Toxic; I'll Love You Anyway - Adam Stanheight/Reader

Toxic; I'll Love You Anyway - Adam Stanheight/Reader

A/N Melanie Martinez’s unreleased song - Ring Pop - gave me some serious toxic vibes. And I imagined a new kind of look for Adam. But don’t worry, I’ll stick to the fluff’s from now on…

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You felt the cold seep into your skin. It was quiet tonight, and lonely. You wanted the company again, but you knew that it wasn’t the same - not anymore. You missed the old times, back when everything was right. You had cried yourself to sleep several nights now. In all honesty, this was your life for two years. You didn’t know why you couldn't shake it? Perhaps it was all because you were still haunted by the memories, after all you were still LIVING there.

Your thumb traced over the gift. It was sticky, and smelled like cherries. “I love you,” you whispered, as you stroked the ring pop once more. You didn’t even care that it was making your hands filthy. You would be better once your partner came back - and you knew he would be here very soon. Just a little longer. He had to finish all his work…

But the sight of the other woman’s panites still lingered in your mind, and scarred you. You didn’t want to think about it too much, however it was so daunting. What was with the unfamiliar undergarments? You let out a deep breath into the silent atmosphere, feeling sad. Were you not… good enough for him, anymore?

What was he doing at this moment, you wondered. Was he ACTUALLY doing his work or did just tell you that to make you feel better? You missed Adam Stanheight. Where was he now? You felt like you couldn’t live without him, all you wanted was to feel his embrace again. To kiss him again. Where was he?

Baby, will you be here soon?

“Baddum… a new ring pop…Baddum, a new ring pop…” You murmured to yourself repeatedly. You sank down into the couch when finally a large, white, pool of luminescence portrayed itself on the dark ground, illuminating the room dimly and showcasing the slight silhouette of somebody standing in the doorway. You knew who it was then, and your heart leapt into your throat. It was like finally shooting up after days and days of being away. You ran to him.

Adam greeted you with open arms, as usual. He scooped you up and twirled you once around the room. “Waiting for me in the dark again, I see? What’s with this sudden change of habit?”

You didn’t answer, you just hugged him close. “I love you…”

Adam chuckled. “I love you, too.” It sounded forced, and he pushed past you hastily.

“Adam,” you called. “Why are you home so late? What happened at work? Do I get to know?”

“No.” Adam’s voice echoed strictly through the kitchen and into the living room.

You hung your head disappointedly. “Oh… okay…”

Following him into the kitchen you found him leaning on the counter, attempting to light a cigarette. His hands were trembling too much to keep the lighter down, not to mention his cigarette kept nearly falling from his fingers each time he tried. You stepped up to him so that your bodies were touching, and took both from him. He watched miserably while you steadily held the flame to the cigarette and then let it ignite.

You turned your hand out to him, offering the cigarette back. He lifted your hand up, and closed his lips around the cigarette. Keeping eye contact with you, he took a deep breath in. Immediately upon inhalation Adam’s entire demeanor seemed to change. He seemed slightly more like himself again. You were glad to see him relaxing. “Stressful workday?” You asked him.

“Mmhmm,” Adam mumbled, and nodded.

You stroked a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry, baby. Is there anything I can do?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Adam’s short responses made you feel unappreciated. You were trying your hardest, but why didn’t he want anything to do with you? Why did he always come back to you? “Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Are you staying tonight?”

“Yes.”

Your heart jumped, and you looked excitedly into Adam’s eyes. “Really!?”

“Mhm.”

You flung your arms around his shoulders. “Oh yes! Thank you! I love you so much!”

Adam sighed, and nuzzled your forehead. “What are you still doing up? You know it’s late, you should have been asleep a long time ago.”

You shivered at his stern tone. “Y-Yeah… Well, I was waiting for you… Like I always do…”

“Why don’t you get ready for bed? I’ll be right there.”

“What? But you’re staying HERE tonight! We should do something fun! Right? Don’t you wanna have a good time while you’re here with me? Remember when we used to stay up ‘till three watching comedies?”

“Y/N…” Adam whispered gravely. He wasn’t looking at you.

Your heart broke. “You don’t want to do that?”

Adam thought carefully, before saying, “I think we’ve moved on from those days.”

Your heart plummeted to earth, your hopes and dreams falling apart right in front of your eyes. You were devastated, tragic. Frantically, you pressed up against Adam, your hands roaming his body and your noses touching. “But… We can stay up… watch adult cartoons?” Then you asked a little more sexily, “Will you blow up the big balloons/balloon? So big that they all go… pop?”

Adam pulled his head back for another quick drag on his cigarette, but he returned it to its close proximity afterwards. “Y/N…”

“Dress up in each other’s clothes?” you continued desperately. “Dance in the dark to jazz? Have bubblegum at midnight? Get tipsy? Turn off the lights and kiss in the corner? Promise…”

Adam leaned his head forward, and he did kiss you. His lips were so wild it drove you mad. You gasped as he got a little… vulgar… You hadn’t kissed him in so long. It felt like forever ago. It was so good, too. You groaned against his lips.

He pushed away from the counter, and guided you backwards across the kitchen. Adam’s mouth left a slimy trail from your lips to your ear. Your socks slipped on the wood floor as you moved back. A couple of random items littered the floor and your feet skidded into them; the feeling of metal and sharp pins stabbed into the bottom of your right foot. You flinched, but kept moving. You rarely ever got Adam like this anymore, you weren’t going to put a stop to it. You closed your eyes as your back pressed onto the cool, sleek, wall.

It was like water on your lips, engulfing your mouth and taking you under again. Your mind was completely still and silent, peaceful and whole, while your surroundings gave you blackness and quietness. And then, just like a ripple coming through, the water surged upward. The wild waves spilled down your cheeks and neck, and got into your mouth; it was your shore. The feelings made you weak.

Adam pushed you further up the wall, making you squeal audibly. He felt out the layout of his partner’s body. You resurfaced, gasping, panting, in dire need of breath. The repetition played before you like a film that was set to loop; no end seemed to ever come of that ocean. You greeted his waves with your own, each time being more eager than that of the last. You were so deeply in love. Fuck…

Adam had started kissing your chest, and both his hands were pushing your head into the wall, so that it was angled up towards the ceiling. You could feel him making his way further and further down, his lips soft as silks. Down, down, down.

Oh what a wonderful feeling.

And then, as Adam neared your waist, he looked up at you, for the first time taking his mouth off your skin. You shivered at the cold spot on your stomach where his lips had been. You returned his gaze. “What’s the matter?” You wondered.

“I love you.” Adam examined your face for a short moment.

Your heart fluttered dramatically. You loved hearing him say that. “I… I love you, too.”

“But I need you to go upstairs for a little bit, okay? I have… things to take care of…”

“Like what?” You asked seductively. “Anything I can help with?” You put a strong emphasis on ‘I’.

“Y/N,” he said seriously.

“I wish you would trust me to tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m just… cleaning up a little bit…”

He means taking care of the mess he made with the other person downstairs…

“Right,” you said dubiously, and trailed off. There was more you wanted to say but you were… not sure how your questions would affect you later so you just turned around and climbed the stairs.

In the bedroom, you switched the light on, and proceeded to get ready for bed. As you displayed yourself majestically on the bed, hoping to get a good reaction from Adam when he joined you, you thought about some things.

It dampened your mood, unfortunately, but you did wonder about Adam’s loyalty. What the hell was the relationship you had with him? It was like you didn’t exist. You were only there for him when he needed you. You wanted Adam’s love again.

Adam smiled at you when he saw the sight waiting for him. “Well, Y/N. What have we here? Is someone asking for something?”

You would have looked excitedly into his eyes, if you weren’t feeling so somber at the moment. You kept your gaze cast down. “Why do you sleep with other people?” You asked him bluntly, your heart beating loudly, shaking you like an earthquake shakes the earth.

“It’s nothing personal, you know,” he said.

“Then why do you fuck them and not me?” You demanded.

Adam sighed. “You’re my love, Y/N, you know.” His tone was dull and he didn’t meet your gaze. He let his hand fall to yours, and swiftly he removed the pretty, sticky, ring pop from your finger. He discarded it into the wastebasket beside the bed, and then fumbled in the bedside table. He replaced the old one with a new one, and then proceeded to kiss your lips. “You’re always my VIP.”

