So You Know How A Lot Of Queer People Grow Up In A Homophobic And Purity Obsessed Environment? I Feel

so you know how a lot of queer people grow up in a homophobic and purity obsessed environment? i feel like i almost had the opposite. i grew up in a relatively sex positive household with decent enough sex ed at school. abstinence was never pushed on me. i didn't grow up feeling like there was anything wrong with queerness... unless that queerness was aromanticism and asexuality. yes, i was lucky to grow up in an open minded household, but that doesn't mean i had a perfect childhood. no matter if you grew up in a conservative environment or an open minded one, if you're an aspec kid, you gonna get fucked up.

if you grew up conservative, it might seem like a virtue at first. you're one of the "good" kids because you're not interesting in dating, you're perfectly happy to "wait" because you don't understand what the rush is. until you become an adult and suddenly you're hounded with questions. why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? who are you going to marry? when are you going to marry? when you get married you'll be able to have lots of sex, as a reward for waiting. what do you mean you don't actually want sex? that's unnatural. you need to reproduce. now it's no longer a good thing to be disinterested. there is something wrong with you.

if you grew up in an open minded environment, it's very isolating. from my experience at least, you're hyperaware that everyone else is experiencing these feelings that you don't, and everyone is saying how normal it is, all teenagers have these feelings. you're not interested in boys? it's okay to like girls. look how progressive we are. why do you still look lost? who do you have a crush on? when are you going to start dating? why can't you be a normal teenager? you'll understand when you're older. sex is a normal and expected part of being an adult. why do you look uncomfortable? when are you going to lose your virginity? virginity is shameful. it means you're ugly. what a loser.

so yeah. i guess i'm lucky to grow up in the household i did. i'm trans and so grateful my family is supportive. but they don't know about my aroaceness. it's the part of my identity that makes me feel the least safe. i feel like i have the opposite problem of an allo person who grew up conservative. i'm an aspec person who grew up in an environment where sex was seen as normal and healthy to the point that not being interested was seen as abnormal and unhealthy. no matter what, aspec kids are shamed. the best case scenario would be a gay kid growing up in the latter situation. there is no best case scenario for aspec kids. and there won't be until aromanticism and asexuality are given widespread awareness and acceptance.

Submitted May 13, 2023

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Also, aren't these the same bitches who created the symbols of the labrys flag?

This week I had a lovely conversation with an older dyke who reminded me how much a lot of people have always hated TERFs and SWERFs. 

She was talking about the time in the 1970s and 1980s when she was a young radical dyke and how many of the awesome dykes in the radical scene were trans women. So I asked her if there was ever any problem with TERFs and SWERFs. She didn’t know those words so I described them. Her reply was (paraphrasing a longer conversation):

“Oh, you mean the political lesbians? That’s what we called them at the time, no one really considered them radical. They hated everyone. They hated bisexual women who dated men. They hated us leather dykes and kinky dykes because they thought we were ‘copying the patriarchy’, they hated trans women. None of us in the radical scene liked them. A lot of them later left and admitted that they were straight but were presured to identify as lesbians in that group because being a feminist to them meant cutting all ties with men. They were like a cult. They often lived together and if you didn’t walk the political line you were dead to them. Intense stuff. ”

And like, I know her memories don’t have global relevance and there have also been places where TERFs had a much more prominent impact on the local radical women’s community, but still, to hear how despised these TERFs have always been by these truly radical dykes cheered me up a lot. 

Friendly reminder that proshipping doesn't count on this, there is a huge difference between enjoying fiction and normalizing abusive shit with the fiction excuse.

I hope kids outgrow their obsession with “moral purity” so they can embrace and enjoy fiction as adults without restrictions. Indulging in fantasy should be a fun, relaxing outlet instead of a source of stress, constantly worrying about your taste in characters and ships being a “reflection” of your morals when it isn’t. 

Fictional characters aren’t real people, and no one is being harmed by what you do with them. Quit worrying about being “god-honoring,” and have fun your way.

No, Jennifer, being a right wing conservative “respectful” lesbian won't make you less immune to bigots. Once they are done with the “loud non respectful lesbians” they'll immediately go after you.

i hate to say it, but if somebody has “she/her” in her bio, and you call her “they” then you are in fact misgendering her. something isn’t “gender neutral” when there is a stated preference otherwise. like it certainly isn’t the most egregious form of misgendering in the world but why do we state our pronouns otherwise?