L'appel Du Vide

L'appel Du Vide

He staggered from one pillar to another hoping that one of them would share his pain.

He walked through his school corridor meeting the judgemental glares of his fellow peers.

He passed by a class and saw a girl getting yelled at by her teacher. The teacher not knowing the pain the young girl goes through continues to batter her with harsh words.

He resumed walking, he realized that this place will never let him fail. No matter how hard things are ,this place will always remind how much he messed up, how he disappoints everyone and how he'll never live up to anyone's expectations.

The cold realization struck him when he found himself on the top floor of the school.

The cold air brushing his face with unkindness. He looks down and marvels how no one knows that he's up here, how no one knows who he is.

He's tempted to take the fall.

He wonders if he will do this will things change?

He wonders if he will do this will people finally realize and stop someone else from making a decision like this?

He truly wonders.

He sheds his jacket wanting to feel the coldness of the evening.

Wanting to be free of any warmth.

But at the same time he wants to be saved

He wants to be warm.

He understands that will never happen.

He knows that he will never experience a mother's love or a friend's trust.

After all who is he?

No one

And that's when he gives in to his temptation.

The earth capturing him in a trance and welcoming him with open arms.

In the few seconds of his flight he hoped that someone would catch him.

Someone would pacify his trembling heart.

But he knows truly that it will not happen.

And gladly welcomes the blackness that will keep him safe from the coldness of this world.

Where art thou, my love?

Amongst the moon?

Amongst the stars?

Amongst the sun?

Where art thou, my love?

Amongst my foes?

Amongst my friends?

Amongst the beasts?

Where art thou, my love?

In my heart?

In my bones?

In my soul?

Where art thou my love?

In a kiss?

In a grasp?

In a word?

Where art thou, in my life?

Bucky remembering Steve in the Winter Soldier after years and years of torture and brain frying is equivalent to Percy Jackson remembering only Annabeth Chase (aka the love of his life) in The Son of Neptune after a God taking away his memories.

I swear, the only-even remotely queer thing in ST season 4 is Arglye's damn rainbow socks.

This is a collection of books my sister and I own regarding queer characters. Every book on the screen is a good read and we really recommend you guys read it.

This pride month you don't have to wear a rainbow flag and go around the street. Instead remember everyone;

Every boy who thought he was unnatural and kept his feelings to himself.

Every girl who didn't understand why she was attracted to other girls instead of boys.

Every man who had to marry a girl because of society.

Every woman whose opinions about herself were disregarded.

Every teenager who was kicked out of the house because they realized that they wanted to be a different gender.

Every fucking person who were killed, slaughtered and raped in the name of religion, morals and what's natural.

(You are a human person made out of flesh and bones, nature runs within you, that is more natural than murder.)

Remember these people, remember that when you pass comments against a queer celebrity or a book; it will not affect the book or that person, instead it will terrorize your brother, sister, niece or nephew who might not be straight. Look around the place you live: your love, respect and recognition might be the only freedom they receive. Try to understand everything and everyone, even if you cannot, that still doesn't excuse you being disgusted by something that's different. Do not disregard them by saying that they are confused, they have thought about this more than you ever will.

Love is love.

After all, there are worse problems in this world than boys kissing boys.

Hephaestion wakes up with a start. There were people running around outside his tent, he could hear them. Far away, he could hear thundering footsteps against the earth and a war horn blowing. It was still early in the morning but the enemies were there to attack. Sighing, he turns to see Alexander sleeping next to him.

Hephaestion hated a lot of things about Alexander. He hated how much he drunk, he hated his arrogance, his anger, his pride, he hated so many things about Alexander. Alexander who was strong, who was the prince, who was hailed as the son of Zeus, who killed his own father to take the throne. In Alexander's defence his father was a dick.

But the thing is, Alexander was his friend. No matter what Alexander did, Hephaestion was unable to hate him. And now, he slept without any care in the world when enemies were right outside. And the reason he slept without a care was because Hephaestion was the General to his armies and he knew that Hephaestion would win.

They win that battle. Like they always do. And when they reach the royal family who attacked them, their queen falls on his knees before Hephaestion to beg for her life and her children's. "You are mistaken. I am not the King."

The queen's eyes widens. Before she could apologise Alexander smiles at her kindly. "You were not mistaken, Mother. This man too is Alexander." And then walks away.

