Just Yapping - Tumblr Posts
i really need to interact more with y'all here but im shy asf
Oh god, I feel good and happy? But there's something in me that says "This is not you" Trying to socialize and talking to so many people exhausts me...But at least I don't have to go to the bathroom, since I can't go to the library. The last time I went, some kids started making fun of me just because i was quiet?. People are so hypocritical, since I started having "friends" I remembered why I was totally alone, everyone talks behind your back, but hey, I just try not to get depressed.
WHERE ARE THESE IDEAS COMING FROM
I have another idea, but idk if I should write it!!!
Is anyone down for punk! Miguel and ballerina!Reader?? I don't think I would progress too much into it, but it came to mind. I don't know just yet.
I'm yapping at this point.
OKIE DOKIE.
FOUNDATION TIME?
LETS START WITH MY FATHER.
PHD IN COMP SCI - BIOLOGY FOCUS?!?!
MY DAD IS LIKE IF YOU BOILED NERD INTO SOMETHING YOU COULD VAPORIZE. SEEING VISIONS OF A SENTIENT SPACE SHIT WHO IS ACTUALLY A GREAT SPACE MERCENARY IN A COMEDY COMIC. I WITH MY DADS ACCOMPLICE DRESSED UP AS THE SPANISH INQUISITION FROM MONTY PYTHON. MIDDLE SCHOOL WASPS THOUGHT MY 70LB 2FT 38IN ASS WAS A PIMP! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A PIMP WAS.
I ASKED MY MOTHER IN FRONT OF HER AT THE TIME BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) WHAT EJACULATION WAS. SHE CALMLY EXPLAINED IT TO ME. I NODDED AND WALKED OFF. I'M A WREAKING BALL IF I JINGLE MY KEYS TOO HARD. I'LL START TELLING PEOPLE LIFE WISDOM WHILE LOOKING INTO THEIR EYES WITH PURE SINCERITY BECAUSE SO MANY OF THEIR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVABLE. NOT PERFECTLY, BUT LIKE A WELL PLACED VIBE SHIFT OR TWO.
ANYWAYS. MY MOM TOLD ME IN THE CAR - YEARS BACK - THAT SHE WASN'T SURE IF I COULD TALK ABOUT MY ACTUAL SELF UNIRONICALLY. WHICH AS AN OPENING STATEMENT IMMEDIATELY RECEIVED A SARCASTIC RESPONSE I HAVE COMPLETELY FORGOT.
SHE GETS I'M A SPECIAL CUPCAKE. NOW MORE THAN EVER. A GLUTEN FREE CUPCAKE. CELIAC.
IM STANDING IN THE DARK ON A SIDEWALK. STILL LISTENING TO RISK BY GRACIE ABRAMS ON LOOP WRITING THIS.
Anyways.
Work tomorrow! <3
Have a nice night stranger.
Ben
I don't care if religion is real or not and it has probably been said here before, but if I were Mary, I would've stopped believing in God the second I saw my son being almost dragged through the streets by the Romans.
God promised he would be the savior, that I would carry His son and give birth to him.
I gestated him, I felt him in my womb, I felt him kick. Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh.
And when the time came, I held him when he took his first breaths, when he wailed after being born, when he was still covered in my blood, when he was but a small helpless newborn.
And I comforted him, and I nursed him, I gave him everything he would ever need. I loved him. I raised him.
I tended his wounds while on childhood. Probably taking care of his scrapped knees, maybe some splinters when he was learning to be a carpenter. Cleaning his tears after a nightmare, holding him tight after he got lost in a crowd.
I saw him perform his first miracle, my brain remembering how all those years ago, that angel promised my son to be not only the savior but also the son of God. The happiness of knowing he will be safe because he's the son of God, isn't he? God would never allow anything to happen to him.
See him grow, performing more miracles, watching him gather crowds and followers. Hearing him teach those same crowds, inspire people, help the poor, heal the wounded, resurrect the dead...
After 30 years, I would probably would have felt secure that God would never allow anything to happen to him. To his son. To my son.
I imagine how heartbreaking would have been to Mary to hear that he had been betrayed. That he was imprisoned by the Romans. That he was in danger.
And she probably prayed and prayed, begged God to take care of her son. Her child. Her baby. She was restless, trying to find ways to get to him.
She probably kept her faith and tried to keep a strong belief in God. After all, He's the creator, supreme being that would help keep His son safe.
And then she sees it, the verdict delivered by the hand of Pilate. Her son must die on a cross. And I imagine her faith waver, thinking that no, it has to be a mistake. God will save him. He has to. Her son is not only the savior but also an innocent man.
Yet there he was. Carrying a cross. A crown of thorns over his forehead, the same she had kissed goodnight so many times before. His frame holding the heavy cross, the same frame she had hugged goodbye, probably less than a month ago. His back bloodied by the lashes that the Romans delivered onto him, the same back she rubbed to take the burps out when he was a baby.
And God doesn't help him. He doesn't intervene. He doesn't save her precious little boy. He doesn't hear her begging.
They crucified him, they put nails through his wrists, blood dripping down, the same blood she has running through her veins. And she hears him wail in pain, but she can't hug him and tell him he'll be fine.
She sees him up there, suffering, barely conscious for three consecutive days. Three days when the Romans poked him with a spear, cutting the same ribs, she probably massaged when he was sick as a kid.
And I honestly believe that she would've lost all her faith. She wailed in pain and despair, screaming to the sky in anger, clutching her heart because her baby, the supposed savior, was dead. They took him from her.
She had given her body, her milk, and now her tears, to a God that could not even bother to give her son a merciful end, to take his pain away. She gave everything of her and still lost him.
So I don't think she would've kept being faithful to God or even keep believing in Him. He used her, and it was only then, only when she could see her son being tortured, that she started realizing it.
Birth & Death of Christ
The Virgin of the Lilies †Pietra by William-Adolphe Bouguereau
Just a little reminder because I see more people are following me, specially for the ones who want to know me better like friends or something like that
I'm not anti endo! Yes in my intro you can see endos DNI and in many of my blogs you can see the same thing, I don't like endos as the community and how hey harm and are pretty horrible people, but just because I have a boundary doesn't mean I'm against it
One of my principal boundaries while making friends is I don't want to be friends with cis women or AFAB fem enbys, this means I'm against women and misogynist? Nope, but it's called comfort and that doesn't make me automatically a bad person for having boundaries trauma related ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When it's true I'm not anti endo I'm more aligned to the anti endo side, my stance in this is more complex than just the three known stances so I like to says the endo syscourse because, form experience, both sides (anti and pro) have attacked me, harassed me and do shit to me just because I'm complex in the meaning of stance which is shit
So yeah, if you're uncomfortable with me interacting or you following me because I'm not anti endo please don't make a drama, stop following me here and in the rest of my blogs and just block and move on, I don't want problems nor I care to discuss about this topic
To my anti endo friends who already knew this and still don't care plus like to be around with me because they know what respect and understanding is, I love you guys you're one of my best friends because you're not radical and close minded ✨
Yeah this is all, see ya
Hi, just to make things clear
If you think is ok to assume people's stances in certain discourses based on their boundaries, or think that boundaries and stances are the same thing
Please, respectfully, get out of my blog
I don't like in any kind of way people who start assuming things about others based on boundaries and then claim that their assumption is true when in fact might not be true, boundaries and stances when discourses might be hand in hand but no always and I hate that people think that
Thanks