Scared || Yang Jeongin (I.N) FF || Pt. 3

Scared || Yang Jeongin (I.N) FF || Pt. 3

Pt.1  Pt.2 | >Pt.3< | Pt.4 (soon)

Pairing: Reader x Jeongin (I.N)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Mention of Social Anxiety, Social Isolation and Depression, so please if you get easily triggered by the mentioned things stop reading here.

Disclaimer: English is not my first Language so please don’t mind my bad  grammar ^^’

Time passed and people say time heals everything, well it didn’t, if anything it just got worse.

You Isolated yourself completely, you were rude to your parents to avoid needing to talk to them, trying to make then think it was just puberty and stuff. The least thing you wanted was them worrying about someone like you, yeah sure you are their daughter but still, you already were such a huge disappointment to them and knowing that they would have to pay for a damn psychiatrist adding on top to the money they already had to spend on you, no you you couldn’t do that it would only break you more, way more.

Well but you couldn’t stay in all day either, since your parents would find out very easily. So you just got up put on some makeup and left with a cold ‘bye’ or ‘I’m at ...’s’ just inserting a name that they might have picked up once or twice when you talked about school, and with that you were out. Making your way through the small corridor, speeding up as soon as you heard any kind of noise that could come from another human being, soon you reached the small window that lead to the fire escape staircase thingy which was attached to the wall of your building, you quickly stepped out on it stepped up a few steps and eventually sitting down on one of the just passed ones.

Earphones practically glued into your ears, blasting music into your ears on a volume that most people wouldn’t like, but you actually loved it, it was the only thing that could shut up you thoughts for a few moments.

You had your gaze either wandering around the endless horizon filled with other building which seemed to get taller day by day, or looking down at the busy streets filled with people which all have a purpose in life, unlike you, you just lived on, just existing without any reason for it.

You watched t streets below and as every time you thoughts drifted off in a not so pretty part of you mind.

‘ I could just jump now... everything would end and it would just be over.. all of this crap would be over, all of the failed things were finally over and I only have to jump to do that. ’

You sighed

‘ but it’s so selfish, well I cut everyone of already so it shouldn’t be that hard right? ’

‘ But I can’t do this, I can’t put my parents through that judgment, people will judge them so hard for a daughter that committed suicide, people will talk so much shit about them without even knowing what actually happened ’

“Fuck” you muttered wiping a tear from you cheek.

‘ Do you really have to cry again you fucking weird piece of shit?!? ’

You sat there silently crying and eventually calming down a bit later.

Once it got dark you made you way back in, unlocking the door to your apartment, rushing into your room not even caring if someone was home or not. You locked yourself into you room and just sat on you bed.

At some point you let yourself fall back onto the bed, you pulled your phone out of your pocket turning of the music and unplugging your headphones.

You opened you Instagram and started to scroll through your feed. Until you came across a specific post.

@ yjin: so glad that I have these dorks in my life now~~🤗

@ HAN.js: @ LkNoW yah! why are you blocking my face with your ugly ass hands?😣

@ LkNoW: @ HAN.js it’s not my fault that you are hella short!!😇

@ HAN.js: @ LkNoW I swear to god imma come over to you room and rip you ugly head of you shoulders!!😤

@ LkNoW: @ HAN.js then do so~🤗

@ Woojinnie: @ HAN.js don’t you dare to step a foot in that room, you guys should already be asleep by now!❗

@ hyun_jin: asleep my ass! only because we have the maknae in your room doesn’t mean that we have to sleep early!!🤔

@ b.chan: well it should be like that tho! we have to get up early tomorrow so you better fall asleep yourself, before I make you!😒

@ Felixu: uhh chan eomma is getting mad guys🤐

-and with that their conversation was over-

You looked at your phone for a few minutes.

‘ Well I know it he has fun, gosh Jonginnie grew up so much, bt who were those other guys? ’

You checked out their individual profiles

‘ oh yeah right he finally moved to the dorm. I’m so happy for him..’