You looked at the ring pop on your finger again halfheartedly, starting to feel better again. “Really?”

Adam nodded briefly. “Of course.”

“Promise to play house with me forever…”

Adam only watched you disdainfully. “Just relax. You know I have to go back out in the morning.”

Your heart was torn out again. Oh yeah… That’s right… he doesn’t give a fuck about me…

“I love you,” you whispered.

“You, too,” he replied unenthusiastically. “Just remember the ring pop, Y/N. You can never leave me. You won’t.”

You sighed and sank down into the mattress. That ring pop. Oh, that damned, fucking ring pop! How much importance it held. The very meaning of its purpose! It was almost like a marking; an unbreakable bond that was signed off at marriage. It kept you here, trapped you here; a rope of captivity tying you to him for eternity. There was no escaping this… but did you even want to? Something about the way the sharp splinters cut into your skin made you want to tie the knot tighter.

But you knew Adam didn’t love you. Not really at least. Maybe there were times when he returned and he DID remember what he fell in love with, but that part of him was gone. Had been for a long time now. Ever since he married you. Ever since you gave him all your money. But he HAD loved you once upon a time. He HAD cared. He HAD wanted you. And it broke your heart to see it all gone now.

Is this unhealthy? You wondered. Should I leave? Do I want to? You stared up at Adam and the answer came to you instantly. That miserable look in his eyes. He DID need you, just as you needed him. You both were tethered to each other, simply by one existing element: a lonely ring pop that destroyed all of the current reality. You longed for Adam’s love, and somewhere Adam longed for something from you as well, whatever that might be. And together the two combined to make a perfect match out of a million little flaws.

You wondered about Adam, as well. Was he the same person as before? It didn’t really appear like it. Sometimes instead of tying YOU up, the prickly rope tied around ADAM, and he forgot what he was doing. Got confused and disoriented. Got consumed in his lie.

Was he going to come back to you one day? Was he going to come back to his senses? Did he want that? Did YOU want that?

As much as you hated it, you did know the reason for his infidelity. He was lost. He didn't know what he wanted. He got his money, then lost himself. He was looking for something in them. But he held on to you because... well, you were natural.

Normal.

Everything he needed.

That was why he kept coming back. That was why he stayed. And that was why he left.

“What’s the matter?” Adam whispered in your ear softly. “Usually you're squirming by this time.” His voice was low and ominous.

In a rush, the world came crashing down on top of you. White noise filled your ears and darkness consumed your vision. You gasped. Adam was touching on you inappropriately in between the legs, and sending kisses down your jaw. You groaned and rocked your hips into his palm. “A-Adam. Hi. Yes. I-I’m with you.”

“Better be,” Adam mumbled. “Don't leave me like that again.”

You sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, I love you.” Adam’s voice softened and an ounce of actuality crept into it.

You inhaled sharply. Sometimes you could still hear HIM in his voice. Maybe Adam COULD come back? Maybe, just maybe, he would want to?

“And I love you, Adam…”

Always.

.

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A/N I’m sorry for the sad story. Also, I love how this one turned out. It bleeds tragedy and heartbreak. It’s everything that I dream about writing one day, (not to mention I actually worked really hard to paint the exact picture I had in my mind.) so I'd love it if people would drop a like to let me know what they thought. Thanks so much for the support. I don’t express it but I do appreciate all of you!

~ TwooneZ

Kiss Me - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This one is extra long so buckle down! And I’m sorry, I’m posting it from my phone bc I’m too excited to wait to get back to my computer! ~ Enjoy

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Adam Stanheight was coming home from a grocery shopping trip. The store wasn’t about two blocks away, so walking was hardly a problem. He liked the sunshine anyway. His best friend was supposed to be coming over today. Perhaps in about forty-five minutes?

The sky was clear, but dark rain clouds were approaching on the distant horizon, and the wind was rough, whistling through the trees. Otherwise, it was a beautiful day for walking. Maybe he’d get to go out again with his friend? He couldn’t wait for YOU to come over! Just the thought got his heart all fluttery.

He rounded a corner swiftly, the wind blowing into his face and the sun blinding his eyes. Ahead of him, he saw the exact person he was thinking of, head down, arms crossed, walking fast. Adam wasn’t great at reading people but for some reason he got the feeling that you were NOT happy. His heart slowed way down, and his breath was taken away, as you shoved past him. You didn’t even know Adam was there.

Adam felt conflicted. He didn’t want to leave you, but he was too nervous to chase after. Maybe, if he made it seem like he just wanted to check in on their later plans, you wouldn’t think anything of it? He turned around and started back the way he came. “Y/N!”

You looked over your shoulder when you heard your name, giving Adam a clear view of your pouty expression.

Adam reached his hand out for your shoulder. You were cold, and shivering. You were miserable! So, now what did he do? He hadn’t planned this out very well. “Y/N…” He whispered.

“Hmmm?” You asked, looking into his eyes.

“Uh…” Any words had left Adam’s head all together. He was just so preoccupied with your appearance. He was so close to you, and it hurt. “Oh, right… Um… Are you good? I mean… Are you okay?”

You smiled in amusement. “Are you?”

“Y-Yeah,” Adam stammered. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You laughed. “Right.”

“Um…” Adam looked around, trying to think of something else to say. “Why don’t you come back to my place?” It was supposed to be thirty degrees today, so why was he so warm?

You thought about it for a second. “Sure. I guess I can come by early. I thought you were doing something?”

“Oh… I did it.” Adam raised the bag of groceries up to you, and grinned sheepishly.

“Okay,” you agreed.

You both started to walk back. “What were you doing out here?” Adam asked you.

“Just dropping off a library book,” you replied. “It was totally lame, too. The line was out the door and everything. Like… when is there a line to the library!?”

Adam watched as you wrapped your arms around yourself, shivering and trying to warm yourself up. The flannel around Adam’s arms started to get heavy. He looked away, feeling self-conscious. “Did you get the book returned?”

“Mmhmm,” you responded quietly. And then you took in a cold, deep breath. “So… did you get everything you needed from the store?”

“Yes.” Adam noticed you rubbing your hands over your uncovered skin. He bit his lip, and proceeded to take off his flannel. He came up behind you and dropped it onto your shoulders.

You looked at him in surprise, and put your arms into his flannel sleeves. You hugged it closer to your body. “Thanks…”

Adam only nodded in response, gawking at you in disbelief. His flannel was too big for you, but it looked good on you anyway. The sleeves covered your entire hand, only showing your fingertips, and the rest of it came down to your thighs. You turned around, smiling. Adam could see that you had buttoned it up all the way. You looked really cute in his flannel.

He put an arm around your neck as you walked side-by-side. You being pressed against his side made him feel really good. He got all jittery feeling you on him. He tried not to think too much about it. You put your head on his shoulder, and Adam tensed, heat rising to his cheeks. “Comfortable?” He asked jokingly.

You nodded. “Quite.”

Adam was glad when he saw his apartment. He detangled himself from your embrace and jogged towards the door, fumbling with the key, which was still in his pocket. You trailed after him, looking lost in thought. Adam decided he’d had enough anxiety for now, and he only opened the door for you.

“Thank you, kind sir,” you teased, dipping your head to him politely.

Adam laughed. You were ridiculous! Perfect for him. “Of course, dearest.” He bowed to you.

You blushed, and pulled him up again. “Oh, sheesh…”

Adam gazed into your eyes, finding a fascination in your timid face, and rosey cheeks.

Cute…

You stared back at him, your lips parted slightly, nervously, unsure of what was going to happen next. You both were so near… Adam could hear the blood rushing in his ears, and his heartbeat thundering in his chest. Your breath was light, and warm as it crossed over his nose and mouth, and into the air.

Your eyes were so dazzling, and Adam could just get lost in them. Adam felt you clasp your hands in with his. He held on to your hands tightly, almost like he was afraid to lose you. The feeling of you in his arms was so overwhelming. He had to ignore the barrage of colors pressing around him and just focus on the grey area. You were the only thing he could keep track of.

“You’re so pretty,” Adam murmured dumbly.

You flinched back abruptly. “What? No, I just put on a sweatshirt and sweatpants!”

