Edgar: You Did The Right Thing By Calling Us. Does Your Brother Sleep A Lot?

Edgar: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?

Sam: Yeah, all day.

Alan: Sunlight freak him out?

Sam: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.

Edgar: Bad breath, long fingernails?

Sam: His fingernails are a bit longer. Um, he's always had bad breath though.

Alan: He's a vampire alright.

Edgar: Here's what you do. Get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.

Sam: I can't do that! He's my brother!

Alan: Okay. We'll come over and do it for you.

Sam: No!

Edgar: Then get yourself a garlic t-shirt buddy. It's your funeral.

bro... steven has never known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football...

Coffee and Hot Chocolate

 Fandom: House of Wax Characters: Lester,

Relationship: Lester/reader Request: would you write for Lester? Something angsty but fluffy  No matter how many times you went to the twins house, you always left feeling degraded and useless. Sitting in the pick up truck with your head resting on the window as Lester drove. He knew you were upset, but lacked any sort of social skills to try and speak properly to you. The previous times, he had tried but ended up making you more upset. So now he kept silent. Vincent was never an issue. In fact, he was the only reason you ever agreed to go to their house. He was always sweet to you, silently offering you everything from water to a meal. It was Bo who made you resent everything about your new life. He hated you with a passion. You hadn’t came here on purpose. In fact, you had been dragged kicking and screaming. You had been kidnapped and thrown in a trunk. You had spent a few days there before Lester found you. They had been run off the road as per normal and Lister had been rummaging through their belongings while the other 3 had went to find Bo. But you had thought they were back. You had kicked the trunk, expecting for them to snap at you to shut up. But you certainly hadn’t been expecting the boot to open. He had looked just as surprised as you had. To this day, you don’t know how Lester persuaded Bo to let him keep you. But that was how you ended up living with him. His home was in the middle of the forest and, if you were completely honest with yourself, you loved it. His cabin looked small from the outside but had 3 bedrooms, a large living room and kitchen as well as a dinning room. You had your own room. In the beginning, you had been kept there, with bars on the window. But it was better than a car boot. Plus, Lester was honestly a sweetheart to you. At the start, you had made a plan to take advantage by earning his trust and then running when he gave you the chance. But you never had. Not that you didn’t have his trust. You no longer had bars on the window and you were free to road the house as you pleased. But you felt more at home with him than you ever had anywhere in the world. And Lester truly did seem to care about you and your wellbeing. He tried his best to keep you happy, like you were a pet rather than a room mate. But you never understood one thing. Why he had never made any advances on you. It sounded truly stupid, and you hated how you longed for his touch. But you were sure he wanted you. You saw how his eyes glanced to your thighs when he was driving and you were wearing a skirt. you saw how he seemed to blush and became jittery at your touch.   But nothing ever happened. And you couldn’t understand it. pulling up outside the house, you got out and closed the truck door. Lester was quick to unlock his house and you followed him inside. But you couldn’t stop the question from falling from your lips. “Why did you keep me?” You suddenly ask, your brow furrowed as you stared at the ground. “What?” Lester didn’t catch your question, but smiled sweetly at you. “Why keep me? Im useless.” You ask again. “look, don’t listen to Bo. He talks out-“ Lester shakes his head but you notice something change within him. “Hes right. I cant do anything. Im useless to you. Just another mouth to feed.” You throw your arms up as your voice raised. “Now hang on. I aint argued with Bo for god knows how long for you to start too.” He shakes his head, confirming your suspicion. Bo still didn’t like you were here, and he was still trying to convince Lester to kill you. And, unfortunately, you two were now taking your anger out on each other. “Why fight with him? Why keep me here?” you gesture to the room. “Just kill me like you kill everyone else.” “I aint doing that!” He growls back at you, and for the first time you could see the anger in his eyes. “Why not!?” You scream, your eyes filled with tears as you broke. “Cause I damn well said so!” He yells, raising his voice at you for the first time as he threw the hat on the floor in anger. You flinched, any anger dropping from your body as  you backed away from him. You dropped your gaze, becoming more submissive as you shrunk into yourself and wrapped your arms around you. tears pooled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks as you pressed yourself against the wall. You could see him through the tears as he