You looked at his post again, not sure if you should comment anything or not. You really wanted to tell him that you were proud and very happy for him but on the other side you didn’t reply to his texts and calls throughout the whole last month thinking it was the best for him.

You let you phone drop on you bed and rolled on you back, blankly staring at the ceiling.

‘ I’m so dump, so so so fucking dump, I shut out every single person that shows interest in me, and I still expect them to keep doing that, Why would they like for real why would someone keep showing interest if you shut them out, your so stupid y/n ’

‘ well it’s to late now, I already was a complete asshole, I can’t get out of that now, nobody would want me anymore, well they obviously don’t and it’s all my fault ’

‘ but it’s better that way, every one has a great life, even Jeongin is finally getting closer to his goal of becoming an Idol. gosh, I was holding him back all those years wasn’t ? ’

Your eyes started to tear up again. you rolled over pressing your head into the sheets hoping it would muffle the sound of you sobbing.

-3rd person POV-

The girl silently kept crying for a few more hours until she finally fell asleep. She loved sleeping, it was the only time her busy head stopped working for a few hours letting her rest. She usually stays up until at least 3 am and then sleeps ‘till the afternoon, people say she is lazy and all but there were some very good reasons for her sleeping pattern.

If she sleep long it minimizes the time she would have to spent on that stairs, it minimizes the time she feels guilty for not doing anything, for not being like the others, for not having any friends, it just benefited her in many ways so why should she wake up, why should she wake up and wander through a day full of self destroying thoughts which most of the time ended in actions, she tried to not cut so much but that only leaded into her hitting her own head several times until she felt dizzy.

-Your POV-

Eventually got through you summer break, definitely not ready to start another school year.

You kept looking at Jeongin’s Social medias and found out that he now was in Seoul now. So it maybe was good that you shut him out, I mean it probably was way easier that a sad goodbye. He probably lived on and was able to leave Busan and you without even  thinking to much about it right?

Hopefully.

You kept your old behavior in school not mean just silent and cold, building up the walls around your real self even higher and thicker. And you liked it that way, well you were kinda lonely even tho you always set with some other people out of your call they were just necessary to not look like a complete loser.

The only person you really missed was Jeongin, admitting that he was maybe more than just a brother to you.

Half of the school year passed and it was about to decide where your calls trip you go to. You didn’t pay attention at all, resting your head on your arms one earplug in to block out that hyper active kid on the table next to you.

“ how about a trip overseas? ” a girl which looked like a typical mainstream b*itch suggested.

“ did your tight clothes stop your blood from getting into your head? ” you mumbled maybe a little to loud, which you only realized by the ‘oooh’ sound some people around you made.

You looked at them emotionless.

“ what did you just say?! ” the girl snapped at you

You gaze drifted over and met her’s “ I said, what everyone in this room was thinking, do you really think we would have money for a trip overseas, sorry to crash you view on this world but not everyone gets money shoved up their asses like you and your “friends“, and besides that wherever  we would get you would only complain about everything anyways so why bother going overseas when you can do this here as well? ”

She gasped loudly and very over dramatic, and you were kind of taken aback by your sudden attitude as well not letting it show tho.

The rest of your class was laughing and even you teacher had a little smirk on her face.

The girl didn’t really know what to say anymore so she just glared at you, you looked at her cold.

“ what? you think I would apologize only because you glare at me, sorry but that enormous amount of mascara an eyeshadow don’t scare me at all ”

“ woa y/n chill ” a boy a few rows in front you said chuckling

“ I’m chill I just can’t stand her stupidity any longer ” you sighed turning up the volume of you music and resting your head on you arm again.

“ Well since y/n is very talk-active today why doesn’t she suggest something? ”

Your eyes grew wide, ‘ wow wow wow stop this is getting to much right now, I never agreed of speaking in front of every one, fuck fuck fuck what do I do now?? PANIC! ’

You started to sweat and your cheeks got red right after.

“ I... I don’t care where we are going as longs as we have some free time there. y...you know  to do whatever we want... ” You tried to calm down again.