Adam was thrown back into reality harshly, his feelings crushed into oblivion. He was humiliated for saying that out loud! Had he just fucked up his chances? “Uh… I didn’t mean-” He stopped himself. That wouldn’t sound right at all! “Well, I think you look good in that.”

You turned away. “Okay. Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Adam hopped after you happily. “You’re welcome!”

As he opened the door to his apartment, he heard a loud thud come from inside, and he knew immediately what that was.

Shit. The pile of books fell off the table! I knew that was going to happen. Oh no! I hope Y/N doesn’t mind my disaster area for a living quarters!

You stepped inside delicately, traversing through his messy apartment. Adam wished he had cleaned up before inviting anyone over, especially YOU. This was horrible. “I’m so sorry about the mess-” He began desperately.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Adam!” You interrupted. “I’m used to it at this point.”

“Oh…” That sentence felt like a blow to the head, but Adam knew you were simply trying to reassure him, not insult. He stumbled through his own house, and then started to pick up the fallen books.

Adam didn’t notice you helping until your hands brushed one another’s. He glanced at you in horror. “You don’t have to-”

“Don’t worry,” you repeated. “I want to.” You beamed at him.

Adam felt reluctant, but he couldn’t say ‘no’ to that face. Instead he turned back to the books and started piling them up on the table again. With each passing moment, the heat seemed to increase. Your hands and his hands mixing together to clean up the mess, and occasionally knocking into one another made it difficult for Adam to concentrate.

At last, he leaned over for the last book. At that same moment, however, you swung around and came face to face with him, the book being held in your very gentle grasp. Adam Stanheight stared at you insecurely, taking notice of how smooth your skin looked. He wondered what it felt like. And he also wondered if that was a creepy thing to wonder about. Both of your noses were practically touching.

“Oh…I’m… uh… sorry…” You mumbled awkwardly, keeping your eyes on the floor.

“Erm… It’s not…” Adam answered stupidly. “…I meant to say, YOU’RE not…” Adam trailed off, thinking hard. Neither of those had been what he had intended to say.

You looked at him, visible confusion on your face. “What?” You questioned bluntly.

Adam’s eyes became entranced on the floor, the wall, the ceiling, anything but your own gaze. He needed to open a window, sheesh! “N-No… Um… I just… was trying to say that it wasn’t stupid.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know,” Adam replied hastily. “I… I thought you did… But I know that you didn’t, but… What I mean, uh…” He took the book from your fingers. “Why don’t I get you some coffee?” He asked instead, and stood up, breaking the close proximity. He tossed the book onto the table, causing all the books to slide over and spread across the surface. Your work had been all for naught. You stood up as well, and put your hands flat on the surface of the table, watching Adam.

Adam gathered himself up, feeling like a moron. He started to brew the coffee. He was glad to be putting some distance between you and himself. It was an unusual feeling. In all honesty, he didn’t know what was up with himself. In the past he’d been able to look at you in the eyes with a shit-eating grin as you both started up some crazy bullshit. But now… Adam couldn’t even be in the same room as you; even THAT made him too uncomfy. And for what? Why did he feel so nervous around you? It wasn’t like you were his boss… So then why?

Too deep in his thoughts to hear the real world, he was thrown for a loop when warm arms wrapped around his waist, and a firm head was placed on his back. Adam flinched, and looked down at himself. You had come up behind him and hugged him. Your frame pressed up against his own body felt good. It was soothing, almost. He poured the hot water into the coffee pot, trying not to get distracted by your arms holding tightly onto his waist. For once he was glad you couldn’t see his face, a collage of bright reds and pinks. He liked it, though.

“Hmm, Adam…” You hummed out contentedly right behind his head.

Dizziness crashed over Adam. Hearing you so close to him was overwhelming. He leaned onto the counter. “Uh-huh?” It was the closest thing to a response that he could muster.

“You think it’s okay for best friends to change their relationship, right?” You asked hesitantly.

Adam’s fried brain tried to think of a logical answer. Unfortunately, it didn’t do that in the right direction. “Yeah, sure. If both parties really don’t like each other.”

Silence.

“I mean, you know. If the people decide that the other isn’t good for them,” Adam added.

“I think you misunderstand,” you told him gently. “Let me try again.”

Adam felt frazzled. Had he said something wrong? He was just trying to give an honest opinion. He did believe that it was okay for best friends to stop hanging out, if the relationship wasn’t working out. Did you think he meant that about you guys!? “Y/N! I didn’t mean that about us!”

“I know,” you replied calmly.

“What did you mean?”

“I guess I was just wondering if it was okay to have a favorite bff…” you murmured quietly. “Like, one you want to spend the most time with. One you would rather be with than the others.”

“I think that’s fine.”

“Do you have someone like that?”

Adam had to think it over. He couldn’t really think of anyone that he would rather spend more time with… Well that wasn’t true actually. He could, but he was scared to admit that. What would YOU think? “Well, sometimes I want to be with someone else more than another. What about you?”

“Oh…” you whispered nervously. “Yeah… There’s someone I’d rather be with than the rest of our friend group…”

Adam turned around to look at you, confused. “Who?”

You stared at him in disbelief, like he had just suggested breathing underwater. “Uh…” You folded your lips and looked at the ground.

Adam smiled. “What?”

You laughed nervously.

“Am I missing something?”

You backed away, shaking your head. “Oh, never mind, Adam…”

Adam, not being the greatest at reading people, detected some kind of dissatisfaction coming from his ‘bff’. It made him even more uncomfortable, seeing someone that he liked a lot feeling unhappy. “Um… Wait! Y/N!”

You looked up at him. “What is it, Adam?”

“Is there something you want me to say?” He asked you worriedly.

You let out a sound that was in between a laugh and a scoff. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

“Is there?” Adam insisted.

At Adam’s persistence, you couldn’t help but give in. You ducked your head embarrassedly. “There MIGHT be something I was hoping you would say…”

Now that he was facing you, Adam had a clear view of your beautiful face. The rosy cheeks, the smooth skin, the luscious lips, that perfect hair. He was obsessed. His gaze flicked up and down your face for a few short moments, then he finally said, “I really like you…”

Your eyes widened, and Adam felt his heart drop a thousand feet into the ground. He wanted to suffocate in the dirt but also wanted to blossom. He was conflicted. Had he said the right thing this time? You obviously thought so. You smiled widely at Adam, relief washing over you. “I was thinking you’d never say it…” You murmured.

“A lot…” Adam added clumsily.

You smiled shyly. “I like you, too… A lot…”

“What do I do with that information?” Adam asked sarcastically.

You chuckled a little at that.

Being so close to you felt amazing. But something just wasn’t right yet. What was it? Why did it feel like the moment wasn’t quite complete? He grabbed your hands but it still wasn’t right. Your foreheads were even touching, how could this NOT be what Adam was yearning for? Though something was off, there was a satisfaction inside him. If this was all he got from you, he would be just fine with that. He took in the rest of you. Your lips were luscious… luscious…

That was it! He wanted you to put an end to his suffering. He wanted to feel you. He wanted you to put your mouth on his mouth and make him forget about everything. That’s right, he wanted you to kiss him.

You, kissing me?

The thought seemed impossible.

Kiss me… Please…

But not unreal.

Adam leaned forward slightly, breathing in your sweet scent and brushing his skin over yours. You pressed in as well, feeling satisfied. From one moment to the next, Adam could barely keep track of time. Slowly, you closed the gap between your lips, kissing Adam cautiously, intimately, fiercely.

Adam was swept away by large emotions of bliss. He let you pull at his shirt, and he closed his eyes. This felt so good, just being able to touch the one that he craved. He was enjoying this way too much.

After some light kissing, he backed away, getting a disbelieving look from you. Adam inhaled sharply, trying to calm his pounding heart. The both of you exchanged steamy breaths of air, until you decided you had waited long enough.

Still feeling your humid breath in his mouth, he reacted glady to having your lips in his once again. He slid his hands up your shirt, and started massaging your fragile skin. Your skin was soft and just as smooth as it appeared. His hands skimmed up your stomach, up your chest, making a few detours, and climbed up your neck, where he wrapped his arms around your neck and pulled you in close.

Your body pressing against him intrigued him so much. He longed for more, and you obliged. Keeping a solid stream of kissing in motion, you pushed him against the counter, making him moan. He propped himself up with his elbows, still kissing you.

