Zyanova - Unlike Paul Blart, Someday You'll Die

General Grievous comic for Wookiepedia's Droid Magazine.

General, your reaction to finding out Benny survived the explosion? Any thoughts on him working for the Empire now(if you’re aware of all that) -Solstice Anon

Grievous sat completely still for a couple of seconds before his head abruptly tilted to the right. “I am sorry, he what now,” he inquired quite politely.

        “What do you mean he didn’t die??” The polite veneer was quickly replaced with disbelief. “I died & I had the Count’s good graces to be emergency ejected from the consuming fireball my shuttle was turned into. Chwauwa?? Although- koffk- if any of us were going to be able to tank that explosion it would be Sk’ar, wouldn’t it.”

        “Benny too thick to die, not surprising,” the general muttered with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I did make that giant chunk of meat sit in the back.” He had to reread your question. The second half had been drowned out in his surprise. “The Empire, you say? The Empire was just the Republic rebranded, yes? Hmm, don’t like that,” Grievous growled, promptly assaulting the holo input to do some research. He settled back in his seat with one hand risen to his faceplate in deep thought, looking angry & concerned.

        “All I have access to here are largely public records & protocol reports. Some overeager Imperial captain bombarded the kaleeshi Oben colony from orbit & took Sk’ar alive, hm? I had not known him to be the kind to bend a knee.” Grievous ruminated on this for a while in silence, save his wheezing. “Unless he was not given a choice…the Sidious onboarding package,” he hissed before letting out a frustrated, digitally garbled roar. You thought that he may tear his seat from its moorings (again) & throw it but after a few moments he sighed.

        His limbs, his armor & his claws had ratcheted into high, clenched positions as if ready to attack. Now they all went slack as he sat draped across the industrial chair looking defeated. “What a wretched cosmic wraith, to use up everything he touches without even caring,” Grievous resumed speaking in a more deadpan tone, “He corrupted the legacy of Bentilais san Sk’ar for what? His own amusement? I hate this. Why have you told me this, Zenja?” He had several facets of outrage over this, so much so that he had immediately overloaded his capability to unpack any of that for the moment.

I asked members of the general grievous discord server for comic ideas...and you delivered. And yes. I finally compiled this into one post to spare your sanity.

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Poor Sheelal. He never wanted to but he’d never say no to Kummar.

As you can see, I’m very much struggling with Sheelal at the moment.

Do you think she could fit the whole thing in her mouth if she really tried…?

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This is a reference to @inonibird 's awesome Sheelal fanfic Sahuldeem! I highly recommend it to any fellow Grievous zealots.

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This one is a reference to that one meme template, if you know you know, I'm sorry I'm too tired to find it.

I love thinking about which characters I know fit into songs well, which is the source of this quickly thrown-together drawing. I linked the song below if you're interested.

In all seriousness though, Sheelal would have a terrible voice.

Like I'm trying to imagine that conversation.