You were a mess, just sitting there breathing heavily, sweating, glowing red and shaking on you whole body. You clenched you fists.

‘ get your shit together you dumbass!! people will start to notice it!! ’

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse.

*Ping*

You got a message, wait WHAT??

Your eyes widened, you stared the table beneath you. You slowly pulled out you phone and looked at the pop-up widow on your Lockscreen.

Jeonginnie🌞👦:

Hey, well you ignored all my texts and calls and I didn’t know what to do so.. I gave you time, but I just can’t go on pretending that you just need time, I just get the feeling that you don’t want me in your life anymore,I guess you are just busy with your friends and I have to be okay with that, I’m sorry and take care~

While you read the text you felt your eyes tear up, you tried to hold them in, as well as you upcoming breakdown, you just con’t break down, note here and now. You slowly looked up again, meeting the gaze of several classmates, some looked worried, others looked like you were a complete freak and others didn’t even care.

“ Mrs. Park? Can.. can we maybe go to Seoul for our trip? ” you spoke with a thin, shaky voice fighting against the storm inside of you.

“ That is a good idea y/n, wee can do that if your classmates agree ” she looked through the class and already heard some mumble about what they would do in Seoul

“ Alright, Seoul it is! ”  

As soon as you heard the bell you left storming out of the building, rushing home as fast as you could yet you didn’t go home. You ran up the stairs, as soon as possible you climbed out of the window, onto the same old staircase once again.

You went up a few stairs again, settling down on one that didn’t seem as rusty as the others and finally your wall broke down, you started to cry, heavily yet not really loud, at least silent enough to not be heard.

You just sat there crying your soul out, one word constantly circling in your mind.

“weak”

 ~ ~ ~

Well I guess part 3 is done with that, the next pt. is going to be something a bit different and not as “depressing” I guess.

Also this ff is kind of taking a turn which I didn’t plan at all but I hope I won’t end up making this shitty, also I don’t really know if its going to be a good end or a bad end, I probably will make two tho since I wanna give you guys options and not everyone likes bad ends so yeah. byeee~

~J☯

The Comfort Character AU

What is the Comfort Character AU? An alternative universe in which you get asigned a comfort character at a suitable age who is there for you in times of heart ship and desperation. 

How does it even work? Nobody really knows how it works and the members of society that do know are sworn to secrecy. Everybody knows it exist yet it’s not a topic people like to talk about. Sure there are the clasic school gossips about it but teachers were sutting that down quickly as well. They know how important the system is and they don’t want it to get messy through some toughtless teenagers. 

~  ~  ~

Okay so I had this idea for a while now and I really want to finally write it down, there are going to be small drabbles of kpop idols being your real life comfort character and helping you through hard times. (Kpop has helped me through so much and just knowing what power some fan fictions hold made me want to maybe help some of you through hard times <3)

You can give me a idol and the struggles/a situation you would like me to write it about and I will gladly write you an imagine with it! (I could also make them more personalized for you if that’s something you would like)

Have a good day guys!!~

PS. There will be a masterlist once I have a few of these out ^^’

the fact that hyunjin looks like a unlzzang model is dangerous already but the thing is: he probably knows that and thats why he feeds us so well with all those pics is basically going to kill us all!!

38/∞ random gifs of hyunjin

Jay Park ~ Fake Snaps

I was really bored so I made a few fake snaps, I have a few more to come but you also can request a Idol and what kind of snap or smth like that.

~Bye

Scared || Yang Jeongin (I.N) FF || Pt. 1

>Pt.1< | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4 (soon)

Pairing: Reader x Jeongin (I.N)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Mention of Social Anxiety, Social Isolation and Depression, so please if you get easily triggered by the mentioned things stop reading here.

Disclaimer: English is not my first Language so please don’t mind my bad  grammar ^^’

Our little story actually started a while ago, to be more exact you were around 5 or 6 years old back then.

You and your mom had a little weekend ritual, every Saturday you two would go out to the little park not far from your Apartment, and so you did this Saturday too, and as always you begged your mom to take at least one toy with you.