The pressure on his lips made him woozy, and he grabbed harder onto the counter top, trying not to get dizzy. This was difficult because your impeccable kissing just kept drowning him in massive waves of delight. The hard counter top dug into his back painfully, but he didn’t care, you were all so sense-consuming. You devoured him hungrily, like a magnet being drawn to its opposite. You carved a pathway between your mouths, sketching and molding and forging a personalized course for just the two of you, one that couldn’t be retraced unless both of the originating participants were present.

It was eye-opening.

Dry and dull, that was the next scene. The feeling of you pulling away was agonizing; venomous bites all over his lips and jaws, giving Adam a headache. He didn’t want you to stop. He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want you to break the close proximity. He groaned unhappily.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

You blinked at him tiredly. “Heh, sorry, Adam. It’s getting a little hot in here, don’t you think?”

Adam had gotten used to the blood rush. He’d forgotten all about opening the window. “Oh yeah… I could open a window, if you’d like?”

You sat back. “Oh, no. It’s okay. Just a little-” you cut off suddenly to chuckle nervously.

“Hey, um…” Adam found himself saying. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say or why, but he trusted his subconscious to get it right. “I’d really like it if you stayed the night. If you’re up for it. I just thought… you know, since we’re here and all, it might be nice.”

You laid a hand on top of Adam’s shoulder. “Yeah. I WOULD like that.”

Adam felt his heart skip a beat. After so long of waiting, he’d finally done the right thing. Was it worth it? Was it real?

He hoped so.

He’d have to wait and see.

Car Ride - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This is inspired by Chasing colors, by Marshmello!

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You felt refreshed. The sunlight warmed your skin, the wind blew in your hair, and the sound of the squeaky tires made you excited. You gripped the steering wheel tightly in your clasp, as the music blasted your ears. The roof was rolled all the way down so that you were in direct contact with the outside atmosphere. Adam Faulkner was beside you, but you were so focused on the road that he kept flickering in and out of your vision. You could smell the cigarette smoke coming from the passenger’s side, where Adam was located.

Bright, rainbow, lights flashed wildly in your eyes. You found it hard to keep your eyes on the road, but you could see well enough to have an idea of where everything was situated. You were going down fast. Fast, fast, fast. So very fast. You loved it.

“Y/N,” Adam mumbled around his cigarette. “Don’t you think you should slow down a little bit?”

You squinted your eyes, trying to see around the rainbow streaks of light. You grunted. “No way.”

Adam blew out on his cigarette, and then leaned over to you. He kissed your cheek gently, and started combing his fingers through your hair. You could feel his body heat creeping up your skin.

“A-Ahh,” you stammered.

Faulkner nuzzled your cheek, and whispered “I miss you over here. When will we be home?”

“Um… I don’t know…” You grumbled. “Sorry. I’m not going home yet.”

Adam kissed you again, and then sat back in his seat. He continued to smoke. You rounded a corner aggressively, your tires skidding all along the black pavement, screaming at you all the while. You never let up from the gas. Not once. You took delight in watching the trees and fields and other cars pass by so quickly you couldn’t even tell what they were. They all looked like colorful blurs at the side of your vision. You liked it for some reason; you were pretty sure it was because it took your mind off reality.

There was a break in the music, putting the car in total silence. Adam took this moment to speak. He said, “I just don’t want you getting hurt, Y/N. Will you please slow down? It’s really not your time to join…” he looked up at the sky.

You let out a condescending scoff. Adam could be so overprotective of you. “Baby, I’m not gonna get hurt. This is all just good fun. You worry too much, won’t you relax? Just for right now.”

“I mean… your life matters, don’t you know that? Please, stop the car.”

Your mind went blank suddenly. You couldn’t even believe the words you were hearing. “I’m not here to kms!” You shouted at him. “I’m here because I need to relax. Christ, Adam, take a chill pill.”

“I… didn’t think that…” Adam stammered slowly. “I was just worried that you might get in an accident.”

“Oh my god, baby, why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Adam inhaled once again on his cigarette.

“Referring to me in singular, like you’re not here with me.”

“Oh yeah…” Adam mumbled. “I guess I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

“What does that mean?” You asked him incredulously.

“I’m just not as worried about myself as I am about you. I love you. I don’t want you to leave this world.”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to go?”

“Well… no, that’s… I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I value my life, but… you come first.”

You shivered, getting a weird sense of dejavu. You looked at him in suspicion, but Adam only pointed out the windshield. “Look at the road!” He exclaimed.

You brought your eyes back to where they should have been. Nothing was out of sorts, but Adam was being his usual, anxious self.

“Holy shit, Y/N. You can’t just do that!”

You sighed heavily, and grabbed the steering wheel harder. “Sorry. Sheesh.”

“Are you trying to get yourself… Are you trying to get us killed!?”

He had to correct himself? You asked yourself. What the fuck is going on with you today, baby?

“I always go this fast, what are you talking about?”

“You know the speed limit is thirty five, right? What is this?” He peered over your shoulder to get a glimpse. “Sixty!?”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s the matter, Adam? I don’t understand! You’re being strange.”

Adam was oddly silent. He raised the cigarette to his mouth again, and didn’t answer you. You licked your lips nervously, unsure of the situation. You just wanted everything to be normal. “I know it’s been rough after everything that’s happened. I’m just glad you’re able to go on rides with me. It makes me feel really happy.”

Adam took a deeper breath on his cigarette and let it out slowly. The conversation ended after that, and the music popped back on. You weren’t really in the mood to listen to it anymore, but it gave you something to concentrate on, so you didn’t turn it off.

Your vision blurred, the rainbow lights flashed once more. You kept your eyes open though, for Adam. Adam would be panicking if you closed your eyes. Adam didn’t say anything even though he could see you losing yourself. You were impressed by that.

The drums and guitar bounced around the car and echoed in your ears. Synthesizer calmed your nerves and the beat was steady. You enjoyed everything that you were hearing. You sighed. “Are you okay?” You asked Adam.

His voice was quiet when he spoke, and his words seemed to fade in and out throughout the sentence. “I don’t want you to go through what I went through.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” You smiled in amusement.

“I don’t want you to end up like me.”

Confusion engulfed you. “What?”

“Oh, look at that,” Adam whispered gravely, looking into the rearview mirror.

You followed his gaze. There were red and blue flashing sirens coming up behind you. You started to slow down. “You think they’re after me?”

“Eh,” Adam shrugged. “More or less, I suppose.”

Adam’s indifference concerned you. “What?”

“Let’s just see what they have to say.”

“I don’t get it…” You told him. “Why doesn’t this concern you?”

“Who said it didn’t?” Adam shot back, and then rolled up his window.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You want me to suffocate on your secondhand smoke!?”

Adam flickered in front of you. Your eyes stretched wide in alarm and you backed away. Adam moved again, and a shadow flickered across his face. You realized that it was only a shadow. You couldn’t really relax after that though.

Turning, you met the officer who had been tailing you. “Excuse me,” he said.

You bowed your head respectfully. “I’m sorry sir. I was unaware of what street I was on,” you lied. “It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not here for your speeding,” the policeman said casually.

You tilted your head at him. “What?”

“I think a friend is looking for you. Do you recognize this name?” The officer handed you a paper with a name and birthdate on it.

Your hands trembled as you looked at it. That was your best friend’s name! “W-What happened? Are they okay!?” Your heart beat increased drastically. Fear pulsed through your veins. You didn’t want to find out that they were dead!

This can’t be happening! I’ve seen way too much death recently!

Adam scoffed at you suddenly. “You act like you haven’t though,” he commented. “You pretend like everything’s okay, when you know it’s not. Come on baby, put two and two together.”

You looked over at him. He had his eyes closed and his head leaned back on the headrest. His cigarette was held perfectly in the corner of his mouth, and his hands were folded together on his stomach. He looked perfectly relaxed. Your mouth flapped open and closed uselessly.

Was he reading my mind?

“Your friend is fine,” the officer said calmly, interrupting your train of thought.

“Oh, well that’s good-”

“L/N,” the man said straightforwardly. “I just need you to step out of the car. You’re not allowed to be driving. And not to mention, you’re not supposed to be unsupervised.”

“ ‘Unsupervised’?” you looked to your right. Adam was still sleeping next to you. You poked him, and he looked at you darkly. “I’m not.”