scooped up his hat, ringing it in his hands as he stuttered a few times. “[y/n]?” He whispered as he darted to you, reaching out to you but he was too quick and it gave you a fright. You moved out of his reach, turned and ran into your room. You pressed yourself against the door once it was closed, expecting him to come and bang on the door, demanding you open it. But he never did. You heard him follow but he faltered at the door. Sliding down the door, you broke down. With your legs pulled up to your chest and your arms wrapped around them, you cried. Sobs fell from your lips, muffled as your head fell forward and rested on your arms. Footsteps from the other side of the door made you jump as you heard Lester running away. For a few minuets, you were left to cry in peace before he returned. “[y/n]? I got hot chocolate, and them chocolates you like. And some tissues.” His voice was shaking as you sat up, sniffing as you turned your head in confusion. “I’ll leave ‘em outside for yah. I’ll be in my room if you need anythin’” His footsteps retreated, and you heard his door open and close. After a few moment, you pushed yourself off the ground and opened the door, peering out. On the ground was a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows in your favourite cup, along with a bar of your favourite chocolates and a fresh box of tissues. You glance down the hall way towards Lesters room and felt a rush of guilt. Yes, he had yelled at you, but you were yelling at him. And he didn’t throw his hat at you or ever shown any aggression towards you. The second he realised you were upset, he tried to comfort you. Kneeling down, you picked up a tissue, wiping your eyes. IN truth, you were more confused than ever. Picking up the tissues and chocolate, you placed them inside your room before picking up the hot chocolate. You had to make amends with Lester in the morning. But tonight, you’d enjoy the sweetness of the drink. —–Time skip —–You always woke before Lester. You had heard him pacing long into the night before you drifted off. But this morning, you knew what you wanted to do to make things better. Walking to the kitchen, you filled the kettle and took out two fresh cups. Using the freshly boiled kettle, made Lester a coffee. You knew how he liked it; sweet. You also made yourself a cup of tea. Grabbing a packed of his favourite biscuits from the cupboard, you tiptoes along to his room. There was a small set of draws just outside his bedroom which he used to store knickknacks. you placed the cup and biscuits down directly opposite his room on the draws, hoping he wouldn’t miss it. You could hear the soft snoring coming from his room, so you’d knock a few times until you hear it stop. you retreat away from the door to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as you sipped your own hot drink. You heard his door open, followed by the muscle of the packet. Then footsteps. Looking up, you saw Lester walk into the kitchen. He must have not been expecting you, as he freezes just as he was about to raise the coffee to his lips. He looked awful. Dark bags under his eyes, his hair tousled, and he was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. You felt your heart break. “Morning.” You smiled, taking a sip of your tea. “Mornin’.” Lester placed his cup on the side, and you noticed his hands were shaking slightly. “about last night, I’m sor-“ he didn’t get to finish his sentence as  you placed your own cup down on the side. rushing forward, you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He froze, his breath hitching in his throat before his arms cautiously snaked around your waist. You were sure you felt a shiver run through his body at the contact. This was the most intimate you had ever been with him. “I’m sorry, too.” You whispered to him, smiling. “I’ll take yah back.” His voice shook as he spoke, making you pull back and tilt your head in curiosity. You saw a smile flash across his face but the ache in his eyes was unmissable. He stepped back, and you let your arms fall from his shoulders before he walked past you. “To the real world. I’ll take you back if yah promise not to tell anyone about us.” He walks up to the window, glancing out to his trust before back to you. You stood with your mouthing hanging open, staring at him. He was serious, he was offering you your freedom back. And yet, you found yourself backing away. “I-I don’t want to go back.” You spluttered, shaking your head. “what?” He wipes around, the confusion evident on his face. “I don’t want to go back to my old life. I want to stay here with you.” You blink, unsure why he would offer such a thing. Lester twists around. “Why?” You could see the utter bewilderment on his face. “Because, because.