She Nodded, Full Of Exhaustion And Overwhelm.Youre Welcome. She Watched Him Walk Away Until She Could

She nodded, full of exhaustion and overwhelm. “You’re welcome.” She watched him walk away until she could no longer see his faint silhouette.

She makes her way to back to her temporary place of stay, her first action is to run the sink and plug it. When it was full, she submerged her head in, screaming her head off, letting out those overwhelming screams drown in the water. That was a conversation that had too much going all at once. Even though it was important for JD to talk to her, to allow every secret to spill in the space they shared, he really needed a filter to say things one at a time.

She screams until she’s out of breath. She pulls her head back, taking deep breaths. She pulls the loose strands away from her vision and takes a moment to breathe. Drying it with a towel on the counter, she makes her way to her bed and collapses. Crawling she, pulls the blankets over her, and lays there until she sleeps, thinking about just how they were gonna pull it off. 

On top of that, she thinks of whether or not there’ll be someone who’ll love her one day. She keeps thinking until her conscious state slips into that of dreaming and wondering one thing: 

Will people like her and JD find their happy endings in this life?

End

Her eyes widened a little but they softened as she listened more. There was...relief on her face. Like she found someone like her for the first time in so long.

“I’ll be honest, I never really agreed with that. The whole ‘repopulate’ thing. I think that should be done out of love, never necessity,” She says shrugging. “It should be of choice, and you should never do something that you didn’t choose.”

Growing up away from those two opposing sides, she didn’t really have a mindset to base her opinions off of. Or a place to shut her ability to express herself. To find out who she was as Shimabukuro, not as a COG or an Outsider. She found out that she liked both girls and boys but not like other ‘normal people would. But there was also something she found out as well.

“And I did. She was a girl named Jean. She was in the COG as well, but I never really cared that she was. I wasn’t really into anybody, you know, sexually. Later I found out that’s what it’s like to be asexual,” She admits. Emotions swell in her throat as she continues to open her secret heart.

 “I used to think that something was wrong with me, because I didn’t feel the same things as normal people did.  I was afraid if I told someone, even her, she’d look at me the wrong way, and confirm everything I thought to be true about myself.”

“But I love being with people, and I care for them so much. I still feel, and I don’t feel that way about myself anymore

“I guess...Maybe that’s why I never really cared about the physical aspects of anybody. Maybe that’s why I just care and feel so much more than other people do. Just like you do with Wade. That’s such a human thing and that’s not your fault. Just as much as it isn’t mine.”

She breaks out in a chuckle. “I hope so too.” Internally she hoped the same thing, a plan to come up with. 

But before she starts to leave, she reaches out to him again placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. Thanks for telling me the truth. That means a lot to me. I want you to know that.”

She finds he’s the bravest person alive right now. Having this talk, seeing him spill his vulnerability out in front of her and having herself do the same for him. Even though it was draining, it was definitely worth this outcome. To find someone she could relate to. Together right now, they’re probably the bravest people alive right now.

ビーコン - Beacon