Hating Gojo Satoru Makes Him 10x More Obnoxious Because You Could Spit On Him And Hed Not Only Catch

Hating Gojo Satoru makes him 10x more obnoxious because you could spit on him and he’d not only catch it in his mouth, but swallow it too.

JJK Men who keeps stealing your bonnets:

“I ain’t Batman but I be robbin’”

Summary: JJK men be stealing bonnets

CW: None fr, some cursing, Yuuji is aged up, could read this as platonic but why would you?

A/N: This is part 1 of this 2 parter. I hope I wrote yuuji well because I love that boy😭.

Yuuji:

He doesn’t steal your bonnets on purpose, it just happens. It started when he came over during a movie night at your house and he found your bonnet lying on the bathroom counter. He’s seen you wear it a couple of time, but he’s never really bothered to ask what its for. 

“Babe?” He yells. 

“What’s up hun?” You ask from your spot on the couch. 

“What does this do?” He asks as he strides back to the living room, holding the bonnet in his right hand with a curious face. 

 “It protects my hair.” You say casually. He still has on his confuzzled face. Maybe a tactile lesson will help him? 

“You wanna try it on?”

“OH HELL YEAH!”

That’s basically how the story goes. Now, he won’t fall asleep without wearing one of your bonnets. You keep telling him to buy his own, but he always refuses.

“I like them because they remind me of you.” 

You find it really hard to say no to that. 

Choso:

You made him wear a bonnet. You love this man dearly, but his hair is way too damn long. The tresses that scatter around his face when he’s sleeping peacefully always seem to infiltrate your side of the bed. You were sick of it, so you bought you and him matching bonnets. He thinks its practical, keeps his hair out of yours and his face. Besides, he’ll do anything to show he’s yours and vice versa, even if its in the privacy of your home. 

Suguru:

Omgggg, this man is a fuckin THEIF. It genuinely happens out of nowhere. One day, he pays little attention to your bonnet. Next? All your bonnets are his bonnets too. You’ve tried buying him his own to solve your problem but he will still steal yours. His excuse? “I like yours better. I want to be closer to you” Creepy ass. 

I really think Gojo believes any attention towards him is good.

The type who desperately craves attention. He’s in no way starved of it, but he’s a spoiled brat. The thought of someone not acknowledging him as he rightly deserves? That needs to be fixed. So, when you’ve been ignoring him for a couple of weeks because you couldn’t stand his shit. Of course, he’s gonna annoy you even harder. He’s gonna show up unexpected to your classes. He’s gonna make yours and his students be your human carrier pigeons. “Gojo says it’s a shame you won’t talk to him.” Fuck off

It’s not until he shows up on a date, one you had only told Shoko about, that you snap. You drag him outside and smash his head against the brick wall. You break his nose, probably bruised one of his pretty blue eyes, and cause a slit on his bottom lip. He feels the copper liquid flow from his swollen nasal passage. He can barely breathe with the blood filling his nose and his mouth. It drips down his pale chin and neck until it reaches his black luxury t shirt to create a wet spot. He doesn’t mind though.

He finally got your attention.

”He want lipstick, lip gloss, hickeys too.”

Toji with a cute girlfriend.

Toji loves cute, borderline childlike girls. Some part of it might be due to his trauma. The Zenin clan, even if you’re favored, never really gives you the chance to be a kid. To enjoy playing in the mud or sitting down and watching your favorite cartoons while eating cereal. He’s projecting that repressed “inner child”, whatever that is, through people whose interests seem to be…childish. Maybe, it's his masculinity? Toji wants to feel like a protector no matter who he’s with. A powerless man intends to rely on his strength for comfort. He can’t help but imagine himself as this strict yet loving patriarchal figure. The strong husband with the dainty wife, kids, and some scary dog that the neighborhood kids shake at. Maybe it’s as simple as Toji is a grumpy, old bastard who can’t help it pretty sunshines come into his life and give him a taste of their warmth. His first wife was like that but in a more stable way. Every time she saw an animal, doesn’t matter if it was a stray or owned, her eyes would light up as she kneeled to excitedly baby talk at them. She’d also do the same to tease Toji whenever he “sulked”. You and her shared these qualities, but yours were more exaggerated.  Your house was filled with plushies of all shapes and sizes. Toji claims he can only vaguely remember some of them. Although, when he comes home with an almost life-size Snorlax plush you’ve been wanting, you can’t help but wonder. Your white desk is covered in Sanrio stickers and cute little bears and rabbits. The vanity that sits atop it is heart-shaped. Like your bedsheets and your pillows, except for the Hello Kitty one on the right. Sometimes when you’re doing your makeup at the desk, he’ll lay, half naked in the pastel pink and blue heart blanket with the Hello Kitty pillow supporting his head and just watch. He’ll see the little tattoos you have of Melody, Cinnamonroll, and Kuromi. He remembers you saying that you scheduled an appointment for a new tattoo. It’s some grumpy little penguin who you think looks like Toji. He scowled at you and squinted his eyes, trying to see any resemblance and you giggled in his face, calling him an old man. He can’t remember the name though, oh well. Even your makeup is cute. Makeup plattes with Sailor Moon, blush that comes in a heart-shaped package. Lip stains and oils you bought specifically because it had Hello Kitty on it. Also, ones with a heart-shaped polka-dotted guy and a sleeping koala. He knows you’ve told him about it, but he can’t function when he looks at you sometimes.  “And which one of your hoes do you intend to see?” He groggily smirks as he squeezes your heart pillow like a stress toy. He needs to be cheeky with you. It makes it easier for him to breathe without getting flustered.  “Toji, shut up before I make you.” You bite while focusing on putting on your lashes.  He chuckles. The one thing about you that is razor-sharp is your tongue.  “Yes, Ma’am.” 

This is the money Marge. Reblog for good fortune