Hephaestion watches as Alexander sits at the throne of the king they just defeated. "I will not harm you or your family but in turn you must welcome me as your ruler." He tells the court and they all bow to him. Hephaestion tilts his head and goes to stand next to him.

This is how things have been for the longest time. Hephaestion was always beside Alexander. Wherever the King resided the General was beside him. Even when they were children and Alexander couldn't bear to stay inside with his father and mother, Hephaestion and Alexander would stay under the stars and talk about seeing the world. Alexander wanted to see everything, he wanted to see worlds beyond the stars, he wanted to see Olympus, he wanted to see the Gods. Hephaestion was to be beside him. Nowhere else. Hephaestion thinks when Alexander talks about wars, battles and conquest; he would be nowhere else than here. They were too alike, even in the way they dressed, acted and spoke.

And when Alexander became King, he listened to Hephaestion more than he listened to anyone else. He hears his father's subjects but takes only Hephaestion's words to heart. And even now, after so many battles and wars, he still heeds only his words and not anyone else.

The queen kneels before Alexander and offers her daughter in marriage as a sign of acceptance but he refuses, saying that the king is still alive and he would wed her daughter only after the king is dead.

They stay in the city that they won for a few nights, even if Alexander had two wives he still tumbled into Hephaestion's bed. And Alexander acts like it's perfectly fine to sleep in Hephaestion's room and not let him sleep. When they touch each other, it was simply need instead of want and when they slept beside one another that was need as well.

They leave to hunt down the king who escaped the battlefield. They find him after days of travel. They kill him very easily. The defeated king did not gain safety from anyone and was wandering from the day of battle with his injuries unattended. While they ride back home Alexander tells Hephaestion to take the queen's other daughter as his bride. Hephaestion agrees because it would strengthen their campaign.

They get married to the princesses on the same day. The third wife for Alexander and the very first bride for Hephaestion.

Few days later Hephaestion is planning for their next battle and Alexander is reading on the table. And when Hephaestion's words get too loud, he closes the scroll and looks at him. Hephaestion stops talking.

"Are you quite done?"

"Yes." Hephaestion answers.

"Good." Alexander says and kisses him.

Hephaestion laughs. "Three wives. You have three wives."

"They are not you." Alexander says and that was that.

When they reach their next battlefield Hephaestion's skin itches. He doesn't want to be there. And it is worse after they win the battle. It was clear that something bad was going to come. He stays beside Alexander and doesn't allow anyone unknown near him. Alexander hosts games in honor of their victory and few days before the games Hephaestion coughs up blood and realizes that he was the one who is dying.

Still he does his duties but the day when they are supposed to leave for the games, Hephaestion stays back and promises that he would join him a few days later, after he oversees the construction of the monument for Hephaestion.

He feels fine for a few days. Then the sickness sets in and he loses himself. And whenever he comes back, there is someone beside him, taking care of him but it's not Alexander. In his sickness he dreams of many things. But when he wakes up he doesn't remember them. He thinks about the time he was with Alexander. There never has been a time when he hasn't been with him. He thinks about the time they visited the tomb of Achilles and Patroclus. Alexander had honoured Achilles while Hephaestion honoured Patroclus, then they had raced and felt the air in their hair and skin.

Hephaestion thinks that he has never told Alexander that he has loved him. He told him that he will stay beside him, win him battles and conquer the world with him. But he has never told him about his affections. Alexander had said that Hephaestion and him were the same. Had he known all along?

Hephaestion thinks that he was not meant to grow old. Heroes never grow old. They always go out in a blaze of fire and glory. Patroclus had died in battle with Achilles's armour on him. Hephaestion who was Alexander's armour is going to die alone.

Hephaestion dies and the rage of the King is uncontrollable. His grief is uncontrollable. Alexander arrives the night of the day Hephaestion dies. And he kills so many people. He killes Hephaestion's physician, the guards and almost a hundred men for his funeral. And when he is not cutting down men like grass he is crying on the floor like he was in pain and no one can placate him. Three wives and Alexander threatens to kill anyone who comes near him.

Alexander fights and wins. Heroes don't grow old. But living while your other half is gone, is a far greater tragedy than anything else. What was conquering the sun and the stars if Hephaestion wasn't there? When Alexander dies eight months later, he doesn't think of Olympus, the Gods, his Empire or his conquests. He thinks of Hephaestion.