And since you did that a couple of times before it wasn’t really hard for you to convince her. “okay but you have to take care of it, if it breaks or you loose it, you won’t get a new one”

You nodded our little head in excitement and rushed to your room, a few moments later you came back with your little blue plastic ball which was nearly bigger than your head.

You mom smiled as she saw your hand wrapped around it. “so the ball it is?”

She only earned a nod from you again.

Soon after you headed to the Park, it was a pretty little park with 2 swings, 1 normal slide, a little “castle” as how the kids called it and a big area in which you and your mom decided to stay.

You two stared to play a bit with the ball, nothing big only throwing it to each other and catching it.

About 15min in your game you mom excused her to sit down on the bench not far from you, “Don’t worry I will always have a eye on you my little princess~”

You smiled at her and started to think of a game you could play alone, not because there weren’t any kids around - well there weren’t much- but thee main reason was that you were shy, you didn’t now how you should approach then and you somehow didn’t want to either.

Due to you being a single child you learned how to entertain yourself pretty soon and you always got new ideas so you didn’t get bored at all.

Soon you got an idea and started to throw the ball in the air trying it hold t up as long as possible, at some point you somehow managed to throw it really far so you started running, eyes glued to the blue ball and arms raised up to catch it once it got down, you obviously didn’t watch where you were running, believing that there won’t be any other kids around.

But little did you know there were and soon enough you bumped into someones back.

The kid was ready to scream at you because he thought it was one of his friends slowly turned around “He-”

You looked at the boy with big eyes, scared because of him raising his voice at you. you couldn’t stand when people screamed at you so you slowly looked to the ground.

“ 미안 해요” (Mianhaeyo.../ I’m Sorry) you whispered barely noticeable and slightly bowed not daring to look up at the probably angry looking boy.

The boy just looked at you not knowing what he should do now but this actually would change soon.

You totally forgot about your ball already so you really didn’t expect it, when it come crashing down and hitting you on the head.

With a little “ow” you fell back in the grass, eyes closed and one hand on your head where the ball just hit it.

The boy in front of you widened his eyes as he saw the ball hitting your small doll like head.

He looked at you worried only thinking ‘Please don’t start crying’. And you didn’t somehow it didn’t hurt much but you still were in shock.

“A..are you okay..?” you heard a sweet voice in front of you.

You slowly opened your eyes, blinking a few times to get a clear view. You only looked at him not sure what to say/do.He slowly extended his hand, attempting to help you up.Gladly you accepted his offer and he pulled you back up on your feet. You rubbed your head, frowning a bit.

“Does it hurt?” He asked still looking at you

You just shook your head, i mean it did but you didn’t want to look like a crybaby.

“Are you sure” he asked again.

“yes” you quietly answered, looked at you a little bit surprised since he thought he would only earn another nod.

He started to look around, and leaving soon after, your eyes followed him a little bit confused but once you saw that he just left to get your ball you had to smile a little.

He rushed back to you handing you the ball.

“Thanks, sorry for running into you...”

“Don’t mind that anymore, okay?”

“Jeongin!” you heard a female voice shout, instantly the boy in front of you turned is head.

“I have to go now..” and with that being said he left you standing there. You figured that it was also time to head back to your mum, and a few moments later you were already on you way home.

You didn’t tell your mum what happened because she only would be worried. Still your mind was circling around the boy you met today, he somehow had a energy to him that made you curious but sadly you probably won’t be seeing him ever again.

But what you didn’t know was that the boy was just as fascinated from you as you were from him. So on his way home he started to bombard his mother with questions.

Jeongin: “Mommy? can i ask you something?”

His mom chuckled, “Sure you can you don’t need to ask that” she answered still smiling at her son’s behavior.

Jeongin: “I saw a girl today, she was playing all by herself, it seemed like she didn’t have friends... do you know her?”

The boy’s mom thought for a moment, “I may not know her but a friend’s friend told me that she told her that her daughter is very shy around people so every time they go to the park she rather plays by herself then with other kids.

