I Think I Need To Scream Into The Void A Little.

I think I need to scream into the void a little.

It might get heavy so skip this if you are sensitive to topics of abuse, disability and whatnot.

I'm trapped. Trapped in an abusive house, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I have autism, ADHD, and a worsening anxiety. I also have something I like to call "shotgun brain" where my head fires off lots of little thoughts. Only some will hit this post, and ones that should have will whizz into the dark, even when it was probably important. That's why I'm lucky if anything I say is coherent.

I'm worse in real life. I constantly lose speech. I am not able to even write fast. I mull over what I want to say. Even simple compliments might take an hour to form.

My birthgiver likes to tell me I'm not disabled and shame me over it, even though some days are so bad, I need to walk with a cane. That's barely enough really. I honestly sometimes need crutches, but she throws a fit with just the cane, so what can you do? She is trying to get me on disability, not because she believes I actually am, but because she wants to reap the money from it. She told me that herself, to my face. My birthgiver wanted a human worker rather than a child.

I'm unemployed. Being someone who can barely talk and walk sometimes tends to be a barrier in the hellscape that is capitalism. I also just can't stand department stores. The buzzing florescent lights, hard floors, constant noises is hell on my senses. I just get so dizzy being in there. Gods, I can't handle an hour being in bloody Walmart.

Of course, my family doesn't know I'm trans. I have no doubt they would actually try to kill me if they found out I am. I'm so exhausted of hiding who I am, but I have to if I want to survive.

I don't really take care of myself. Can't remember to, a lot of the times. I learned recently it's an experience a lot of trans people have, before they come out/get on HRT.

I want to get on HRT, but I don't think I'll ever be able to. I live in a rural area, far away from civilization. Everything is just fucked. Can't find a doctor for my disability, much less my transness.

I just curl in on myself, the only thing I've got is my art, it's my escape, and Tumblr and AI scalpers want to rip that from me as well. It's a bad joke.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of fighting, every day is a fight.

The words are dying in my brain , so just going to hit post

do it for her

I relate to this so much. for years, even after I knew that I was trans, I thought that I didn't really experience gender dysphoria. it was only after I started transitioning that I realized how much it had affected me

I will be honest guys, the Red portrait of king Charles is gorgeous asdfghjkl

it's a bad portrait. Like. Objectively. It does the opposite of what's intended. It looks like the painter is insulting him. If it was in a contemporary gallery with no context you would see it immediately as the ambivalent criticism of Charles's reign, how he fades into the overwhelming red background as a tiny little figure, small and insignificant, insufficient for the clothes he's wearing. It reminds my of Goya's portraits, how they were so 'realistic' that they ended up making these great figures look pathetic to the viewer. So these are our rulers?

the sheer novelty. the surprise and shock, the kinda cunt it's serving for no reason. I. I love it. It's an incredible portrait by Jonathan Yeo. By the sheer fact that Charles, the man, is impossible to portray as greater than man because he's just such a nothingburger of a dude. So a portrait made to make him look huge and interesting made him be swallowed in red brushstrokes. The butterfly, that reminded me immediately of " we will all laugh at guilded butterflies", draws more attention than him. It looks like an omen. It looks like a warning in all this red. Something is not right here.

This is the best royal portrait ever 10/10

Upon this day, I have only to offer sketches of Sandrone that I made with a tiny pencil. Please enjoy these crumbs

Okay, real talk, I wanted to practice expressions because exaggerated mouths are my weakness, so I chose 10 from a list of 100, and took the ones that would fit her the most.

The template I took from is this (Twitter link) by MagicalPouch.

Honestly, Sandrone is the perfect character to draw. She has an incredibly attractive and interesting design, but she is also simple to draw, so you can chibi-fy her and not lose her look.

There's lots of very pretty characters in Genshin, but very few I want to draw because they're so complicated and detailed, so fuck that noise lol

I might transfer one of these over to digital. A lot of my pieces start as a sketch where I try to plan it out (and then I try to repeat and improve what I did on paper, but I don't, so I just copy over my photo of my sketch art lmao)