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath. It was now or never. “Because I love you.” he stands there for a moment, his mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. You started to panic, thinking you’d taken it too far. Maybe he didn’t think if you like that, maybe you were just a friend to him. “me?” He breathes, holding his hand up and pointing to himself. You nod, ringing your hands together. He seems to struggle with this information as he steps forward. “As in like romantically?” He tilts his head, unsure of himself. You couldn’t help but smile. He was truly so clueless of your feelings? You saw something in his eyes though. It was hope. Closing the distance, you press your lips to his own. He was eager to return your kiss, if somewhat inexperienced. You felt him raise his hands but never felt them on your body. Curiously, you pulled away and glanced down, only to see them hovering over your sides, shaking. You couldn’t help but smile. He was so sweet. taking his hands, you place them on your hips before looking back up to him. Your own arms wrapped around his shoulders and you felt him pull you closer. He glanced at your lips for a moment, before ducking down then pausing a few centimetres away, as if making sure it was okay. You grinned, but kissed his again. You could feel how hard his heart was hammering in his chest, and it made your own miss a beat as you both pulled back. “you wanna go for a drive?” He suddenly asks, standing bold upright as the idea hit him. “sure.” You giggle, nodding. You loved his excitement to spend time with you. “Theres a diner out past the main road. Could take you there and get a coffee.” He offers, and immediately sees your expressions drop. By all accounts, you were missing. “Oh, the owner don’t care about us. Plus, it aint like you’re tied in the back of the car. They don’t like police or nothing so they wont say anything.” “Okay then. It’s a date.” You smile with a nod. He pulls away from you, grabs your hand and pulls you out of the house and into his truck. Fastening your seatbelt, Lester climbing into the driver side. Once you were off the bumpy road to his house, you saw him glance at your lap, and his hand twitched as he rested it on the gear stick even though he wasn’t changing gears. Smiling, you reached out. Intertwining your fingers with his own, you pull his hand to your lap and let it sit on your thigh. Lester glances at your lap, as if to make sure it truly was happening before the goofiest grin crossed his face. He rubbed his thumb across the soft flesh there before giving an experimental squeeze. You couldn’t help but smile, leaning across and kissing his cheek. You couldn’t wait for your little coffee date. Fandom: House of Wax Characters: Lester, Relationship: Lester/reader Request: would you write for Lester? Something angsty but fluffy  No matter how many times you went to the twins house, you always left feeling degraded and useless. Sitting in the pick up truck with your head resting on the window as Lester drove. He knew you were upset, but lacked any sort of social skills to try and speak properly to you. The previous times, he had tried but ended up making you more upset. So now he kept silent. Vincent was never an issue. In fact, he was the only reason you ever agreed to go to their house. He was always sweet to you, silently offering you everything from water to a meal. It was Bo who made you resent everything about your new life. He hated you with a passion. You hadn’t came here on purpose. In fact, you had been dragged kicking and screaming. You had been kidnapped and thrown in a trunk. You had spent a few days there before Lester found you. They had been run off the road as per normal and Lister had been rummaging through their belongings while the other 3 had went to find Bo. But you had thought they were back. You had kicked the trunk, expecting for them to snap at you to shut up. But you certainly hadn’t been expecting the boot to open. He had looked just as surprised as you had. To this day, you don’t know how Lester persuaded Bo to let him keep you. But that was how you ended up living with him. His home was in the middle of the forest and, if you were completely honest with yourself, you loved it. His cabin looked small from the outside but had 3 bedrooms, a large living room and kitchen as well as a dinning room. You had your own room. In the beginning, you had been kept there, with bars on the window. But it was better than a car boot. Plus, Lester was honestly a sweetheart to you. At the start, you had made a plan to take advantage by earning his trust and then running when he gave you the chance. But you never had. Not that you didn’t have his trust. You no longer had bars on the window and you were free to road the house as you pleased. But you felt more at home with him than you ever had anywhere in the world. And Lester truly did seem to care about you and your wellbeing. He tried his best to keep you happy, like you were a pet rather than a room mate. But you never understood one thing. Why he had never made any advances on you. It sounded truly stupid, and you hated how you longed for his touch. But you were sure he wanted you. You saw how his eyes glanced to your thighs when he was driving and you were wearing a skirt. you saw how he seemed to blush and became jittery at your touch.   