I Loved You Long Before

I loved you long before

I knew the color of your eyes

How your lips curve into a smile

How your heart beat rhymes with mine

So when you asked me to gamble with time

Oh I followed blindly

Walked with you

Without thinking twice

//

For your voice roared

Over the hubbub

In my head

Like a song

Taking me home

A resonating echo

In my dreams

Oh you called

I heard you every time

Whispering promises

More intoxicating

Than wine

//

But somehow everything felt unreal

Like the man that you are is just a work of fiction

Making me believe in false prophecies

As I leaned against rapidly collapsing walls

Cringed from the coldness that crawls

On my skin

Reminding me of every sin

We ever committed in the name of selfish whims

//

How we braved the storms

Expunged all uncertainties tangling

Our straight path

Like we knew where we're heading

Perhaps it was love

That kept us going

We didn't care if it lasts

Or if it costs us so much

More than we can afford

A golden penny or a drop of blood

We gambled every dream

We ever caught

Coupled with the hopes

We bottled

//

Our impetousity took us farther

Than everything we have put into plan

Threaded desert of snow

Swam oceans of unknowable sorrow

Fear has crept in me one of those moments

But when I looked at you

I defied gravity

Floated in cloud nine

Suddenly

There's no doubt in my mind

That we can make it

That we will make it

//

But did we?

Did we make it?

We could have made it

If you held tighter

I got you

But you chose to let go

Of everything

We ever built

I held on to you

To every word

You ever said

I honestly believed

You wanted me with you too

That you won't cast me out

After letting me get used

To your presence

To your warmth

But what have you done?

Of all the things

You could have done

You broke me

Like I mean nothing to you

//

I mean nothing to you! Nothing!

-Nothing,

Katie, 19:45

Even my demons stop to listen; savor the cadence of your voice rhyming with my heart, like I finally found the missing line of my unwritten poem.

-Unwritten poem,

Katie, 22:00

You have the right to remain silent

You have the right to remain-

Oh heart

The law isn't wrong

But you followed the song

Telling you

To spill it all out

All of it

Like water

And drowned him

In a stream

Of confessions

You could have just stored

Inside

Let them boil down

With the cold truth

Memories you don't remember

Forgetting

Now the flashbacks

Are coming too fast

A dizzying speed

Of moments in polaroid pictures

//

His face floats

On the mess

Of stark honesty

Breaking free

From your mind

Why did you say

You love him

Like you could hold on

To this promise

Forever

Why did you say

You care so much more

Than anyone will ever do

Why did you say

You are scared

To lose him

In the crowd

Scared he will

Let go of your hand

And be swallowed

By the fiasco

Why did you say

You will try

You will try to remain

Bounded by the things

That made you, you

Once upon a time

When the world

Was warmer

Than it feels now

Like Pleistocene is here

Playing on repeat

Making you cringe

From a touch

You used to like

So much

//

It's weird

How your life

Became so messy

Well honestly

You could have

Remained silent

Intact with your soul

But you flowed

With the raging current

And told him

At first instance

About the chaos

All those moments

No one

Would care to listen

//

You have the right to remain silent

Yet heart, you talked

//

You have the right to remain

Yet heart, you fled

//

You have the right

Yet heart, you waived it

//

You have (it)

Yet heart, you lost-

Everything

Now all you got

Is the mess

Of collected

Confessions

About how you used

To feel about him

These of course

Are just phantoms now

Frightening you

Even more

Making you hide

Behind the veil

Of repressed memory

An escape plan

Time devised

To free you

From the horrors

Of the past

-An honest mess,

(It is right to remain silent)

Katie, 16:30

If I swing the sword

While I cannot see

Will my judgment be

An epitome

Of what this world perceives

Justice would be?

I give good counsel

But I cannot see

Someone blindfolded me

With a cloth

So I can decide

With fairness

But I can hear

Voices urging me

To swing the sword

If I hit someone

I would not know

Because I am blinded

But they say it's just

So I thread thorny paths

I falter, get wounded

For I cannot see

I just follow the voices

Telling me

This way, Themis!

But which way?

I can only hear

And I don't trust the voices

Sometimes they shout

Sometimes they mumble

So now I am lost

The voices stopped

I am engulfed in silence

Where should I go?

Which way should

I swing the sword?

Do I have to

Swing the sword?

Please tell me so

If I have to...

-Swing the sword,

Katie, 18:30

Image: Pinterest

I don't always come back.

So if you send me away, make sure you really mean to. That all of you, your mind, your heart, your soul, have irrevocably concured to let me go.

-If you decide to let me go,

Katie, 21:45

“People are people and sometimes we change our minds.”

— Taylor Swift; Breathe