“ ‘You're not’?” The officer asked you in contempt. His eyes flashed around the car quickly, and then he leaned down in front of you. “Well, where’s the other person?” His voice dripped with superiority.

Your mind was running at one hundred miles per hour. You were trying to wrap your mind around this concept. You gazed at Adam again. Adam had his arms over his chest now, a smug look on his face. “Tell him… Go on, now. Tell him who you’re with.”

Confused, you said softly, “Adam… I don’t understand… Please help me understand.”

“Adam?” The officer asked in disbelief. “L/N, I’m sorry but… your boyfriend died in Jigsaw’s game three months ago.”

Your flushed face turned to him in anguish. “What!? No, you’re insane, you must be! Adam’s been here the whole time, I’ve been riding with him the whole time, you can’t be serious!”

The policeman simply wrote something down in his notepad. Nonchalantly, he inquired, “Your friend wants to know if you’ve taken your medicine today.”

“My medicine? What medicine, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“This?” The man held up a red bottle. Something in your mind snapped. You recognized it from somewhere.

“That… is mine…” You clumsily admitted. “I don’t know why I need it.” You looked at Adam for help.

Adam blew smoke into your face, you coughed and glared at him. “I knew it was a bad idea to be speeding,” he informed you offhandedly.

“Adam, stop!” You wailed, and grabbed his shoulders. You shook him. “Please help me! Please, I don’t understand what’s happening! I miss you, that’s all! I just want to know what’s going on!”

Adam took his cigarette and put it in your hand. “Take the medicine. Go back to your friend, and remain there.”

“But I don’t want to leave you!” You cried. You buried your face into his shoulder. Adam held you close. “That’s why I stopped taking the medicine!” You gasped once the words left your mouth. “That’s why… I drove down here. I was going to your apartment.”

“Not a good idea,” the policeman cut in.

“ ‘Someone already moved in there’,” Adam said knowingly.

“Someone already moved in there,” the policeman said right after. His voice was serious.

You shuddered. “But I want to stay with you. You seem real. You give me everything I need.”

“Well, maybe that’s because it’s not quite all your imagination…” Adam breathed.

“So you are real?”

Adam frowned. “I shouldn’t be,” he said at last.

“So you are!?”

“Take your pills,” Adam advised.

“No, I don’t get what you mean.”

“You will,” Adam promised, then leaned back into the seat. He didn’t take his cigarette from you.

Cautiously, you turned back to the man, who was waiting awkwardly for your psychotic break to be over. “I’ll take them,” you said uneasily. “I’ll take them for Adam. He wants me to.”

The officer gave you a cup of water, and a pill from inside the bottle. You swallowed it easily. It was way more easy than you were expecting, almost like you’d done this many times before.

“L/N, can you please get out of the car? I need to take you home.”

You clambered out of the car reluctantly, Adam was still sleeping inside. “What about…?”

The condescending officer looked at you empathetically. His demeanor changed to something more light. “Don’t worry. Adam will be okay. You know he’s safe where he is, right?”

You stared at the car miserably. “No,” you said honestly.

The officer gently pulled you into the police car and started to take you home. “What’s in your hand, sweetie? I’m sorry, I call everyone ‘sweetie’ regardless of their gender.”

You felt safer now. Your mind was starting to relax. You opened your hand slowly, and looked into it. Adam’s cigarette was still resting there, burnt up and put out. You were in no mental state to understand how Adam’s cigarette was in your physical hand while he himself was not here at all. You rolled it back and forth between your palms during the whole ride.

Emptiness swam inside your stomach, and filled up your lungs. You couldn’t really breathe around the tightness. Finally the medicine started acting up. You felt yourself resurfacing, felt yourself regaining your thoughts.

You stumbled into your best friend’s arms, and let them hold you. You were getting an earful from them but you couldn’t hear the words. Behind your friend’s back, you unfolded your palms again. Not even registering your friend’s embrace, you only focused on your belongings.

You could almost feel Adam in your hand at this moment. Just having the cigarette in your fingers was mesmerizing. If you couldn’t be with Adam again, then you refused to let this thing go. Ever. That was just how your life was gonna be. There was nothing anyone could do about it. You closed your fingers around it protectively, secretly. No one would ever find THIS.

Paranoiac Assumptions -Adam Stanheight /Reader

A/N This was inspired by a writing prompt! Enjoy ~

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You stepped out into the warm atmosphere, the sun shining brilliantly. Adam Faulkner hadn’t invited you but you’d come by anyway. His apartment windows were all sealed shut. You threw a pencil at it, because you knew it wouldn’t break the glass, unlike a pebble would. It was enough to get Adam’s attention. He opened the window and peered out at you. “Y/N! What brings you here on a day like today?”

You shrugged. “Oh… nothin’ much. What’re YOU doing?” 

Adam had a sharp knife in his hands. He rolled his head back. “Cooking.”

You stared at Adam in disbelief. “ ‘Cooking’!? You? You’ve gotta be joking.”

“I wish,” Adam grumbled. “But no. I have a client coming over. We’re staying late, so I figured I’d make something…”

“Want me to help?” You called out to him.

Adam had turned away, obviously he was watching something inside. “Ah, fuck.” He stalked back into the kitchen. 

You stared after him, but he never came back. You realized then that you lost your pencil among the bushes lining the apartment wall. You sat in the sun for a couple of moments, enjoying its warm rays on your tingly skin, but eventually that got boring. “Adam!” You shouted up to him. Your neck was getting sore from looking up. “Are you going to let me in? You know I don’t have the password to the front door.”

No answer. All you could hear was the singing of the birds in the trees and the barking of a couple of dogs not far away. For once there wasn’t overwhelming traffic to stand in your way. “Adam, I don’t want to throw a rock and break your window. What are you doing?” 

Still, there was no response. You knocked on the door. Maybe there was someone inside who would let you in? But, no one showed up. You stalked over to the bushes to try and find your pencil. The leaves were damp from the earlier rain. You were unsatisfied when you got water in your shoes. At least you found your pencil! 

You stood back and aimed your shot. The window was open this time, but maybe if you hit one of the closed ones the pencil wouldn’t fall into the apartament. You missed. The pencil sailed through the air and landed somewhere inside Adam’s apartment. You were able to hear the clink it made when it landed on the floor. You huffed in annoyance. Maybe the landlord would give you the code?

“Y/N!” Adam called down to you abruptly. 

Your heart leapt. “Adam?” Was he going to let you in this time?

“I found your pencil. You wanted something?” He put your pencil on the window sill.

“Yeah, I want to be let in,” you replied haughtily.

“Oh, shit, right.”  

Adam was clumsy sometimes but boy he was a sweetheart. And not to mention, he was kinda cute in the process of his clumsiness. “I love you.” 

Adam smiled. “I love you more.”

“I love you most!” You shot back triumphantly. 

“I love you superlatively,” Adam winked at you. 

You felt affection roll over you like it was a physical blanket of comfort. You blushed in embarrassment, feeling special. Adam was good at doing that to you. “Hey, Adam… it’s lovely out here and all, but-”

“Goddamn it, not again!” Adam walked back into the apartment, leaving you all alone once more. 

“Wait, Adam! Come back! Fuck…” You turned around to sit on a nearby street bench, which had been in the sun all morning so it was dry, when there was an exclamation from Adam’s window. You looked back up in alarm. 

“Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Damn it!”

“Adam!? Are you okay? Adam! Come down here! For the love of god, I will break your window just to get your attention. Don’t test me.” The statement canceled out your intention of using a pencil. Things change, I guess.

The lack of response put you on edge. Anything could be happening up there, and you couldn’t see it! Your heart started to pound. “Adaaaaaam!” You wailed miserably. “Come on, where the fuck are you?”

You could feel your eyes start to sting. Every moment away from your lover scared you more and more. You started sweating, and breathing fast.

"Fuck! Tell me you're okay, Adam! Tell me you're alright! Say something, anything!" You started to look on the ground for something to throw. You would do ANYTHING, if you had to.

“Excuse me, are you alright?” Someone asked from behind you. 

Nervously, you glanced over your shoulder. Adam’s landlord was eyeing you mistrustfully, his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth turned in a frown, as if he expected you to bite him unexpectedly. 

“No!” You exclaimed drastically, relieved to be getting some kind of help at last. “My boyfriend lives here. I need to get in to see him! Please! I think something’s happened to him.”

