‘I am the night’ and ‘for justice’

- knowing that there are literally gods and people with powers corespondent to gods out there but nun of them will help you bc a middle age man dressed up like a bat told them to stay out of his city.

- yet another LITERAL CHILD breaking into his office and goes through his files and marks out spelling mistakes

- what ever the fuck red hood did this week

- having to hear all these idiots talk about something called ‘the batcow’ but non of them sound sarcastic when they say it

And we are not even touching the things the Wayne’s put him through....