I'm Not Sure If Everyone's Confidence Is Authentic, Including Ours. We Plan Our Future Together When

I'm not sure if everyone's confidence is authentic, including ours. We plan our future together when we don't even know what we're doing after the sun rises in the morrow, isn't it scary? The expectations of everyone around us, judging our every move and giving advice, thinking we're a mirror image of their younger selves where everything in their lives took a turn for the worse. Their disappointing stares and comments, our anxiety filled hope that everything will work out and we won't be left heartbroken and alone, still caught up with the ghosts of our past and future, where nothing is certain, but everything is set in stone by the higher power of our world. Our personalities are so similar yet so different, we went through different things, and we chose the same toxic coping methods, yet only one of us has changed and sought to grow and heal. I'm not sure if we can suffer the future together, but I know that I'd do anything to stay by your side, even if that means going for an eternal sleep until our Lord returns and rescues us from our woes. We've gotten to the stage where I'm unsure if my love for you is an unhealthy obsession, but if it is then there needs to be an intervention. I would die for you, but not in the jokingly I would take a bullet just to prove my love, in the sense of irreparable damage, of fracturing my soul just to be in your presence. Now will you listen? I have so much to say but I don't even know if you will hear me, I move to fast but not in the physical sense, in the sense that I'm already picturing our wedding and what our kids will look like, I'm a romantic but you're scared of commitment, where I would commit my entire life to serve you in an instant. Isn't it scary? This life we lead, where we tell each other we're okay, but inside we're terrified of what's going to happen and we both know it. Do you know what you did when you put your name at the end of mine and then said you couldn't promise anything? Not even that you'd try to make it happen with me. It was the most beautiful and heartbreaking day of my life. Why can't you think before you say? We were only joking, and you said that line with such sincerity that I almost believed that we were already at the altar, but can you blame me when you look at me in that way that feels like I'm the only person in your life, that makes me melt and trip over my words like a nervous wreck. The truth is I'm terrified, terrified that one day you'll look at me and give up, that you'll no longer be interested in spending our lives together and starting a family, and it might be irrational but I don't feel worthy of you, and everything that people are saying fuels my anxiety, and if I could just look into your eyes and listen to you tell me how everything will be okay and that we'll get through all of our trials together, I'll truly be at rest. Because the truly irrational thing is that I trust you with everything I have, even though you tell me not too.

The amazing comedic relief character who ends up being everyone's favorite and is crucial to the main characters personal growth and sanity.

Also a character that is constantly third wheeling and is low-key going insane.

Two lovers have reincarnated throughout history, destined to find each other and fall in love all over again. There’s also this third guy that reincarnates alongside them… we don’t really know what he does.

"I feel so normal about him" well I dont. move

(they call it october). something about 

the dying and the fascinated flame 

the sudden snatch of your breath, tugged away. it is fair to be sad now

the sunshine has politely turned away.

you pull the box of your darkness out 

from under the leaves. the prayers still smell like pine needles and promises. 

are you watching the trees to see what dies? so that this, too, will not be you?

tender child. the autumn is coming

and you will be loved 

and then forgotten. loved! loved? 

Did you want to be loved or to be remembered? 

God. to be something worth missing. 

to be an empty space in your bed, a silence where there was shadow. 

October is for the absence.

you wanted to be irreplaceable. 

love kisses the leaves goodbye —

and the children laugh at the funeral. 

i am first and foremost a lover. secondarily and mostly for the bit i am also a hater