But nothing ever happened. And you couldn’t understand it. pulling up outside the house, you got out and closed the truck door. Lester was quick to unlock his house and you followed him inside. But you couldn’t stop the question from falling from your lips. “Why did you keep me?” You suddenly ask, your brow furrowed as you stared at the ground. “What?” Lester didn’t catch your question, but smiled sweetly at you. “Why keep me? Im useless.” You ask again. “look, don’t listen to Bo. He talks out-“ Lester shakes his head but you notice something change within him. “Hes right. I cant do anything. Im useless to you. Just another mouth to feed.” You throw your arms up as your voice raised. “Now hang on. I aint argued with Bo for god knows how long for you to start too.” He shakes his head, confirming your suspicion. Bo still didn’t like you were here, and he was still trying to convince Lester to kill you. And, unfortunately, you two were now taking your anger out on each other. “Why fight with him? Why keep me here?” you gesture to the room. “Just kill me like you kill everyone else.” “I aint doing that!” He growls back at you, and for the first time you could see the anger in his eyes. “Why not!?” You scream, your eyes filled with tears as you broke. “Cause I damn well said so!” He yells, raising his voice at you for the first time as he threw the hat on the floor in anger. You flinched, any anger dropping from your body as  you backed away from him. You dropped your gaze, becoming more submissive as you shrunk into yourself and wrapped your arms around you. tears pooled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks as you pressed yourself against the wall. You could see him through the tears as he scooped up his hat, ringing it in his hands as he stuttered a few times. “[y/n]?” He whispered as he darted to you, reaching out to you but he was too quick and it gave you a fright. You moved out of his reach, turned and ran into your room. You pressed yourself against the door once it was closed, expecting him to come and bang on the door, demanding you open it. But he never did. You heard him follow but he faltered at the door. Sliding down the door, you broke down. With your legs pulled up to your chest and your arms wrapped around them, you cried. Sobs fell from your lips, muffled as your head fell forward and rested on your arms. Footsteps from the other side of the door made you jump as you heard Lester running away. For a few minuets, you were left to cry in peace before he returned. “[y/n]? I got hot chocolate, and them chocolates you like. And some tissues.” His voice was shaking as you sat up, sniffing as you turned your head in confusion. “I’ll leave ‘em outside for yah. I’ll be in my room if you need anythin’” His footsteps retreated, and you heard his door open and close. After a few moment, you pushed yourself off the ground and opened the door, peering out. On the ground was a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows in your favourite cup, along with a bar of your favourite chocolates and a fresh box of tissues. You glance down the hall way towards Lesters room and felt a rush of guilt. Yes, he had yelled at you, but you were yelling at him. And he didn’t throw his hat at you or ever shown any aggression towards you. The second he realised you were upset, he tried to comfort you. Kneeling down, you picked up a tissue, wiping your eyes. IN truth, you were more confused than ever. Picking up the tissues and chocolate, you placed them inside your room before picking up the hot chocolate. You had to make amends with Lester in the morning. But tonight, you’d enjoy the sweetness of the drink. —–Time skip —–You always woke before Lester. You had heard him pacing long into the night before you drifted off. But this morning, you knew what you wanted to do to make things better. Walking to the kitchen, you filled the kettle and took out two fresh cups. Using the freshly boiled kettle, made Lester a coffee. You knew how he liked it; sweet. You also made yourself a cup of tea. Grabbing a packed of his favourite biscuits from the cupboard, you tiptoes along to his room. There was a small set of draws just outside his bedroom which he used to store knickknacks. you placed the cup and biscuits down directly opposite his room on the draws, hoping he wouldn’t miss it. You could hear the soft snoring coming from his room, so you’d knock a few times until you hear it stop. you retreat away from the door to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as you sipped your own hot drink. You heard his door open, followed by the muscle of the packet. Then footsteps. Looking up, you saw Lester walk into the kitchen. He must have not been expecting you, as he freezes just as he was about to raise the coffee to his lips. He looked awful. Dark bags under his eyes, his hair tousled, and he was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. You felt your heart break. “Morning.” You smiled, taking a sip of your tea. “Mornin’.” Lester placed his cup on the side, and you noticed his hands were shaking slightly. “about last night, I’m sor-“ he didn’t get to finish his sentence as  you placed your own cup down on the side. rushing forward, you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He froze, his breath hitching