manic pixie dream girl mess <3 nineteen- n ♡ i kinda barely post srry
28 posts
Angelicpuppyxoxo - Tumblr Blog
n+b
we met at a park he showed up with his white truck. we walked hand in hand. me following him lost and nervous as usual- sat on his lap on a bench by the water then got flustered when kids walked by- then on the way home he had his hand on my leg as i played lana del rey in his truck. then we watched a movie my head on his leg like a puppy. i almost fell asleep right then and then I felt safe for a second until he said I was a little girl 10 years between us. “you don’t have too be so shy“ i wanted to say to him “you make me feel like a little girl“ i did then got nervous so pretended i didn’t say anything at all. he told me as i sat on his lap that “you are just a child. you act so childish” i moved away from him. feeling my chest hurt. feeling uncomfortable. i just wanted my head on his leg him petting me while we watched a movie- calling me his little girl but then when his hand grabbed my arm and moved it against his pants “ that’s what you wanted isn’t it ?” i remember that’s all most men want from me.
one of my favourite looks-
https://throne.com/bunnyxoxo_13
3. before he left we went to a park in the morning everything was beautiful. we sat on the swings. me on his lap while he sits. as we talked. i can’t remember most of what we spoke about- i remember when we sat on the grass me on his lap. he said he liked me. that he would miss me when he went back. i admitted that i liked him that i would miss him too. he said something i can’t remember but i know it’s something sexual not mentioning anything else between us. or anything else we did together. i come back to reality hurt. remembering everything my friends said about him- all of it was right. he tried to kiss me i moved away from him his lap his warmth his touch it reminded me. that i am just another one of the girls from the photos he fucked. i am just some eighteen year old he fucked that’s all. i start crying a little bit like a little girl all over again not looking at him. moving away when he tried to touch me. “ don’t be like this” he said. during the ride home. i played music we sat in silence he tried too move his hand to my thigh. i moved away from him once again. ignoring him my legs on the dash. once we got there i practically jumped out with my backpack and the stuffed animal he bought me. he tried too explain himself but i said “i don’t care” i walked away.
2. when we get there i sit on the edge of the bed in my babydoll dress feeling nervous. mirror in front of the bed he undoes the back of my dress. takes off my shoes for me like i’m a little girl. almost lovingly. it all goes away so quickly when he aggressively shoves me down. i felt suffocated again i try to play along to make him " happy" i got triggered i couldn't do it. “i'm so tired of letting people use me for my body" i put on my dress walking away quickly out of the hotel no one cares about me. wearing no shoes. dress undone. just socks. running out of the hotel they just turn away. i walk all the way to the mall calling my friends and family no one picks up. he texts me that he's "sorry " he thought it's what i wanted. we made up gently he picked me up at the mall- i barely looked at him again then we go back to the motel. my head was on his chest like a little girl. listening to his heartbeat i felt safe again the memory of my head on my dads chest is soothing. kinda reminds me of before things got fucked up. i miss it- so i fill the void with him the tv on in the background late at night. i teased him about his age he says its why i "like" him guilt washes over me again. my body was bruised and aching. i laid there in the cheap motel with him begging to be abused again. i sleep naked next to him i've never been so intimate with someone it bothers me. he makes a bath for me again. watching me as i lay in pain. after we "played" when i got home later. i bathed and washed myself my skin- my hair everything smells like him. i can't wash him off it feels fucking suffocating.
1. wrote this after what happened between us- i held his hand as we walked around the park i used too go to as a kid- his hand bigger than mine people staring at us- he’s thirty four i look all baby faced even with makeup on and im short- i look younger than eighteen. my parents know they saw him holding my hand. we lay in the grass sitting on his lap as he tells me that i am a “good girl” when i rub against him slowly-people watching us. some stranger. we spent the night together back in his car makeshift bed- i wake up next too him no clothes guilt surrounds me- i moved to leave putting on my clothes and grabbing my things. he stirred in his sleep opened his eyes half asleep and said to me “ where are you going ?” with this hurt look i felt immediately bad and stayed. he stares at me i move away nervously each time-hiding my face. we went on a drive at 2 am i couldn’t sleep we went to a store and i got things. i toss and turn most of the night because i feel dirty even after what we did together after what i let him do to me. later on in the morning. i leave him somewhere in town in some neighbourhood- he follows me for a little then leaves hurt that im “ditching him” i feel like he took something from me ?
my dark vanessa ♡
I will forever love seeing you in my notifications ❤️
aww thank u <3 i like ur acc too- ur cute
⋆ ˚.⋆୨୧˚ shut the fuck up
i like your profile (and likes) <3
aww thank u <3 girl
blame her for how i turned out-
yungelita 2014/15
…………
wanna be your dream girl <3
if he likes me takes me home- ⟡
kind of my mood board- ♡︎