#toootalllly Wont Be Haunted By The Ghost Of A Husband That I May Or May Not Have Killed To Fund My Lavish

#toootalllly won’t be haunted by the ghost of a husband that I may or may not have killed to fund my lavish lighthouse life

can someone hire me as a lighthouse keeper. my grip on reality is soooo stable and i will behave so normally under conditions of extreme isolation. and i promise i wont try to fuck the light

I love the idea of Danny being just Some Guy.

Like yes he’s Phantom, yes he has ghost powers, yes he’s the King of the Infinite Realms. But to the BatFam? That is just Some Guy. A random dude - if you will.

They are positively baffled by him. Like he’s completely normal as far as they (and the background check) can see. Yet, he. Is. EVERYWHERE. (Not actually but it sure feels like it.)

The kids have a running bingo card of where he’ll turn up. Outside a warehouse they’re raiding? Check. Stopped a mugging? He was the one being mugged. Tim’s favorite coffee shop? He was just hired as a barista.  Seriously it’s like everytime they turn around he’s there.

Which wouldn’t be such a problem if he REACTED NORMALLY. But no. He doesn’t flee in fear, stare in awe, he doesn’t even try to say thank you. This man looked Batman in the eye and called him the furry vigilante - TO HIS FACE! He casually referred to Dick as “the flying monkey one” to Red Robin while also calling Tim a literal walking Red Flag. When he crosses paths with Duke he doesn’t always speak but he does always give him a snack. (Sometimes it’s candy, sometimes it’s fruit but it’s always food. And he only gives them to Duke.)

He once told Jason that he didn’t care that he was a crime lord and built like a brick house, Danny would kick his ass and drag his “rotted milk soul” too hell if the gun fights kept going on past midnight. (He had exams in the morning damnit.)

He will only call Damian “baby ninja” no matter how many times the kid insists that his name is Robin.

Spoiler and Orphan? The only ones he’s respectful to but even they get the occasional random comment. (“It may be a Tuesday, but if the universe is gonna make me the human equivalent of a pin cushion then I have the right to keep the knife.”) (It was actually a Friday but who were they to argue with a man bleeding out in an alley.)

Eventually the Batkids start keeping score of who has had the most out of pocket thing said to them by this random white boy.

DP X DC

At a Wayne Enterprises Networking Gala:

Bruce: So about that new employee, there’s been a lot of talk…you mentioned he’d be in attendance this evening?

Lucius: ah, Mr Fenton I presume? Yes, he’s fantastic really.

Bruce: So I’ve heard. Where’s the man hiding? I haven’t managed to bump into him yet.

Lucius: Mr Fenton has been squandered away to the children’s table I believe.

Bruce: the children’s table…?

Lucius: *points* there, the tallest one.

Bruce trained his gaze in the direction Lucius pointed, to come face to face with the peculiar sight of a wiry, 20-something year old, back haired, blue eyed man consumed in a heated argument with a chubby 6 year old girl in piggy tails.

Bruce: that’s-

Lucius: Yep, you’re gonna hate him. Best go introduce yourself!

Cale’s definition of “quiet”: Invade a villa, steal a dragon, etc.

Cale’s definition of a “hit-and-run”: Blow up a motherfucking island

Let’s be honest the one who does the most property damages in the whole fucking novel is Cale, not the villains lmao

Huh

Damian: Hmm, I have [Important Task Here] to do, so I'll be gone for a few days, maybe a week.

Damian: ...I trust none of my siblings to care for my animals. Not even Pennyworth is trustworthy after last month's Jerry debacle.

Damian: *dials a phone number*

Damian: It's me, are you willing to pretend to be me for upwards of a week? You get to mess with our family for the low cost of looking after my pets.

Danyal "Danny" Fenton, formerly Al Ghul: Absolutely.