in his throat before his arms cautiously snaked around your waist. You were sure you felt a shiver run through his body at the contact. This was the most intimate you had ever been with him. “I’m sorry, too.” You whispered to him, smiling. “I’ll take yah back.” His voice shook as he spoke, making you pull back and tilt your head in curiosity. You saw a smile flash across his face but the ache in his eyes was unmissable. He stepped back, and you let your arms fall from his shoulders before he walked past you. “To the real world. I’ll take you back if yah promise not to tell anyone about us.” He walks up to the window, glancing out to his trust before back to you. You stood with your mouthing hanging open, staring at him. He was serious, he was offering you your freedom back. And yet, you found yourself backing away. “I-I don’t want to go back.” You spluttered, shaking your head. “what?” He wipes around, the confusion evident on his face. “I don’t want to go back to my old life. I want to stay here with you.” You blink, unsure why he would offer such a thing. Lester twists around. “Why?” You could see the utter bewilderment on his face. “Because, because.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath. It was now or never. “Because I love you.” he stands there for a moment, his mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. You started to panic, thinking you’d taken it too far. Maybe he didn’t think if you like that, maybe you were just a friend to him. “me?” He breathes, holding his hand up and pointing to himself. You nod, ringing your hands together. He seems to struggle with this information as he steps forward. “As in like romantically?” He tilts his head, unsure of himself. You couldn’t help but smile. He was truly so clueless of your feelings? You saw something in his eyes though. It was hope. Closing the distance, you press your lips to his own. He was eager to return your kiss, if somewhat inexperienced. You felt him raise his hands but never felt them on your body. Curiously, you pulled away and glanced down, only to see them hovering over your sides, shaking. You couldn’t help but smile. He was so sweet. taking his hands, you place them on your hips before looking back up to him. Your own arms wrapped around his shoulders and you felt him pull you closer. He glanced at your lips for a moment, before ducking down then pausing a few centimetres away, as if making sure it was okay. You grinned, but kissed his again. You could feel how hard his heart was hammering in his chest, and it made your own miss a beat as you both pulled back. “you wanna go for a drive?” He suddenly asks, standing bold upright as the idea hit him. “sure.” You giggle, nodding. You loved his excitement to spend time with you. “Theres a diner out past the main road. Could take you there and get a coffee.” He offers, and immediately sees your expressions drop. By all accounts, you were missing. “Oh, the owner don’t care about us. Plus, it aint like you’re tied in the back of the car. They don’t like police or nothing so they wont say anything.” “Okay then. It’s a date.” You smile with a nod. He pulls away from you, grabs your hand and pulls you out of the house and into his truck. Fastening your seatbelt, Lester climbing into the driver side. Once you were off the bumpy road to his house, you saw him glance at your lap, and his hand twitched as he rested it on the gear stick even though he wasn’t changing gears. Smiling, you reached out. Intertwining your fingers with his own, you pull his hand to your lap and let it sit on your thigh. Lester glances at your lap, as if to make sure it truly was happening before the goofiest grin crossed his face. He rubbed his thumb across the soft flesh there before giving an experimental squeeze. You couldn’t help but smile, leaning across and kissing his cheek. You couldn’t wait for your little coffee date.

Leaving the House Like:

Bubba: What's an orgasm?

Amanda: It's when you fold paper into animals and stuff like that.

Freddy, from the other room: That's oregano, bitch.

💀

✧   —   SHIFTING TIDES.

summary: as the crimson dawn grows, you become a spearhead within the organization. a tie in with my other fic of emancipation and trust, set a year after — around s7. 

pairing: maul x ex-servant!reader

a/n: it’s been a minute since i’ve written, so here’s some casual dialogue work with maul since his latest appearance in tcw has my knees quaking. it’s soft. if you’re confused, give of emancipation and trust a read to catch up on these two’s relationship. 

“Oh, do forgive me then, Prime Minister —”

The room drops ten degrees in temperature before it falls so stiffly silent that Maul is sure a pin could drop half-way across the Sundari Royal Palace and everyone in the room would be able to hear it…

Had it not been for the rather pointed tone you’d taken up when verbally undressing a certain Prime Minister Almec — robbing him of his pride and assumptions right then and there with your words alone.

“— If I’m not overly fond of a clan who kept me enslaved for eight years of my life.”

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