Jeongin looked around while carefully listening to his mothers words.

he whispers: “she must feel lonely...”

his mom continued talking “apparently even in Kindergarten she is very likely to be alone, but why are you asking about her?”

“oh, I was just curious since I never saw her here before”

“Well that might be because we normally don’t come here on Saturdays, my friend told me that Saturday was the only day her friend can spent time with her daughter due to her busy work schedule”

The boy only nodded and stayed silent the rest of their way, his mind still busy thinking about you.

~lil time skip~

A week has passed and you finally went to the park again today you dragged a badminton set with you, the bat barely even fitting in you small hands but luckily your mom got a smaller and a lighter one just for you.

As always you played together with your mom for the first 15 - 20 minutes, and once she left you started to play alone again, you tried to hold badminton ball (I honestly have no idea how you call that thing, if anyone know that please tell me!) up in the air as long as possible.

You couldn’t hold it up longer than 2 or 3 times, but when you finally held it up for at least 5 hits something/someone surprised you.

“Y/N?”

You froze for a second and just watched the ball (still no idea how its called) fall to the ground, kinda sad that that person had the attitude to interrupt you playing, oh yeah right someone called out your name but wait nobody knew you name here except you mom.

You frowned and slowly turned around to see who the person, but once you say him you only got more confused.

Jeongin, the boy from last week  stood in front of you his hand behind his back

You probably looked hella confused because he had to chuckle a bit at y´the face you were making.

Now both of you stood there not really knowing what to do next, you because you were really confused how he knew your name and what he wanted, and he because he actually didn’t think that he would get this far.

He finally got his voice back, “Hey, can I play with you”

You somehow didn’t really need company but you didn’t want to be rude either so you just nodded.

“But you have to take to heavy one” you said barely hear able, yet he heard it.   “It’s to heavy for me” you added even more quiet

He just smiled and took the other bat and you started playing.

And that was basically the beginning of your first ever friendship.

~As the years go by~

You and Jeongin became best friends, well probably more, he is like your real brother you both even got your braces only a few weeks apart from each other (not planing it tho)

Jeongin was like the only person you trusted and so far to only one you didn’t make your regret letting in your life.

You were shy ever since so that definitely didn’t change through out your life, which made it even harder to make friends but you were okay with that.

Throughout, elementary and middle school you were fine with that, you didn’t even really realize it, and people kept telling you that it is normal to be shy, and that they were shy too but now they made it t something and all that.

But it was the last year of middle school when it hit you, you had a fight with your best girl friend and you didn’t speak to each other, you realized that you were completely alone, all the other people in you class went to her and had a good time during the breaks n which you only set in your class at your table, eating you sandwich, all by yourself.

You fell deep back then, deep in a bad state of mind you never thought you could get into because until now your life was fine.

You found out a lot about yourself during that time, and suddenly everything was clear, but also a little to late.

All the times you were on these class trips and your bff wanted to drag you to play truth or dare with the others, you denied, you didn’t want to and you somehow had no idea how to do it either. I mean sure you knew how to play truth or dare duuh but something was off.

You now knew how you mental state was and at was eyeopening, yet you didn’t tell anybody, not you bff not you mom and definitely not Jeongin. And honestly it was because you were so embarrassed to tell other people, which probably would only think that you were not appreciating you good life.

And because of that you learned how to hide and cover up all that was going on in you mind, you kept being the quiet girl in class not talking unless you really had to. And once middle school was over you felt relived, so got damn relived to finally never see all those people again, all those people that without even realizing it ruined you, you were ready to finally open up a new chapter. Which would be better than this one, or at least you imagined it that way.

~ ~ ~

Well so I guess this is the end of the first part of this little FF.

If anyone even read that crap please tell me what you think about it!

I will try to bring out the next part within the next week I guess idk I am slow at writing so yeah.

Anyways hope you have a good day/night and if not, tomorrow's gonna be better!~

~J☯

okay but this is literally me xDD

When you shave your legs