 “Adam Stanheight?” The landlord wanted confirmation before allowing some stranger into the apartment. 

“Yes!” You pleaded. Your heart sped up. What was this man doing? The longer you waited for his response the worse Adam's injury could be getting! What if he needed an ambulance! Someone had to rescue him! And you didn't have all day!

From above you, there was a series of curse words and the landlord looked up nonchalantly. You froze in terror. Now what what was happening?

The landlord gazed back at you blankly, and then walked over to the door. He pushed it open easily, and held it for you. You ran inside without even saying thank you. You took the stairs two at a time.

Slamming your fists on Adam’s apartment door, you yelled for him, alerting everyone else to your presence. “Adam! Adam! Open the door! Open the goddamn door! Come on, Adam!” You put your forehead on the door tiredly, and let out a breath. 

The splintered wood from the old, weary, door poked into your fingers and head, and increased the intensity of the moment. Hollow echoes bounced off the walls and ceiling as other people came and went. Your chest felt cold, and your arms were sore from clenching your fists. “Adam…?” You asked quietly. 

The door was pulled open suddenly, and you fell forward, much to Adam’s surprise. He let out a yelp, and caught you in his arms. “Oh my god! Y/N! What’s wrong!?” 

You pushed yourself out of his grasp and stared at him in horror. “What’s wrong with ME!?” You tackled Adam to the ground and scanned his face and body for injuries. “What happened to YOU? I heard you shouting and got really scared!” 

There was no sign of injury on your boyfriend. 

“Me?” Adam gave you a puzzled look, all the while trying to get your hands off his face. This task was not easy. “I’m fine, Y/N,” he attempted to explain around your fingers. “I just pinched myself in the pantry door. It hurt a lot at the time, but it’s gone now.”

“Well, what about after that?” You questioned straightforwardly, almost as though you were TRYING to find a reason to be upset. You got up and ran into the kitchen. Everything was neat and tidy, except for the utensils Adam had used for his cooking. Nothing suggested anything terrible. 

“What are you looking for?” Adam asked, staring at you dumbly, still recovering from your attack. 

“Right before I came in here,” you told him. “Something happened.”

He laughed. “Are you referring to when I spilled water on the floor? It got all over my clothes! I’m still a little wet from that.”

  You stared at Adam with your mouth agape and your eyes stretched wide, feeling awkward. Your mind was going numb. It felt like a dying flower losing it's last petal. “So… you’re okay?” You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You were super embarrassed now!

“Mmhmm.” Adam nodded briefly. 

“Completely fine?” You wanted to make sure.

“Yep.” Adam popped his lips at the end. He closed the door to his apartment room.

You gazed around the room, unable to look Adam in the eyes. “Oh… Well… That’s good…” You fumbled with the edge of your shirt, trying to look busy. 

Adam passed you on his way to the stove. “Anyway. Want to stay for dinner?” He asked you casually.

You leaned against the counter, trying to get over the uncomfortableness. “Um… Yeah…” You said shyly. “I’d love to. Maybe I can stay the night, too?”

“A slumber party?” Adam asked, a sly smile on his lips. “Sure. After my client goes home. He’s stopping by to grab his pictures. You know the drill.”

“You must know him personally then? I don’t think you’d be making dinner for him otherwise.”

Adam shrugged. “Yeah. We’re close.”

You smiled. “Cute.”

Adam grinned back. “I try my best!”

You hung back, still scanning for signs of an accident. There was no sign of trouble lingering anywhere, and now it was very quiet. You said slowly, “Your day going well?” The embarrassment was wearing off.

“So far. How about yours?”

“Fine, I guess,” you mumbled. “I’m just glad you’re alright. You scared me.”

“Sorry.” Adam hugged you. “I was trying not to burn the apartment down.”

You leaned into him, feeling his strong arms around your shoulders, and you put your head on his chest. You relaxed in his embrace, adrenaline still high in your blood. “Well that’s good. Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

Adam smiled into your hair. “No, I guess not.”

A voice called through the open window. “Adam? Mind letting me in? I’m here to grab my pictures!”

Adam pulled away from you. “There he is,” he sighed happily.

“Does he know you made dinner?” You inquired.

“I told him,” Adam answered calmly. “But he probably forgot.”

You chuckled, and sat down at the breakfast table, as Adam went out to invite his client inside. You drummed your fingers lightly on the surface of the table, waiting for Adam to return. You'd forgotten about your pencil, and hopefully you'd find it before it fell out the window of its own accord, but there was no way to be sure of that, at this time. Your heart was finally starting to slow down, much to your relief. 

The harsh footsteps on the stairs put you on edge, as you tried to put every bad scenario that included Adam injuring himself in some way, out of your thoughts. You laid your head down on the table, and listened to the rhythmic tapping of your fingers until Adam returned back to you, safe and sound. 

Motivate Me - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N Inspired by Wildest Dreams - by Taylor Swift (lol like it wasn't obvious.)

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The chit-chatter from the downstairs cafe drifted over to you as you sat on the park bench across from the apartment. It was a chilly day, but the sun was out and the air was fresh. Adam Faulkner was beside you, he seemed alright except for the distant look in his eyes. He was staring grimly at the cafe. You knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t okay. “What’s wrong?” You asked him bluntly, though you didn’t doubt he would try to avoid the question.

He didn’t seem to hear you though. Whatever was on his mind must be really troubling him. He kept looking between the cafe and the apartment, and back again. And finally, Adam leaned into you, muttering, “Let’s get out of this town. Drive out of the city, away from the crowds.”

You looked at him in surprise. “What? Don’t you like it here?”

“Meh. It was better before a murderer started living here. Wha’d’ya say?”

At first you were flabbergasted, but after some more thought you realized it wasn’t too far fetched. Adam had been trying to convince you to leave this area for a long time. He was nervous, you were nervous, but it appeared that Faulkner was really starting to get AGITATED. Obviously, he just did NOT like it here.

Heaven can’t help me now… You contemplated in awe. I’m really destined to run away with Adam Faulkner Stanheight? Sounds like a plan to me…

“Of course,” you replied. “If you’re ready to leave, then we can go. I’m ready when you are, Adam.”

“Great,” Adam whispered. “It’s way too fucking loud here. I’d prefer much more… private property.”

You understood completely. The street below your apartment could be quite loud sometimes. “When do you plan on packing? That’s the biggest problem right now.”

Adam frowned. “I know. But… I plan on doing it this time.” He laughed.

This is gonna take me down. He’s so tall and handsome as hell. He’s so bad but he does it so well…

“Hey, babe,” Adam interrupted your train of thought. “Why do you look so sad?”

“Huh?” You looked up at him. “I’m not sad. I feel fine.”

Adam took a step back and eyed you dubiously. “Do you want to stay?” He asked.

“No! I don’t mind if you want to leave. All I care about is being with you.”

Adam scooped you off the bench and brought you inside. “Well let’s start looking for places! Come on, it’ll be fun, I promise!”

I can see the end as it begins. My one condition is…

Adam dumped you on the bed and lifted up his computer. He started scanning for places. You watched over his shoulder, anxiety consuming you. For some reason you were scared that you were going to lose Adam. You weren’t sure why. Some… instinctive intuition that loomed precariously over you.

“Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams. Wildest dreams.” Your voice was like a soft breeze on the beach, not even audible against the outside noises.

“Hmm? What was that?” Adam questioned nicely, gazing at you.

“I like that one. It looks pretty.” You pointed to a random picture on the screen.

“I mean…” Adam squinted his eyes. He didn’t believe what you were telling him. “We don’t need such a large house for only us.”

“Yeah. I know. The gables looked neat.”

Adam stared at you in disbelief. “Yeah, right.” And then he pinned you to the bedpost. “It’s not that. Something’s the matter. Are you sure you don’t want to leave? I don’t mind staying if you really want to.”

“No,” you insisted. “I don’t want to stay here, either.” And it was the truth.

Adam straddled you, and pushed you up against the pillows. “So, what’s wrong?”

Adam’s persistent concern for you was overwhelming and way too persuasive. It made you want to tell him everything. Oh how you loved this man so much! “Are you going to leave me?” The words were out of your mouth before you could even think of a nice way of putting it. Your voice trembled out of fear.

