Find Me

Find Me

Bear Trap 🥀 (my trendy hipster style look book and alternative outcast poem reading)

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my poem:

I bloom as fast as the flowers

Late in June

I take a while

Do you know I was a kid once?

Same

Body

I still wear the same sweater, from back when I was 14

Back when I had nobody to please

Just being me or the “me” my parents let me be

I can’t wait my turn

Not no more

Patience is a lie

When you’re growing inside, all the time

Cross the road when you want

The time is now

Fuck the clock

German Shepard on a chain

Remind me of what my days were

Back when scribbling with chalk on the sidewalk, was all I really wanted

Vapes on the floor

Ditching class and failing p.e

Abandoned car seat

You never really grow up of being a baby

I don’t shine like the sun

Glimmer like the moon

Don’t look at me, not on purpose

Only because you can’t look away

Pay attention to me, what do you do want from me?

I’m only giving myself out for free

For the feelings daddy couldn’t give me

The older, the better

The younger, the meaner

More insecure

I’m too 23 to feel free

Give me 30, 40, 50

Love my generation but not enough to kiss them. Date em

Too mentally crazy

And I’m just like them

You can find me hiding in The Alleys

Where’s it’s quiet

And the strays skip happily

Bet you can’t look away, once you do

It’s kiss me or harm me

No in-between

Want me or trap me

Hold my soul, likes it’s yours to own

Can’t catch a butterfly

Can’t force the wind

I’ll be your girl

If you promise me one wish

Freedom

I’m looking for a daddy

Not a dad

There’s a difference

One you only call after midnight

One never calls you back

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poem: Bear Trap by Roger Rudes, (2023).

Unloved Ones 🤍 (my indie sleaze revival style look book and heartbroken girl poem reading)

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my poem:

Happiness comes and goes

with girls like me

Never too happy

Never too sad

Always depressed

It’s a part of me

The part of me I never leave

“Stay stable, stay calm”

Nobody likes an angry baby

With too much to say

Pacify me

With a blunt or beer bottle

Turns out I hate myself

Drown myself out

Til a new day

New month

New year

If I’m 23

Why do I feel so 17

Ugly yet sweet

Cynically pretty

On the edge of something

I’ve been edged of my own glory

Give it to me or get me off

I want the dream

The one I casted myself

It’s my fault

Blame it on the Talking Heads on TV

The Popstars

above me

Praying to False Idols

The only God I know is female

And she’s me

Nurture me and I’ll give you my seeds

I never kept a plant alive

But I could try again

Maybe a cactus this time

What if it wasn’t my fault?

Shift the blame

I absorb your shame

I’m a teacher with a 2.0 GPA

I wouldn’t take my advice

Unless you wanna have fun

Paint our nails red

Lips too

Cruise with the music too loud

Sad Songs Only

Cursing out all our exes we never had

I don’t think a blow job counts as a second date

But I’ll find the love where I can get it

This week’s been so long

Give me a break

Don’t fuck Mondays

Fuck me instead

Hurry and take my Polaroid

Before I end myself, metaphorically

Fake meat and clearance rack tees

We’re not rich, but we’re holy

God would smoke a pack with us!

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poem: Unloved Ones by dark baby, (2023).