Y'know Those Agent Profiles That Are Seen In TGC When Charlie Hacks Into The Kingsman Database? I Made

Y'know those agent profiles that are seen in TGC when Charlie hacks into the Kingsman database? I made these near the time I got into the franchise (late 2021), but I never shared them anywhere, mostly because I doubted the film makers really cared about their accuracy (and most viewers don't care either). I've never been hooked on any film franchise unlike video games, so I was shocked no one overanalyzed the images and shared it for the fandom to see. Well, here they are (with accompanying alt-text):

James is in there too - he deserves it.

Some of the text I couldn't make out from the film, so if you can fill in the blanks, please share. Fortunately, thanks to these tweets, I could read some parts better.

Explanations and thoughts under the cut:

I decided to mix Eggsy's profile from the one we see in TSS when he visits Harry at the infirmary and TGC. Why? He's apparently 5'9" IRL (so I went with TSS's 5'10" over the 6'00") and he couldn't be born in 1985 because he would be 29 in TSS, which is wrong. Same thing with Roxy's DOB. Changed their admission dates to 2014 instead of 2012.

Speaking of incorrect heights, I'm pretty sure they just threw in some random numbers: Colin Firth is 6'1½". In TSS, after the train test, you can see him and Alastair (Percival, 6'4") on the same plane. Alastair appears just slightly taller, so I assume 6'2". In this particular photo of Colin alongside Alastair and Carlos (Bedivere, 6'3"), they're all roughly the same height. However, they're not standing side-by-side so it's a bit difficult to determine the exact difference. They're like a variation of that three-headed dragon meme. Then there's this other photo with Chester (Lamorak, 6'5"), Carlos, Bimbo (Gawain, 6'3"), and Percival. Chester is clearly taller than all three. If Carlos and Alastair are 6'2", he's probably 6'4". Bimbo looks just slightly shorter, so he's 6'1". Oh and Jack Davenport (Lancelot/James) is also 6'2", not 6'1". Not a big deal overall, but I really like accuracy when it comes to heights.

Some things that may be of interest: Lamorak and Bedivere share admission dates. Next of kin for filler agents are actually those of the film crew in TGC (yes, I looked at the credits too much). Arthur (good) and Lancelot (James) share the same next of kin.

As for the notes sections: With The King's Man, it's impossible for Arthur to have served in all British special forces before Kingsman formed - he was born 1940. Bedivere is referred to as Percival. Percival is referred to as Kay (!), who doesn't have a profile. Finally, the section after Geraint's hair colour is covered by other profiles the entire time.

So yeah, do whatever you want with this info.

Who do you have as the last unnamed agent? I was hoping they'd officially confirm all the codenames in TKM, but then they only listed names we already knew plus Bedivere. They'll do it in TBB, right? Right?

It has been YEARS since I watched "The Talented Mr. Ripley" for the first time and I'm still addicted to Jack Davenport ever since stupid Peter Smith-Kingsley stumbled into the frame.

This movie should have a warning solely dedicated to him.

Something like:

*beep boop beep*

"Attention viewer.

This movie contains:

For some viewers,

might cause obsessive behaviour or extreme hyperfixation .

Please make sure you can handle

, before you continue watching.

*boop beep boop*

Would I have listened?

But a warning would have been nice, I guess?

Now this is actually more accurate, isn't it?

"No, he's not."

I just had to

I'm so sorry

No I'm not

Percival has meme potential.

Let me show you...

Have a blast, people:

Remember silly lil Perci?

Yes, that one.

YES, that one too.

Remember how we all didn't know, where this shit came from?

Remember how no one of us ever saw those, before?

(If someone of you knew... Shame on you! You could have told us we are being dumb!)

Congratulations 🎊 👏🏻

We are collectively blind.

Now I still need to find that one:

People, could you handle my halfed bbg a tiny bit more gently, please?

He had a really shitty day, you know?