Adam was surprised to hear the question. “Leave?” He lowered his head to yours. “Why on earth would I leave someone so precious? Someone so… perfect?”

“I-I don’t know…” You stammered self-consciously. “J-Just what if you do?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Adam scoffed, his face getting closer and closer to yours. You smiled against his lips, and that made Adam kiss you right then and there. “Shit, baby, you’ve gotta stop thinking I’m going to leave you all the time. It’s depressing, and I don’t like it.”

You let out a low, nervous chuckle. “Sorry. You know, I can’t help it sometimes.”

Adam kissed you again, slowly, making sure to prolong the moment for as long as possible. He didn’t want to rush anything. You moaned excitedly.

Finally, Faulkner backed away. He fumbled with his computer for a little bit, and then snapped the lid shut, and slid it onto the floor. He looked back at you. “Buying houses can wait ‘till tomorrow,” he said casually, and then began to strip you of your clothes.

His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound… Nothing lasts forever…

You helped him to undress himself, which he much appreciated, but once the task was finished he had you in a bundle underneath him, enticing you with words, kissing, and teasing.

But this is getting good now…

“Baby, dearest, I wouldn’t leave you. I wouldn’t even leave you if someone told me it would end humanity. I would love you anyway, and I would continue to love you, because I DO love you. And I ALWAYS will.”

You groaned, and relaxed in Adam’s arms. His words made you feel warm and fuzzy. You couldn’t believe that someone could care about you so much like Adam did. You nuzzled your nose against his shoulder affectionately. Adam combed his fingers through your hair.

He’s so tall, and handsome as hell…

You started to kiss his neck and jaw, and then his mouth. Adam allowed you to treat him but he was clearly the one in control. He lifted your head up in his soft fingers, and started to kiss you harder than last time. He pushed you into the pillows.

He’s so bad but he does it so well.

Adam's lips were aggressive and proficient. You let your head roll back, and Adam held you up, as he traveled down your body. He covered you with kisses.

And when we’ve had our very last kiss, my last request it is:

“Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams. Wildest dreams.” You repeated it once more.

This time he could hear you. He pulled away, and gazed at you. “What are you mumbling about, dearest? I’m not gonna forget about you. And please, don’t act like you’d wear make up!”

You giggled for the first time that day. You nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

In the midst of your “midday activity”, you found yourselves all tangled up with each other. It was a beautiful several hours that followed, though unfortunately no house buying was ever committed. By the end of it all, you both were exhausted and breathless. However, you felt around for Adam’s hand. You clasped it desperately in your own.

You whispered into the quiet room, “I love you, Adam. I need you, please understand.”

Adam looked down at the majestic mess below him, the one he had just banged. “I understand just fine.”

You grunted contentedly.

Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams. Wildest dreams.

You felt cozy being pressed between your boyfriend and the mattress. You breathed in his scent, and laid your head on the pillow. This moment was perfect. You sighed out happily, and closed your eyes. You could feel Adam kissing down your neck again, and you let him have his way with you. “I’m sorry for doubting you,” you said.

“Shhh,” Adam put a finger over your mouth without even looking up at you. “Just forget about it.”

You rolled beneath him, and spluttered an indistinct message of acknowledgement. Tiredness filled your whole body, and you pushed Adam off of you. “I’m sorry, babe. I can barely stay awake…”

Adam allowed you to fall asleep. He had achieved his goal for the night, and he accompanied you in dreamland after a couple seconds of watching you sleep.

All's Not Forsaken - Adam Stanheight / Reader

TW: Negative Self-Esteem/Depression.

A/N - Inspired by Disturbed's song, The Light. I hope you enjoy!

TW: Negative Self-Esteem/Depression.

.

It was Wednesday, three pm. Work had just finished for you, and as always, you’d gone to grab something to drink with your friends; Adam Faulkner Stanheight was included, of course. You were just leaving, your right hand getting cold from holding the fourth drink, it was your fiancé’s. 

You had been quiet for most of the trip from work to here. You could sense Adam’s depression as soon as you’d seen him, but you hadn’t had the heart to bring it up with him in front of your friends. You tried to tell yourself that it was just your anxiety, but you knew better than that. 

Adam greeted you with a smile though. It wasn’t one of those fake smiles either, it was genuine; one of those ‘I’m so happy to see you’ and ‘I love you so much,’ smiles. He hugged you. 

Adam though had chosen to stay in the car while you went into the shop with your friends. He hadn’t even requested anything, but you had ordered something for him anyway. You didn’t want him to miss out. That would have made you feel really sad! 

The weather had been clear for most of the day, however when work ended for you it started pouring, hail and rain were mixed in. You were unsatisfied to see that it hadn’t changed while you were ordering your drinks. You bobbed your head up and down to the song playing on the radio, as you waited for your friends to finish adjusting their coffees. You had gone through the alphabet twice when they arrived. 

Slowly, while laughing and joking, you walked back to Adam, who had his forehead on the top of the steering wheel, so as to not interrupt the silence with loud honking. Your demeanor changed at the sight. Seeing your significant other look so desolate made you unhappy. Your friends had wandered off together to go look in one of the strip malls. 

You pried the door open with a pinky finger, and then set your drink into one of the cup holders. “Hey, Adam,” you whispered. 

Adam Faulkner sat back, wiping at his eyes incessantly, trying to look completely laid back. “You’re back. Where’d your friends go?”

You attempted to ignore the sadness drifting off of Adam. “Over there.” You pointed to a shop across the street, and squinted your eyes to keep the sunlight out of them. From the corner of your vision though, you caught Adam trying not to break down. 

At first you were going to let him solve it, and not bring attention to his feelings. But after five antagonizing minutes, you got reckless. Watching him try to cover up sobs - and failing at it, by the way - was too much to bear. 

“Adam,” you breathed empathetically, and came around to his side. You straddled his lap. “I got you something.” You lifted the drink to Adam’s lips. 

Adam turned his head away. “I’m not thirsty.”

But that didn’t stop you. You turned his head towards you again, and tipped the cup forward. Adam gagged in surprise, but then took the cup from you, downing a quarter of its contents one go. 

When he was able to talk again, he looked at you in bewilderment. “You got my favorite…”

You smiled in amusement. “Of course!”

“Heh… thanks.” Adam looked insecure, as he put the cup into the holder next to yours. 

“Better?” You asked. To your disappointment, Adam shook his head. “No? Is there anything I can do to help?”

Adam just gazed at you heartbrokenly. He looked on the verge of tears. You opened your arms to him. “Come here,” you encouraged. 

Adam laid his head on your shoulder and started crying. He was so distraught it hurt you. You put your chin on top of his head, and breathed in his scent. 

The shoulder of your shirt was getting soaked from Adam’s tears, but you didn’t mind really. All that mattered to you right now was Stanheight. Your fiancé was having a difficult time as of late, due to traumatic past events. You felt really bad for him. 

Wrapping your arms around Adam’s waist, you pulled him close. There was no sound except for Adam’s weak crying. You held him tightly, rocking back and forth like you would a baby. The hollowness in your stomach increased with every breath released from his lungs. If only there was something you could do for him. 

“It’s alright,” you murmured. “I’m here with you.” You lifted your hands up his back comfortingly. “I’ll always be here.” Adam pressed closer, but didn’t say anything. “Please don’t shut me out, Adam. What’s wrong?”

You waited patiently for Adam to gather himself, and then he gazed at you. His eyes were red and squinted, tears were running down his face, and his skin was pale white. “Hi…” You greeted reassuringly once his eyes came up to yours. 

Adam choked lamely, unable to speak. It broke your heart. “I love you,” he mustered, his voice wavering. 

You felt something crack inside of you. Having your groom-to-be look at you like he would never see you again and tell you that he loved you, was so touching, but also horrible. You didn’t like seeing him look at you like that, but his words were so sweet, you almost started crying as well. 

You knew you had to be strong for Adam though. Crying wasn’t going to make him feel better. You frowned sadly at him. “Awe… I love you, too, Adam.”

“Why?” Adam asked unhappily. 

“ ‘Why’?” You repeated, shocked. “Why is space infinite? I don’t know, I just do. You’re my best friend.”

“But how?” Faulkner tilted his head at you, searching your eyes for some kind of answer. “What did I do for you? I’m just the pathetic, mentally-unstable, person in the friend group.”

