I Am Going To Need This Wisdom!

I am going to need this wisdom!

Gather ‘round kids: I had a coworker mention to me this morning that it’s impossible to get grease stains out of fabric. As a former chemistry minor who worked two years under the table doing housekeeping and who generally tends to be a fucking disaster, I am here to tell everyone that it absolutely is not impossible, in case this is a widespread belief. Here are a few of my favorite cleaning stain removers that I always have at home.

Here are some options:

A Tide™ pen.

I’m a generic kinda lady. I hate promoting brands 99% of the time. BUT if you catch absolutely any kind of stain before it gets ground in, you can get most of it out with one of these babies. I’ve tested it on blood, chocolate, coffee, guacamole, pizza sauce, red wine on, on that one time i accidentally slopped some oil I was supposed to be using on antiques onto a fancy rug (also an antique but not the one I was gunning for). If you’re washing something delicate, pump it onto your finger a couple of times and gently rub it in. I’m not sure what they put in these things but I’m pretty sure it’s an arcane secret.

Dish soap

Granted, this is a little trickier for upholstery/carpet, but it can still be done using a rag, some water, and some patience. But for clothing, just pour some soap on the stain and rub it in under cold running water.

Absolutely any clear alcohol is your new best friend

You know the old “white wine to clean red” trick? Well, this is its updated sister I like to call “you, too, can use coconut rum to get red jello shot out of your nice white dress”. It’s a nice party trick. Straight vodka works even better. For every day situations involving any kind of alcohol-related spills (including markers)–and especially work situations–rubbing alcohol is ideal. To quote another adage, this one from every chemistry teacher you will ever meet, “like dissolves like.”

Hydrogen Peroxide

It can get blood out of absolutely anything, including your mattress. It reacts with the iron in hemoglobin, which breaks down the molecule, causing it to lose its red color. So make sure you’re not using a cast iron skillet to wash your period underwear in.

Vinegar

This will dissolve lime buildup overnight. Fill a bag, tie it around your showerhead, and presto. You can also use it to scrub the area around your sink and to break up any buildup in pipes. (Limeaway™ is for rich people.) 

Baking soda

This is great if you have a pet or child who peed on the carpet. Just cover the area, wait until it dries, and vacuum it up. The longer you leave it, the better it will do at removing the smell. It’s also good removing mild odors from a small space, like a fridge or a laundry hamper. 

Charcoal

This is your heavy duty odor killer. A little goes a long way. In chemistry, activated charcoal is used as a purifier in reactions, and in medicine, it can be used to treat mild poisoning/overdoses. In your car that smells like someone died because you forgot you had potatoes in the trunk for six months? All you need are regular old charcoal briquettes. Stick a couple handfuls in a flat box and the smell will be gone overnight. Guaranteed. For larger areas, just use more charcoal.

Reblog to fall asleep?

By The Jenkins

What would Black Widow say?? Because she’s definitely got that BDE.

Peter, v-logging with his phone camera: Hi I’m Spi- I mean, Peter Parker, and today we’re going to witness firsthand people’s reactions after they’re told they have big dick energy. Let’s go!

Peter: What’s up, Thor. Dude, I just wanted you to know that you radiate big dick energy today.

Thor: God of thunder in the streets, god of big dick in the sheets, I suppose.

Peter, checking to see if he’s still recording then proceeding to give a thumbs up: I stan so hard. Legends only.

Peter, bumping into Steve reading the paper: Cap! Ah, have a moment? Word on the street is that you have big dick energy. Thoughts?

Steve, choking on his coffee: I-I guess the serum did have… its effects…

Peter: Oh my god.

Peter, finding Bucky watering flowers: Hey, man. Love what you did with your hair today, may I enlighten you on the fact that you have, putting it modestly, very big dick energy?

Bucky, looking into the camera like he’s on the office: …Parker what the hell.

Peter, breaking into the sanctum: Wow doctor, looks like you got a super serious case of chronic big dick energy there.

Strange: Listen. There’s kinetic, potential, thermal, chemical, electrical, even the vague concept of dark energy. But there is no big dick or whatever you just—

Peter: You’re no fun.

Peter, after buying a plane ticket and flying to Wakanda unsupervised: As king and black panther, your highness, your reign is supreme and so is your big dick energy.

T'challa, amidst a breakdown: Noo!!! Stop!! You and Shuri, I am begging you, please, I have no idea what that means!!!!

Peter, approaching Tony relaxing on a lounge chair: Now for The Man. The one and only, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Mr. Stark, are you aware you have big dick energy?

Tony, lowering his shades: Kid, I invented big dick energy.

Peter, tearing up: I know.

For those who may not have seen this, here is an awesome critical analysis supporting what we all knew to be true: reylo as canon! And for all the antis who love to say that Disney ruined the franchise, this video connects the current scenario all the way back to where it all began, with Padme and Anakin. Side note: I can’t recommend this YouTube account enough. The Wayward Jedi provides comprehensive, well structured and well thought out critical analyses of the Star Wars universe and how each movie must be viewed in the context of the whole; all of the Star Wars films released thus far. I’m new to Tumblr but not to the ship, so I’m a little nervous about my first post (which will probably go unseen, for all my worrying)! Happy shipping, lovelies.

POEM “Tale of the Luminaries” a/w 2018-2019 collection

You mean, OH MY YOUR DICK.

This Twitter Bot Replaces Every Instance of “God” in Joel Osteen’s Tweets with “Your Dick”