Lex Luthor And Voldemort Are Cousins

Lex Luthor and Voldemort are cousins

tim, facedown on the ground: alfred, you’re the only bitch in this house i ever respected

alfred: thank you, sir

tim: you should be batman

alfred: yes i should, sir

(from arrested development s1e10)

not me thinking of self indulgent nonsensical no-capes aus nooooooooo 🤡

In public it’s “Wayne” or, when Hal’s trying to annoy him, “Brucie.”

In costume it’s “B-Man” or “B” or “Bats.”

Around friends it’s “Babe” or “Asshole.”

In private it’s “Bruce” or “Sweetheart.”

In bed it’s “Baby” or “Beautiful” or, when Hal is in a particular mood and wants to get under Bruce’s skin, “Sir.”

if dick grayson ever had to pick between kory or babs, he’d pick wally

Honestly the amount of bullshit Gordon must have put up with from the batfam is incredible.

- Batman’s dissaperings acts

- so many kids angst

- furries

- clowns obsessed with bombs and said furries

- the costumes TM

- Huge light (the bat signal)that needs very specific lightbulbs that is only sold in 1 out of 7 Costco’s but they keep changing which ones

- so many pranks

- having to look the judge in the eyes and tell them that a guy dressed as a scarecrow was taken down by a weapon called a ‘batarang’

- having a literal child telling you that they took down the Russians and that they should clean up the goons

- having a literal child tell you in great detail why the blood splatter clearly indicates that they were killed by a trident, not a pitchfork and then being called an idiot for not figuring it out

- adult man dresses up as a bat and makes his voice deeper only to go around and say shit like ‘I am the night’ and ‘for justice’

- knowing that there are literally gods and people with powers corespondent to gods out there but nun of them will help you bc a middle age man dressed up like a bat told them to stay out of his city.

- yet another LITERAL CHILD breaking into his office and goes through his files and marks out spelling mistakes

- what ever the fuck red hood did this week

- having to hear all these idiots talk about something called ‘the batcow’ but non of them sound sarcastic when they say it

And we are not even touching the things the Wayne’s put him through....