You blew out a saddened breath, your chest falling in on itself. Ouch. 

“You’re so much more than that, baby,” you insisted. “You work so hard at your job. You’re so passionate about it. And you love taking care of people… Especially me,” you winked at him. 

Adam shook his head and coughed on another sob. “I’m not as good as you think,” he grumbled. 

You leaned your head down to his ear. “How so? Explain to me, how so?” 

Adam grabbed your shoulders tighter. “I’m… I’m…” Your fiancé had to think for a moment. “I’m a mess, Y/N. I’m so stuck in the past. I can’t even walk into the bathroom at night without turning the lights on. I should be better for you.”

“No,” you whispered emphatically, and pulled your head back to look at him, insistence shining in your (e/c) eyes. “You don’t need to be better. I don’t need you to be like that at all! You’ve been through something terribly traumatic. There’s nothing you CAN do. It’s okay to feel weak, Adam. You’re okay. I love you so much.”

“You shouldn’t.”

You sighed. “And cars shouldn’t pollute the atmosphere, but that hasn’t changed. So, why will I?” You responded wittily, then added more seriously.  “I DO love you. HAVE, loved you. WILL love you. You can’t make me change my mind. I know who you are on the inside, and I know that it’s hard for you to accept that you’re worth my time, but that won’t make me love you any less. One day you will get it.”

“I’m sorry…”

“None of this is your fault.”

Adam glared at you. “I NEED to be better. YOU need me to be better. I’m useless with what I’m doing right now. I can’t believe I thought going back to photography was going to be enough.”

You grasped Adam’s cheeks in your hands. “YOU are all I need. That’s it. You. I don’t care about anything else. And don’t you realize what going back to photography has done for you? It’s something, baby; you can’t blame this on that. If it weren’t for the photography, you wouldn’t be HERE. Maybe you don’t know it yet, but it’s doing so much more than you even realize. I can see it. You can’t see it yet, but I can. And I’m so proud of you.”

Adam Stanheight was stunned by your speech. He stared at you in amazement, like you’d just grown wings and learned to fly. A shockwave of emotions came crashing over him. An avalanche of feelings just so supreme to anything else it unleashed another rain storm of tears. Faulkner hugged you, pushing his head into your other shoulder. Pretty soon both your sleeves would be wet. 

You bit your lower lip. “I love you, Adam,” you breathed out desperately. “You’re so good, already. I love you.”

Adam leaned back in the chair and nodded. “I love you, too.”

You smiled contentedly. “Alright. You ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” Adam told you sadly.

You combed your hand through his hair and trailed it down his face. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling good today.”

“Mmmh,” Adam grunted and leaned his cheek into your palm, a miserable expression on his face. 

“Lemme grab my friends, okay?”

Adam glanced at you worriedly. “Alright.”

“I’ll be back.”

Adam nodded, and you stepped out of the car. You turned around speedily, coming face to face with both of your friends. You stumbled back hesitantly, eyes wide. They were watching you awkwardly. “Um… We didn’t want to interrupt,” one of the friends said.

“Oh, you heard that?” You asked.

“Why don’t we just head home?” The other friend suggested. 

“Right…” you remained standing there for a little bit, until one of your friends opened the back car door. They both slid inside nervously, and you entered through the passenger’s side. 

“We’re all ready, I think, Adam,” you informed him. Your fiancé fumbled with the keys numbly, as he started the drive back towards your apartments. 

The radio started playing, making you jump. You let your head fall back against the headrest, you closed your eyes, and rolled the window down slightly. The cool air blew into your face and hair, and did somewhat soothe you. 

“-An unforgivable tragedy. 

The answer isn’t where you think you’d find it.

Prepare yourself for the reckoning, for when your world seems to crumble again.”

Subconsciously, you tapped your foot to the beat, which was heavy and strong. The car jerked wildly to the right, then straightened out.

“Don’t be afraid, don’t turn away.

You’re the one who can redefine it.”

There was some more wobbling of the car. 

“Don’t let hope become a memory.

Let the shadow permeate your mind, and reveal the thoughts that were tucked away, so that the door can be opened again.”

There was a whimper from somewhere next to you, and you were thrown to the left roughly. You didn’t need to open your eyes to know it was a windy road.

“Within your darkest memories, lies the answer if you dare to find it.

Don’t let hope become a memory.

When you think all is forsaken, 

Listen to me now.

All’s not forsaken.

You need never feel broken again.

Sometimes darkness can show you the light.”

You were shoved so far to the right, your head banged the glass window. You opened your eyes then, and looked at the driver. Adam was trying to keep his eyes on the road while miserably trying not to cry. His face was strained with the effort and his hands were planted so tightly on the wheel that they were white. 

“You need strengthening, toughening.

It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you.

Ignite the fire within you.”

Adam struggled to get the car back into the lane. Cars were coming at you from the opposite direction. In a panic you slammed your hands on the wheel, wrenching Adam away from it entirely. “Stop!” You yelled. “Brake! Brake!” 

Adam was petrified to the chair. He watched in horror as your friends screamed in the backseat. You jerked the wheel back to the right, just narrowly missing a passing car. Your heart beat heavily in your chest as the car slowly started to comply with your demands. Adam still hadn’t found the mental state to press one the brakes, or at least hit the hazard lights. You were all on your own.

Three more cars streaked past you. You tried not to flinch. “ADAM!” You wailed. “ADAM! Help me!” You could feel the car drift over on to the correct side again. “Brake! Adam!” The car was steadily increasing in speed. You tried to keep your eyes on the road and not on the speedometer. Fifty, fifty one, fifty two - road. Fifty eight, fifty nine, sixty, sixt one - road. 

There was a loud slap from right next to you, and a large gust of wind. Your friend was shrieking profanities at your frightened fiancé. They had slapped him in an attempt to wake him from his stupor. 

Adam flinched, finally tearing his gaze away from the windshield. He hit the brakes with full force. The car skidded, sliding fifty feet in its wake, and screaming all the way down. Faulkner was crying at this point, as would anyone. The song had changed and was playing Can’t Buy Me Love - by the Beatles. You flicked your fingers onto the dashboard, silencing the car stereo once and for all. 

You looked up at Adam, who was bright red, and sobbing quietly to himself. He looked mortified. Gazing back at the two others in the car, you asked, “Everyone alright back there?”

“I think so.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you, Adam?” You turned back to him.

Adam had gone completely white in the face. He was shaking and shuddering. His hands were trembling, and his lips were bleeding from his biting. Your heart shattered, and you leaned over and kissed him. Your mouth was filled with the flavor of iron. “You okay?” You asked him. 

Adam couldn’t talk. He only gaped at you in terror. You hugged him. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Breathe with me.”

“What happened!?” Someone yelled from the back. 

Adam whimpered. He choked and gagged, before he could finally speak. When he did, he could only whisper very quietly. You were the only one that could hear his response. “I was… just…” Deep breath in. “I was just…” Deep breath out. “I was just trying… The song made me think about you…”

Your mouth fell open. “Oh… Come here.”

“I tried not to… but it made me feel like… I was valid again… You know, that feeling when you’re drowning, but instead of dying your breathing… It was like that… And I lost control of the car… I’m such a fucking idiot.”

You hugged Adam. “No. No, you’re not. It’s okay. Accidents happen.”

“I almost got you killed! I almost got us all killed! How did I even pass my driver’s test?”

“Shh. That was a long time ago. You passed because you know what you’re doing.”

“Are you sure about that last part!?” One of your friends chimed in. 

You cast them a glare from over your shoulder. “Let’s just take a break from driving for a little bit,” you said worriedly. 

Adam started to undo his seatbelt immediately. He was shaking incredibly. 

“Why don’t you let me drive?” You asked. 

Adam struggled to crawl over you but you both managed to switch places without getting out of the car. It was a miracle, for sure. You started up the car, your two friends exchanging disbelieving looks with each other, and headed back towards home, Adam a total mess of a breakdown right now.  This time, the radio remained off for the rest of the car ride, and everyone made it home unharmed. The same could not be said for Adam, though. Your poor fiancé ended up blaming himself for the mistake; he would not allow himself into the driver’s seat again for the next twelve months. 

Well, there was a work in progress. But you still loved him, and that would never change. Try telling HIM that, though.