Catalyst

catalyst

my mother had my eyes. when i lied, she'd shake her head. if i said something stupid, she'd look at me with a face i can't describe but know by heart. i bleached her hair once, she said she only trusted me to do it. we used to watch trashy tv on the couch. her breath smelled like cigarettes and her voice was so similar to mine. she listened to music that i learned to love. i can't listen to hotel california without imagining her grabbing my hands to dance with me and spin me around again. when i would scrape my knees on the pavement, she would carefully clean them and bandage them for me. i stayed on the honor roll for her. she would pull me into her side late at night when we watched tv on the couch and joke about how dad would yell at me for being up so late. she used to dye my hair for me and braid it. i still can't braid very well. her hands were always adorned in rings and i knew the cold metal as well as i knew my own name. she used to sing to my brother to get him to sleep when he was about six. i was only eight, and yet felt much too old to ask my mom to sing to me as well. i listened from the doorway. my mom helped me through a really messy relationship. when i didn't know what to do, i would text her. when i was at school, she'd send me memes and random texts throughout the day. during 5th period, i would always go to the bathroom to see what she sent me. it took a lot to adjust to not having that anymore. she knew me like she knew her own reflection. i saw myself in her and she saw herself in me. if i reached out, she reached back. she could tell when something happened and when i was just overreacting. she used to take me to her nail appointments and let me pick the colors. less than 24 hours before she died, she asked me to watch walle with her. i made a big fuss about going to ask my brother if he wanted to watch. i didn't ask. when i came back and lied and said he didn't want to, she saw straight through me. i didn't stay for the whole movie. i remember thinking that id have so much more time with her, so i would go to bed early. i wish that i had known that this is all i would have. i should've fucking stayed. i feel so guilty. im sorry mom. i should've been better.

star wolf

wolfstar brainrot (i kin Sirius so hard it's unreal)

Ac: sophithil on IG